A Smoke Detector With A Snooze Bar
Rabbi Eli Friedman – Chabad of Calabasas
That’s just in case you were wondering, “I wonder what I should get Rabbi Manis Friedman for Chanukah?” (If that’s not what you were wondering, I apologize, and you may now return to your previous wondering.)
My father’s sense of calm and stillness has defined him and his work for at least as long as I can remember.
When I asked him once who was his inspiration as a public speaker, he said he once watched a Tzach speaker fall asleep in the middle of his own speech and thought, “Well, that shouldn’t be too difficult…”
As a child, we spent so much time bored by my father’s talks and conversations with people. We used to lounge on the steps outside the library in Bais Chana, waiting for the class to end and wondering how people could listen to a person speak for so long, and in such a monotone. We used to joke that if anyone has any problems falling asleep at night they need just play one of my father’s tapes and they’ll be asleep before long.
Then we grew up.
We realized that the calm, monotone was a symptom not of boredom but of something quite more wonderful: the sound of a mind talking to a mind.
When we were kids, we thought the more noise something or someone made, and the wilder the scene, the more interesting it was. Then we grew up and realized it’s about what you say, not how loud you say it.
We grew up and realized that those “boring” talks changed people’s lives. We came to appreciate how my father spoke “mind to mind”, clarifying and crystalizing, making the truth not simply attractive but also, simply the fact.
We learned about the women of Bais Chana who abandoned everything they’d considered sacred and became Yirei Shomayim, Chassidim – from those “boring” talks. They went to war against the false idols of their parents and professors and became defenders of the faith – from those “boring” talks.
We learned of the couples who found an end to the cycle of hurt and resentment and rediscovered love and admiration – because of those “boring” talks. We learned of children who forgave their parents and parents who forgave their children, rediscovering the happy life – because of those “boring” talks.
We learned of Shluchim, Rabbanim and Mashpiim who found the plain English words to express concepts of Chassidus and make them tangible for their audience – because of those “boring” talks and tapes.
Can I say that no one has ever fallen asleep during my father’s talks? I cannot. But more often than not, it was not from the monotone but from the soothing reassurance: for the first time in a long time, life made sense to them, they were able to take a deep, relaxing breath, and they were able to rest peacefully. (You like that?!)
There is something to be said for the things my father has said. The soothing, sensible messages have turned lives around. The dependable optimism has carried people through the toughest of our times, including COVID and the time we’re in now. His commitment to “Tracht Gut” is inspiring and truly reassuring.
Because when the world’s moral smoke detectors go off and people scatter hysterically in every direction – emotionally, psychologically, religiously – it’s a giant blessing to have someone who calmly presses the snooze bar and says, “Let’s see if we can understand this better and make the best of it.”
It’s a blessing to have someone who doesn’t change the subject, doesn’t dodge the issue, doesn’t dismiss the fear, doesn’t improvise an answer, and doesn’t blame you for the question.
He just explains it. Slowly, methodically, logically, honestly, with plenty of thoughtful pauses and comprehension checks: “Does this make sense?” It’s so “boring”, and it is so, so satisfying.
Can you help my father with what he needs while he helps us all with ours?
Can you give a boring, thoughtful, and deeply satisfying donation to his office’s annual fundraiser?
You may not receive an exciting thank you call, but maybe a calm, “boring” one?
You will be helping a lifelong Chassidus teacher carry on teaching with peace of mind and you’ll be changing people’s lives in a real, serious way, the most boring way – mind to mind, from the inside out.
Thank you!
