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An Agunah Talks to the New York Post

Four-and-a-half years ago, Gital Dodelson, now 25, of Lakewood, NJ, married Avrohom Meir Weiss, part of a respected rabbinic family on Staten Island. Ten months after the wedding, Dodelson left the marital home with their newborn son, claiming her husband was controlling and manipulative.

Despite getting civilly divorced in August 2012, they remain married under Jewish law because Weiss refuses to grant the faith’s decree of divorce, known as a “get.”

As a result, Dodelson’s life in the Orthodox community is in limbo and she is unable to date, let alone get married again. Now, after more than three years of pleading with Weiss to sign the document that will set her free, Dodelson has gone public with her story in The Post:

I’m helping my friend get ready for a date. It’s Saturday night after Shabbat, and I can see how excited she is as she puts on her makeup and curls her hair. She never met the guy before, but it’s fun to think about the possibilities. Who knows — in just a few months from now, could this be the man she’s engaged to?

As I zip up her dress, I feign a smile — but inside I feel despair. She has what I long for — a life where she’s free to date men. But men can’t even look at me now. That’s because I’m an agunah — an Orthodox Jewish woman whose husband won’t give her a “get.” Under the eyes of God, I’m still married, chained to someone who refuses to release me back into society.

When I first met Avrohom in October 2008, I thought he was great husband material. That’s what my parents and friends told me. After all, in my society you’re expected to listen to them on these matters.

They told me that at 23, he was learned, a great Talmudic scholar from an esteemed family, whose great-grandfather, Moshe Feinstein, was a legendary rabbi.

It’s traditional to arrange the date through a matchmaker. Days later, there was a knock at my front door. My dad opened it and led a handsome, dark-haired man with bright blue eyes into the room. He spoke softly and politely, but seemed shy. I happily got in his car.

Our first date was at a big hotel near the Garden State Parkway, and we sat in the lobby drinking Diet Cokes. In Jewish culture, this is the quintessential way that you get to know a potential partner. Dates always happen in a public place and are very formal. We spoke about our families, and although he seemed interested in what I had to say, it was a little off-putting because he kept fiddling with his phone.

I always think it’s impolite not to accept a second date, so I agreed to see Avrohom again. This time, he only really became animated when he was talking about his expensive watch. I told the matchmaker I wanted to stop seeing him, that we weren’t a fit.

Days later, my parents got an urgent phone call from his parents — begging me to reconsider, saying that the personality he showed me on our dates wasn’t the real him, that he was nervous around girls. My parents asked me to think about it because his parents were so insistent I had the wrong impression of him.

In Orthodox dating, you rely a lot on what other people tell you — what their impression is. So I gave him another chance.

After two months of dating — about twice a week, every week, first sharing sodas in hotel lobbies, then graduating to dinner and visits to the Museum of Natural History — we both knew we were expected to take the next step of getting engaged.

It was a chilly December night, and he took me to a glitzy hotel in Midtown. We were walking around on the mezzanine level, watching all the tourists whizzing around below. Avrohom suddenly dropped to one knee, pulled out a black velvet box with a sparkling, round diamond ring inside, and asked me to marry him.

“Gital,” he said, softly. “We can have a wonderful future together.” He talked about the kind of marriage he wanted, where we’d be equal partners and make decisions together. Suddenly my reservations about him melted away. All I could think about was the excitement of the wedding.

The engagement period in our community, like our dating, is very short. There was so much to do before our February wedding that I didn’t worry too much about our compatibility.

As per our tradition, each side pays for certain things — our side the food, his side the flowers. I didn’t fuss much over these things, but I couldn’t believe how many times Avrohom sent back the invitation because it wasn’t the perfect font. Looking back, I should have seen the signs.

Before I knew it, the big day arrived. Four hundred guests celebrated with us at a gorgeous catering hall in Lakewood. I felt so beautiful in my ivory lace dress and veil, with a white rose bouquet. The band, which Avrohom chose himself, had all the guests, women on their side and men on the other, dancing for hours.

