‘I Feel it in My Heart’
Special needs teen’s bar mitzvah is a sign of the work the young man has done over the last year.
Torrance, CA — Wesley Baer had a typical bar mitzvah on Sunday – reciting the Torah in Hebrew, chanting traditional blessings and prayers that mark the age of maturity in the Jewish tradition.
More pictures in the Extended Article.
But Wesley, 13, of Torrance, is not a typical Jewish teen.
He was born with Down syndrome, a genetic condition in which an extra chromosome causes varying degrees of mental retardation.
Wesley was born in South Africa. His parents, Avi and Jessica, moved the family to Torrance more than a decade ago to provide him better access to educational and medical services.
At the time it was difficult for them to envision Wesley standing before the 100 guests that filled the room at the Fred Hess Community Center in Rancho Palos Verdes, some of whom traveled from as far as his native country to see him bar mitzvahed.
Chabad Palos Verdes Rabbi Yitzchok Magalnic, who officiated, said most special needs teens do not participate in traditional Jewish ceremonies because they can’t put in the required time and effort to learn Hebrew and memorize the blessings and prayers.
“For families of children with special needs, this day is often painful instead of a celebration, because the child cannot go through the ritual,” Magalnic said.
Magalnic said Wesley’s case is rare.
“The accomplishment of this child is very unique,” he said.
Wesley spent a year studying with Magalnic, learning not only Hebrew, but also about the significance of Jewish history, holidays and customs. To help Wesley learn the passages, the rabbi put them on a CD for him to listen to outside of their sessions.
Wesley’s father is the son of a Holocaust survivor, and his mother was raised in a Jewish family. Both said they wanted Wesley to understand the importance of bar mitzvah.
“We wanted him to understand he’s growing up and the responsibility of being a young man,” Jessica said.
“Kids don’t have an understanding of the legacy they are a part of,” Avi added. “For me, seeing my son embrace his heritage was huge.”
After nine surgeries and related medical problems, seeing Wesley into young adulthood has not been without its difficulties, but Jessica said it was a “team effort” from family and school staff that helped her manage. Wesley attends Calle Mayor Middle School in Torrance.
In fact, a former teacher and principal were among the attendees at the bar mitzvah.
“It really does take a village to raise a child,” Jessica said.
Though Wesley has had challenges, Avi said, he has achieved in and outside of school because of his work ethic.
“From his blue belt in karate to learning for his bar mitzvah, he always does the necessary work to succeed,” he said.
So when it came time to arrange the ceremony, Avi said he could have gone to a reform or a conservative synagogue – where the bar mtizvah is abbreviated and would have required less studying – but he knew Wesley was capable of doing the work.
Magalnic said 30 years ago, it was unheard of for a boy with Down syndrome to have a traditional bar mitzvah.
“We’re living in a time when parents are more open to having the ceremony,” the rabbi said.
During the ceremony, Wesley sat quietly. Afterward, when asked what the ceremony meant to him, he said, “I feel it in my heart.”
His mom said watching Wesley’s bar mitzvah reminded her of the importance of her own ceremony. “I remember having my bat mitzvah and its impact is still hitting me,” she said.
Jessica Baer said she hopes her son will inspire more families of Jewish teens with special needs to put in the extra effort of a traditional ceremony.
“If Wesley can give other families hope, that’s great,” she said. “One of the worst things you can do is take away hope.”
Photo – Scott Varley
Photo – Scott Varley
Photo – Scott Varley
Photo – Scott Varley
Questions
B”H
How are there pictures from Shabbos?
reader
What makes this young man “special” is not his disability, but his drive and incredibly loving, dedcated parents. May special blessings rain down upon him and Avi and Jessica.
meemabrina
I think that’s wonderful. Mazel tov to the family and thanks to Rabbi Magalnik
Mixed Messages?
Beautiful article, but what happened to the Mechitza and not having a Bimah in the front of the Shul?
john
Lechatchila Ariber Lechaim!
CHer
This was a mock bar mitzvah for the pictures… they did it the next day…
Shmuel
sunday was rosh chodesh tammuz, no neeed to make a “mock” bar mitzvah for the pictures….
friend
Go Rabbi Yitzie!!
