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After 5 Daughters Shliach is Blessed with a Son

St. Petersburg Times

Rabbi Levi Hodakov quietly admitted he was nervous as the crowd streamed into Young Israel-Chabad of Pinellas County last week.

While he and his wife, Miriam, have five daughters, they recently welcomed their first son. As is the Torah-commanded Jewish custom, a circumcision was performed eight days after the baby’s birth.

“It’s a real new experience for me — having a boy and having a bris,” Rabbi Hodakov said.

In the Torah, God commanded Jewish fathers to circumcise their sons, and the tradition has continued for 3,500 years since Abraham. Circumcision is the first commandment given to Abraham, the first Jew, and is central to Judaism.

There are typically about 10 traditional brit milahs performed in the Tampa Bay area each year. Most people use a physician, including many non-Jews who have also adopted the practice for health reasons.

Since there are no local mohels to perform a traditional brit milah, Rabbi Yisrael Heller flew in from New York to perform the bris. In his 16 years as a mohel, he has performed more than 8,000 circumcisions around the world.

“When you do something for God, it’s a heavy thing,” said Rabbi Heller.

God created the negative because he wanted us to make it better, he said, and so we remove the foreskin of the penis. “Throughout life, we continue going in His ways, making this world a better place.”

About 100 people from the community gathered Monday for the event.

“For him, it’s an extra thrill — after five girls you finally have a boy,” said Raphael Cohen of Indian Rocks Beach, a member of Young Israel-Chabad for 20 years.

Rabbi Shalom Adler, the head rabbi with Young Israel-Chabad, spoke during the event and read a letter from the Lubavitcher rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the leader of the Brooklyn-based Chabad outreach movement.

“The words of a tzadik are eternal,” he said before reading the letter, which included blessings for the occasion in Yiddish and English. Rabbi Yossi Dubrowski, leader of Chabad of Tampa Bay in Carrollwood, also participated in reading the letter.

Rabbi Adler, who has seven sons and experienced as many brit milahs, explained later that what he finds significant is that the child is not really aware of the covenant he’s entering into.

“For the most part, he’s oblivious to the deeper significance of this,” he said. “But it underscores that our relationship with God is an essential bond that transcends our intellectual capacity. That is the true commitment we are making on behalf of this child.”

During the ceremony, Rabbi Hodakov’s heartfelt Hebrew prayers and cries could be heard from beneath his white prayer tallis, his face hidden, expressing his genuine appreciation to God for the birth of a healthy son.

“It was very emotional,” he said, “when you’re standing there and you know here is your newborn son entering into the covenant of Abraham, our forefather, becoming part of the Jewish community.”

As part of the ceremony, Miriam Hodakov carried the baby out, dressed in white and resting on a white pillow, and handed him to another woman —- known by the Hebrew word kvater.

Michelle Amnony of Palm Harbor served this role, which is said to be good luck for couples who want to have children. “It’s a big mitzvah,” she said. “It’s something very nice.”

She handed the baby to her husband, Ronen, who passed the baby to the sandek, the person who holds the baby during a bris.

Rabbi and Miriam Hodakov, according to tradition, did not know the sex of the baby before the birth and had not decided on a name. The name — which remains a secret for eight days until the bri — was announced during the ceremony.

The baby’s name is Yaakov (Hebrew version of Jacob), after Rabbi Hodakov’s grandfather, and the grandson of Abraham.

“You get a feeling what to name him when you hold him,” Miriam said. “Like a gift of prophecy.”

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21 Comments

  • Dear Mommies and Tattys

    B“H

    A huge mazal tov to the Hodakov family!

    To all parents of newborn boys:

    Please, please: Always give the honor of Kvatter/Kvatterin to a couple who really needs the segulah — ideally a couple who has not yet been gebentsht with children. Or at least give this role to a couple with ”secondary infertility,“ who have had a child or two, but have not been successful in bearing another child for several years.

    I cannot tell you how sad I felt on numerous occasions, amidst the joy of the simchah, when I saw PREGNANT kvatterins handing the bris baby to their kvatter-husbands, while their SEVERAL little ones crowded around to watch their parents be the kvatter couple! Many times, I’ve seen women shed a tear watching this — married women who are aching to become mothers.