But only three days into the marriage, I knew I made a terrible mistake. It was our first Shabbat together as man and wife — and it was spent in silence. We were about to light the Sabbath candles, and we discussed how each of our families likes to light it. It’s a female tradition, and you typically do what your mother did. When my way contradicted his way, he criticized me and turned angry. Avrohom said: “You have no choice. It’s not my way,” and gave me the cold shoulder for the next 24 hours. From Friday night to Saturday night, we didn’t speak a word.

When I couldn’t stand the hostility anymore, I said, “You can’t just ignore me — this isn’t how a relationship works. We have to be able to talk about these things.” The only response he could muster was: “When I don’t get my way, I don’t know how to function.”

I got pregnant right away. As a Torah-observant man, Avrohom would study in the yeshiva all day while I was in school or working at my mom’s technology company.

I was the sole breadwinner, but he had control over our finances. Several times he would give handouts to his brother, who was unemployed. “Why are you giving away the money that I earned?” I asked Avrohom one day. “You don’t get to make the decisions,” he replied, adding that I’m stupid. “I’m the man of the house.” He wouldn’t allow me to employ an occasional housekeeper so, even though I was pregnant and exhausted, I had to do all the cooking and cleaning as well as work up to 40 hours a week.

His controlling and belittling behavior only got worse. I guess I was in denial about how bad things really were. I couldn’t confide in anybody, not even my mom.

We were sitting down to dinner one night, and I casually mentioned that I’d picked an OB-GYN. “Why didn’t you consult me first?” he growled. “It’s up to me to choose your doctor.” When I asked if he had any better suggestions, he said that I should produce a short list of 10, and that he got final say. He always had to be in the position of control — it’s stifling.

At one point, I suggested we look at places in Lakewood, where there would be more room for the baby and we’d be closer to my family who could help out. He said, “People always fuss too much over new mothers, not the father. You’re too spoiled!” My heart sank. I thought: “How can I bring a child into this world with a virtual stranger? Someone I’m so disconnected from?”

Around my seventh month, after getting the silent treatment over Shabbat again, I told Avrohom that we needed to see a marriage counselor. He flatly dismissed the idea, saying: “You can pack your bags and leave. We’re not going to therapy under any circumstances, and if anyone finds out we have a bad marriage, I’ll divorce you.”

Our son, Aryeh, was born on Nov. 19, 2009 at Robert Wood Johnson Hospital. He was two weeks early, and I wonder to this day if it was because of the mental strain I was under during the pregnancy.

The second the nurse handed him to me, the world was a perfect place. I had this beautiful, perfect person. But I was soon reminded that my husband was quite the opposite. My parents had been in the waiting room for hours during the labor.

When they asked to come in to see me afterward, Avrohom steadfastly refused to let them into the room.

I later found out that he actually manhandled my mom, shoving her back as she tried to walk out of the room. That’s a major taboo against women, and she was very shaken up. My father told Avrohom, “Don’t touch my wife,” and he backed off.

Finally, Avrohom gave in, and they came in to see me.

A few weeks after Aryeh arrived, Avrohom agreed to move together to a rented apartment in Lakewood. It was on one condition: that we took the baby and slept over with his family in Staten Island at least once a week.

Two weeks later, on a frigid December night, Avrohom insisted we drive to see his parents. I didn’t want to needlessly drag a newborn out in the freezing cold, so I said no. He was yelling at me, and the baby started crying because Avrohom’s shouting woke him up. He was only 1 month old.

Avrohom had already stormed out of the house twice after two other rows, but this time I reached my breaking point. I said, ‘This isn’t working, I’m moving back to my parents.’ I packed up Aryeh right then and there, and drove off. I told him I wasn’t coming back, and I meant it.

I said: “You’re not a bad man. We’re just not right for each other.” He snapped back: “You would make any man unhappy.”

When my mom met me at the front door, I blurted out what had happened and how terribly unhappy I’d been. Thank God she was sympathetic. She then told me she and my dad had been increasingly worried about his controlling behavior.

Avrohom filed for full custody of Aryeh a few months later, in March 2010, at New Jersey civil court. He broke with tradition — instead of going straight to a beit din (a Jewish court) to resolve our issues, he filed in civil court, which shocked people because it takes a certain kind of person to thumb his nose at Jewish tradition like that.

But it was all a front. He was actually going to use Jewish tradition against me as a weapon.

