Undoubtedly, many parents feel that the time spent in Crown Heights is a time to charge or recharge the batteries of our children to help them tackle a year of learning, Mivtzoim and success.
There is no Kedushah in the world like Crown Heights in Tishrei, however, a cornerstone of Chabad philosophy is “Zeh LeUmas Zeh Asah Elokim” and therefore great caution is necessary.
Op-Ed: Open Letter to Parents of Chabad Teens
As we approach Tishrei – of a Shnas Hakhel – many families are considering sending their teenage sons and daughters (sometimes even younger) to Crown Heights for Yom Tov in order to draw from the deep well of Chabad richness – the Rebbe’s Shul, the Sukkah, the Ohel and the streets of the Schunah.
Undoubtedly, many parents feel that the time spent in Crown Heights is a time to charge or recharge the batteries of our children to help them tackle a year of learning, Mivtzoim and success.
There is no Kedushah in the world like Crown Heights in Tishrei, however, a cornerstone of Chabad philosophy is “Zeh LeUmas Zeh Asah Elokim” and therefore great caution is necessary.
The fact is that over the past few years, I have seen and heard about teens that have come to Crown Heights for the month of Tishrei and were seriously harmed B’Gashmius and B’Ruchnius. They were lost to their family and lost to their community. Leaving teens on their own – without supervision – is never a good idea.
Therefore, I urge all parents, with love and caution, not to send your teens to Crown Heights for Tishrei unless they have a full program every day of the week, 24 hours a day. Your children need where to eat, sleep, daaven and learn. Aditionally, there should be an adult supervising their living accommodations. Every moment should be formatted in a way that your child will only be able to draw from the light and not get blinded.
A teenager needs a full schedule. Anything less will cause a problem. If a teen is not in a constructive program, they’re in a destructive program. And if teens are not in a constructive mode they’re in a destructive mode.
Our children are our most precious commodity. Parents are first and foremost responsible for their own children. Many times they are the only ones who care for their child.
To the wonderful community of Crown Heights I say this: “If you see something, say something.” If you see teens involved in negative activities such as purposeless drinking, hanging around, or not in a productive mode, please say something. That’s what we would want others to do for our children. Let’s do it for theirs.
In the Zechus of caring for each others children may we be blessed with a K’siva, V’Chasima Tova and a Gut Gebensht Yar.
May we be Zocheh to see Nachas from our children.
Shea,
This Op-Ed reflects the views of its author. It does not necessarily reflect the views of CrownHeights.info nor of its Editors.
A reader that wishes to make his or her voice heard on any topic of their desire is welcome to submit his or her Op-Ed to News@CrownHeights.info.
a parent down under
shkoach shea
the shluchimto melbourne australia once again have their program. i highly commend them for putting together their program in a way that the bochurim/teens understand what tishrei is about. I will IY”H be sending my son.
moshe der g
shea well said
yes
thanks so much for speaking out.
someone had to sometime. better now than later. unfortunately for some parents who simply dont have the common sense need to be told.
Shterna
Thank you for taking the time to say what must be said. Obviously you care enough to take the trouble to do it. For that HKBH should grant you and your family a sweet new year!
yael
simple and well said
distressed
It’s all nice and good that the kids come for Tishrei to CH BUT!! there is absolutely no need for them to be wondering the streets of CH and NY for 6 weeks. It is time that the Yeshivahs divide the month up so some will be here for 2 weeks and the others the other 2 weeks and each year reverse who comes when.
As a resident of CH it is appalling to see what goes on here during the month.For example erev Yom Kippur I always put my wifes machzor at her place in 770 and see dozens of Israeli girls just sitting there and eating a danish before the fast. Is this normal behavior for a girls erev Yom Hakodosh? The people incharge make promises for the children that everything will be taken care of. The girls have no showers in their apartments. How many times have they knocked at my door requesting to use our shower.
It is time to curtail these 6 weeks visits to CH and make them 2 weeks maximum and fully supervised.
Been there, done that
Very, very well said.
I was one of those teens who got lost in that “Tishrei” frenzy, loving the opportunity to get involved in places I should never have been, and with ppl I should have never,ever been around…
PARENTS, and teens for that matter- TAKE THESE WORDS TO HEART!!!!!
avi
Well said!
not a babysitter
ABOSULTELY CORRECT!! Except I have one question. Who do we “say something” to?? If there’s no supervision, there’s no one to talk to.
There needs to be a Vaad HaMasaader (remember those barracudas in the good old days of HaKoffers with the Rebbe?) They kept the hoards in check. There needs to be a hot line established, manned by responsible adults such as Shea Hecht (you have the time, right!!) who can swoop down & grab these kids as they drink themselves into a stupor in the alley behind my apartment.
I’m not talking about Shomrim, this is not their job, this is something for responsible arried men & women to do, people who are willing to stay with these teens until they sober up or get them released from the 71st.
But the underlying problem is the (mainly Israeli & French, but not exclusively) parents who send their kids over with huge suitcases, limited English skills, a knowledge of where J&R is, & no address to stay. WE ARE NOT FREE HOTELS…and we don’t want strangers in our homes, especially when we have children.
How can we explain to these parents that this current system doesn’t work?
POST ON HEBREW WEBSITES
I should that this letter should be immediately posted on all the hebrew chabad websites. The author is 150% correct unfortunately!!!
CH
Very well said.
Situation a disaster
This is very impressive for the mere fact that there is a voice of leadership. I wish Rabbi Hechts voice will make a difference on the ground.
The situation is a disaster, G-d bless Rabbi Hecht.
Parent
Excellent Message!
Esty
This is such an apropos op-ed. Thank you Rabbi Hecht for addressing the most important topics, that many discuss but most of us do nothing about. Many of the teens that come for Tishrei are an inspiration, because they live with the Rebbe, but for many this is a harmful experience. Please print this letter in Hebrew in all Israeli publications, as well as in French.
Me
Can you translate to Hebrew!!
Israeli parents are not aware of the dual atmosphere that coexists in CH.
parent
We should ask the vaad hatalmidim to facilitate programming for the american boys as well not only israeli.
fed up
It is so absurd how these gils and boys will buy there tickets first and then look for a place to stay. It is mind boggling how these parents send there children for six weeks not knowing where they will sleep,eat…. It is even more appalling how that these teens think that everybody has to open there doors for them because THEY have arrived. what do these girls do for six weeks besides shopping, and shopping,hanging out on the streets and expecting everyone in this neighborhood to be for them whenever needed. Parents overseas should take responseabilty on their children and should find put in advance what they are doing and where they will be
families
This is well written, and just to add. The families that these boys/girls are staying by also have families and children to look after and it is a big responciablity to look after someone else child. Please keep your children home or in school.
levi
thank you thank you thank you
keep the streets of crown heights clean
and remember how tishray was by the rebbe with a sader
Big Ben
Shea, here you go again. Pointing out an obvious problem with no practical solution suggested. Also your statement about “purposeless drinking” is a joke. When is drinking oneself into a stupor purposfull?
If you try to say something to the “wild” teens/bochurim you will be ignored (best case scenario) or assaulted (verbally or physically).
No doubt this great problem exists. In stead of making grand pronouncements why not send out a letter to all French, Israeli and other parents not to send unsupervised teens to CH. I know there is a great cost to this but it is worth the price to save young lives.
Thanks for at least speaking up about this terrible situation. KvCT.
shachuna
Maybe Shea Hecht can open Camp Emunah for them for Tishrei. At least, they’ll have a place to stay and won’t get into much trouble there. They could come to 770 for Yom Tov and stay some for Simchos Bais Hashoeva.
I got burned
If everyone is agreeing that means there is something here. Rabbi Hecht, if that is who wrote this, it would mean the world if you could write this in Hebrew and post it on COL. these israeli parents need to know what really goes on tishrei time. As a teen who has been there and got burned by the situation, meaning turned off and will never again return for tishrei, i can relate to what you write here. and i encourage parents to discourage their kids to go to CH for tishrei if they do not have a full time schedule and proper arrangements. its an unsafe world out there we must begin to take charge and protect our kids before they get burned.
zak
To “not a babysitter”
While you have good point, I take issue with your statement:
WE ARE NOT FREE HOTELS…and we don’t want strangers in our homes, especially when we have children.
Come on, have a little decency.
I see nothing wrong with inviting someone into your home for a few days.
It’s called hospitality.
If you don’t want to participate, that is ok. But to state openly “ WE ARE NOT FREE HOTELS”, is wrong.
