As hundreds of girls from all over New York City and beyond, poured into Lubavitch Yeshiva, the air was filled with anticipation. What different perspective would be portrayed? What would be said that we hadn’t heard before? I had the same question myself. But not for long.
350 Attend Shidduch Event for Girls
As hundreds of girls from all over New York City and beyond, poured into Lubavitch Yeshiva, the air was filled with anticipation. What different perspective would be portrayed? What would be said that we hadn’t heard before? I had the same question myself. But not for long.
As this event was formatted to be a combination of a unified entreaty to Hashem to break through barriers in shidduchim and practical application of new shidduch perspectives, we were given coins to put in the pushka, even before we took our seats. Thus the evening began, with displaying compassion to others first, giving us the feeling that compassion would be shown to us in our personal life.
Mrs. Shaffer wove an inspiring picture of the 3 mitzvos of the woman, in her soft yet inviting way. The mitzvos came alive and I see them with a new set of eyes. How fortunate we are, to have such a powerful way, to connect to our inner-most selves and ultimately to Hashem. Feeling so proud to be a Jewish woman, I listened raptly as Mrs. Shaffer then brought the concepts of the 3 mitzvos into the picture of Shidduchim. As Mrs. Shaffer put it, the topic is so vast and the time was minimal, so we got a taste of the shmorgasbord of what she really has to offer.
Speaking from her heart, Sara went on to describe her journey in shidduchim, introducing Mrs. Zwiebel.
“I met Mrs. Nechama Dena Zwiebel 2 months ago. Before that, I approached shidduchim the way most of us do: call shadchanim, make a nice resume, get worried sometimes, and generally feel lost. But now, things have changed Boruch Hashem. I now have the perspective and tools to approach the Shidduch experience and the confidence to navigate the road ahead.”
From the start, Mrs. Zwiebel caught our attention through doing something different. She invited us all to join her in singing a niggun, explaining its power in uniting a crowd and breaking through all barriers.
We all listened, captivated as Mrs. Zwiebel spoke encouragingly.
Her main messages were illustrated through personal, powerful and poignant stories, as she invited us the listeners, to take these lessons and practically apply them through our shidduch journey.
These were 3 of her messages in summary, all based on Chassidus.
1. When we are focused on Hakoras Hatov, Hashem gives us more reasons to be grateful. Then, once we are in the grateful mode, we can thank Hashem for something that we still anticipate. The Rebbe says that when we rejoice before an improvement is seen, we actually hasten the process.
Practical Application:
Every single morning, upon awakening, when saying Modeh Ani, take an extra minute to thank Hashem for 3 things that you appreciate in your life. Then Actually Thank Hashem for your Basherte even if you haven’t seen him yet.
2. We hear Ahavas Yisroel all the time. Yet, there is an element to this Mitzvah that could benefit from more attention. It is the “komoicha”. First, it is important to focus on ourselves before we can truly love a fellow Jew.
Practical Application:
Find a hobby or a passion that makes you feel alive and through this new found self expression, you will feel a renewed vigor and a spring in your step. This will give you the key to open your heart, the door to your basherte.
3. As we go through the ups and downs of our day, we have all sorts of interactions with people around us. We seem so separate. But just as the letter shin from “Sholom” has 3 “letters” on the top, yet connecting it is a bottom line so it is really one letter, we are also really affecting each other.
Our interactions are not random; they are heavily ordained for a purpose. When we bear a grudge, we think we are teaching the other person a lesson and preventing him from continuing to hurt us. The opposite is true. Through asking Hashem to help us forgive another, we actually free ourselves from the constraints that affect all areas of life, including shidduchim.
Practical Application
When saying Ribono Shel Olam in Krias Shema Al Hamita, we have in mind, specific interactions with people that might still be weighing us down. We ask Hashem to help us forgive them fully, bearing in mind they are just the postman delivering the”message”. This enables us to let go of past experiences and empowers us to make changes in our lives.
Much more can be elaborated on, but I would like to highlight the next part of this unique event
Mrs. Zwiebel encouraged us to take on a hachlota from the 3 mitzvos of the woman in particular, emphasizing that it be a zechus for the person sitting on our right to attract their basherte.
After drawing the raffle for the spa package and publicly thanking all supporters, sponsors, and committee members, Mrs. Zwiebel asked us to join together for a farbrengen and l’chaim!
The farbrengen was in the zechus that R. Sholom Mordechai Halevi Rubashkin would be freed completely in gashmius and ruchnius. The atmosphere was electric as we sang and danced, knowing with a strong bitachon that our basherte is already “at our door and now, we have the tools to open it.”
out of towner
Does anyone have an recording of this event?
1 of the girls
it was really amazing. i hope you contue this great work and looking forward comming again.