While he agreed to a divorce in the civil courts (which blocked his bid for full custody of Aryeh but gave him custody every other weekend, plus every Tuesday and Thursday for a total 12 hours a week), he still holds the trump card. He will not sign the “get,” the all-important bill of divorce which is recognized by halacha (Jewish law).

Civil law governs the legal aspects of life, but under the eyes of God — and everyone who’s important to me — I’m still married to Avrohom. On paper, I am a free woman. But this means nothing in halacha, and I’m still imprisoned by my husband to this day.

On my last mission to ask for a get, a month ago, Avrohom said, “I can’t give you a get — how else would I control you?” I think that’s the key to it all. He insists the marriage isn’t over until he says it’s over.

We’ve tried everything — the informal route, negotiations. I’ve asked him myself, my parents have asked his, our camp tries to reason with his camp, but, counting down from the time when he sued for custody in March 2010 and I first asked him for a get, we’ve been shut down for 3¹/₂ years. One proposal his side put forward in January was for me to agree to override the court decision on custody of Aryeh and hand over a payment of $350,000. There’s no way I can afford that.

It’s been an uphill battle trying to appeal to his family — this almost untouchable, powerful rabbinic family. Many rabbis have called on his grandfather, Rabbi Reuven Feinstein, who heads the Yeshiva of Staten Island, to influence his grandson to give a get, but he staunchly supports Avrohom. Prominent rabbis have even called for the dismissal of his father, Yosaif Asher Weiss, as editor for the major Jewish publisher ArtScroll. Ironically, [Avrohom’s] great-grandfather Moshe Feinstein was a major champion of agunot, and convinced many husbands to give their wives a get in his day. Now Avrohom is one of those insubordinate husbands.

I would love to find a stepfather for Aryeh, and someone who I could have more children with, but right now I can’t even have coffee with a guy. It wouldn’t be fair to him or myself.

If I move on romantically without a get, I would have to leave this community — my friends and family and entire support system — because it’s committing adultery. My children and I would be ostracized and not welcomed in the community.

Some people might argue that I should ignore the traditions of the Torah. But I’m deeply religious and won’t go against the God I believe in. Why should I?

One good thing is that I have gathered a lot of support from people in the community who are horrified by the whole issue of the agunot [women whose husbands won’t grant gets]. They staged two rallies outside Avrohom’s home in Staten Island, with about 200 supporters each, in June 2012 and June 2013. We asked people to make it as non-confrontational as possible and keep it respectful. He never even came out of his house. Even though withholding a get is defined by Jewish law as a form of domestic abuse, Avrohom refuses to give an inch.

[Calls and e-mails from the New York Post to Avrohom Meir Weiss and his family members have gone unanswered.]

I am currently in my last year of a law degree at Rutgers University, but I was planning on being a lawyer even before I got married. I find the idea of the law helping agunot interesting, and I would be willing to do whatever I could to help anyone is such a situation.

The lesson I’ve learned from this whole thing is not to turn people away when they need help, regardless of what kind of situation they’re in. I hope I can use my legal experience to help people, regardless of whether they’re agunot.

It’s an insulated community. It takes a strong push to step out beyond that. This step I’m taking is difficult but necessary. I’ve decided to go public with my story after exhausting every other possible means. the Orthodox are fiercely private, but I am willing to air my dirty laundry if it means I can finally get on with my life.

Avrohom, if you’re reading this, this is my last bid: Let’s both move on with our lives. Let us focus on Aryeh and our future, instead of being stuck in the past.

More about the get:

Few people outside the tight-knit Orthodox Jewish community have heard of the get — the crucial document in Jewish law which a husband must sign before a divorce is finalized in the eyes of God.

Without it, the wife, known as an agunah, is not allowed to marry again. If she has children, they are considered bastards. The man, however, can move on without a get, openly dating other women.

The contentious issue of the get came to public notice last month after two rabbis in Brooklyn were accused of charging vulnerable agunot up to $60,000 each to kidnap and torture husbands who refused to sign the paperwork.

In some cases, electric cattle prods allegedly were used on the recalcitrant men’s genitals.

The Organization for the Resolution of Agunot (ORA), a New York-based nonprofit, condemns all forms of violence and extortion, and acts as an intermediary between the wives and husbands in an effort to secure a get.

