Weekly Letter: Taking a Second Wife
On the subject of shiduchim and marriage – during this time of year of a flurry of weddings – we share an unusual letter of the Rebbe in which he advises a childless man who asks about taking a second wife, as is the custom among Sefardic Jews. The Rebbe gives guidelines and advice. This letter is from volume 5 of The Letter and The Spirit.
By the Grace of G-d
27th of Shevat, 5713
Brooklyn, N.Y.
Mr.
Casablanca, Maroc.
Shalom u’Berachah:
Your letter reached me with some delay.
You write that you have been married for the past fourteen yr=ears but have not been favored with children and that lately your wife had to undergo an operation which made it impossible for her ot bear children. Inasmuch as in your country there is no objection to take another wife and you are 48 years old, you ask my opinion what to do under the circumstances, especially as your wife must remain ignorant of her condition in order to spare her the shock; or perhaps you ought to give up the idea of having children because of your mutual attachment to each other.
In my opinion you ought to obtain express permission from you local Sephardic Rabbanim to marry another wife, which I, and Ashkenazi, cannot do anything for you in this respect. However, as you write in your letter, there should be no difficulty for you to receive such official sanction.
You should however, prepare your wife mentally by explaining to her:
- It is explained in our holy books, especially in the books of Cabalah, that although everyone must do one’s best to fulfill the mitzvah of Piria v’ribia, there are circumstances whereby one is excused from it because one has a different mission in life on this earth. This is true of both men and women, but with women more frequently.
- It is related in our holy Torah with regard to our Matriarchs that when a woman helps to raise and educate children in the spirit of the Torah, especially her husband’s children although form another wife, it is partly credited to her as though they are her own.
- It would be a good idea to have a Sefer Torah written especially in your wife’s honor.
I trust that when you explain to your wife all the above three points, she will find peace of mind and will give you her consent to take another wife. Then you should do so and may G-d help that it be in a good and auspicious hour, and you should be favored with children who will be engaged in Torah and mitzvot and your present wife participate in their upbringing in the way of Torah and Yirat Shama’im.
It is no doubt needless to remind you about the greatness of the Mitzvah of Tzedakah, which is especially important in your case, a Tzedakah which is connected with educational institutions of boys and girls Al taharat Hakodesh.
With blessing,
It would be a good practice, for both you and your wife, Bli-neder, to put aside each morning of a weekday a few francs for Tzedakah.
