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Census Taken… Again
In a surprise move, a call has been issued for Moshe Rabbeinu to take yet another census. Using the ½ Shekel counting method for both rich and poor, the census will count eligible warriors between the ages of 20 and 60.
Noting that mere months have passed since the last time a nationwide count was taken, Professor Albert Weinstein of the Shazak Statistics Bureau attempted to explain the reason for the count. “It is true that babies are always being born and people passing away,” he said while fiddling with his calculator. “But still, most countries only take a census once every ten years. Why count again?! What’s the logic?!”
“That’s precisely the point! It is not logical,” countered Rabbi Chaim Chacham, TNS resident scholar. “HaShem, the All-Knowing, doesn’t need to count the people. Still, He constantly counts His precious nation, just like a wealthy person who loves counting his diamonds again and again, and again and again. I think you get the point.”
Family Formations Formed
As the Jewish people travel in the desert, the camp has been neatly organized into sub-camps. Three tribes on the east are led by Yehuda, three tribes on the south are in the camp of Reuven, three on the west under the banner of Ephraim, and the three on the north are led by Dan. In the center, the tribe of Levi travels along with the holy Mishkan.
“I’ve heard of birds flying in v-formation and seen fish swimming in large schools,” said TNS travel correspondent, Carl Carpetbagger, “but this is the first time I have heard of several million wanderers keeping such a coordinated convoy of caravans. This must be a world record!”
Although the Jewish people have been traveling in the desert for less than a year, these formations are part of an ancient tradition. The last time the Children of Israel traveled through the desert, they were carrying the coffin of their father, Israel (a.k.a. Yaakov). His 12 sons carried his coffin in this same formation.
Apparently, some habits die hard.
Kehas Clan Carry Covered keilim
Amidst travel preparations, as Bnei Yisroel braced themselves for yet another desert journey, members of the Kehas clan of Levi’im were spotted carrying large, lumpy, cloth-covered items.
“I wonder what’s inside those packages,” wondered young Tzirel Tsoomished-Ingantzan out loud as she watched the procession pass by. “I hope they are carrying stacks of Shazak ‘Queen of Persia’ books to distribute at their upcoming Purim party. One second… Purim is in the future. I’m confused.”
TNS Mishkan correspondent Misha Mishkin has confirmed, “In fact, they are carrying the most holy Mishkan items including the Aron, and Menorah, each of which has been carefully covered by the Kohanim with special drop cloths.”
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