Weekly Story: Becoming Something Great Through Self-Nullification
by Rabbi Sholom DovBer Avtzon
In this week’s column I am going to post something which I said last Shabbos at a farbrengen. As always, your comments and feedback are most welcomed and appreciated.
As a follow up and in response to a question that I was asked on last week’s post about Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka, I was informed by someone that in the mid Lameds (70’s), he davened on Rosh Hashanah on the second floor of 770, in the apartment of the Frierdiker Rebbe, and by Tekios noticed that Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka was there davening with the minyan.
Last Thursday was the 15th of Shevat, which is known as Rosh Hashanah the head or beginning of the year for trees.
An obvious question may be asked, why do we have a beginning of a year for trees and not for inanimate items or animals? But as the possuk states that “man is compared to the tree of the field,” so it is understood that this Rosh Hashanah is not only for the trees, but also perhaps primarily for us humans to take a lesson from it.
When the Shpoiler Zeida (when he was around the age of thirty) came to the Baal Shem Tov, the Baal Shem Tov told him that he is destined for greatness. However, he continued, I see that you are not ready for it yet. In order for you to attain that level, you should go into exile.
He explained, in order for a tree to grow a seed has to be planted. However, in order for that seed to develop into a tree, the seed first has to disintegrate and become completely nullified and only then could it transform into a tree they gives off fruit and sustains life. The same thing is with you. In order that you attend this higher level of becoming a tree and nurturing many Jews, you have to nullify your own ego and that is accomplished by going into exile and not staying in any place more than one day.
Going into such an exile is not easy, as you are not allowed to reveal your identity or greatness. It was so humiliating that the Zeideh was once accused of being a thief and he was thrown in jail and remained there for three months until Eliyahu Hanavi came and opened the gates for him to leave.
One may ask, how is someone able to implement that concept of self-nullification into their own life nowadays? While there are various ways, I will relate the following story which I recently heard from a close friend, Reb Moshe Rubin, and it brings out an aspect of self-nullification.
In the summer of 5783 (2023), he rent to a camp. On the Shabbos before the 17th of Tammuz, a friend of his came over to him and related to him the following: seven years ago I met and married my wonderful wife. A few months later, my mother-in-law was in need of a new kidney. The family was trying to find a donor that would be a proper match with her blood type and other aspects. I took a swab, but I wasn’t a match. However, a few months ago I was informed that I am an excellent match for a twelve year old boy in New Jersey.
After some time I agreed, but now that it is scheduled for this coming room, I am jittery about it,
Thinking that he needed words of encouragement, I told him of what a tremendous mitzvah and zechus (merit) it was to be able to save another Jew, and Hashem will reward you in a bountiful measure.
A half hour later, his mother met me and she said I don’t know what you told my son but he’s relaxed and he’s looking forward to donate his kidney to save this young boy, so thank you very much for whatever you told him.
I replied, I don’t know what I said that was different from whatever anyone else said to him. If it is indeed something I said, it must be the Hashem placed those words in my mouth, and it isn’t me.
Ten months later, my friend calls me and says Moshe you must come to the bris of our son, as you are his spiritual grandfather. I was baffled and said WHAT?
So, he explained, I will tell you the entire story. As I told you last summer, shortly after our marriage, my wife’s mother was in need of a kidney, and I volunteered to be a donor. However, the truth was I was not interested in giving away one of my kidneys.
So you would ask, why did I sign up to do so and took the tests to see if I am a proper match.
I thought to myself, that while I am not prepared to give away one of my kidneys, however it will be beneficial for my mother-in-law that I offer to be a donor. My calculation was, there is no chance in the world that I will be a suitable match for her as we have no blood relationship, and at the same time it would be a boost for her and the family’s morale. Additionally, the family would think that I am such a noble and outstanding individual.
More importantly, when the community knows that the family members and even the new son-in-law offered to donate a kidney, in case no one in the family is a match maybe someone from the community would be inspired too be a donor for her.