And goes against everything Judiasim stands for.
resident
I think while we blame the Israelis and French for sending the kids here, at the same time, we need to be more vigilant in not contributing to the problem.
Here is how to do this:
1) If someone calls asking if you can host someone, feel free to say no. It is not a mitzvah to contribute to potentially dangerous situations. Let’s be honest, what is going on can be literarlly dangerous.
2) If you will host someone, ask the caller very clear questions about the program the guest will be attending. If there is no clear answers then say simply you are not interested.
3) Realize that the visitors are not looking at this as “mesirus nefesh” but a vacation. Remember most of these people do have homes they can go to in israel or wherever for Yom Tov
Oh and by the way, what is up with the rude attitude these bocherim give over during tashlich. If they truly viewed 770 as a holy place, then they wouldnt push the residents in a mosh pit where people get injured
open your eyes
the problem is that the parents that need this reiterated to them are thinking ‘hes not talking to me’. everyone this op-ed is about you wether you live in crown heights or anywhere else….supervise your children. you have no idea what your child is up to out there!
and, unfortunately crown heights is not what it used to be when the Rebbe was physically with us. you dont want your children learning from what we see walking our streets, in tznius or behaviour.
and, yes, we should have the guts to say something when we see something. who will start???!!!
Concerned
It is good to read one of Rabbi Shea’s straight talking articles once again. I echo the statements of those above that this is something that needed to be said and taken heed of.
As I understand it, one of the main problems is the shluchim in certain countries who encourage people to come to CH for Tishrei. They tell the parents that CH residents will gladly take in their children – obviously because that is what the Rebbe would want. This is completely irresponsible. Someone (maybe the Shluchim Office) should tell the shluchim that it is their responsibility to ensure that every visitor has a place to stay BEFORE they leave their home city. This would be a start to solving some of the problems.
Stop the flow of BOOZE
Residents of Crown Heights have to stop having unlimited booze in their Sukkos
This isn’t the answer but it might help a bit to stop the drinking if they can’t get it for free
I agree!
i totally agree! Thank you for bringing this out into the open! I think you should translate this letter into french and hebrew and post it on all israeli and french chabad lubavitch websites. Once the parents read this, it might make them more aware of what happens when they send their children for tishrei to New York.
This is a universal problem that has to be addressed.
IYH the problem should be eradicated this year!
a resident of ch
“If you see something, say something.”
to who?
crown heights mom
shea – thank you for putting in writing what I have been saying for many many years. It is time to put a stop to this madness!
the hanhollos and parents of these children (because that is what they actually are) should finally learn that they are sending these children to a ‘hefker velt’. nobody takes care of them. the madrichim/madrichot try their best, but also want to enjoy their stay in new york, and eventually let the kids go out on their own.
I feel these children should stay home for the yomim tovim with their families. our children go to school during tishrei, but these children are roaming the streets at all hours of the day and night for 6 WEEKS! I am not even discussing bathing, washing their clothes, or eating. Or the fact that their parents have to work for who knows how long to cover their expenses.
May we all have a kesiva vechasima tovah. l’shono tovah umesukah.
NS
R’ Hecht is quite correct in his comments but what @ the teens that are wandering @ NOW because our schools dont want them
Still not A Babysitter
Zak, 6 weeks IS NOT A FEW DAYS!!! It’s an extended vacation. And no, I AM NOT A FREE HOTEL!!! These kids,quite rightly, need to eat…I’m busy cooking for my own children & grandchildren, my invited & very welcome guests, my kids’ friends, every bed is taken, I have Farbrengens in my sukkah for my sons & their friends….what do you want from us?? YOU take a bunch of foreigners with no direction, who don’t shower that often, eat in the bedrooms (mice??? & bugs), trash your house, rack up huge phone bills, & take advantage FOR 6 WEEKS & supervise them!
This has nothing to do with decency…last week I had a young man WHOM I DON’T KNOW & I DON’T KNOW HIS FAMILY stay for 5 days because the dorm didn’t have room for him. Would YOU take him in? He had to leave because my husband is now away.
You can do the decent thing. Go to 770 & find a few kids looking lost with nice empty suitcases for all the stuff they’ll buy here, & take them home with you.
Tishrei is a month long vacation for everyone except wives. Ask your wife or mother if she’d like a bunch of strangers having a free vacation at her expense; by that I mean stress. You probably have never heard of it.
wish there was an answer
the only problem is that the bulk of those that are the problem will not attend a program unless it is advertised in yellow, and meals are held on the benches of 770.
bochur
i am a bochur and i agree with “still not a babysitter” i hate staying by ppls houses b/c i know i dont like it when i have someone (weather i know him or not) stayin in my house and he gets in the way the whole time. i totally feel u. therefore when i come into ch i stay by a friends appartment. (and btw i shower AND brush my teeth every day!!!)
wrongly accused
most of your are adressing a different problem.
Shea was pointing out how being unsupervised on Tishrei can be C.V very damaging. however many people dicided to use this as a bashing foreigners who take over zone!
From my expeiriances of being here year after year the problems shea is talking about doesnt really regard the israel’s a small minority but it actually envolves all the teens from over USA and the other english speaking countries!
The Israeli’s who come are very serious and work o whole year to get this ticket you may be upset that they are taking over and want to use your premises but please note what parent doesnt send their daughter to sem in Israel beacuse they feel bad for the host families? The Israeli’s deserve a little bit of a Hakoros Hatov if you were to come to their doorstep they would take you in.
burned out mom
after reading the original article, and many of the comments, I would like to add my two cents.
I remember a tishrei many years ago, when I had very young children, and did not go to shul on rosh hashono because I don’t think shul is the place for little kids, besides the houseful of company that were sleeping in our house as well as eating by us, the kvius of yomtov was thurs-fri-shabbos. by simchas torah I was worn out. our israeli compmany were either in 770 or out shopping all day. the ladies never thought to help the slave (me) in the kitchen. this was a 5 star hotel for them. my husband offered to let me go to 770 – for friday night davening, and he would watch the children! this was not a yom tov davening. not hakofos. not a farbrengen. just maariv. I thanked him profusely, bentched licht, and walked out of my house feeling like a million dollars. I would finally get to see the Rebbe during tishrei (okay – so it was shabbos bereishis). davening was great. it was so nice to be in 770. and then I came home. my husband helped me set the table (I didn’t really expect him to do it on his own) and I went into the kitchen to prepare a salad. in walked the israelis. they had complaints that the the fish is not on the table yet. they let me know they “have to” get up early to go for tehillim to 770, and catch a place for farbrengen.
when I told them I had gone for maariv to 770 – they had the chutzpah to tell me I can go all year, and not when they come!
so could somebody please tell me. is tishrei for us crown height’sers at a different time of the year? do we always have to be at everyone’s beck and call? feed them when they decide to come to eat? always have food ready, at any time of the day? clean up the mess they always leave?
and the fact that these are kids coming now, who have no idea what it means to help. enough! this is not what the Rebbe wanted. us ladies have had it up to here with these kids.
I am not even talking about what goes on in certain areas of our shechuna. (I know I will get it for this line, because the truth hurts).
keep these foreign kids away. we don’t need them here. let them go on mivtzoim for tishrei to some hick towns, like our kids are doing! uforatzto!
a gut gebetsched yohr to everyone
lives here, been there
Firsly, the Israeli’s have to understand that they cannot take a vacation on our expence: they cant barge in with 10 friends (they said 2 to begin with) and expect food to be ready for all of them (they obviously dont bother to help serve or clear the tables, let alone the cooking and other preparations). I was in Israel this summer, and the family I was staying at gave me and my friends quiet a job to do. They asked us to help serve and clear the table, wash sishes, sweep and mop the floors, iron shirts, put in a load of laundry, and basiclly all their house work (I’m not exagarating at all!) But when they come here, they say that they worked all summer to collect money in order to buy a ticket, so when they’re in CH, they’re “on vacation”. Did I go to Israel to clean their house?!?!? they dont realize how far off they are!!! they’ve gone completely out of proportion!!! My mother would always have guests in tishrei; but she made it very clear to them that extra guests have to be known about in advance, that they can use the phone untill 11:00 PM, that they cant roam a through our house, and that they cant empty out our refrigerator, although they’re welcome to grab food whenever they like. In short, she limited them to a small extend, and we didn’t have too many problems with them since then. They simply have to be told off when necessary. And btw, if its inconvienient to host them, THEN DONT!!! you dont owe them anything, and you dont have to get sky-high phone and electricity bills because of them. Show them that they’re welcome, but there is a limit as well. Please have Shea’s letter posted in hebew on COL. It’s important for the parents to know what’s really going on with their kids in NY, and that the parents should teach thier teenagers some basic skills about being a guest. It wouldn’t hurt them to help their hostess a bit…
crown heights mom
our children go for yom tov to remote cities and countries, to bring yom tov to the yidden living there. why can’t these bochurim and girls do this also?
isn’t this what the Rebbe would have wanted?
shana tovah to one and all
SHKE
WHO DO I SAY SOMETHING TO?