“The refusal to issue a get is never justified and is defined in Jewish law as domestic abuse,” says Rabbi Jeremy Stern, executive director of ORA.

Some agunot have been waiting as long as 10 years after their marriages ended in the civil courts. Others have been unable to unchain themselves from husbands who are criminals or even pedophiles.

“It’s the last form of control the husband has over his wife,” adds Stern. “The mentality is, ‘If I can’t have her, no one can.’ It’s fundamentally about control and spite.”

NYC is highly affected by the agunah crisis, with 30 of the 50 cases currently being handled by ORA involving at least one spouse living in the region.

ORA has resolved 205 cases since 2002. (The latest estimates, from a 2011 study, report 462 agunot from the previous five-year period in the US and Canada.) Twenty-three percent of ORA’s cases concern non-Orthodox women.

Stern says that in Modern Orthodox circles, the get is often used as leverage, so his organization tries to broker one before any civil decision is made.

As for the Dodelson case, he says: “It’s shocking that Weiss hasn’t made any public statements about it. What his side says they’re looking for is greater custody/visitation and a large sum of money as compensation for legal fees.

“He was the plaintiff in all civil court matters; now he’s using the get as extortionary leverage.”

For more information, see SetGitalFree.com or getora.org.

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82 Comments

  • Chaim36

    Those of us who live in Staten Island find this matter is on huge chilul hashem. I cannot understand why two respected famalies cannot agree on one bes din to issue binding arbitration.

  • Divorced Man

    I would say that it is entirely necessary, to understand that ALL matters must be on the table at once, including support visitation, asset distribution Get…

    Best is if each party can make concessions and work on these issues amicably, in some cases this is not possible [doesn’t matter the reasons]
    If indeed it is necessary to appear before arbitrators, one should look for a non bios Beth Din, usually that means going out of the community.

    They must be professionals in both civil and Halachik rulings,

    The above procedures, can take between one to two years.
    a lot quicker than any civil divorce, in a secular court room. usually a min of 2 sometimes up to 4, years (depending on the issues).

    • Concessions

      Usually mean that the woman’s family has to give money to the man’s family. If a civil court has already arbitrated then all the concessions necessary have been made.

  • AntiSemit Paper

    Any Jew who tasks to the NY Post immediately losses credibility. They do more to besmirch Yidden, especially Frum, than any other newspaper.

  • YMSP

    Shame on CrownHeights.info for covering this. There’s been a false and slanderous campaign against Weiss by the same get crazies who cheered Epstein.

    Supporters of Weiss family respond to the chilul hashem in the NY Post
    http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2013/11/supports-of-weiss-family-respond-to.html

    There are people, reshoim, in Crown Heights (or am haaratzim with no sense and no moral compass) who’ve practiced ostracizing people who’ve tried to save marriages (in which a man’s right to save the marriage is midoraisa and the woman has the same right since Takonos Rabbeinu Gershom). The same holds true if the man is seeking a settlement that conforms with halacha and the woman has gone to arkaos.

    A lot of divorces happen after a birth. If you look up basic symptoms of postpartum dp or anx you see where unrealistic portrayals of a spouse and unfounded worries/lashing out are part of the disease. SPARKS, a frum postnatal organization based out of NY (but counsels far beyond the state) has saved hundreds of marriages by showing postnatal women who have such worries what their symptoms are and the need to treat that before deciding, logically, about a get.

    Going to the papers is an act of a sad person, lashing out. The fact that this site, that does so much good and that tries to keep people informed, is peddling the smut is a sad reflection of the last few days (stories about some dispute in Australia, etc.). It’s wrong on many levels to cover this, morally and halachically.

    And here’s from someone who R’ Eliyashiv appointed as an Av Bais Din for gittin:

    Serious halachic deterioration in the Weiss-Dodelson divorce battle
    http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2013/09/serious-halachic-deterioration-in-weiss.html

    Weiss Family Statement (includes a grandson of Reb Moshe Feinstein)
    http://www.scribd.com/doc/99276322/Weiss-Family-Statement?secret_password=17zgocffmjc24iaqlyax

    She withheld the kid from him as well. On your coverage goes the mammar ChaZal kol hamrachem al axhzarim sofo lisachzar al rachanim.