As I suspected so it was, I was a hero who did not have to donate a kidney. But a few months ago, a problem came up. I did not realize at that time, there once my blood type is entered into the database, it’s there forever. So, a few months before we spoke last summer, I got a call that I am a suitable match for a young 12-year-old boy from New Jersey.
This was something totally unexpected and unwanted, as it was something I was not ready to do. But not wanting to sound as a coward, I told the one that contacted me that I have to discuss it and get permission from my wife. When I discussed it with her, her immediate response was, you have an opportunity to save a young Jewish boy and you don’t know what to do? Isn’t the mitzvah of saving another Jew, the greatest Mitzvah of the Torah! You should do it as soon as possible.
But I still was not ready to do it. I told her this is a very serious question, and I feel I must discuss it with my Rosh Yeshiva, a Rov as well as with some of my close friends. My Hope was that one of them will validate my concerns and tell me I do not have to give away a kidney to a total stranger.
Yes, it would be a beautiful thing if you do but there’s no obligation on you to donate and give away one of your kidneys, more than anybody else. However, to my greatest disappointment, not one of the people that I discussed it with told me that. To the contrary, they all said it’s such a wonderful thing to do.
Hashem gave you such a tremendous opportunity to be able to save another Jew, that means Hashem knows you have the ability to do it. Therefore, each one concluded, in my opinion you should do it and Hashem will definitely reward you and pay you back in kind.
So, I felt as if I had no choice, and I called back and informed them that I will do it and the date was set for around the 15th of the month of Av. However, a few weeks ago, the surgeon called up and said that in a month it won’t work for him for whatever reason, and therefore it should be pushed up for this coming week. Once I gave my word, I felt I had to go along with this change, and I gave my consent.
But Moshe, I was very apprehensive, especially as it was scheduled for the beginning of the three weeks, I didn’t know what to do. Or to be honest, I knew I wanted to back out and I just needed one person to validate my thought. So, the Shabbos before the transplant was scheduled I visited my parents in the camp, to discuss it with them.
You, like my parents and everybody else thought I wanted words of encouragement and that’s what everybody gave me. However, the truth is, I was hoping someone would understand my dilemma and would tell me I have no obligation and would validate my thought that I have no obligation to go through with the donation.
But you told me something which push that thought away and I ran ahead with it. As you know this is our first child. What you didn’t know is that two years ago the doctors informed us that no medicine, therapy or operation would help my wife become pregnant. There’s no chance in the world that she could become pregnant and have a child.
You understand how distressed we were. As much as I longed for child, I love my wife and it was nothing I could do. But because you encouraged and convinced me to give one of my kidneys to another Jew who I have never met before in order to give him life,
Now it is ten months later, after the successful kidney transplant, and just look how Hashem rewarded me, because I put my personal thoughts aside to help and save another Jew. He gave my wife and myself life. He blessed us with our beautiful and healthy son, may he live a long and healthy life.
A Taste of Chassidus Vi’eleh Hamishpotim 5734
The Rebbe begins this maamar with two of the well-known questions on this possuk. The first question is, Hashem is instructing Moshe to teach the Torah to the Jewish people. The Hebrew word to teach is Lilamed. So, why over here does the possuk use the words asher tusim lifhneihem – that you should place it in front of them, instead of saying you should teach it to them?
The second question is, once the Possuk stated these are the laws you should teach them – every Jew, why does the possuk continue and say when you will purchase a Jewish slave, in the singular form. Shouldn’t it have said when they would purchase a Jewish slave?
The answer that Chassidus gives on the second question is, that the Commandment of when you will purchase a Jewish slave, is not what Hashem instructed Moshe to give over this mitzvah to the Jewish people, and therefore the appropriate wording seemingly should have been when they will purchase the slave, but rather, it is going on the beginning of the possuk, you – Moshe should teach the Jewish people, and one of the aspects that Moshe should teach them is what we learn from the words and Mitzvah of “When you will buy a Jewish slave,” as will be explained below.