SUGGESTION:
THERE SHOULD BE A FEW MEMBERS WHO CAN TAKE CHARGE ETC. PERHAPS THE MARRIED PEOPLE IN AN ALREADY EXISTING ORGANISATION SUCH AS SHOMRIM ETC.
ch member who has open house
I have lived in CH for many years. Years ago when the Rebbe was here, we had tons of guests for Tishrei. I did not go to shul because I had to stay home and cook and cook and cook for all my guests. I did not see hakofos with the Rebbe. These guests were adults who came to spend yom tov with the Rebbe and send their sons (bochurim) as well. This was all good and correct. Always Chassidim would travel far and wide and under very trying conditions to spend yom tov with the Rabbeim.
Now after Gimmel Tammuz, it has become “the thing to do”. To send the kids to NY for Tishrei. Notice that only kids come no adults. The only adults who come, come to spend yomtov with family. The people who promote this are the schools, both girls and yeshivas. Can you imagine how much $ these mosdos save when they close the kitchen, dorms etc. etc. for at least 6 weeks. The hanhala also have a vacation when the schools, yeshivas are closed.
Also the travel agents with the help of some of the fundraisers in Chabad promote this. The fundraisers get a kickback for every ticket that is sold through the travel agent that they have made a deal with.
Now, I still have girls and boys who have come to me. With the exception of a very few, most of them 1) go shopping all the time. 2) They get jobs here and those who are embarrassed get jobs in different neighborhoods, pizza shops, grocery stores etc. Most of the work is what you do not need to know English, i.e. delivery boys etc. 3) many of them go door to door collecting money. Again those who are embarrassed say they are collecting for a mosod (teaches them to lie). Others are not embarrassed and say I am collecting for myself to pay for the ticket. (They make it sound like it is a favor to us for them to come)
I have been on Kingston Avenue during Tisheri. Girls and boys who maybe at home would not talk or look at each other, stand here on the corner and push through the throngs of people, they flirt with each other etc. (Unter Vegens mag men alts)
I have had a knock on my door (more than once) with 2 girls or 2 boys with their suitcase and say we have no place to stay can we come to your house. How can any parent send a girl or even a boy without knowing where they will stay? In all fairness, I understand that the same people who advertise to come here (remember the ticket kickback) also say we will provide a place to stay. Do they know that even if they do provide a place to stay it is in a broken down empty apartment in the undesirable end of town.
Do you think that if you send your children with their suitcases to Kfar Chabad, they would just open the doors and let your kids in for six weeks yomtov Tishrei?
These kids here run wild and dress very untzniuskik.
I stopped letting them into my house because 1) I do not like their loudness and their prikas ol while here 2)I do not want my children to see the hefkeros 3) the boys and girls only flirt with each other and think about shopping 4) they are not clean 5) they mess up the house 6) you let in one girl and she comes with 3 friends and says oh she will sleep on the floor.7) they come home at all hours of the night. Where were they until 2-3 am? 8) when I say that I do not have room, they say but you can put mattresses on your living room floor and let them sleep there. What about my simchas yom tov? what about my house.? My family? And then stand all day and cook for them? All this so some kids will have a great vacation in CH and have a blast?
It is not a mitzvah and it certainly is not hachnosas orchim.
I promise you that if Crown Heights was in England and not in America, they would have no interest to come to the Rebbe. What does it mean coming to the Rebbe?
Is it a mitzvah to help these kids run wild, get into trouble. Imagine a 6 week overnight camp with girls and boys and no supervision and no parents around and anything goes, and $ in the pocket and a subway and ready made meals without any responsibility.
If you tell this to a parent, they say, maybe but my child is different. He/she is a real chassidishe boy/girl.
One parent even said to me the fault is in CH because you let them in and I have no control over my kids when everyone else is going to NY.
Shame on the parents and shame on the Hankola.
With prayers that Moshiach comes and leads us out of Golus.
Wishing everyone a ksivah Vachsima tova.
pppp
to Zak…if it was a few day its not a big deal but these Israeli boys/girls come for 4-6 weeks. I have seen the way they act. Eating and sleeping all day..out till the morn and no appreciation to the host of the house. They basically expect to be served and waited on. They have no respect for the family that they are staying by. Each family has childrens and its just not fair to them.
a concerned parent
Wrong language….this should be posted in hebrew and sent to all the Israeli Shluchim .They are the ones who encourage the young ones to come. Most of those parents have absolutely no idea what is going on here. So please get this article to the Israeli public. As for our American teens….G-d help them and their parents because these are very challenging times. Most of us parents of teens dread Simchas Beis Hashoeva we just want it to be over. What a pity..a blessing turned into something negative. Let’s hope it will be a safe year.
why is this field here?
As someone else sorta pointed out here, rare is the piece that gets close to 100% approval. This one did. (Maybe BECUASE it WASN’T written in hebrew/french). But bottom line is also like another said – what’s the real solution?
People WILL be coming. Kids WILL be drinking and with huge amounts of empty time. Partying is the schedule of the day (er, night. All night. And it’s “Chassidish” too).
So now that we akk agree this is a real issue and challenge, Reb Shea, can you please formulate a real response with an email adress and phone # for volunteers to flesh it out?
CH Mom
First of all, I think there are 2 separate issues here – teens spending time at risk & houseguests that are not very gracious. As for the lack of social graces, set down rules and realistic expectations when your guests arrive. Let them know that although you love doing the mitzvah of hachnosas orchim you’re not a superbalabuste and would love their help in the kitchen.
Rabbi Hecht has eloquently and tzniusly touched the tip of the iceberg of this hot topic. This problem is so huge and parents have no clue. I’m not exaggerating. Ask any shomrim member about all the drug overdose, alcohol overdose & other unmentionable calls they get during Tishrei.
Thank G-d for shomrim and other good samaritans that step in to help a young girl in distress. But how many are not so lucky? I know that these incidents have a “tendency” to get swept under the rug, but guess what? Parents – you are doing a great disservice to your fellow parents by hiding this info.
The majority of these calls are regarding (no surprise here) our local kids. Not the Israelis, not the Frenchies, not the English.
Do you know how many older men (married & single, chasseedish & yeshivish) are out there at simchas beis hashoeva chasing down our 13, 14, & 15yr old daughters? Do you? It’s real and it’s very frightening.
I know most unsuspecting folks probably think, “Wow! It’s so nice that people from other neighborhoods come to CH to experience the beauty of simchas beis hashoeva – Lubavitch is really making a kiddush Hashem.” Get real – they only come here for girls and drugs. If you don’t believe me, ask all the young girls that have been followed down dark streets and alleyways.
You may think your daughter is our innocently with her friends while you get some much needed rest. Well, let me tell you a little secret……you’ll sleep better if you wait till Tishrei is over. Seriously.
Go out with your kids, set firm curfews and follow through with the consequences.
My apologies if I have offended anyone with my frankness but I believe it must be spelled out because people are too naive to get the hints.
P.S. I had some beautiful yom tov meals with a house full of French bochurim. They were so lebedik, they really brought an amazing ruchnius high to the table. Guess what? They were all brought up well b/c during the meals they got up to help clear & serve and when the meals were done they cleaned everything up – spotless! They even folded up my extra tables and chairs. They’re welcome in my home anytime, it’s my pleasure!
Alter Mechanech mit a Kop
Does this article imply that our teenage bochurim and kallah meidels(including those who act as counsellors for our children in camp, and go on shlichus) are so irresponsible and empty of values that they require full time supervision, without which they will c“v be ”seriously harmed B’Gashmius and B’Ruchnius“?
What does that say about the chinuch these teenagers received for nearly a dozen years?
I feel they deserve far more credit than the article claims. Yes, there are always a few rotten apples in the bushel, but our fruit is sweet and satisfying.
I trust these teenagers to be Dugmas for my young children in camp. I trust them to go on Shlichus to places that lack kedusha – without fear that they will be ””seriously harmed B’Gashmius and B’Ruchnius“.
