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Woman Who Put on Tefilin with Bochur Apologizes

Baci Weiler, a female Jewish student who caused a social media firestorm when she uploaded photos of a Lubavitcher Bochur putting tefillin on her after mistaking her for a man, issued a public apology to him, which she posted to her Facebook page.

The following is her statement in full:

Two days ago, I posted a couple of photos of myself putting on tefillin at a Chabad stand in Union Square. Watching these photos spread, I’ve had time to reflect on their implications. These thoughts are still not fully formed, but I hope both my critics and supporters read them carefully and charitably.

The encounter itself was brief, shocking, and personally significant. Being seen as a man, despite being a woman, was paradoxically validating: for just a minute, I was no longer an Other – the mechitza that has frustrated me for years dissolved. As he carefully wrapped the tefillin shel yad around my arm, I felt connected – to him, to God, to tradition, to the Jewish people. It was a powerful moment, but also painful and wrong – because it was under false pretenses. Though his mistaken assumptions – products of the harmfully rigid gender roles with which he grew up – instigated the encounter, I let it continue without correcting him. Though I didn’t force him to do something wrong, I allowed him to do something he presumably would have been uncomfortable doing given complete knowledge of the situation. Despite our ideological differences, I owed him this basic level of respect as a fellow Jew and as a human. For that I am sorry.

Beyond this, my post was interpreted as personally mocking him, and for that I am also sorry. This was not my intention. My goal was dual: on one level, I was knowingly making a sharp, ironic political statement – a criticism of a religious ideology with which I fundamentally disagree. It transcended the human interaction and presented us as caricatures of our respective religious identities. I am not retracting this criticism, but I don’t want to be lauded for encouraging that kind of dehumanization. On another level, and more importantly, the photo is powerful because it depicts an instance of accidental pluralism and of shared joy in the mitzvah of hanachat tefillin. It is a serendipitous glimpse of the world I wish I lived in: a world where both he, a bearded chabadnik guy, and I, a buzz-cut egalitarian girl, could be “frum”, regardless of gender or labels, equally bound by mitzvot. I’ll end as I did before: Bimheira Beyameinu.

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27 Comments

  • Totally not an issue

    I don’t know why this has become a “thing”. She did not mean any personal harm in posting the picture(s) and nobody I have spoken too sees it as an attack on anything other then the irony of the situation.
    This shliach in Texas was bored at home and in need of a little attention so he penned an absolutely baseless, absurd attack on somebody who has done nothing wrong at all.
    I can’t believe anyone is giving this the time of day. What these websites will post to keep us entertained…..

    • to 1

      I think you’re bored at home and in need of a little attention so you penned an absolutely baseless, absurd attack on the Shliach in Texas.

  • Not so fast....

    THIS is what she has added to her FB page in her “apology”:

    Though his mistaken assumptions – products of the harmfully rigid gender roles with which he grew up – instigated the encounter, ….

    My goal was dual: on one level, I was knowingly making a sharp, ironic political statement – a criticism of a religious ideology with which I fundamentally disagree. It transcended the human interaction and presented us as caricatures of our respective religious identities. I am not retracting this criticism, but I don’t want to be lauded for encouraging that kind of dehumanization. On another level, and more importantly, the photo is powerful because it depicts an instance of accidental pluralism and of shared joy in the mitzvah of hanachat tefillin. It is a serendipitous glimpse of the world I wish I lived in: a world where both he, a bearded chabadnik guy, and I, a buzz-cut egalitarian girl, could be “frum”, regardless of gender or labels, equally bound by mitzvot. I’ll end as I did before: Bimheira Beyameinu.

    Apart from the pretentious gobblydegook, she has backtracked from her “sincere” apology of earlier. In fact, I thought the first apology was sincere. Now I see that, just as she fooled that bochur, she continued to fool many more.

    This woman despises us & clearly feels bad for herself as being seen as a fraud. So now she is justifying her scam. Go to her FB page & see for yourselves.

    • Don't blow this up.

      Don’t make assumptions and presumptions as if you know her life and her intents. Her apology seems fair. She is staying true to her ideals and beliefs, while also stepping up and apologizing for embarrassing the young man. Let’s not stoop so low to attack her personally and sending crowds to scour her facebook page to continue to pick fights.

    • I'm not a bochur but...