Young man, lift up your eyes and choose
stop being MODERN go to the jewish old ways .
The last Mishnah in Masechet Taanit says, “There were no holidays so joyous for the Jewish People as the Fifteenth of Av and Yom HaKippurim, for on those days, daughters of Yerushalayim would go out dressed in borrowed white clothing (so that they would all look the same).
The King’s daughters would borrow from those of the High Priest. Daughters of the High Priest would borrow from the Assistant High Priest’s daughters; daughters of the Assistant would borrow from the daughters of the Priest designated to lead the People in times of War, the Kohen Anointed for War’s daughters would borrow from the daughters of the Ordinary Priest. And the daughters of the rest of the Jewish People would borrow from each other, so as not to embarrass those who didn’t have.”
“And the daughters of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards located on the outskirts of the city. And everyone who didn’t have a wife would go there.” (Notice the relative lack of concern about controlling the situation when the opposite sexes are mixed, perhaps because the recent fast (in the case of Tu B’Av) and the fast on that very day in the case of Yom Kippur, have triggered a sense of self-control, which would not ordinarily necessarily be present.)
“And what would they say?”
“Young man, lift up your eyes and choose wisely. Don’t look only at physical beauty – look rather at the family – ‘For charm is false, and beauty is vanity. A G-d – fearing woman is the one to be praised…’ (”Mishlei“/Proverbs 31:30)”
Sara
Since this is a problem nationwide maybe the organizers could arrange that there would be a hookup over the internet for other cities . Think of how many others it will reach and help – or a webpage with the recording of the program.
not impressed
this was a very unuseful workshop…it was nice to hear mrs. shaffer but other than that i dont think that by just waiting and being full of energy and sparkle will my basherit find me….sorry that is basically a recap of the other night….
wishiwasmarried
The true emes of the situation is the girl’s family is more concerned about the FAMILY she will marry into versus the MAN she will marry. Who cares if he comes from the most chashuv family possible! And who cares if his family is not even frum! The important thing is that he will love and respect her, right?
Rabbi nahman arush
This new pop philosophy of “thanking hashem for your problems” by mr Arush is selling like hot cakes.
It is always nice to claim that “this is what the rebbe said” but is there anyone who can show this in sichos and letters?
*To buy Arush’s latest book women’s wisdom go to your local breslav store.
from a guy
Yes, it’s interesting that somehow between the times of the mishnah and now we got much “frummer”.
(I know someone’s gonna give be the bs about how now we can’t be trusted anymore)
On a positive note, Mrs zwiebel sounds practicle and to the point. From what I know of her, she is different than many shadchonim since she actually cares and is sensitive to practical details.
FROM THE CROWD
Both speakers where really inspiring. I am already implying on what I learnt that night. The farbrengen with Mrs. Zwiebel after the event was also very new to me and inspiring. I really feel closer to finding my Bashert IY’H
Anavim institute
to not impressed
We are sorry that you have not really gotten the gist of what Mrs. Zwiebel was saying. It was about “attracting rather than running after” according to Torah. You might want to look into Rabbi Ginsburg’s teachings, specifically “Consciousness and Choice”, whom the Rebbe specifically told to publish his classes in book form.
In addition, there are obviously questions that you have and we would be happy to answer or at least direct you for answers to your questions. Mrs. Zwiebel’s contact info is at the bottom of the article
The Anavim Institute
To Rabbi Nachman Arush:
Please check your facts. The book “ In Good Hands” is the Rebbe’s answers and one of the answers is about rejoicing before seeing improvement which obviously can be applied to all situations.
In addition the story with Chizkiyahu Hamelech is that had he thanked Hashem BEFORE he went to sleep because of his emunah, that Hashem would fight his battle while he slept, HE would have been MOSHIACH!
Last but not least, it is a direct display of BITACHON, a concept that we,CHABAD CHASSIDIM have been taught again and again,- the whole book “IN GOOD HANDS” has many letters from The REBBE on the concept and 2 sichos as well at the end. Please educate yourself as a true chassid!!
No one said the obvious
To raise the chance of these girls finding a shidduch by 1000% just invite similar level guys to the event as well…
Just a thought.....
To no one said the obvious:
I have spoken to lots of guys in my life but none have been the right one. It begs the question why, in an era when we have more exposure between the genders there is more difficulty finding the right one!!!!
The answer I discovered is that perspective usually helps!!!!
to a thought
You can’t expect the first (or second etc) person you ever talk to to be “the one”. The natural way of life is that you’ll have different life experience and in some of them you’ll meet a guy in day to day life so you can see who he really is.
I think that gives you a real perspective of who the person is in a much better way than a blind date & some conversations we his pr rep aka shadchan.