Beyond Time Outs: Guiding Children with Presence and Purpose

by Chana Kaiman, LCSW-RPT – Education and School Relations Lead, The Bereishis Foundation

Rivka used to think she was doing the “right” thing. When her 6-year-old, Dovid, refused to do his homework, she would count to three and send him to his room. Time-outs felt like a necessary tool and an automatic response. One evening, after a particularly long battle over a math worksheet, she noticed something: he wasn’t learning, and neither was she.

That night, she remembered a workshop she’d attended where she learned about Connection before Correction. She wondered: what if, instead of separating, she tried connecting?

The next afternoon, Dovid groaned over a puzzle. Normally, she might have sighed and counted to three. Rivka stopped herself. Instead, she sat beside him and quietly said, “I see you’re frustrated that the pieces aren’t fitting.” He stared at her, tears welling up, but then he muttered, “I can’t do it.”

Rivka took a deep breath. She remembered what she had learned about the brain: When children are upset, their thinking centers shut down, leaving the emotional centers in overdrive. Pushing logic or consequences in that moment often backfires. By meeting him where he was emotionally, she helped Dovid calm first, then guided him to solve the puzzle. Slowly, he began to succeed.

Over the next few weeks, Rivka started noticing patterns. The small moments, the dinner table meltdowns, the squabbles with his younger sister, even chores that felt impossible, were all opportunities. She began leaning in, not pulling away. Sometimes it was just naming feelings: “I can see you’re mad.” Sometimes it was helping him solve the problem, side by side. And sometimes, she offered a little Chassidic thought, softly reminding him that every effort, even small, has meaning.

Why This Approach Works

 – Children thrive when they feel they belong and can contribute. Engagement fosters connection, while isolation can reinforce shame.

– Children’s brains respond to stress first with emotional reactions. Guiding them with calm and presence helps develop self-regulation.

– Every moment of frustration is a spark for growth, a chance to elevate ordinary actions into meaningful learning and spiritual development.

She also noticed changes in herself. She wasn’t constantly counting to three or bracing for the next meltdown. She was present. She could see Dovid thinking, trying, struggling and slowly learning how to manage his own feelings.

One night, she caught him quietly helping his sister with a puzzle. He turned to her and said, “Mommy, I want to show her a trick I learned.” That moment wasn’t about compliance or punishment, it was about connection, growth, and partnership.

Transforming Family Life with Bereishis

This is the kind of change Bereishis is bringing into classrooms and homes. Their programs combine emotional literacy, developmental neuroscience, and practical guidance rooted in Jewish values, giving parents the tools to replace separation with engagement, frustration with understanding, and conflict with connection.

If you want to experience this shift in your home, Bereishis offers workshops, resources, and guided programs that help parents and educators turn everyday challenges into growth opportunities. When we engage with our children instead of isolating them, we don’t just improve behavior; we nurture resilient, thoughtful, and joyful individuals.

Explore Bereishis’ programs today and start transforming conflict into connection. Your child and your family will thank you.

About the Author

Chana Kaiman, LCSW-RPT, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play

Therapist specializing in child, adolescent, and family therapy. Chana has advanced training in Child-Centered Play Therapy, Filial Play, Adlerian play therapy, Trauma-informed care, and Internal Family Systems (IFS). Her clinical work integrates neuroscience and somatics with a deeply Torah-rooted approach to emotional wellness.

Chana is the Education and School Relations Lead at the Bereishis Foundation, where she develops educator training and parent programming that weave contemporary mental health practices with Chassidus-based perspectives on the inner world of the child.

Her private practice in Brooklyn supports children struggling with anxiety, learning challenges, trauma, behavioral concerns, and low self-esteem. Known for creating a warm, relational space grounded in safety and curiosity, Chana helps children befriend their inner parts and grow into confident leaders of their emotional world.

At Bereishis, we are bringing this work into schools and communities. If you believe in this mission and want to empower more children, we invite you to get involved and partner with us for educator coaching, parent workshops, and child-centered Torah-based resources.

Chana can be reached at: Chana@BereishisFoundation.org | 740-673-0440

To support the work of the Bereishis Foundation, or to bring this approach to your school or community, please visit: https://www.bereishisfoundation.org/