    I know that a couple with a new baby is already overwhelmed. And sometimes it’s not easy to find and procure such a couple, and that sometimes such couples would like to do this honor but cannot on that day, for halachic reasons, or due to not being able to take time off from work.

    But, R”L, it only generally takes a few phone calls to find a Jewish couple who is ready, eager, and able to take on this segula on the day and time needed. [HINTS: Out of town, call the nearest Shliach for names and phone numbers; here in Crown Heights, call your local mashpiah, or even try Devorah Benjamin, who knows so many women who are no-longer newlywed and still waiting.]

    Mommies and Tattys, please remember this! This mitzvah could truly tip the scales for a childless couple!!!

    Thank you!

  • Pregant Kvatters??

    How could that be, if she is expecting she annot be a kvatter / just like she cannot unterfir her daughter to the chupa!

  • Kvatterin many times

    As someone who was childless for a number of years I can speak to comment #1. We were offered the kibbud of Kvatter & Kvatterin a number of times by well meaning friends. For a while were were happy to receive this honor. But for private people it can start to get embarrassing when offered this honor by people one barely knows.
    While this is a wonderful segula please keep in mind that this is a very sensitive topic for those who cannot have children so easily.
    I understand that this is a well meaning suggestion and maybe many people would be happy to be given this kibbud. Please keep in mind those that are shy and may not want something very painful publically paraded before the whole community.

  • Just Curious

    “After five daughters shaliach is blessed with a son.”
    Were the five daughters NOT blessings??????

  • Proud rader!

    Kol Hakavod ch.info for putting your differences aside and posting this article.

  • To the first comment

    As a mother of 4 boys, I can tell you that sometimes I have tried making phonecalls for DAYS to childless couples to be Kvatter for me, but they have not been able to, either it “wasn’t the right time of month” or they plain didn’t feel comfortable. I have even reached out to friends of mine to ask childless people they know, perfect strangers to me, but it does not always work out.

    Keep this in mind when you go to Brissim and see married couples with kids being kvatter.

  • your right

    I agree with you #1 but people also want to give the kavod to someone in their family or a close friend so even though its a really nice idea you have to rememeber that people like to do it within the family

  • sensitivity

    this entire article is insensitive to childless couples!!!!
    there are many couples dying to have children and they don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl! i am very happy for levi hadakov ( i myself had a boy after several girls), but i don’t think this warrants a special news article, such as when one is dedicated to a couple who has had had a child after many years! be sensitive!

  • stop nit picking

    Isn’t it nice to see even a Simcha generates so much anger & dissent. No wonder we have so many problems in Chabad. We fight over EVERYTHING!

    Why isn’t someone complaining about the baby’s name? Or the time they made the Bris? Or what they served at the Seudah? GROW UP, PEOPLE! The Hodakov’s Simcha = THEY CHOOSE WHO GETS THE KIBBUDIM!

    Enough already!

  • Daughters

    Silly article… I mean, would there be an article entitled “After five sons, a shliach finally has a daughter!” Why do I think not? LH does not seem from those sefardi communities (may they be well) that see boys as a blessing and girls as a setback… And what about those without either boys or girls?
    Mazal tov to LH and the newborn, welcome to our nation!

  • aynon...

    I dont see where Levi says in the article that having his girls were less of a blessing, only that this was a new experience. This is probably a reprint of an article from a loal curculiar in FL and the editor wrote the title how he saw it.
    I cannot see why its such an issue to reprint an article about a shliach. Not everything has to come across as negative. Some people just like to find the wrong in everything.

  • From Dear Mommies and Tattys writer

    B“H

    From the writer of ”Dear Mommies and Tattys”:

    1) I did not accuse the Hodakovs of anything; the article does not state the status of the kvatter couple, but only explains the role of the kvatter.
    I simply used this opportunity to explain to some couples the importance of the segulah.

    2) I am not lying about the pregnant kvatterins! I’ve seen it several times. In these cases, I do not know whether the parents of the bris boy were ignorant about the halacha, or whether it was something(s) else.

    3) I totally understand that some childless couples do not want their situation made public. In that case, they can politely decline — no explanation needed. And they can ask their well-meaning friends (who may have recommended them to the strangers who invite them) to please not recommend their names to strangers.

