A Friendly Circle of Teens and Special Needs Kids

Fanwood, NJ — For children with special needs who can sometimes be made to feel different or lonely, it is a real treat to have two bright and friendly teenagers come to their home to play with them.

That is what two high schoolers from Scotch Plains, Josh Lieberman and DJ Gordon, started doing this past spring, spending an hour each week with two siblings, ages seven and five, who have special needs. They read stories with the children, played with toy cars, took bike rides, or jumped on the trampoline together. When the school year starts, they plan to resume the friendship again.

“The parents help out a lot and tell us what the kids like to do. It’s actually enjoyable, and the kids like it a lot,” Josh said.

Their connection with the family has been facilitated through the Friendship Circle program run by Rabbi Avrohom Blesofsky and his wife, Malky, of Chabad of Union County in Fanwood. They started the local program a couple of months ago, modeling it on a concept initiated by a Chabad center in Michigan and since adopted by other Lubavitch groups in New Jersey and elsewhere.

The goal is to engage young people from eighth grade and up in community service, and to familiarize them with what life is like for children with disabilities and their families. There are now 35 Friendship Circles around the country.

The Friendship Circles are based on the theme: “It’s cool to be kind.” Blesofsky — who recently attended a conference in Newark attended by Friendship Circle directors from as far afield as Texas and California — said he hopes that idea inspires many teens to get involved.

He said the time spent with the children provides the teenagers with a productive activity and gives them a chance to see that they can make a difference in the world. “Everyone involved benefits from it,” he said.

The participants compare notes with each other, recognizing that every child is different but that they can learn from one another.

“They see what works best, and they share dos and don’ts,” he said. “It really is a collective effort.”

He said that some of the 12th-graders bring in other teens to take over their roles when they graduate. Some form such strong bonds with their young charges that they continue to stay in touch.

Where the Blesofskys might have expected some of the young people to pull out once they were faced with the challenge of working with handicapped children, they found that most have actually become more committed.

Within a month of starting the Fanwood program, he had four special needs children enlisted for play dates and about eight teen volunteers. He hopes to have 15 children in the program by the end of the year, and to expand the circle to include about 75 children and 200 teens.

In the Essex and Morris counties area, he said, there are 320 or more children involved with around 700 teen volunteers.

There are many families in the Union County area who could benefit from such help, he said. The outreach is primarily to Jews — “to the community I know best” — but the program will be open to families of all faiths.

The tougher challenge is finding suitable teenagers willing to commit themselves to a year or more of this kind of service. Blesofsky has been speaking to local synagogues and reaching out to youth groups, hoping to inspire youngsters.

“It’s part of Jewish identity — a part of who we are,” he said. “The teens who get involved are tomorrow’s leaders. As a community, working with these children reflects on who we are. How else are we going to make Judaism accessible to all children, regardless of what their abilities are?”

For his part, Josh said he was receptive to the idea when the rabbi approached him. “I thought it would be a way to help out, and to work with kids who’re a bit less fortunate than me.”

He said he and his sister Jessica, 18, have grown up seeing their parents involved in community service and joining them in some of their projects — for example, working with them at a soup kitchen. He has participated in PANIM: the Institute for Jewish Leadership and Values, and recently joined the Shabbatones, a band that plays for summer campers at the Jewish Community Center of Central NJ in Scotch Plains. The family belongs to Congregation Beth Israel and also supports the Chabad center.

His mother, Susan, said she sees the community involvement as a way for her children “to understand more of the world,” and she welcomed this opportunity for Josh to work with children. “He’s a good guy,” she said.