Non Crown Heightser
It is amazing that people can be so critical. To my friend Yitzi Magalnik, what an accomplishment you have made. I will try to call you soon IYH.
BostonDude
I would expect such comments on VIN or some snag site…hello!!!
Keep it up Rabbi M.
Is this a new Chabad house or part of Torrance/Lomita?
Josephine Basher
MAZEL TOV and thank you for sharing your amazing story with us. My husband and I too are blessed with a child with DS. It gives us (and other parents with special needs children I’m sure) a tremendous amount of chizuk to see that a wonderful and bright future awaits our precious kinderlach. Wishing you much bracha v’hatzlocha.
Shliach
To ‘Non-Crown Heightser’:
Rabbi Magalnik has shown the concern and Ahavas Yisroel of a Chossid – Yasher Koach for that.
Because we are all into complimenting to be mekarev, we often refuse to address the issues of concern, lest we cause upset.
That doesn’t change the fact, that will all need to seek the advice of Chabad Rabbonim, who will advise on the appropriate standards for Mechitza etc.
Why are we – chassidim of the Rebbe who was mehader in every diyuk in Shluchan Oruch – not prepared to address basic issues of Halacha!
(I am not addressing Rabbi Magalnik specifically, as for all I know, he was in discussion with a Rov and had to make do with the best option under the circumstances/outside of his own Daled Amos etc.)
OYANKEL M.
GREATEST KIDUSH HASHEM AND KIDUSH LUBAVITCH. KEEP ON DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND DO NOT BECOME NISPOEL FROM THE BNEI HAMALIGUIM. THOSE LIVING IN CROWN HEIGHTS AND DO NOT GO TO VISIT SHLUCHIM CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE DIFFICULTIES AND HARD WORK THAT THE SHLUCHIM OF THE REBBE GO THROUGH. CHAZAK VE’EMATZ, YITZCHOK!
look, and you will find.
For all those commenting on the mechitza- look again before you do. There is a mechitza, there is separate seating. One guy (apparently) decided that he’s not really going to keep to it ( in the third picture).
in reply to mixed messages
This Sundy bar Mitzvah was in a makeshift shul. with a makeshift mechitza in a chalet in the Hess Park, not in the Palos Verdes Chabad house which has a proper Mechitza and a Bima on the men’s side.
Avi Baer
Oy Everybody, can you not Center on the important stuff like the Bar-Mitzvah!!!!!
1. Shul was set up Facing Jerusalem, with a Mechitsa. Men and Woman Separate.
2. Rosh Chodesh Tamuz was the day of the ceremony. Hence we read the torah portion Pinchas.
3. All the coverings for the BIMAH came from our shul in Palos Verdes, (Which is to small to house the 120 people tham came to the simcha).
4. Glat Kosher Catering.
5. Sweets thrown were sunkist Kosher,
6. During the service we rtecited Hallel as is appropriate on Rosh Chodesh.
7. Both parents made the blessing for Wesley, stating that we were now no longer responsible for him as he is a man – This should be the topic of debate here, You work it out.
If you still want more details in order to help you see through your concerns for halacha, pleasae feel free to call me at any time 310-686-8876
Avi Baer (Wesley’s Father)
http://wesley.thexpguyz.com
To Mr Baer
Please do not take the comments on this website personally.
Unfortunately, there are people in this world who have nothing better to do with their lives than to critisize everything.
Look at many other articles on this website and you will see many derogatory comments.
It is sad that people do not have the dignity to behave even behind the cover of a forum.
Mazel Tov to you and your family and much Nachas from Wesley.
Mazel Tov Baer family
Mazel Tov Wesley and Mr and Mrs Baer:
You should have great Yidish Nachat from Welsey. Hashem should help you that you should continue raising him in the proper way of Judaism with health and happiness. Your response to those who crtisize was straight to the point and very well done. Do not worry about them. They, unfortunately do not understand the work of a Shliach.
As I wrote to my son, keep up the excellent work!
Rabbi Yitzi’s father.