    On the women and men who ostracize those trying to save a marriage many, many more maamarei ChaZal apply and most of them would apply in a case where one party is waiting for some fair resolution.

    It should be noted that any pressure tactics, started by the Modern-Orthodox (reform) who reinvent Judaism in the image of whatever their latest ever-changing and always destructive social cause is, including public defamation (of Weiss), render a get invalid. Attached is a psak signed by Rav Chaim Kanievsky (among others) to that effect. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b6b2E3MGD78/UmVYDvwYN5I/AAAAAAAANHY/-hKP9C92D_k/s1600/bm-image-788766.png

  • YMSP

    Getora – Which you seem to be happily promoting as well, is in fact a criminal organization that has openly boasted to causing false arrests on its website.

    In the Chilul Hashem that it made by attacking the facebook, wikipedia and other internet pages of the CHAIRMAN OF THE US HOUSE WAYS AND MEANS CMTE (who can easily hold up all the Israel appropriations he wants) over a divorce case involving ONE OF HIS AIDES, this was uncovered:

    The criminal organization referred to in the motion, Get ORA, recently attacked Michigan Congressman Dave Camp’s social media sites as well as his Wikipedia page. The following information was uncovered as a result:
    In truth, the Organization for the Resolution of Agunot is a front organization for the Beth Din of America, a group run by Mordechai Willig who famously covered up for convicted molester Baruch Lanner, transferring him from one division of NCSY (the National Council for Synagogue Youth) to another. Willig publicly apologized 14 years later, three years after his cover up was exposed by the Jewish Week, but went on to shockingly compare himself to King David in his apology, causing an outcry among all true orthodox rabbis who had long considered Willig and his Beth Din of America to be operating outside of the norms of Judaism [1].
    According to authentic orthodox Jewish law, which the Organization for the Resolution of Agunot purports to represent, the Friedman case is a travesty of justice against Aharon Friedman. His wife has refused to settle custody in a manner that conforms with Jewish law (at least allowing him to see his daughter regularly). When no “heshkem gerushin” (consent ending all conflicts between man and wife) has been accomplished a get (bill of divorce) cannot be issued and any that may be issued can be invalid, a grave sin according to Judaism.
    The Organization for the Resolution of Agunot is in fact an organization that openly engages in illegal activities and terrorizes husbands who want to save their marriages or those who want a fair divorce. They openly admit to causing false arrest, such as in this press release [2].
    “Chani called ORA in July of 2007, and we pursued an aggressive strategy to convince him to give the get. Using outside-the-box tactics, and in partnership with community lay-leaders, attorneys, and rabbis, ORA never gave up on Chani. Due to our coordination, her ex-husband served nine months in jail for withholding the get. However, he was eventually bailed out, and persisted in his recalcitrance. Eventually, we were able to get him incarcerated once again. This time, he had had enough. Chani is finally, finally free.”
    The organization clearly violates Jewish religious law and Jewish religious law demands the prosecution of their rabbis, Hershel Schachter, who has been excommunicated for his activities [3], Jeremy Stern and others.
    • 1 Rabbi Admits to Errors – http://www.forward.com/articles/9345/
    • 2 Get ORA Press Release – http://getora.org/Press/160pressrelease.html
    • 3 http://mishpattsedek.com/Docs/SharMishpat-Niduy against schachter union sauer-English.pdf

  • Oznayim

    Too much petty detail. She needs help (as well as him.) There is hardly enough ‘complaint’ to warrant a termination. He needed someone to teach him a few manners, and how to be considerate al pi Torah.

    And to take this all to the tabloids? There lurks here some form of mental-emotional disorder. Just the length detailed statement is enough. Then what does she expect from an article in a NY tabloid. PETA come to the rescue?

    Forget the chilul Hashem for the goyim. What about the non-observant Jews (some of whom may be reconsidering their fremdkeit.

  • Get for Gitel

    It should be made legally binding that if there is a civil divorce it goes hand in hand with a get.
    Why is the husband holding out? What is he gaining from it? He is just being as she said controlling and manipulative and she is well rid of him.