    4) Those childless couples who chollish for the segulah should really make sure their friends know to recommend them to couples about to make a bris, as there may be the opposite situation in effect sometimes — that a couple would love to be the kvatter couple, but the parents of the child are afraid of upsetting a childless couple by inviting them.

    5) There are many other ways to give kavod to family members or friends at a bris: sandek, seating arrangements at the seudah — placing men one wishes to honor closer to the father and/or zaidehs of the baby, calling upon certain individuals to speak at the seudah, allowing certain women to hold the baby before the bris milah or later on during the seudah, inviting a specific woman to sit with the mother and the baby immediately after the bris, when they are usually alone (to nurse, etc.), seating arrangements on the ladies’ side of the seudah, etc., etc.

    6) Of course it is not always possible to find a couple who needs the segulah. Of course no one should spend hours and hours on the phone trying to do this, but it is unusual to not be able to find such a couple after just a few calls. Of course then, one uses another couple (but not a pregnant one!).

    I just want to urge couples to make the effort! Souls are waiting to come down from shemayim!

    THANK YOU — if just one more couple acts on this, the communication will have been worthwhile.

  • Another kvatter question

    B”H

    Perhaps a knowledgeable mohel could comment on this other phenomenon that I have noticed:

    Multiple kvatter couples for one bris: The mother hands the pillow and baby to one woman, who hands the baby to her own husband, who hands the baby to another man, who hands the baby to that second man’s own wife, who hands the baby to a third woman, who hands the baby to that third woman’s own husband.

    And only then the bris milah ceremony proceeds forward. (At the end, a similar multiple handoff occurs when giving the circumcised baby back to his mother.)

    Is this kosher???

    If not, there’s a real need to educate our community about the kvatter process! Mohels — take note!

  • former kvatterin

    We asked a Shailoh when we made a Bris and the couple we wanted couldnt do it for Taharos Hamishpocho reasons and we were told to get another couple as well and at least the first childless couple would still have the Zchus

  • A Crown Heights Resident

    Mazel tov to the Hodakovs.

    In regards to being a Kvatter, I have been the kvatter several times –

    The first three times we were asked by good friends to be their kvatterim and we were in an acceptable time halachically to pass things to one another. We were very happy to do it.

    The fourth time we were asked I was actually pregnant and not able to tell anyone yet. We tried to tell the parents many times that we could not be kvatterim and they were quite insistent that there were Rabbonim that were lenient in regards to passing the baby while in niddah, etc. and we had to tell them many times that no, we could not be kvatterim. It was a very awkward conversation – they assume we could not do it because of TH, when in reality I was pregnant and before the time I could tell.

    The fifth time we were kvatterim I was actually quite pregnant with our second child – I believe I was in my seventh month. At the last minute, the couple who were supposed to be kvatterim backed out because of TH related issues and as apparently the only married couple not in niddah at an early morning bris we were called into action – Rabbi Shain said it was acceptable and so we did it to help a friend. (It is common outside Lubavitch for pregnant women to be kvatter; we are generally more machmir in this inyan).

    The last time we were asked to be kvatterim was a bris held late on shabbos afternoon and were again the only couple there that could be kvatterim – and we were again called into action at the last minute. (I should mention that it has been several years since our second and youngest child was born – I can understand why we were asked)

    It is an honor and a blessing to be a kvatter – but as someone who already has children when I am offered I always ask if there is someone else who needs it more – if not, it is our pleasure to accept!

    Mazel Tov and IMYH SOON! to all those who desire children.

  • Respect!

    This has been an unusually interesting and civilized discussion. It is a pity that some people see discussions and disagreements as negative. What makes us thinking, intelligent people is the fact that we can have various opinions and still respect the other person.

  • Offense, Inc.

    Huh? HOw is an article about a first newborn boy amidst a couple of sisters being insensitive to infertile couples? YOu are all really reaching there!!!

    Is an article about a l’chaim or a chuppah being insensitive to the singles out there? Wow, people will be offended no matter what.

    Now, my turn at the offense. I totally agree with the commenters who wrote would an article be appearing here if the family had their FIRST GIRL!?

    I”m waiting crownheights.info for your article about a first born daughter amidst many boy brothers!

    Remember the Rebbe said it will be THE WOMEN who will bring the final redemption!