The Weekly Sedra – Vayeira – A White Lie

A woman once complained to me that when becoming more observant she had hoped that the struggle with the finer issues of right and wrong – with which she wrestled when she was not as religious – would be eliminated. She had anticipated that the principles and values of our religious belief system would eliminate the onus of having to discern and navigate the fine nuances and gray areas of morality and ethics, but, to her disappointment, it has only become more complicated.

Now that she had become more familiar with Torah and Jewish law, she was more sensitized to higher levels of morality, as well as many new Divine rights and wrongs. The more lines there are, the more fine lines there are. Fine lines leave room for doubt: “am I on the right side or the wrong side of the line?”

If the highly charged moral issues of our modern age, such as euthanasia, stem-cell research, etc., seem like enough of a challenge, enter Jewish law and its position on the sanctity of human life into the equation, and you’ve made things substantially more complex.

While you may not have a problem making a decision to pull the plug on your ninety-year-old father, who is comatose and hooked up to a ventilator – whose doctors give zero chance for recovery and claim is suffering, (like they really know) – Halacha (Jewish law) may have a different opinion. While your emotions, not to mention the doctor, may tell you one thing, Judaism may tell you another.

Truth be told, doing the right thing is not always as simple as it sounds. There is more to it than the commitment and readiness to do the what’s right. There are times when the line between right and wrong is somewhat blurry.

One such example comes straight out of the Talmud. Concerning the question: “how are we to praise the bride [on the day of her wedding]?” in answer, we are treated – in proverbial Talmudic tradition – to two opposite opinions. The House of Hillel is of the belief that you bestow upon her praises of beauty and piety (regardless of the reality). The House of Shamai, on the other hand, maintains that you call it like it is. If she is beautiful you proclaim her beauty, if not, you don’t. If she is pious you declare her piety, if not, you offer a lesser praise. After all, argues the House of Shamai, does not the Torah forewarn: “You shall keep from telling a lie”?

The House of Hillel, on the other hand, argues that a white lie, in order to foster love and respect between husband and wife, is not only not a sin, it’s actually a Mitzvah.

This week’s Parsha seems to agree with the House of Hillel. In our Sedra we find G-d misquoting Sarah to Abraham. When the Almighty confronts Abraham about his wife’s doubts regarding the pending birth of their child, He quotes Sarah as saying “I am old” when in reality she mused about her husband, Abraham’s old age and ability to conceive.

The commentaries attribute this discrepancy to the fact that the Almighty did not want to speak Loshon Hara. Since Abraham may have had misgivings about being referred to as old, by his wife no less, G-d purposely misquoted Sarah. Rather than cause disharmony between husband and wife, G-d as it were, told a white lie. It seems that what’s right for G-d is right for man. A white lie, it appears, is sometimes the correct thing.

So how do we navigate our way through the maze of fine line issues. When, for example, is a white lie a sin and when is it a Mitzvah? It seems that a lot of it has to do with the purity of our intention. A white lie told to get ahead in business, or to get ourselves out of a bind, is more than likely not a Mitzvah. A white lie uttered in order to foster peace among friends – as Aaron the Priest was said to have done – or to promote harmony between husband and wife, is certainly not a sin and perhaps even a Mitzvah, especially if G-d is any proof.

It is understood from G-d’s dramatic actions in order to avoid slander, or even the remote possibility thereof, that the telling of lies or even truths, with the intention of causing divisiveness and quarrel is an extremely grave sin. Those who act in this manner – those who engage in destructive speech and Loshon Hara that divide people and communities – have fine no moral dilemmas to worry about, they are clearly misguided individuals who live in violation of Torah and spirituality. May G-d have mercy on their soul.