Many educators believe that teenagers need a measure of ”freedom“ – placing them under 24 hour supervision tells them that they are ”untrustworthy” and smothers them, pushing them into a state of rebelion.
This article paints all teenages with a wide brush and deals witha problem some might have by using a chainsaw approach. I suggest using a scalpel!
MENDY
FIRT OF ALL, AS MENTIOND ERLIER MOST OF THE PROBLEMS SUCH AS HEFKAIRUS, MINGLING,ETC, ETC, COME FROM US LOCALS, ITS OUR KIDS WHO MESS AROUND, ITS OUR GARBAGE, AND I’L ASK YOU THIS, DO YOU HERE ANY HEBREW ON KINGSTON & CROWN (AND ALL OTHER PLACES WHERE THEY MINGLE) DURING THE NIGHTS OF CHOL-HAMOED??? SO ISAELIS MIGHT BE RUDE SOMETIMES, SO WHAT??? IF YUL LAND AT THERE DOOR-STEP THELL GLADLY TAKE YOU IN, YOU MIGHT THINK I’M CRAZY WELL READ ON, I WAS LERNING IN ISRAEL FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS AND SPENT NUMERUS SHABBOSIM ALL OVER ISRAEL, DO YOU THINK ANY OF THEM WOULD SAY SOMTHING LIKE “WE ARE NOT YOUR FREE HOTELS”??? CH“V, THE NUMERUS TIMES I’VE BEEN HOSTED BY SHLUCHIM (AND UNLIKE AMERICAN SHLUCHIM, MOST CAN BERLY FEED THERE CHILDREN) WOULD THEY EVER DEAR TELL ME ”GET OUT I DONT KNOW YOUR FAMILY, WE ARE NOT YOUR FREE HOTELS“???, SO WHEN YOU SEND YOUR DUGHTERS FOR SEM. WHO BY THE WAY SPEND ALL OF THERE SHABBOSIM BY ISRAELI FAMELIES AND STAY/EAT BY THEM, PLUS THE NUMERUS SHABATONS THEY HAVE, ALL ON THE FAMELIES CHESHBON, DO YOU THINK THEY CLEAN AFTER THEM SELF???, SO THINK A LITTLE WHEN THE REBBES GEUSTS COME TO CH, AND BE ”DAN L’KAV ZCHUS” JUST ONE BIT, OH AND YES HACHNOSAS ARCHIM IS A MITSVA IN JUDAISM AND THE MESS IS ALSO
no complaiints
The Israeli guests I have had were friendly and not demanding-sometimes I had to beg them to eat.They kept their rooms clean. The biggest problem was, since I have teenage boys and girls, having teenagers as guests(because of gender differences).
M.Cohen
We are all venting. We’re annoyed at the hefkeirus of the parents, attitude of the schools in Israel who encourage them to come here, so that they can be closed for two months…… but our venting NOW will not help the situation, especially two weeks before Rosh Hashana, when all the tickets have been purchased long ago. Furthermore, when you comment that “we wouldn’t go to Kfar Chabad and expect them to take us in…..” I don’t think that most of the kids who come are from regular Kfar Chabad homes. It’s the disconnected kids who have no roots or relatives here in CH that are the problem.
If we really care, we should do the following:
1.translate the article and some of the best comments into Hebrew and French and post online or in any publication they read. Do this early enough, before people buy tickets!
2. Realize that the PR of the organizers who encourage the kids to come, is very strong, “come spend Tishrei with the Rebbe” “This is what makes you a chosid…..” You have to be very clear with the perents to tell them, THIS IS WHAT IS DESTROYING SOME OF THE KIDS. You think that they are growing in their hishkashrus to the Rebbe! What a joke, just come yourselves and see what happens. You’ll be up all night worrying about them.
3.I am sure that 25% of the kids who come don’t hang around. They mean well, and do the right thing. They probably are somewhat inspired to imagine that they see the Rebbe….. however, these kids will be inspired and frum regardless. There is no need to subject them and their parents to poverty for this hefkeirus.
4. We are supposed to be hospitable….. but if we wouldn’t be, would they come so easily next year? Perhaps hosts should kindly and patiently explain to their inconsiderate guests what their “mesirus nefesh” trip is really all about….. a vacation at the expense of people who don’t want them and resent them! Talk to them, tell them what you expect and they will act differently.
Now that we all had a chance to vent, let’s brace ourselves to a greater influx of Israeli kids for Shnas Hakhel.
MVH
Big Ben, yes there is purposeful drinking. We are not talking about drinking oneself into a stupor, but about normal moderate drinking, which can be very good for the neshama – if it’s in the right context. We are not misnagdim, and we do appreciate the wonderful gift Hashem gave us of mashke, but even the moderate normal drinking MUST BE for a constructive purpose, which means it must be in a context where the lowered barriers will allow in kedusha, and not chas veshalom the opposite.
When there’s a nice healing breeze blowing outside, you open the window and it’s a mechayeh, but when there’s a blizzard outside you shut the window tight and put in double glazing. When a bochur takes even one or two lechayims IN THE WRONG CONTEXT it can be very damaging, just as in the RIGHT context it can be very helpful. And I’m pretty sure that’s what Shea meant by “purposeless drinking”.
ch mom
I notice that most of the comments are (presumably) from women as men would have no idea how much work this is because, lets face it, they havent got a clue. As a working mother with small kids I really want to go away for Tishre because of this issue which is really sad. The truth is that it is creating a very untxnius atmosphere which impacts our own kids. I dont want my kids to see it. THey are yhoung and still innocent and they just dont understand. It looks goyish to them. I amtsorry if I am offending anyone but this is how I feel. And I have an open house for anyone I know. I am sorry but I dont host strangers. Not in these crazy times. There is no need for unmarried children to be unsupervised a thousand miles from home. Either their parents dont know or domt care. either way, only we can stop iy
AhavasYis.=expose+inform
its very tempting to blame ONLY the foreigners!! (TEENS)
THE FACT ISHOWEVER: Most of the troubled teens are AMERICANS!!
1) typically from disfunctional HOMES!
or
2) super NAIVE parents (clueless re Chinuch)
or
3) parents who were always too bizzy to shower them with LOADS of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE/ATTENTION/TIME!!! well before they became (desperate-aimless) teens,
= a child starving for LOVE/AFFECTION/SATASFACTION is 1000times more likly to fall pray to the “DAMAGING” street-love, that often takes the most desperate ones to places/behaviors they forever are haunted by,
and many never recover, any self respect or hope for TRUE YIDDISHE JOY in there future!
btw
if as a parent you cant influence your teen! get an older WISE friend who CARES to MENTOR him/her! ITS MAGIC!!
KvChT to all!!
Oyle L-regel
How about the many many many knocks on the door asking for $ for their “Oyle L’regel” and if we don’t give they have no way of going home and will have to stay here. (“threat”).
If I were to go to Israel and say I came to go to the kosel now pay my ticket – would anyone even pay a cent?
PARENT
ISREALI’S!!?? WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE AMERICAN TEENS EVEN IN CROWN HIEGHTS, THAT THANKS TO THE WHOLE SIMCHAS BAIS HASHUAIVA ….TOOK THEIR FIRST SMOKE….THEIR SICKENING THEIR FIRST RELATIONSHIP BEGAN ….AND THIS KIDS ARE STILL SUFFERING FROM THAT !!!
THANKS SHEA FOR SPEAKING UP….IM WAITING FOR YOUR NEXT LETTER NOT ONLY ON THE TEEN BUT OUR WOMEN THAT COULD USE A LITTLE TZNIUS CLASSES……
AhavasYis.=expose+inform
Dear parents,
THIS IS HOW IT WORX! (FORMULA DISASTER)
1) Take teenager,
2) Add Raging hormons
3) Add lots of free time
4) Add no supervission
5) Add bordom,
6) Add bad friends
7) Add curiosity
8) Add thrilL
9) Add Rebelousnesness (teen instinct)
10) Add CH street view (fuel-up the YH)
11) Add equally desprate op-Gender teens
12) Add exposure to “movies” = UPs YH!!
DEAR PARENTS!!
DEAR PARENTS!!
OPEN YOUR EYES, youall have no idea how much pain and sufferring awaits them after they stumble into the street-love TRAP!!
it always results in MISERY and deep REGRET and irrevesable DAMAGE to the mind and soul of a teen BOY/GIRL!!
once they’v fallen many get traped in the downward spiral of Promisquity, drugs, etc destroying there future Happiness in Judaism! (and Dignity/Self respect!)