The Hebrew word for in front of them is lifneihem. The root of this word is ponim, the face or the essence of the thing. Based on this explanation, the Alter Rebbe writes in Hilchos Talmud Torah, that not only is a teacher obligated to teach his students the law of what should or shouldn’t be done, but also the reason as to why this is the halachah. As our sages express it, the possuk is saying, you should place it in front of them like a set table, that everything is visible and understood.
But there is another meaning of the word ponim and that is pnimiyous, which means its essence and inner meaning. Subsequently that means that Hashem is instructing Moshe, you should reveal to the Jewish people the higher or deeper meaning of every mitzvah, [and one of those aspects is that when a Jew fulfills any mitzvah, he is drawing down a revelation of G-dliness into this world.
To explain this in clearer terms, the Torah comes from Hashem, and it is His infinite wisdom. So obviously that arouses the question as to how is a person who is a creation with limited abilities able to understand Hashem’s unlimited wisdom?
[In addition to the answer that was given last week,] the Torah emanates from the highest spheres in Heaven, and there every Mitzvah is learned and understood on a spiritual level. But as it descends lower and lower, from one world to the other, it takes on a materialistic form, and therefore the vast majority of mitzvos are connected to physical items.
[This is one of the reasons why the Torah is compared to water, that the nature of water is to descend, but sometimes the water can appear in a different form, such as snow or hail.]
Revealing the higher and loftier concepts of a mitzvah is similar to the nature of a face, and that is why the Torah chose the word Ponim – face.
Facial hear begins appearing when a person attains a certain level of intellectual power and ability. However, when one looks at a person’s beard, rarely does it express or portray that person’s thoughts and intellectual capabilities. However, when one looks at the part of the face that has no facial hair, it is possible to discern some of the persons thoughts and emotions. As is stated Chochmas Adam Tuh’ir punaiv – the wisdom of a person is discernable from the illumination of their face.
Essentially that means that the facial hair shows that the person is at a higher level than when he was a Youngster. In other words, it is an extension or the revelation of the advancement of his intellectual abilities. However, it does not show a difference between one male and another male. But when one looks at the face itself where there’s no facial hair, those expressions show and demonstrate and reveal more of the person’s assassins.
Therefore, the Torah uses the word ponim to stress that I don’t want you – Moshe to give the Jewish people just a small revelation of a higher level of the Torah, but I desire that you reveal to the Jewish people who are down on this Earth the essence of the highest levels of the Torah.
Therefore, this had to be done specifically by Moshe Rabeinu. The Torah is Emes, and Moshe is the epitome of Emes. In Hebrew it is spelled with an Aleph, Mem and Suf. The reason for this is that Emes – truth, remains the same at all times and in all circumstances, therefore its letters are the first, middle and final letter of the Aleph-Beis.
And as noted above, Moshe was instructed to reveal to the Jewish people who are in this limited world, the essence of the Torah, as it is in its highest level in its purest form.
We now can understand why the first mitzvah mentioned in this parsha is about acquiring a Jewish slave. When one acquires something, the acquisition demonstrates that the person had the ability to own that item, which others may have thought, it was beyond that person’s ability.
Our sages teach us that the reason why we are called an IVRI, is because Avrohom Avine came from EHVEHR Hanahar, beyond the river. Chassidus explains that Nahar – river, is a reference to the level of Binah (knowledge), and beyond that is Chochmah (wisdom) which is yet to be revealed.
The concept of the mitzvah of Moshe acquiring a Jewish slave, was to let him and the Jewish people know, that while they are creations and their Neshomah is most probably not from the world of Atzilus, unlike our forefathers and tremendous tzaddikim, nevertheless, Moshe is to reveal to them that because they are the descendants of our forefathers, they have the ability to bring out in the open this exalted level.
Another lesson is to inform the Jewish people, that our work is only for six years, to refine the six characteristic traits, and then we will be freed from this yoke and burden, as at the end of the sixth year, we will be freed by Moshiach Tzidkeinu, speedily in our days
Rabbi Avtzon is a veteran mechanech and the author of numerous books on the Rebbeiim and their chassidim. He is available to farbreng in your community and can be contacted at avtzonbooks@gmail.com.
