Florida Sun-Sentinel
Debbie Gross of the Crisis Center for Religious Women in Israel, discussed Child abuse in the Jewish community before an audience at Chabad Central of Boca Raton. Photo: David A. Schwartz.

Expert Decries Child Abuse ‘Epidemic’ at Chabad Event

Debbie Gross, founder and director of the Crisis Center for Religious Women, a 20-year-old organization that provides emotional support and counseling to victims of abuse (including men, boys and girls) in Israel, was in South Florida last week to talk about abuse in the Jewish community and to reach out to Jewish schools to provide training for teachers and students.

During a presentation at the Chabad Central of Boca Raton, Gross talked about how parents can keep their children safe.

“Child abuse is an epidemic and people are realizing it happens in the Jewish world, she told an audience composed primarily of women. We need policies and programs in schools and synagogues,” Gross said. “The idea is to find a way to keep kids safe; to be aware ourselves.”

She urged members of the audience to “Take your communities back.”

“We’re not teaching our kids how to protect themselves,” Gross said, advising parents to start when children are 2 1/2 years old. “Tell your children that most people are good but you might have one who is not,” she said.

“Teach safety skills,” Gross said. Tell children, “Say no, right away, tell your mommy.”

Gross said she teaches “stranger danger.” She explained, “Often we can think our children are going someplace safe and they are not. Think twice about rides, bar mitzvah tutors — any time the child is alone.” Boys and girls, Gross added, are at the same risk.

Answering questions from the audience, Gross said parents should teach their children that no one can touch their private parts, on top or under their clothes. “We tell them, ‘Any area that is covered by your bathing suit,'” she said.

Camps should have child safety programs and trained counselors, Gross said. There also should be a “safe adult” in the camp — a mother or a nurse — she said.

“We can’t make everybody safe,” Gross said. “We can make our schools safe. We can make our shuls safe.”

In an interview with the Jewish Journal, Gross said she met with rabbis from Jewish schools “across the spectrum” in South Palm Beach and hopes to return in February 2014 to train teachers.

Gross said she also met with Jewish Community Services in Miami last week to arrange for training and reach the Jewish population.

Asked if she met with anyone from the Broward County Jewish community, Gross said she hasn’t met with anyone but would be interested in doing so.

Sheri Siegel of West Boca Raton, who identified herself as “a teacher, social worker and a mom,” said she went to the Chabad to hear Gross’ presentation because abuse is a “taboo topic” and “people don’t like to talk about it.”

Siegel, who teaches at the Hillel Day School, said the school hasn’t trained teachers to deal with abuse.

Parent Eric Aiken of Boca Raton said he asked the Chabad to host the program after he learned that Gross would be in South Florida. “I’m trying to make communities more aware of abuse in the Jewish community,” Aiken said. “I think it’s much more widespread than people think. It’s very much covered up in the Orthodox community.”

6 Comments

  • Citizen Berel

    An Epidemic?

    Sure. If you’re the “founder and director of the Crisis Center for Religious Women, a 20-year-old organization that provides emotional support and counseling to victims of abuse (including men, boys and girls) in Israel”

    It’s a “taboo topic.” No it’s not. It just isn’t. It’s talked about all the time, in many venues and rightfully so.

    “stranger danger.” She explained, “Often we can think our children are going someplace safe and they are not. Think twice about rides, bar mitzvah tutors — any time the child is alone.”

    Be afraid. Be very, very afraid. There is no safe place. There is no safety. Any turn you make can be the worst turn imaginable. Imagine the worse. All the time. Everywhere. Trust nobody.

    Children are rag-dolls, they cannot be taught to resist. They cannot be taught to run. They cannot be taught to scream. There all the same. Predators don’t prey on the weak. Every strong child is weak. Resistance is futile. No one to hear your screams. Just ripe for the picking. Monitor, monitor, monitor.

    Fear is wisdom – You cannot be safe enough.

    • down under

      You must be living in some parallel reality.
      I am a communal Rabbi and I teach part time.
      Don’t you notice how many child molesters have been exposed lately. It is an epidemic because some s. abused children become predators themselves. It doesn’t help when people like you downplay the seriousness of what’s going on. I personally know a number of OTD guys who were abused and at the time it wasn’t taken seriously or was hushed up. These people, their families and communities have to bear ever lasting scars. Virtually every large frum community has been affected.

    • down under

      If you read the article carefully the best way to stop abuse is prevention. Children need to be given tools of what to do, how to react and feel safe to talk to the parents about it. At the same time hancholo has to be aware and vigilant. When the Rebbe went to visit GI in Parksville he asked them to remove all the locks from the bunk rooms …. fershteist…

  • The truth can be frightening

    yes it can & has happened within our community as a matter of fact I personally know of 2 children that were the victim of abuse by their mother! Yes The mother a Frum mother! who is now R”L sitting in Jail to those of you deniers She pleaded guilty! but the damage is done & worse yet The father who is long remarried is not being helped even by members of his own family in fighting to regain custody of his 14 year old son! that’s right Thanks To Ohel Yes Ohel who lie cheat & steal & help break up families This father’s 14 yr old son is sitting as we speak in a Goyishe Place up in Pleasantville NY in Westchester County His family is well known & they are sitting on their hands doing nothing non family members such as myself & the local Shliach are doing 10 times more then the family & where are the big Machers in the community? No where to be found because of one member of the family almost no one has given this member of Anash a penny!! The father is over $25,000.00 in debt maybe more because of it & still fighting & members of Anash are sitting on their hands their mouths & wallets closed! open up your eyes it is happening & worse yet there are members of Anash etc. who will & have lied about it happening & falsely accused several people & without any proof are believed even when evidence & facts to the contrary are put out there!!!!

  • Which is worse

    I am referring to an incident many many years ago, parents long gone. This involved, without getting into the bloody detail, a parent, in a fit of anger, using an instrument on their teenage kid.
    Is that as bad as sex abuse, worse, or what?