Weekly Story: The Shidduch That Couldn’t Be Broken
by Rabbi Sholom Avtzon
In honor of the chassunah of Mendel & Mussia Zirkind, I am posting a story that my father, Reb Meir a”h would say by the chassunah or sheva brochos of his children and grandchildren. May they be blessed with an everlasting edifice with chassidishe children.
I would also like to express my appreciation to those who responded or plan on to responding to my appeal and partner in the publishing of the biography of the Rebbe Rashab.
My father lived with the following story. It is one he would repeatedly say to anyone who had a few moments. This story was said by the chossid Reb Yitzchok HaMasmid at the end of Tishrei in 5688 (1927) when the Frierdiker Rebbe was leaving Russia for Riga, Latvia.
During the Simchas Torah farbrengen, Reb Yitzchok said to the Frierdiker Rebbe, “Rebbe, goel tzedek, Itche wants to say a story.” The Frierdiker Rebbe responded, “Itche, not now.” Reb Yitzchock continued, “Rebbe, goel tzedek, it is pertinent to the Rebbe.” The Rebbe responded, “Of that which is pertinent to us, we are aware.”
An hour or so later at the farbrengen, the Rebbe said, “Yitzchok, now you can say it.” He responded, “Rebbe, goel tzedek, at this point, Itche can’t speak.”
Chassidim realized that he had an extremely intriguing story to tell, so shortly after the Frierdiker Rebbe left Russia, chassidim gave Reb Yitzchok a lot of mashke to drink at a farbrengen, and then he told the following story.
One erev Shabbos, the Alter Rebbe arrived in Chernobel and asked the tzaddik Rav Menachem Nochum if he could be his guest for Shabbos. The tzaddik Rav Menachem Nochum was thrilled at this unexpected visit from his dear colleague and happily invited him to be his guest.
Instead of saying Chassidus himself during the Friday night meal, as was his custom, Rav Menachem Nochum requested that his guest say something following his approach of Chassidus Chabad. The Alter Rebbe, however, declined. Out of respect for the Alter Rebbe — who he had hoped would ultimately say Chassidus in his unique way — Rav Menachem Nochum didn’t say anything on the weekly parshah either.
Thinking that perhaps the reason for the Alter Rebbe’s refusal to speak was due to exhaustion from his long trip, Rav Menachem Nochum repeated his request during the meal on Shabbos day and a third time at the shalosh seudah. To his surprise, the Alter Rebbe declined those requests as well, and, in turn, Rav Menachem Nochum also didn’t say anything.
Motzo’ei Shabbos, after havdalah, the Alter Rebbe put on his heavy wool coat as if he were leaving. Rav Menachem Nochum also put on his coat to escort him. He then said, “My honored guest definitely came for a reason.” The Alter Rebbe replied, “The reason I came here is that there is something of extreme importance that I have to speak to you about.”
Rav Menachem Nochum replied, “I am certainly ready to hear whatever you wish to discuss.”
The Alter Rebbe said, “It must be discussed in private, though, where no one will hear us.”
“I have a house in the yard,” replied Rav Menachem Nochum. “We can talk there.”
“That is too close,” replied the Alter Rebbe, “however, it is known that on Motzo’ei Shabbos one draws water from Miriam’s well, so let us do that and we will speak there.”
“Excellent!” replied Rav Menachem Nochum. “There is a well in my field. Do you want to take water from there?”
“That is also too close,” replied the Alter Rebbe. “Perhaps there is some place outside the city from which to draw water?” Replying affirmatively, Rav Menachem Nochum answered, “There is a stream outside the city from which we can take water,” to which the Alter Rebbe agreed, “Let us go to that stream and draw from there.”
Rav Menachem Nochum returned to his house and emerged wearing his boots and carrying two buckets with a sturdy stick from which to hang them. They then began walking to the stream.
The Alter Rebbe spoke the entire way. At the stream, Rav Menachem Nochum filled up both buckets and turned to return home, balancing them on the stick across his shoulders. The Alter Rebbe continued discussing whatever it was he had to say the entire time. Since the Alter Rebbe wanted to finish discussing it in private, they stopped in the empty marketplace.
