Weekly Story: My Mother Rebbetzin Cheyena A”H

by Rabbi Sholom DovBer Avtzon

Since my mother’s yahrzeit is this coming week, I am writing something about her. The reason I am posting it this week and not next Friday, which is her actual yahrzeit, is that I plan on writing something about Gimmel Tammuz next week.

At the same time, this article can also be used as a preparation for Gimmel Tammuz. One of the biggest issues we are facing is that we are confronting powerful challenges that are new, and we sometimes feel we are not prepared and equipped to deal with it properly. But as will be noted, my father and mother as well as whoever arrived in America after the war, were also seemingly not prepared for the American experience. Yet, their Chassidishe upbringing imbued them with a positive approach that if we want to succeed and overcome our new challenges, which to thousands of others were unsurmountable, can and will be conquered. 

In fact, this is the entire reason why I am working on a book about their lives since it inspires us to emulate their tenaciousness and commitment. 

This may be seen from the following story.

A girl from a Lubavitch family met a religious boy and wanted to marry him. Her parents weren’t thrilled, as they felt the boy’s family wasn’t the same status as theirs. Their daughter replied, “You taught me that every question of importance should be asked to the Rebbe. Let us present this question and I will abide by whatever the Rebbe answers.” The parents accepted this, and a Yechidus was arranged.

After hearing the parents and the girl, the Rebbe asked the parents, “How long was the time between your engagement and marriage?”

“It was around five weeks,” they replied.

“So if a wedding could be arranged in five weeks, when unfortunately neither side had parents and you were in a strange land (since it was after they both recently left Russia), then now that Boruch Hashem both sides have parents, their wedding should be in around five weeks. Mazal Tov, Mazal Tov!”

In essence, we see that in certain aspects the challenges of the previous generations were more severe than our challenges. 

A New Beginning

My parents arrived in Detroit in 1954, together with their six European born children, the oldest one seven years old. They came to this new country not knowing the language, without any relatives, acquaintances, or friends and without money. Like many survivors, they focused on the present and future, putting their past hardships and tribulations behind them, (and therefore they rarely spoke about those years).

Yet, their Yiras Shomayim, Hiskashrus to the Rebbe, Chassididhe Bren of Ahavas Yisroel, kindness, and wisdom enabled them to raise all of their children (even those who were born in America), with the Chassidishe pride and warmth. But not only were they successful in raising their own family to stand firm, their actions and conduct inspired many others in the community. Yes, those seeds that they and other individuals embedded in families one at a time, blossomed over the years into a beautiful orchard producing vibrant fruit that have produced their own orchards. At that time Yiddishkeit in Detroit was ready for its next spurt of growth; the day school Beis Yehudah came under the leadership of Rabbi Avrohom Abba Friedman and Rabbi Sholom Goldstein.

Since the yeshiva Chachmei Lublin was closing, my parents enrolled their children in Beis Yehudah. Without fanfare, my mother then enrolled herself into night school to learn how to speak, read, and write English. 

She was determined to understand and connect to her children’s friends and classmates, neighbors, and the community at large.

While she wasn’t officially a Rebbetzin, the neighbors and the community noticed her kindness, refined demeanor, and clarity, and began calling her Rebbetzin Binah (her name on the Polish passport). They were astounded at how she cooked and took care of her large family, yet always had time to help others and the community at large.

While she helped others, it was clear that her focus was on the family. When we came home from yeshiva, supper was always ready, laundry was done, and the house was in order. Obviously, as the family grew, so did her workload, but never did she utter a sigh or complain that it was becoming too difficult for her. We all knew that each one of us was her pride and diamond.

While our chinuch in the yeshiva was important, and not only did she instruct us to do our homework, she wanted to hear us review the pesukim we learned. (Later on, when we learned Mishnayous and Gemora we reviewed it with our father.) She strongly believed that Chinuch begins at home, and she instilled in us the values of chessed, honesty, and mentchlikeit.

She did so by example. Since the yeshiva was not fully established, some of the melamdim for Judaic studies were older single boys. Once a week, they were invited for supper. Seeing her appreciation of a melamed, instilled in us the importance of respecting our melamdim and principals.

The same thing happened when it came to her tznius (modesty). After trying on a dress, before she would purchase it, she sat down on a chair to make sure that her knees were completely covered. Her friends appreciated both her taste in clothing and her standards in Tznius. A number of women and teenage girls, mainly my sisters’ classmates, would go shopping with her. Seeing her modesty inspired many to also buy modest clothing.

Although Boruch Hashem our parents were blessed with a large family, there was always place for another Jew. Meshulachim, as well as the bochurim who came on Merkos Shlichus, ate and slept over in our house. Families that were going through difficult times, whether it be medical or sholom bayis issues, sometimes were also guests in our home. She, together with my father, would talk and counsel them until late in the night.

After schoolwork was finished and on Sundays, we were ‘allowed’ to help and become involved in her chessed. She was very sensitive to those who felt alone and lonely, especially elderly widows. When the neighborhood began changing and they expressed their apprehension of being alone, my older sisters began sleeping in their homes, one night at a time which sometimes lasted for several months.

When another family was blessed with a baby boy, she helped set up the sholom zochor and observed what other assistance her circle of friends could provide. Every assistance was done with tremendous sensitivity, as if the recipient is doing her the favor.

So while we were proud Lubavitchers in a Litvishe yeshiva, we knew that every Jew is a Jew and each one is to be dealt with dignity and respect. 

This is just part of her legacy.

P.S. I would like to thank all those that contributed or will contribute to the camp fund, which was established in memory of my brother-in-law, Avraham Eliezer Hy”d at www.raisethon.com/thecampfund.

Rabbi Sholom Avtzon is a veteran Mechanech and the author of numerous books and on the Rebbeim and their Chassidim. He can be contacted at avtzonbooks@gmail.com