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Look Out! Here Come the Calendars

by Moshe Kravitsky

They sure don’t make ’em like they used to. Okay, first of all, back in my day, schools didn’t send out calendars to the homes. Today, every other day in the beginning of the year, your mailbox is getting stuffed with oversized envelopes.

Once you give it the “bend test” (You know, bend it a little this way and a little that in attempts to figure out what’s inside without opening the seal) you know there’s a calendar inside from one of your kids’ schools; well, not all your kids’ schools– the one that should have arrived from Lubavitcher Yeshiva Crown Street– “where is that one?” you wonder. “Where could it be?”

Ah, one of life’s many great questions. Lucky for you, there’s an answer for this one, and that answer will come from me, a 100% certified and bona-fide real live proud parent of the Yeshiva.

Now, I’m not a big fan of long drawn-out answers, so let’s just put all the cards on the table. This calendar’s got all the usual suspects. Shabbos and Yom Tov times, a centerfold with all the Chassidishe Yommim Tovim, sweet pictures of our children and their Rabbeim hard at work. But hold the phone, how is any of this supposed to answer the above raised question?

Patience, my good reader, patience. I was just getting to that. Between me and you, whether or not the calendar arrived in your mailbox, chances are, it’ll be “nicked” long before you get a chance to give it the “bend test” in your front doorway. And the reason is, in all likelihood, your son got to it first.

Yep, go ahead and check his room. I wouldn’t be surprised if he already took the liberty of hanging it up on his own. Now why would he do a thing like that? Well if he’s anything like my boys, it’s because this calendar makes him feel like a million bucks. “Why?” you ask. It’s simple, every talmid in the yeshiva gets his birthday clearly marked in the calendar on his special day. And kids– they love seeing their name in print. Also, it gives his entire class a chance to find out who’s oldest in the class– nu-nu, boys will be boys. Another added quirk: they love finding their face amongst the sea of special moments from around the year and all those class pictures. (And let’s be honest here. Just between the two of us, Yossi and Mendy, or Chaya if your wife is reading, you guys also search for his face in the calendar. Shhh, it’ll be our little secret.)

Anywho, don’t worry if you didn’t get to the calendar first. If your son isn’t quite willing to part with his copy, you could stop by the yeshiva office and they’ll gladly give you another one. Or you could pick one up in most stores right here in Crown Heights.

Well, now that we’ve solved that mystery, I think it’s time we moved on to an even greater mystery–like how on earth does the new lunchroom / simcha hall look so much bigger than it used to. It’s not like they created extra space over there…….What? Why is everybody looking at me funny? Trust me, when you drop by to admire the hall, you’ll wonder the same thing :)

A Ksiva V’Chasima Tova L’Shana Tova Umesuka to one of the greatest Yeshivas of our times!

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9 Comments

  • person who wrote this...

    I dont know if you’re trying to sound cool with your “our little secret, shhh!” and “anywho” but it sounds awful!!

  • to the editor

    only about 5% of CH go to ULY another 5% to darchei menachem & ohr menachem

    The rest go to OT – BR – & BM

    about 50% of the homes don’t even send kids to school

    why should the entire CH be mixed in to your schools personal ideas

    every school today is sending calenders to all the homes

    Please do not set any calenders to anyone’s home

    Its best to give them out at school to the kids to bring home

    Oh it will also save you the stamp!

  • Milhouse

    “ first of all, back in my day, schools didn’t send out calendars to the homes. ”

    Then you must be over 100 years old.

  • jhb

    saw ot’s calendars just sitting there in a box outside a store….seriously, is that how bored they r with money? plz dont let same happen to uly calendar.