They stood like this for many hours until early Sunday morning. As the townspeople were making their way to shul, they saw two people standing in the marketplace. Thinking they were newcomers, and knowing that the market would not be opening for another few hours, they went over to inform them of a place to stay until the market opened.
As they approached the two people, they realized that they were none other than their great Rabbi and his esteemed guest. Adding to their amazement was the bewildering fact that their elderly Rav was balancing a heavy stick and two full buckets of water on his shoulders, listening intently to what his young colleague was saying.
Quietly, they inched closer; after all, if their Rabbi felt it worthwhile to listen to his guest, surely they could learn a thing or two from him as well. Within moments, more and more people gathered around. Suddenly the Alter Rebbe looked up and said, “We said we should speak privately,” and they returned home.
Most of their discussion is not known to us, but it is known that one of the points the Alter Rebbe said was, “I heard from our Rebbe the Maggid that Moshiach is going to be a descendant of one of his talmidim. He just didn’t know if it would be from the oldest (which is you) or the youngest (which is me). I therefore came to make a shidduch with you, and this way Moshiach will be both of our descendants. I would like one of your grandsons for my granddaughter.”
“That’s quite an honor,” replied Rav Menachem Nochum. “Which grandson do you want?”
“I would like to go to their room and see them,” replied the Alter Rebbe.
Rav Menachem Nochum took him to the room where all his grandsons were sleeping. The Alter Rebbe then went from child to child and measured each one’s forehead with his fist. After stopping by the crib of [Rav] Yaakov Yisroel, the son of Rav Mordechai (later known as Rav Mottel of Chernobel), the Alter Rebbe exclaimed, “This is the one I want!”
“Agreed,” replied Rav Menachem Nochum. The two mechutanim then wished each other mazel tov, and after davening Shacharis, the Alter Rebbe returned home.
Some years passed — during which time Rav Menachem Nochum was niftar — and the tzaddik Rav Boruch of Mezhibuzh (a grandson of the Baal Shem Tov) came to Chernobel.
Informing Rav Mottel that he would like to arrange a shidduch with him, Rav Mottel readily agreed, expressing that it would be a great honor for him. “And which son do you wish?” asked Rav Mottel.
“Rav Yaakov Yisroel,” replied Rav Boruch.
“I am sorry,” answered Rav Mottel. “He is already engaged to the granddaughter of the Rav HaKodosh (as the Alter Rebbe was then called).”
“Am I not as distinguished in your eyes as he?” asked Rav Boruch. “Call off the shidduch with the Rav and arrange the match with me!”
In a soothing tone, Rav Mottel replied, “I would like nothing better than to arrange a shidduch with you. However, since this shidduch was arranged by my father, I would never disturb it.”
Not wanting to give up so easily, Rav Boruch asked, “Do you visit the tziyon of your father from time to time?”
Hearing an affirmative answer, Rav Boruch requested that the next time he does so, he mention this proposal.
After the agreed upon time, Rav Boruch returned to Chernobel and asked Rav Mottel, “Were you at the tziyon of your father?”
”Yes,” he replied.
“Did you mention the proposal of the shidduch?” inquired Rav Boruch.
“Yes,” answered Rav Mottel.
“What was your father’s response?” asked Rav Boruch.
“That I should not break off the shidduch that was arranged with the Rav HaKodosh,” replied Rav Mottel.
“Did you inform him that the great Rav Boruch wants the shidduch?”
“Yes, indeed,” replied Rav Mottel.
“What was your father’s response to that?” asked Rav Boruch.
“ Hashem is above all Boruchs, and the shidduch should not be changed.”