HAVE MERCY ON YOUR UNSUSPECTING TEENS!!!
if u dont succeed get GUIDENCE in how to parent your teen!!!
they (the dropouts) wear big smiles!!
but
under those smiles is DEEP ANGUISH!! REGRET!! DISTURBANCE!! RESENTMENT!!
WE ALL WISH WE COULD START OVER!!
WE ALL WISH WE UNDERSTOOD THE STEP BY STEP PLAN OF THE YH!!
INTICING TRAP OF HELL W/O EVER ANY SATISFACTION!!
PARENTS DO ALL YOU CAN TO PREVENT THIS STUMBLING BLOCK IN FRONT OF A BLIND MAN!!
confused
people r getting this wrong. alot of comments said go to kfar chabad, but the main problem is people form TZEFAS not kfar chabad.
no vacancies
So after all these comments…. WHAT’S THE PLAN???
Shea, what do we do now? It’s true, they’ll be here next week, & this community needs a plan of action. YOU spoke up, YOU come up with the solution. You’re in a position to do it. You can’t just yell “fire” in a crowded theater & walk away.
CH resident
I just want to add. 1) when our kids are in sem or yeshivah in Eretz Yisroel, yes they come for a shabbos which is not 6 weeks and all hours of the day and night.
2) they are invited and not pushed onto anyone. I have relatives in Israel and even when I tell them that I have no room or have room for one kid, 3 show up and I can not do anything about it.
3) I agree with whoever wrote about 770 being somewhere else. How many kids would want to spend their 6 week vacation in Kanses?
4) Yes I know about what happens Simchas Beis Hashoava on Carroll and Rogers. It is also our CH kids but the entire atmosphere becomes one of prikas oll and hefkerus and rah rah and yelling and running and loud laughing and turns into a circus.
5) Everytime I see the holy place of 770 turn into a market place or a bazzar, I want to cry. It is a shul and a holy shul because Lubavitch as it used to be is Holy. Our Raibeim went on Mesirus Nefesh for Lubavitch and now kids come and treat it like an amusement park or night club.
Helping and demanding meals on time is a second issue. They are on vacation and do not need to do anything around this house. I wonder if at home they are the same slobs and inconsiderates. Adding phone bill and using your phone all the time and not answering clicks (after all they are on the phone and don’t need to speak to anyone who might abe clicking)
Yes our kids who leave alot to be desired, get caught up in this mishugas and are also out all night and lie about where they have been etc. BTW, where is all this $ coming from for all the shopping? My kids do not have as many electronic gadgets or cloths as they do..
My main question is what does it mean “coming to spend Tishrei with the Rebbe?”
This has to abe made very clear to paents who have no clue what goes on here. Also in no way is this hachnosas orchim. When I wnat to go someplace for a vacation, I book a hotel and arrange food and pay and enjoy. Why is it hachnosas orchim to host a bunch of kids who want to have the “Tishrei experience in CH” Since when did girls travel alone all over the world and since when do girls even go to spend yomtov at a rebbe’s tish?
All this should be translated into Hebrew and French.
Move Tishrei to Kansas City and see how many show up
not soo bad!!
its much worse than u parents think!!
NO ITS NOT THE UN-MANNERED VISITORS!!
ITS NOT THE SCORES OF PREDATORS FROM BORO.P./WILLIAMS. THATS THE REAL PROB.
ITS
1) OUR OWN TEENS (UNSUPERVISED)
2) UNLESS HE/SHE HAS A ROCK-SOLID FOUNDATION, THEY’R VULNERABLE 2B FARCHAPT!
(FOUNDATION: = SELF-ESTEEM, INVOVED-LOVING-PARENTS, AND A WISE MENTOR,)
Reader
I found some of these comments very amusing.
I read that the Israeli guest are a minority.
I read that before gimmel tamuz the guest were not considered a problem and that everything was sweet and beautiful.
Kids just come knocking on doors even though the Hachnosas Orchim organization arranges places for everyone. It is true that some of those places are horrible but the guest know that in advance and many times from previous experience .
They don’t take showers. Just come to the mikvah and see how packed the place is.
Hachnosas orchim – the people who promote travel to CH- has mandatory seder in 770 with older bochrim marking attendance for many of the ‘week days’. During yom tov they try hard to get everyone to go on mivtzoim. (the ‘dollar mivtzoim’ begging is a problem though. Please don’t support those kids who crash our mivtzoim routes with their yellow flags when we work a whole year to bring people closer to yiddishkeit. Also keep in mind that it only takes $2 to get on a train to do mivtzoim so no need to beg the whole day).
Hachnosas orchim provides food which is considered good by israeli standarts so the majority of the guest do not have to – and don’t – eat @ CH homes.
Most non-israelis who learn in CH during the year leave for tishrei to help a shliach. It doesn’t matter to them what they do there or if they are even needed as long as they can get away from the Rebbe’s shchuna. That is NOT what the Rebbe wanted and NOT the way it was before gimmel tamuz but an unfortunate result of the israeli invasion. I always wondered if Israelis realize something is funny when they come to 770 and only see people they know from back home ba’aretz and don’t hear any english in America. That if they would stay a week into cheshvan they would see a different CH and 770 that is not about waving yellow flags but about living the way the Rebbe wants it.
Articles about this have been posted on COL in the past and parents expressed their feelings about this in the comments so no need to translate this letter.
As big Ben pointed out this is a typical Hecht letter mentioning obvious problems without suggesting a solution.
out of towner
May I make a suggestion that Sinmchas Beis Hashoeiva not be held on the streets but in shul with a michitza or in seperate locations, with a time to start and a decent time to end like by midnight,so that our teenagers are not on the street with all the dangers out there. We all know that Simchas Beis Hashoeiva has gotten out of hand, and it is hard to feel the kedusha while you are ther because of all the pritzus going on there.
mom
the better bochurim (the more chassidishe and serious) go to shluchim to help out for tishrei. This is the true meaning of yom tov and uforotzto etc. It is these shababniks who come here. Let them do the same thing in isreael and france. go to shluchim to make it a more meaningful experience of yom tov.
parents out of ch have no clue what goes on.
i live here and have teen age boys and girls and even they want to leave for tishrei becasue enough is enough of the color war atmosphere that is “Tishrei in Crown Heights.”
Where is the Rebbe?
Help a parent....
Dear AhavasYis.=expose+inform,
I enjoyed your post but need clarifying. What do you mean by STREET-LOVE TRAP???
Is it ALL you mentioned above that statement?? Does that equal the street love trap? Or is it something else?more?
I’m a parent trying to protect my kids from these dangers.
RISK TEST
IS YOUR DAUGHTER A DISASTER WAITING TO UNFOLD?! (TEST BELOW)
(THIS LIST IS BASED ON ACTUAL FIRSTHAND RESEARCH)
IF YOUR DAUGHTER HAS ANY OF THESE INGR. SHE’S C“V DEFAULTED TO ”WRECK“ HER TEENS (WHICH SHAPES HER FUTURE!!)
1) LOW SELF ESTEEM!
2) UNHAPPY HOME ENVIRONMENT
3) UNAFFECTIONATE FATHER (HEALTHY MALE ATTENTION)
4) NO/BAD COMMUNICATION WITH FATHER
5)ACADEMICALLY POOR
6) SOCIALLY UN-ACCEPTED BY THE ”CHASIDISHE“ CLICK (OY CHVRUS OY MISUSA)
7) NOT ACTIVELY INVOVED IN KIRUV/CHINUCH
8) NOT PREOCUPIDE WITH COMPELLING HOBBY (CONSRUCTIVE)
9) DRESSES FOR MALE ATTENTION (ELBOWS/KNEES…)
10) NO MENTOR (HEALTHY ATTENTION/GUIDENC
11) PARENTS W BITTER ATETUDE TO YIDISHKEIT/AUTHORITY
12) CRITICAL PARENTS
13) TENSSION AT HOME
14) IGNORANT RE SEVERITY OF KEY HALACHOS (TZNIUS, CHIBUK-NIDA, CAUSING Z”L,)
15) LACKING GOALS/FOCUS ON FUTURE
17) LACKING (HAPPY-CHASIDDISHE) FREIENDS
18) PARENTS TOO BIZZY/ARROGENT/NAIVE TO CONSULT FOR PARENTING ADVICE/GUIDENCE
(ASEY L’CHO RAV) 19) WATCHES MOVIES (= DESENSITISING AND OVER-ROMANTISISING “HOLLOW-Promiscuity)
20) UN-EDUCATED HASHKAFA, (RE THE TRUE BEUTY AND RICHNESS OF YIDDISHKEIT AND CHASIDUS)
(DESPITE ”EDUCATED“ IN THE ”SYSTEM“ THEY OFTEN LACK THE VERY BASICS IN HASHKOFA/EMUNA)
CONCLUSSION:
1) (FATHERS) GIVE HER TIME/LOVE (CONSULT A PRO. IF NECESSARY!)
