Shazak Parsha Post – Parshas Vaeirah

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Water Turns to Blood

Panic and fear seized the Egyptians after their main water source, the Nile River, began flowing with blood. Mr. Muchmad M. Azon was hysterical when he told the press, “It’s not only the Nile! Every kitchen sink, every swimming pool, even the bathtubs, has turned to blood. My precious rubber-ducky used to be yellow, now it’s red! I can’t take it anymore!”
When TNS asked Mrs. Karen Kopveitik, a mother of eight, how she and her family survived without water, she replied, “I tell you… it’s some headache! We have no choice but to buy water from the Jews. Somehow, someway, the water remains pure and clear. But if we don’t pay them, it’s doomsday… the water turns into blood… YECH!”

Egyptian Star Magicians Outsmarted!

The royal magicians were stunned, embarrassed, agitated and mortified, when they were defeated by the magic of Aharon, brother of Moshe. Aharon, who BTW is not a professional magician, performed his act at the palace in front of the astonished Paraoh and his world-class magicians.
Eyewitness Mr. Abdul Hackachainik, described the amazing scene, “I saw it with my own eyes. Both the royal magicians and Aharon turned their sticks into snakes. Big deal! We’ve seen that act before. But then, Aharon turned back his snake into a stick and then swallowed the other snakes! Now that is some BIG DEAL!”

Boiling Boils Baffles Bewildered Nation

Plague #6 struck the Egyptians without warning after Moshe, leader of the Jews, threw a handful of soot high into the sky. Miraculously, it spread all over the entire land of Egypt, creating boils upon the skin of the Egyptians and their animals. Dr. Ahmed Gutdoktor described the horrific situation, “The boils have rapidly developed into infectious burning blisters. It’s destroying the Egyptians’ skin while quickly spreading across their entire bodies. I’d be happy to tell you more but… but… but… I’m in too much pain! OUCH!”

Paraoh Denies Claims of Emancipation

TNS, Torah News Service, has reported that King Paraoh promised Moshe to let the Jews free on condition that Moshe prays to his G-d to end Plague #7, the plague of hail.
Now that the plague has gone away, Paraoh denies all claims of his earlier statements. “By the life of me, the Jews, my slaves, aren’t going anywhere,” the furious king announced at a security briefing. The nation of Egypt is now braced for another horrific plague. Exactly what type of plague is anyone’s guess.

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