My father would mention that perhaps the fact that Moshiach was destined to come from the shidduch between Beis HaRav and the Chernobeler explained why two more subsequent matches were made from the same family lines. After the shidduch in this story between the Mitteler Rebbe’s daughter and Rav Yaakov Yisroel, their daughter Chana married Rav Yosef Yitzchok, the son of the Rebbe the Tzemach Tzedek, and a daughter from that marriage, Rebbetzin Shterna Sara, married her cousin the Rebbe Rashab, whose son was the Frierdiker Rebbe. (It is interesting to note that the Frierdiker Rebbe was therefore a descendent of all three matches.)
There are two versions to the latter part of this story. Either the whole purpose of Rav Boruch’s coming was to arrange this shidduch, as written above, or he came to visit and the idea of the shidduch occurred to him after he arrived, as follows:
When Rav Boruch came to Chernobel, all the townspeople gave him the customary shalom aleichem. When the young Yaakov Yisroel gave him shalom, Rav Boruch remarked, “A warm hand. Whose son are you?” The young lad answered, “My father is the maggid here.” Rav Boruch then asked, “And who told you that your father is the maggid of this town?” He replied, “From the same Source you know that you are the great Rav Boruch (…implying that Heaven revealed to me that my father is maggid just as it revealed to you that you are the great Rav Boruch).” “Ahh! A sharp one,” said Rav Boruch, prompting him to ask for the shidduch.
My father would add the following detail:
“It is interesting to note that the Frierdiker Rebbe originally said Reb Itche shouldn’t say this story. However,” my father continued, “I was standing next to the Frierdiker Rebbe’s secretary, the mashpia Reb Yechezkel Feigin, hy”d, at that Simchas Torah farbrengen, and I noticed that the Frierdiker Rebbe motioned to him to make room for someone. That someone was the Rebbe. I believe the reason the Frierdiker Rebbe originally said not to say the story was that he was waiting until the Rebbe could hear it. As soon as the Rebbe entered the room, the Frierdiker Rebbe told Reb Itche to say it.”
My father would mention that perhaps the fact that Moshiach was destined to come from the shidduch between Beis HaRav and the Chernobeler explained why two more subsequent matches were made from the same family lines. After the shidduch in this story between the Mitteler Rebbe’s daughter and Rav Yaakov Yisroel, their daughter Chana married Rav Yosef Yitzchok, the son of the Rebbe the Tzemach Tzedek, and a daughter from that marriage, Rebbetzin Shterna Sara, married her cousin the Rebbe Rashab, whose son was the Frierdiker Rebbe. (It is interesting to note that the Frierdiker Rebbe was therefore a descendent of all three matches.)
There are two versions to the latter part of this story. Either the whole purpose of Rav Boruch’s coming was to arrange this shidduch, as written above, or he came to visit and the idea of the shidduch occurred to him after he arrived, as follows:
When Rav Boruch came to Chernobel, all the townspeople gave him the customary shalom aleichem. When the young Yaakov Yisroel gave him shalom, Rav Boruch remarked, “A warm hand. Whose son are you?” The young lad answered, “My father is the maggid here.” Rav Boruch then asked, “And who told you that your father is the maggid of this town?” He replied, “From the same Source you know that you are the great Rav Boruch (…implying that Heaven revealed to me that my father is maggid just as it revealed to you that you are the great Rav Boruch).” “Ahh! A sharp one,” said Rav Boruch, prompting him to ask for the shidduch.
My father would add the following detail:
“It is interesting to note that the Frierdiker Rebbe originally said Reb Itche shouldn’t say this story. However,” my father continued, “I was standing next to the Frierdiker Rebbe’s secretary, the mashpia Reb Yechezkel Feigin, hy”d, at that Simchas Torah farbrengen, and I noticed that the Frierdiker Rebbe motioned to him to make room for someone. That someone was the Rebbe. I believe the reason the Frierdiker Rebbe originally said not to say the story was that he was waiting until the Rebbe could hear it. As soon as the Rebbe entered the room, the Frierdiker Rebbe told Reb Itche to say it.”
Rabbi Avtzon is a veteran mechanech and the author of numerous books on the Febbeim and their chassidim. He is available to farbreng in your community and can be contacted at avtzonbooks@gmail.com