2) (PARENTS) ENSURE A PLEASENT HOME ENVIRONMENT
3) ENGINEER A ”GOOD-QUALITY” FRIEND, (CONSPIRE/BRIBE BEHIND BACK IF NECESSARY)
4) THE SAME GOES FOR A MENTOR!!
5) (MOTHER) DRESS ACORDING TO HALACHAH = THE REBBEH PROMISES NACHAS! (+PARNASA)
4) (FATHERS) TFILAH B’TZIBUR + SHIURIM… IN FRONT OF FAMILY!! …
THE REBBEH PROMISES NACHAS! (+PARNASA)
5) (PARENTS) BE (GENTLY) FIRM RE CURFEWS AND UNSUPERVISED… THEY’LL HATE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR IT,
(REMEMBER TO SHOW THEM LOVE WHILE YOU HOLD YOUR GROUND! THE’L TEST YOU!!)
6) (PARENTS) THE SAME FOR UNSUPERVISED INTERNET (CV MOVIES)
7) MOST IMPORTANTLY:
FOLLOW HAYOYOM RE “CHOIV-DEORAISA” TO DESIGNATE 30MIN DAILY TO THINK RE CHINUCH OF KIDS!
(THOSE WHO ARE NOT SELLECTIVE CHSSIDIM, AND FOLLOW THE REBBE’S TAKANOS ARE PROTECTED FROM THE PLAGUE!
PS
GALUS IS ALMOST OVER!! …PROOF IS YERIDAS HADOROS!
Me
This became a personal business of Mendy Hendel. Leave him alone. He makes a living off this and is able to live a whole year of it. Don’t take away a Jew’s parnossa.
Moshe MS
to me:
“This became a personal business of Mendy Hendel. Leave him alone. He makes a living off this and is able to live a whole year of it. Don’t take away a Jew’s parnossa.”
—————–
Well said!!
just before rosh hashana
I have been following all the comments, and a few comments have nothing to do with what was written in the letter.
Please dont blame anyone in particular for all what goes on in CH tishrei time. There are people that come from all over the world who realy mean for what they are coming.
We are 2 weeks away from Rosh Hashona. Please if you have nothing nice to say, dont say. You ARE able to write it in nicer words.
P.S. i am an out of towner that has been coming to New York for the past few years for Tishrei. I have experienced what goes on there, and yes something needs to be done, but how about next year someone write this letter a bit earlier so that we could all do something about it without having to make a fuss.
If you relly care so much then speak to your guests and tell them what you expect from them.
Hope you all have a Kesiva Vechasima Tova.
Famous Anti But Hendel Fan
Who cares if Mendy Hendel makes a few bucks (if he does)? He works very hard to feed thousands of guest, finds them places to sleep, makes them learn etc. All the working people out there who are selling real estate or crosses (jewlry) or whatever else they do make a living by working. So does Mendel Hendel. The only difference is that if a broker loses his money he has nothing and Mendel Hendel will stil have the millions of zechusim.
All the comments were about lack of structure for the guest. The only one actually doing something about it is Mendel Hendel.
AhavasYis.=expose+inform,
ANSWER TO THE FOLLOWING POST:
Help a parent…. wrote:
Dear AhavasYis.=expose+inform,
I enjoyed your post but need clarifying. What do you mean by STREET-LOVE TRAP???
Is it ALL you mentioned above that statement?? Does that equal the street love trap? Or is it something else?more?
I’m a parent trying to protect my kids from these dangers.
========================================
“STREET-LOVE-TRAP” IS:
a child starving for FOOD, if he is/she is left hungry for enough time will find even the most “TRASHY” FOOD appetizing!
now replace the word “FOOD” with ANY WORD FROM THIS LIST:
1) UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FROM INVOLVED PARENTS!!,
2) ACCEPTANCE AND FRIENDSHIP FROM “CHASIDDISHE” PEERS.
3) A CARING/LISTENING EAR FROM A MENTOR
4) GENUINELY CARING AND SINCERE TEACHERS
EVERY HUMAN BEING SEEKS “AUTHENTIC” LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, AFFECTION, THE FEELING TO “BELONG”,
AND THEY ARE GONNA GET IT!!
IF THEY CANT GET THE IDEAL (REAL) LOVE,
(FROM A HEALTHY SOURCE)
THEN
THEY ARE GONNA FALL FOR THE (FAKE) LOVE IN THE ARMS OF A “SMOOTH-TALKING” CHARMER WHO HAS ZERO “CARE” OR “LOVE” FOR WHATS REALLY GOOD FOR HER,
BUT IS HAPPY TO FEED HER A TEMPORARY “ILLUSION” OF AFFECTION/LOVE SHE IS CRAVING,
SO THAT HE CAN
USE/ABUSE/BRAKE HER HEART! AND DUMP HER LIKE A CHEAP DISPOSABLE WORTHLESS PEACE OF TRASH!
(THAT SHE ALLOWED HERSELF TO BE TREATED AS)
ALL SHE REALLY WANTED WAS ATTENTION/LOVE
WHAT SHE GOT IN EXCHANGE IS A TEMPORARY ILLUSION OF FUN THAT WILL HAUNT HER AND DESTROY HER R“L EVEN FURTHER!!
IF ONLY MORE PARENTS KNEW/OBEYED THE GUIDANCE OF OUR REBBEH RE PARENTING AND HOW TO ENSURE NACHAS FROM OUR CHILDREN,
WE WOULDENT BE PRODUCING SOO MANY LOVE-STARVED, WILLING accomplices R”L!
THE TRAP IS A:
STEP 1) CHILDREN W/O ENOUGH LOVE/ACCEPTANCE FROM HOME,
STEP 2) CHILDREN W/O ENOUGH LOVE/ACCEPTANCE FROM TEACHERS,
STEP 3) CHILDREN W/O ENOUGH LOVE/ACCEPTANCE FROM POSITIVE PEERS,
STEP 4) …LACKING MENTORS/GUIDENCE
THE REASON ITS A TRAP IS B/C IT PRESENTS ITSELF DISEPTIVELY ATTRACTIVE (LIKE THE YH CAN) BUT ONCE THE VICTIM TAKES THE FIRST “KOSHER” STEP, EACH STEP COMPELS THE NEXT W/O THE VICTIM EVER REALIZING THE END DESTINATION!
AND WHEN THEY REALIZE, ITS ENTRENCHED AND THE YH IS IN ABSOLUTE FULL CONTROL!!!
MANY FEEL ITS TOO LATE AND ARE R“L HOOKED FOR LIFE!! HY”R!
BTW
HERE ARE ONLY 4 TIPS FROM OUR REBBEH
FOR NACHAS FROM CHILDREN:
1) BE A DUGMA CHAYA, (SACRIFICE ON YOUR LEVEL)
2) DESIGNATE AT LEAST 30 MINUTES P/DAY FOR PONDERING/IMPROVING THE CHINUCH OF YOU CHILDREN
3) THILIM SHABBOS M’VORCHIM,
4) SHEITUL IN PUBLIC (DEMONSTRATE OVERCOMMING YOUR OWN PEER PREASURE OR TEMPTATION)
5) ALWAYS CONSULT “ASHPIA” (BE HUMBLE ENOUGH TO SEEK ADVICE)
chassidus worx
thanx for crownheights.info for facilitating this important discussion!
THE PROBLEM TEENS ARE HARDLY THE “foreigners”
I AGREE WITH THE ABOVE OBSERVATION THAT
PARENTS WHO FOLLOW THE REBBEH’S GUIDELINES ARE NOT THE ONES WITH TEENS “PUST” AND “PRUST” ON THE STREET,
RATHER THEYRE TEENS HAVE HAD YEARS OF “INVESTMENT” IN THEM BY PARENTS WHO FOLLOWED THE REBBE’S “SEGULOS” FOR NACHAS,
JUST TO MENTION A FEW:
a) shabas mvorchim thilim,
b) half hr a day planning how to help your children succeed!
c) tznius! in accordance with HALACHA (3yr old for girls, 9yr for bys, knees/elbows for mommy)
d) oys b’sefer torah,
e) NO TV/MOVIES (no exeptions)
PS
MANY A GOOD PERSON ARE STILL BAD (@) PARENTING!
