Shazak Chanukah Post – CRISIS EDITION!

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Violence Rocks Community

The small town of Modi’in, nestled in the Judean hills, has recently drawn the attention of Greek authorities after an elderly Jewish leader, Matisyahu Kohen Gadol, stabbed a Hellenized Jew who was about to sacrifice a pig to the Greek god Zeus.
Matisyahu, who was said to have previously served as High Priest in the Holy Temple, has since fled into the mountains. He was joined by his five sons and other traditional Jews, who refuse to comply with the laws introduced by the governing Syrian Greeks.
We have no regrets. Our Mitzvos are not optional,” said Yehuda Hammerman, a spokesperson for the group. “Our ancestors have kept them for generations and so will we… whatever it takes!

Jewish “Army”?

More accustomed to learning Torah than shooting arrows, the ad hoc, unofficial, untrained and amateur guerilla army forming out in the Judean hills is not believed to have a chance at beating the mighty Greek army, which boasts thousands of well-trained soldiers, war elephants, chariots and unlimited funds.
We will crush, crumple, , destroy, decimate, demolish, and totally wipe out those Jewish rebels,” exclaimed His Royal Highness King Antiochus, while glancing at his thesaurus. “We are strong; they are weak; we are many, they are few; we are vicious, and they are busy bookworms. They don’t stand a chance against us! Ha, ha, ha, ha, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, LOL, etc. etc. etc. and one more chuckle.”

Holy Temple Goes Greek

The smell of burning pig spread through Jerusalem this week, as the former Holy Temple in Jerusalem has been made into a Greek Temple, now home to giant idols, sacrifices of non-kosher animals, and Greek-style cultural events.
“We have great hope for this place,” said Panagiotis Pigelopoulos, the new Temple activity director. “It seems that Jews are not thrilled with our new style of doing things. But I am sure that once they see the beauty and grace of the Greek way of life, they’ll be running to join our sporting events and other activities.”

Go Greek!

Have a hard time learning the nuances of the beautiful Greek language?
Is it all Greek to you?
The Hellenic Cultural center offers an array of free conversational Greek classes, from beginner to advanced. For more information, please visit, www.jewsgogreek.com or email info@jewsgogreek.com.

Togas “R” Us

Casual togas, dress togas, spare togas, work togas. You name it… we got it!
Visit the giant Togas “R” Us showroom and get fitted today. You’ll be looking Greek in no time! Special 75% discount for Jewish patrons and matrons.

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