Rebbetzin Chana’s Memoirs: Becoming a Citizen

In this 35th installment of the series, Rebbetzin Chana remarks how her loneliness in New York is only interrupted by her son, the Rebbe’s daily visits.

Becoming a Citizen

Just now, my son—long may he live, and may he be well and successful—left my apartment. He is very fatigued, yet he still took with him lots of work to do at home.

Since childhood, he has always spent his time in constant study. I don’t remember him ever wasting time.

Thank G-d, I derive a great deal of nachas from him.

He is a truly great personage, with a pure soul. He does much for my sake, which I consider to be a privilege, after all the tribulations I have experienced.

There are, however, some things I can’t tell him, for what purpose would that serve?

I remember how my husband, of blessed memory, [during our exile in Chi’ili], on the Shabbat when the new month is blessed, would recite the Yehee ratzon prayer [which states, “May it be Your will, G-d…that You give us a month that has in it life” full of specified material benefits and spiritual qualities. When reciting the phrase in this prayer], “life in which there is no embarrassment or disgrace,” my husband said those words with deep, heartfelt emotion. Later, when there were enough Jews to hold prayer services, my husband would recite this Yehee ratzon prayer publicly with them, too, although he had never done so back home. The prayer includes other requests for material benefits of which we were in urgent need, yet I noticed that he recited none of those requests with that same depth of feeling that he invested in that phrase. Apparently, this subject evokes more pain than other needs. Sunday, 2 Shevat [5713 (1953)] On 28 Tevet, I turned 73 years old.

On the same day, I became a U.S. citizen. Both these events could have caused much happiness. But my loneliness was unmistakable. In any case, thank G-d for these events. My son, long may he live, wished me all the best. From my other son —whom I have not seen for 24 years, which also is far from easy for me—I received a telegram signed [also] by his wife and daughter, neither of whom I have ever met.

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