Two Kids Show What Friendship’s All About

Pamela Spadino, of Highland Park, Ill., never thought her son Chase would be able to be called to the Torah for his bar mitzvah—let alone be tutored in Hebrew by a fellow 12-year-old.

Due to excessive bleeding in his brain at birth, Chase became cognitively impaired and has limited control over his right side. In his mother’s words, “he can sometimes be very low-functioning.”

Yet, wanting to celebrate his 13th birthday, which marks a Jewish male’s official entry into adulthood, she invited her family and close friends to a party to celebrate the milestone. Cognizant of her son’s limitations, she planned on using the occasion to prepare for Chase’s future care. Using the PATH (Planning Alternative Tomorrows of Hope) model, friends and family would each take responsibility for one of his needs, lessening the burden on those closest to him, like his 8-year-old brother, Wylie.

Among the invitees were Rabbi Zelik and Bassie Moscowitz, a husband-and-wife team who direct the Stuart I. Raskas Friendship Circle of Illinois, an organization that pairs special-needs children with mainstream “buddies,” and helps them and their families in other ways. Friendship Circle volunteers had been visiting Chase on a weekly basis for five years, and they were an important part of his life. His “Sunday girls” were there when he spoke his first words, and his mother said he eagerly looked forward to their visits.

At the same time, in nearby Buffalo Grove, Ill., Jordan Swidler was looking for a special project to mark his own bar mitzvah. An athletic and articulate seventh-grader at Twin Groves Middle School, he wanted to make a difference is someone’s life.

Pairing Two Bar Mitzvah Boys

Jordan’s mother, Nancy, thought that the Friendship Circle would be a good fit; Jordan had worked with children with special needs before. “We wanted to incorporate Jordan’s passion for Judaism—he has done quite well in religious school—and his touch for working with people with special needs. I spoke to Bassie. After putting our heads together, we thought that it would be really nice if he could perhaps help make a bar mitzvah for a boy who would otherwise not be able.”

According to Zelik Moscowitz, what happened next was like the “splitting of the sea.”

Bassie called Pamela and told her about a boy who was interested in coaching her son to chant in Hebrew, and that they could celebrate his bar mitzvah in the sanctuary of Chabad of Northbrook, a suburb north of Chicago.

“At first, I told Bassie she was dreaming. ‘We both know Chase, and there is no way you will be able to do it,’ ” recalled Pamela.

Overcoming the Obstacles

For the next three months, Jordan, his mother and the Moscowitzes made the trip every Sunday to the Spadino home, where the two boys spent time together.

“It was tough at first,” acknowledged Jordan. “Chase had never been around me before. But he warmed up right off the bat, and he became very attached to me. Every time I would come into the house, he would grab me. Chase likes to play on his Xbox with me, so we would go down to the basement to play together.”

Besides playing, they practiced the Hebrew chants Chase would need to recite in synagogue. Jordan explained that he stopped whenever he saw Chase’s attention wander; then the two would resume after an Xbox break. In addition, Jordan videoed himself saying the Hebrew words so that Chase could practice using an iPad.

As the date drew nearer, Chase’s therapists also worked with him, coaching his chanting, and preparing him for the crowds and attention.

Three weeks before the actual bar mitzvah date, both families, accompanied by the rabbi, visited the Chabad center so Chase could get adjusted to the setting. “Rabbi Zelik was really incredible,” says Pamela. “He cleared his schedule to be able to be there every Sunday and Thursday with us.”

On the morning of the Chase’s bar mitzvah, Pamela drove alone to Chabad. Chase came with another family member because she feared that her presence would evoke an unwanted response from him. Hiding in the crowd, she watched a scene that she now describes as “surreal.”

“The boys took the Torah scroll out of the ark. Right next to Jordan, Chase stood in front of a crowd of close to 50 and spoke into a microphone for the first time in his life. With Jordan’s prompting, he said the verses Shema Yisrael (the central creed of Judaism) and Gadlu (a call to worship God, taken from the Book of Psalms). Then, on his own, he said, “I did it!” and there was not a dry eye in the room.”

Together, the two boys carried the handwritten parchment Torah scroll to the center of the room, where it was unrolled and read.

“I did not think he would do as well as he did at the rehearsals,” said Jordan, “but he did even better. He was smiling the whole time. The highlight was when he yelled, ‘I did it!’ He never said that before. It was awesome!”

The party that Pamela had planned happened on the following Sunday, with the Swidlers in attendance, and she said everyone cried, clapped and cheered when Chase danced with Jordan, his new best friend.