      You’ve hit the bull’s eye. She has utter contempt for the life of Torah and mitzvot. Someone should introduce her to the mitzvah of Shomer Negiah.

  • Jewish Community Watch

    this girl is a MOLESTER she touched a boy without his consent.
    where is the seewald when there is a real issue ?

  • Rashi's daughters myth

    Rumor has it that Rashi’s daughters put on tefillin. So, if that’s true, what’s the big deal here? But according to the website below, there is no evidence of this:

    https://www.ou.org/jewish_action/05/2011/whats_the_truth_about-rashis_daughters/

    Excerpt:

    While there is no evidence that any of Rashi’s daughters wore tefillin, this myth persists and is found in various printed sources. In her book, Life on the Fringes: A Feminist Journey Toward Traditional Rabbinic Ordination, Dr. Haviva Ner-David2 cites Rashi’s daughters’ “tradition” of wearing tefillin as setting a precedent. Similarly, an article that appeared in the Journal of Jewish Music and Liturgy3 mentions that Rashi’s daughters wore tefillin.

    The halachah makes it clear that women are exempt from wearing tefillin (Mishnah Berachot 3:3; Kiddushin 33b-34a; SA, OC 38:3). Whether women are allowed to don tefillin is the subject of great debate. The Rema (OC 38:3) rules that it should be discouraged, and the Gra (comments to OC 38:3) contends that women are prohibited from wearing them.

  • Very funny

    To 4: Jewish Community Watch

    Would you really report this if you (a guy) were “molested” by a girl?

    • IF SHE DID IT TO A GAY MAN

      If this girl did the same trick to a gay man than it would be screaming in the streets

  • althrough this was an acc

    everything comes to be because hashem wanted it to be,so now she has the chance to be very much more so connected to hashem,may she become completely frum because of the connection,people need connection,and for her this was it

  • Crown Heights Resident

    The daughters of the great Torah commentator, Rashi, wore tefillin.

  • TO #1, 5, 9

    #1: She was basically making fun of observant Judaism “because she doesn’t agree with the Torah” and I feel bad for you that you don’t see anything wrong with it.
    #2 & #9 Rashi’s daughters may have worn Tefillin but they certainly did NOT have a bochur put them on for them!!!! this piece of work that looks like a boy and blames the bochur’s “upbringing” for seeing her for what she dresses and looks like. She should be ashamed of herself for showing her true colors!

    • @#14

      She might be a piece of work with short hair, but she certainly does not look like a boy.

  • she did the right thing

    Why must you all attack this young woman? She rethought and reconsidered her actions and apologized. Many of us could learn from her.

  • Tinok shenishba

    Didn’t the Rebbe teach us that all these Jews are considered a tinok shenishba, someone who is ignorant of their heritage and don’t know better?
    She is in need of a way to connect but doesn’t know how to connect. Her neshoma is crying out but what are we hearing? Only sensationalism. How much have we forgotten during the past 21 years.
    Even if she thinks she was making fun of the situation she was just searching in her own way.

  • To 15

    Lack of education can only go so far. In some cases ignorance of the law is no excuse. If you have a problem then deal with it yourself dont involve someone else into it.

    To 8: yes and why the quotes? Its the same thing when done by a girl as a boy

    To 14: her apology sounds like bibis, I apologize , but
    Like yea I wanted to apologize, but… The extra but shows that she wasnt sincere

  • What if

    how could he mistaken her for a guy ?

    she put on a yarmulke and she dose have tzitzes

  • to #7

    rashis daughter put on tifillen in privte which is ok because yes its techniclly allowed the thing is because a we have to be pure when we put on tifillen which is something a woman cant really control with out going to mikva which i highly doubt this disgusting mollesting lady did.

    • Milhouse

      How do you know whether Rashi’s daughters put on tefillin in public or in private? Since there’s no reason to believe it ever happened, you can’t possibly know the place or time.

  • Citzen Berel

    Well I am impressed.

    She is confused ideologically but fundamentally decent.

    The issues we are having with this ideas these days have more to do with the lack of the latter than with the former.

    Hazlocha Rabbah, Ms. Baci, may you grow in your appreciation for and understanding of the true Torah.

    • Citzen Berel

      Don’t worry about litvaks.
      Lubavitcher bochurim make mistakes. They are litvaks.