Two Voices, One Heart: A Parent’s Guide to the Inner World

By: Chana Kaiman, LCSW-RPT – Education and School Relations Lead, The Bereishis Foundation

On a quiet Sunday afternoon, Miriam watched her son, Ari, build something important. It wasn’t just a Lego tower; it was a whole imagined world. He’d been planning it since Friday: a landing base with tunnels, ships, and a hidden door “only he knew about.”

His sister, Leora, was curious.
She stood beside him holding a red brick, her eyes wide.

“Can I help?” she whispered.

Ari froze. His hands stiffened around the pieces.
This was his world. He had pictured it, planned it, and protected it.

Before Miriam could speak, Ari grabbed the brick out of her hand. Leora startled, slipped, and a section of the tower collapsed off the table. The room filled with sound: Leora’s tears, Ari’s panic, and the heavy silence of a parent unsure what to do next.

Ari stared at the floor. His voice was tiny:
“I didn’t mean to… I just got annoyed.”

Every parent has seen this moment:
A child who reacts fast and regrets faster.
Not because they don’t care, but because they care so much that their feelings jump ahead of their choices.

Two Ancient Voices

Jewish tradition gives us a language for that inner experience: the Yetzer Hara and Yetzer Tov, two essential drives inside every soul.

– The Yetzer Hara reacts to protect what feels fragile or threatened, even something as small as a Lego structure that represents autonomy, pride, and competence.

– The Yetzer Tov moves toward connection, fairness, and kindness, even when emotions run strong.

Children feel both impulses loudly, because their brains are still wiring the bridge between reaction and reflection.

“Both voices are real. Both are important. And I can choose.”

In my therapy room, I use an approach based on working with “inner parts” – each part has a job, a fear, and a need. When a child protects something fiercely, it often comes from a part that feels small on the inside.

Put Torah language together with this style of work, and something profound happens:
a child learns to understand their inner world with dignity, not shame.

What Really Happened Inside

The mother saw a broken tower.
But inside the child something else emerged:

– “I worked so hard – what if it gets ruined?”

– “What if she does it wrong?”

– “I don’t want to share what I imagined.”

– “If it breaks, I can’t get it back.”

His reaction wasn’t about blocks.
It was about ownership, identity, and a deep discomfort that felt too big for his small body.

Children don’t say these things.
They act them out.

We believe that when parents understand this inner world, they become true partners in a child’s growth. 

The Parent’s Role

Later, the mother asked me,
“How do I stop that reaction next time?”

It’s a powerful question – and the answer is smaller than parents expect.

The goal isn’t to suppress the reaction, but to recognize the voice behind it, so the child can grow into someone who leads their impulses with wisdom.

Below are tools I teach parents; simple, repeatable, and rooted in both parts work and Tanya language. These are the same principles we train educators in through the Bereishis Foundation, helping schools nurture the inner world of every child.

Tools to Support Your Child’s Inner Voices

1. Name the part – gently

Separating the child from the impulse is transformative.

You can say:
“It looks like a part of you got scared the tower would break.”

This:

– validates their inner world

– removes shame

– invites curiosity instead of defensiveness

In Torah terms, you’re naming the Yetzer Hara impulse – not labeling the child as “bad.”

This is the essence of seeing the goodness within every child, even inside their struggle.

2. Make room for the wise voice

Even in the heat of emotion, kids have a part that wants repair.
That is the Yetzer Tov.

You can say:
“And there’s another part of you that cares about your sister. I know that part is there too.”

This invites inner balance. The child begins to see themselves as complex, not broken.

3. Befriend the impulse

Anger is often protecting something soft underneath.

You can ask:
“What was that part afraid would happen?”

The answer might be:

– “She’ll mess it up.”

– “It won’t be like I imagined.”

– “I wanted to build it alone.”

Now you’re talking to the need, not the behavior.
This is exactly how I work clinically, and how we guide teachers at Bereishis. We help children befriend the reactive voice, so they can lead it, rather than be taken over by it.

4. Offer a bridge, not a consequence

Once the child feels understood, their wise part grows stronger.

You can say:
“How can we let your sister be part of your idea without losing what matters to you?”

Some children choose:

– “She can have her own tower.”

– “I’ll build the base, she can make the ship.”

– “I’ll show her the hidden door.”

Now the correction comes from inside the child.
That’s real development..

Why It Works

When we approach a child this way, we’re doing what our Rebbeim call chinuch.
Chanoch l’naar al pi darko – educate a child according to their way, which includes their inner wiring, fears, strengths, and impulses.

We’re not fighting the Yetzer Hara. We’re elevating the child above it. Giving it a voice, understanding its purpose, and helping the child become the leader of their own inner world.

In sessions, I see that the moment a child realizes:
“There are many parts inside me, and I can choose”, something opens.

Their behavior shifts from pure reaction to thoughtful action.
They develop the muscles of self-awareness, empathy, and repair.

These are the skills that build character in Torah terms – tikkun hamiddos, elevating instincts, and making space for the neshamah to shine.

A Jewish Way to Raise Children

Chassidus teaches that we were created with two impulses on purpose.
The Yetzer Hara drives passion and self-protection, and the Yetzer Tov channels those energies into goodness and connection.

Parenting is the art of teaching a child to recognize both and choose wisely, not because they fear punishment, but because they understand themselves.

Every Lego moment, every sibling conflict, is a quiet opportunity to teach a child how to navigate the world inside them.

This is the work described by our greatest Rebbeim: tikkun, inner leadership, the lifelong journey of becoming someone whose choices reflect their deepest values.

That work creates a Dirah Betachtonim – a dwelling place for Hashem in this world, through a child’s inner growth.

This is the mission of the Bereishis Foundation:

– to elevate the inner experience of Jewish children

– to empower parents and educators with tools of chachmah 

– to make emotional education a Torah-based practice

About the Author

Chana Kaiman, LCSW-RPT, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Registered Play Therapist specializing in child, adolescent, and family therapy.

Chana has advanced training in Child-Centered Play Therapy, Filial Play, Adlerian play therapy, trauma-informed care, and Internal Family Systems (IFS). Her clinical work integrates neuroscience with a deeply Torah-rooted approach to emotional wellness.

Chana is the Education and School Relations Lead at the Bereishis Foundation, where she develops educator training and parent programming that weave contemporary mental health practices with Chassidus-based perspectives on the inner world of the child.

Her private practice in Brooklyn supports children struggling with anxiety, learning challenges, trauma, behavioral concerns, and low self-esteem. Known for creating a warm, relational space grounded in safety and curiosity, Chana helps children befriend their inner parts and grow into confident leaders of their emotional world.

If this approach speaks to you and you want to support spreading these tools to more families and schools, you can contribute to the Bereishis Foundation, helping us bring this work to Jewish children everywhere.

At Bereishis, we are bringing this work into schools and communities. If you believe in this mission and want to empower more children, we invite you to get involved and partner with us for educator coaching, parent workshops, and child-centered Torah-based resources.

Chana can be reached at: Chana@bereishisfoundation.org | (407) 208-2406 To support the work of the Bereishis Foundation, or to bring this approach to your school or community, please visit: https://www.bereishisfoundation.org/