Shazak Chanukah Post – VICTORY EDITION!
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Greeks Declare Defeat
Battle worn and humbled, Greek soldiers boarded ships and sailed off into the blue Mediterranean Sea, signaling that they have finally given up on trying to control the Holy Land.
“Is this a dream? Are they finally gone? Thank G-d!” shouted Chaim Yankel, who had been chasing them for days. “Good riddance. Now we can pray, learn Torah, keep Kosher, and do everything HaShem wants without fear. I still cannot believe it!”
Eight-Day Miracle Shocks Bystanders
Scientists are scratching their heads attempting to understand how a single jar of oil, typically enough to fuel 7 lamps for just one day, continued to burn for a full 8 days.
The strange phenomenon was observed in the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, where victorious Jewish freedom fighters recently installed a menorah. They had kindled it with the small jar of oil, the only one still bearing the seal of the High Priest, which was expected to burn for no longer than a single day.
In what is being described as a miracle, the oil burned for 8 days, allowing enough time for fresh oil to be brought from Tekoa to Jerusalem.
“Amazing! Bind moggling! I mean, mind boggling!” proclaimed the highly respected Dr. Chaim Ness, senior miracologist at the Jerusalem University of the Supernatural. “I have no doubt people will be talking about this for thousands of years!”
New Holiday Declared
“Oh Chanukah, oh Chanukah, come light the Menorah,” sang joyous Jerusalemite Shimon ben Yochanan. “Let’s have a party, we’ll all dance the hora. Gather ‘round the table, let’s have a treat. Sufganiyot and latkes we’ll eat.”
In a special session, the Men of the Great Assembly unanimously declared that the 8 days starting with 25 Kislev are to be celebrated by the Jewish people as an annual holiday, thanking G-d for the miracles He performed.
The new holiday, dubbed Chanukah, will be observed by singing songs of praise to G-d and kindling lamps each night. This is the first national holiday declared since Purim was established more than 200 years ago, honoring the survival of the Jewish exiles, then ruled by Achashverosh of Persia.
Every night of the holiday, Jewish families have been observed sitting outside their homes, next to their holiday lights, retelling the miraculous events of the recent past, and expressing their confidence that more miracles will follow.
Idol Eyesore? No More!
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