MANY WELL INTENTIONED PARENTS LACK THE KNOWLEDGE FROM THE BOOKS “HOW TO” RAISE A FAMILY,
EVEN MANY “SO CALLED” CHASSIDISHE PARENTS DONT DONT DONT ACTUALLY IMPLEMENT THE REBBEH’S GUIDELINES FOR CHINUCH
=
HOW MANY PARENTS TRULY HAVE A MASHPIA?! AND GIVE A DU“CH … AS THE REBBEH BEGGED!!
SORRY SOMETIMES MUSAR IS APPROPREATE!!
KABEL HO-EMES MIMI-SHEOMRO
KVCHS”T
SImonei Hageula
the silver lining:
HAKOL MOIDIM, 1) YERIDAS HADOROS!
2) CHUTZPAH ON THE RISE!
(IF EVER!)
3) CHOSHECH KAFUL UMCHUPOL!
4) YISBARERU V’YISLABNU! (EVERYONES REAL COLORS WILL SHOW)
V’HAMEIVIN YOVIN!
ITS ABOUT TO GET A WHOLE LOT BETTER!
PS
OUR REBBEH DID NOT GIVE US FALSE HOPE!
Concerned Parent and citizen
To out of towner 10:04
You are extremely correct the Simchas Bais Hashoava is completely out of control and no one especially the Rabbonim want to admit it.
The last din in Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch Hilchos Yom Tov Siman 529 Seif 13 is that the BAIS DIN IS REQUIRED TO INSTALL GUARDS etc. to PREVENT MINGLING OF MEN AND WOMEN etc.
If you are a REAL BAIS DIN then this is not only for Din Torahs, sell chometz, be mesader kiddushim etc. This is a din in Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch. The same one that says to kasher 212!
Why have this been ignored for over 20 years? The churban is great!
Admit that it is out of hand. Show greatness of character. Move it into a shul. Get it off the street.
Gevald the churban is great!
This is more important than which Rabbi is correct. All of you are spending great kochos taking the other to Din Torahs only for one purpose of mi barosh.
The time has come to think about the community not your positions!This means ALL the Rabbis. This is our present and our future. Gevald Gevald!
resident of Kan Tziva
does anyone have a chesbon to whom all the money that is raised in the name of Hachnosas orchim go to?
This is a business as any other one and these are the people that promote it. The chilul Hashem and chilul Lubavitch is big.
I have had the police come to my door loving for 2 bochurim who did not want to stop and show their license and the police followed them to my house.
As the 770 Hanhola how many times they had to pay $$$$$$$$$ to get some guys out of jail etc. and to have a situation kept quiet.
Hashem Yirachem
17yo GIRL beis Riv.
i’d like to echo the warning to parents
posted above 09/16/08 – 01:25 –
its 100percent FACT!
THE FORMULA FOR DISSASTER IS SOO TRUE (SEE POSTING 09/16/08 – 01:25 – )
I JUST WANTED TO ADD ONE POINT FROM MY OWN EXP. AS A “THINKING TEENAGER”
I HAVE SEEN MY CLOSE FRIENDS DRIFT AWAY EVER SO GRADUALLY, AND YES IT ALL BEGAN ON THE STREETS OF CH!!
TWO OF MY (DRIFTED) FRIENDS I MANAGE TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH (as theyr life keep spiralling out of control)
LETS JUST SAY THEY STARTED OFF JUST FOR THE CHEAP THRILL OF ATTENTION,
and one thing leads to another AND SADLY TODAY THEY ARE SECERATLY ABUSING DRUGS JUST TO ESCAPE THE “LIBERATED” NEW HELL THEY LANDED IN
(THEY THAUGHT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PARADISE!)
(EVER SO GRADUALLY)
the sad fact is that these lost souls often dont get their true story (of pain-shame-misery) out TO THE NEXT GENERATION (who see only smiles and fun!)
allowing their “facebooks” to do the talking “as if all’s just dandy!
the bitter truth is that behind the revel and noise are very LONELY broken sad PRECIOUSE NESHOMOLACH wishing it was all just a bad dream!! ”wishing they could just start over!
but are too addicted to the escelating demands of “ESCAPISM” via norcotics, movies, etc they’r stuck in a very vicious cicle that should have NEVER BEGAN!
(did i mention “on the streets of CH?!”)
all it takes is unsupervised teens+no warning about the clever trix of the YH
MY ADVICE TO ALL MY CURIOUS 17YO PEERS IS,
STOP FANTASISING
ASK THOSE WHOVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT (5YRS IN) IF ITS A GOOD IDEA!
IS IT WORTH THE RISK OF “EXPLORING” (JUST A LITTLE!)
AGAIN DONT TAKE MY WORD
WHO SHOULD KNOW BEST?!
NOT 17YO DIRECTIONLES PEERS,
RATHER THOSE WHO’VE COMPLETED THE EXPERMNT
THOSE WHOVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT AND ARE NOW 28YO LEFT WITH ONLY EMPTYNESS, BITTERNES, SELF DISTAIN AND ENVY
(ENVY AT THERE HAPPILY MARRIED CHASSIDISHE PEERS ON SHLICHUS LEADING A RICH AND MEANINGFULL PURPOSEFUL LIFE)
WISHING THEY HAD TAKEN A VERY DIFF. PATH 10YRS EARLIER,
THEIR ANSWER TO ME IS ALWAYS THE SAME!:
“DONT GO THERE!!”
“I’M TOO SCREWD UP!! TO START OVER!”
“MY SHIDUCHIM LIFE IS RUIND!”
(MY HOLYNESS IN MY FUTURE MARRIEGE IS LOST FOREVER!)
MY DEMONS ARE GONNA HAUNT ME FOREVER!
(THEY ALWAYS CONCLUDE AS FOLLOWS)
“YOU DONT KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE”
TO HAVE A CHANCE TO “BE CLOSED-MINDED PURE AND ON TRACK IN ”THE SYSTEM“ AND GET MARRIED AND GO OUT ON SHLICHUS WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND HAVE A SWEET AND RICH HOLY LIFE!!
YOUR NOT MISSING OUT!!!
THE HELL WITH MY LIFE!!
THEN THEY PASSIONATLY CRY AND GRAB MY SHOULDERS AND SCREEEEETCH IN MY FACE!!
”DONT GO THERE! ITS NOT WORTH IT! AT ALL ITS, EMPTY! DEPRESSING! HARMFUL TO YOUR MIND, AND THE PROMISS OF ROMANCE AND LOVE KEEPS RUNNING ARROUND THE CORNER, YOU END UP, FULL OF REGRET! SELF HATRED, ANGRY AT THE WHOLE WORLD FOR NOT WARNING ME, RE THIS YH PLOT!!!
THIS IS TRUE!
its much worse than u parents think!!
NO ITS NOT THE UN-MANNERED VISITORS!!
ITS NOT THE SCORES OF PREDATORS FROM BORO.P./WILLIAMS. THATS THE REAL PROB.
ITS
1) OUR OWN TEENS (UNSUPERVISED)
2) UNLESS HE/SHE HAS A ROCK-SOLID FOUNDATION, THEY’R VULNERABLE 2B FARCHAPT!
(FOUNDATION: = SELF-ESTEEM, INVOVED-LOVING-PARENTS, AND A WISE MENTOR,)
CH.I fan
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THIS LETTER! LETS HOPE AND DAVEN THAT THIS IS OUR LAST YEAR IN GALUS!
heightser
crown heights welcomes people but the education is horrible, kids come out confused. public schools are better.
nos
its not only kids from outside of ch who get irresponsibly drunk its also kids from ch
Got Cash
To “resident of Kan Tziva”
YOU ASK:
does anyone have a chesbon to whom all the money that is raised in the name of Hachnosas orchim go to?
YES, it is Mendy Hendel’s business and he does very well off it.
We Love Hendel
TO “Famous Anti But Hendel Fan”
Hendel has many zechusim? Which one’s the guys that go shopping in Manhattan for a month or the boys and girls hanging around down the alleys???
Sick of this NY attitude!
I am sick of this NY attitude of invasion of foreigners.
I was in kfar chabad as a bochur for a visit of a few weeks. The people jumped on me to make sure I had food place to stay etc.
When I was in crown Heights besides a few relatives and two crown Hights families(Which one has a non lubavitch background) I got hardly any help or invitations from anyone.
You shop in some of the stores and they give you this attitude that they are doing you a favor.
It could be some guests have attitude, problems etc.
But all of us have relatives who get on our nerves! Would you slam the door on your own brother or sister?!
Worried parent
To concerned parent and citizen:
Well put. It is time to wake up and smell the coffe. Making the Simchas Beth Hashoeva outdoors is a churban.
One of these days the rabbonim of other shechunos will assur our Simchas Beth Hashoeva because of the pritzus. What will we say then? Blame it on hatred of Chabad instead of the truth?
answer to Help a parent...
ANSWER TO POST: Help a parent…. wrote:
Dear AhavasYis.=expose+inform,
I enjoyed your post but need clarifying. What do you mean by STREET-LOVE TRAP???
I’m a parent trying to protect my kids from these dangers
KIDS W/O ENOUGH LOVE FROM HOME WILL BE DRAWN TO THE (HARMFUL) ILLUSION OF LOVE ON THE STREET!
“TRAP” MEANS THAT ONCE THE YH GETS THE TEEN TO TAKE ONE (KOSHER) STEP IT QUICKLY SPIRALS DOWNWARDS TILL YH HAS ABSELUTE CONTROL!
(WHICH SOONER OR LATER ALWAYS ENDS UP THE SAME WAY FOR THE YOUNG BOY/GIRL =REGRET, ANGUISH, SELF-HATE! A FEELING OF PERMANENTLY VIOLATED!)
THE WORST PART IS, IF THEY KNEW THE ULTIMATE DESTINATION BY THE YH, THEY’D NEVER TAKE THE FIRST “THRILLING” STEP!
PARENTS CAN PREVENT CHILDREN FROM BEING LOVE-STARVED, SO THEY WONT GO LOOKING FOR IT IN THE ARMS OF FAKE/phony predators happy to sweetalk these “desperate” neshamos and feed them an “illusion” of love!
when in fact they have zero respect or CARE for the GOOD of this lonely soul,
who will soon feel “USED/DUMPED” LIKE A VIOLATED WORTHLESS RAG,
its only a matter of time before these street children come to MISERY REGRET AND HOPELESSNES EXACTLY WHERE THE YH PLANED ALL ALONG!!
R“L
HY”R
PS
INVEST! IT PAYS!!
KVCHS”T
STAY HOME!
To Rabbi Hecht and Miryam Elisheva Segal, with all due respect you totally missed the point.
When I spoke to the parents of one of these children – 2 years ago – they asked me, “What do you mean? I’m sending my children to the Rebbe, therefore they are taken care of.”
We are dealing with parents who are for sure incompetent and maybe even crazy.
Your article should have said clearly, STAY HOME!
These parents are not sending their kids to recharge or charge their batteries, they are sending them because they can’t deal with and inspire their own children at home.
This is their easy way out.
Now their child is the Rebbe’s problem.
I suspect that both of you were well aware of this but you want your article to be politically correct.
It’s about time that the leaders stand up and speak the truth and say what has to be said.
18yoGirl RE 17yo GIRL beis Riv. wrote:
I WISH I READ YOUR WORDS 2yrs ago,
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED TO ME!
I CONVINCED MY SELF THAT I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!
YOU ARE SOO 100% ON THE MONEY! RE HOW TRICKY THE STEP BY STEP QUICKLY SPIRALS DOWN…
TODAY I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE MEMORIES AND CONSEQUENCES OF MY 16yo IMMATURE DECISIONS!
(WHICH AT THE TIME SEEMED LIKE ONLY FUN)
PLEASE PLEASE OP-ED YOUR POST SO THAT YOUNGER 15yo NESHOMELACH WONT HAVE TO LEARN THE HARD WAY! re THE LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES OF “EXPLORING”
NAMELY
THAT TO GET YOU IN HIS TRAP, THE YH MAKES IT SEEM SOO THRILLING AND FUN, JUST LONG ENOUGH TO GET YOU SECURELY TRAPPED!!
THEN IT ALL HITS! LIKE A TONE OF BRICKS!
1) YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE BEING SWEETALKED AND VIOLATED BY GUYS WHO DONT HAVE ANY OF YOUR LONG TERM INTREST AT HEART!
NOR DO THESE SCHMOOZERS HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR YOU,
HE’LL MAKE SURE TO PLAY ON YOUR DESPERATE DESIRE TO BE LOVED!
TO GET HIS JOLIES, AND WHEN HE FEELS LIKE IT “SUPRISE” “SUPRISE” YOU ARE DUMPED!! HE SENDS YOU FLYING! HE BREAKS YOUR HEART TO A THOUSAND PIECES!
AS YOU REALIZE THAT YOU’V JUST BEEN USED AND DISCARDED LIKE A WORTHLESS UNPAID PROSTI. WITH YOUR DIGNITY AND PURITY ROBED FOR GOOD!
2) YOU HAVE ROBED YOURSELF FROM A SPECIAL PURE MAGICAL PROFOUND SATISFACTION IN YOUR FUTURE MARRIAGE THAT IS IRREPLACEABLE!!
3) IT SUDDENLY CLICKS! THAT A MAN WHO REALLY RESPECTS AND LOVES A GIRL WOULD NEVER ALLOW/PREASURE HER INTO DRUGS, ALCOHOL, PROMISCUITY, OR OTHER ACTIVITIES WHICH DEGRADE DAMAGE AND WILL FOREVER HAUNT YOU!
4)USUALLY THESE SCHMOOZERS WONT STICK AROUND TOO LONG, ONCE THEY DETECT SELF RESPECT AND MATURITY IN A GIRL!
5) DESPITE THEIR SWEET WORDS, THEY VIEW THEIR VICTIMS AS “UNPAID” PROSTI.
(WHILE THEY VIEW THEMSELVES AS JUST “TALENTED” AND GETTING LUCKY! AT THIS POOR-LOOSER’S (LONG-TERM) EXPENSE!
UNFORTUNATELY TOO MANY GIRLS ARE WILLING TO FOOL THEMSELVES, (OUT OF DESPERATION AND SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS) THAT THIS GUY REALLY CARES AND LOVES ME!
THE ONLY GUY WORTHY OF YOU IS ONE WHO WOULD GIVE HIS FUTURE LIFE TO BE WITH YOU IN MARRIAGE! AND THINKS YOUR WORTH WAITING FOR! (AND RESPECTS YOU UNTIL THEN)
“CLOSENESS DURING TIME FOR DISTANCE, =DISTANCE DURING TIME FOR CLOSENESS!“
-THE REBBEH
THERE ARE SOME DECISIONS BEST LEFT OUT OF THE HANDS OF TEENAGERS, WE DESPERATELY NEED GUIDANCE! NO-ONE TELLS IT TO US AS-IT-IS!!
THANKS FOR SPEAKING OUT!!
YOU ARE SOO LUCKY TO BE SOO WISE AT 17!
HOPE YOU IMPART YOUR CLARITY TO THE ”TAYEREH“ INNOCENT SOULS WHO ”THINK“ ITS ALL ROSES AND FUN, AND THINK THEY’RE MISSING OUT!!
PS
YOU ARE RIGHT THE BEST ONES TO DEBUNK THEIR ”GLAMOROUS-FANTASY” IS THOSE WHOVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT, AND WISH THEY COULD JUST TURN BACK THE CLOCK!
PARENTS FOR ME AND SOO MANY IT BEGAN ON THE STREETS OF CH!
HOPE THE REBBEH WAS RIGHT! MOSHIACH THIS GENERATION!!
KsivaVaChasimaTova!!!
ps
by exposing the bitter-realities that awaits the drop-outs just around the corner, you are DEBUNKING the false impression soo many of the drop-outs portray to the 14-15-16yo who see things at face value! and assume the grass is greener!!!
IF A BOY TRULY CARES FOR A GIRL HE WOULD SEEK WHATS BEST FOR HER (LONG TERM GOOD)
HE WOULD SHOW HER RESPECT!
… WILL ALLOW HER TO GROW UP! W/O ANY PREASURE TO DEGRADE HER DIGNITY!
…WILL CHERISH HER AND THINK SHE’S WORTH WAITING FOR AND SPENDING/COMMITTING THE REST OF MY LIFE AND RAISE A MISHPACHA TOGETHER,
ANY GUY WHO OTHERWISE IS UNWILLING TO STICK AROUND, DOES NOT CHERISH RESPECT OR VALUE YOU!EAR!!