    THIS NO GET BUSINESS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR FAR TOO LONG. IT MUST BE STOPPED.

    • YMSP

      a) Such a get would be invalid.
      b) Compassion would be better spent on him and the fact that Dodelson kept his kid from him. Have pity on the kid. He has no obligation to acquiesce to your shrieking demands and he’d be far more likely to resolve the case if they’d reach a fair settlement. Dodelson thumbed her nose at halacha and then demands a get. There’s nothing in halacha that works that way and double gaming the system to get whatever she can, shelo kedin in court, then whatever she can in a fake Bais Din that doesn’t follow halacha and then have rabbis with no scruples slander him is seen for what it is.
      c) Your actions are making a fool out of everyone involved in the case, although her side far more than his and are revealing your true nature.
      d) Find something else to do with your life.

  • very very sad

    And a couple of mistakes.
    1 the husband does not sign the get. He instructs for it to be written.
    2 the husband cannot remarry either, until he gives the get. As per the takono of rabeinu gershon.

  • Andrea Schonberger

    I DO sympathize with her situation however she admits that she wasn’t worried about their non-compatibility after she accepted his proposal and got
    sucked into the wedding hype. After the first date she should have refused to see him a second time if she honestly felt they weren’t a match. What were her parents going to do? Force her to date him? I doubt it. I have to keep in mind that no one forced her to date or marry him, subtle pressure maybe but not force and that’s a major difference. If she has any fault in this predicament it is that she didn’t listen to her gut feeling. She got taken in from what the outside looked like and disregarded the inside–he looks good so he must be good, right? WRONG! Of course there are two sides to this so in all fairness I can’t condemn him without his testimony. What are the women libbers going to say about my comment?!!!

  • Jewish community watch

    Anyone up for creating a website with a WALL OF SHAME for these cowards who withold a GET from an AGUNAH ?!?!
    it boils down to the one and only thing they can CONTROL from their marriage !

    • YMSP

      JCW – When you go around accusing people willy nilly of molestation, the sickness you spread hasn’t yet been seen for what it is (despite your “good” intentions) and people are loathe to criticize you because in some cases the information is important (your acting as judge, jury and executioner aren’t though and you’ve harmed many innocent people). But if you dare post your wall of “shame” of people trying to save their marriages, or of fathers who want some custody, which was taken based on unproven allegations), then I will fight you publicly and expose you for the shameful disgrace of a wild internet blog that you are.

    • RBMH

      YMSP you seem learned in many things and details – so not talking about this case specifically but what is a solution then? You’re speaking from above like in a helicopter. Land, see the carnage, and make a viable suggestion. One doesn’t take certain steps until a last resort.

    • YMSP

      RBMH – I’m just one small guy but it would seem that people could do tremendous good by first and foremost telling kids how to defend themselves, that there are these terrible s-abusers out there and the need to stand up to them, tell teachers and parents, etc. Judo and karate training are not bad ideas either (unfortunately may be like the Talmud’s advice to teach kids to swim today – but would ask a rov before making that broad a comparison).

      With regard to divorce, rabbonim and professionals should do everything to save the marriage, get both sides talking and then, if hopeless or if they’re unwilling, to explain to long term repercussions of not resolving things and of not letting a parent ch”v see a kid. Even if someone is holding back a get for spite (which is not usually the case and among the publicized cases it is almost never the case – the rabbis are too cowardly to go after real malicious people and go after those who they think they can push around instead), friends encouraging both spouses to sit down and settle this is far more effective than fanning flames and pumping chests. The man also wants to move on eventually, but won’t if he can’t see his kid. In a case where he wants to save the marriage (and the community would do better encouraging the woman to give it a chance in most cases rather than to have bitter people telling her to act out their often unhealthy desires to “attack the man”), either she’ll eventually agree to go to counseling or he’ll eventually just give up and divorce with a get if outsiders don’t make a three ring circus out of it.

  • Shlomie

    Shes a lowlife piece of trash for advertising it in the Post. She says ” I agreed to take the baby to his inlaws if we move to lakewood” (by her parents)
    then 2 weeks later she dont want to- read the story carefully

    • Upset and hurting

      Lemme guess…ur also one of those husbands holding back a get. you’re also controlling and manipulative. you are blinded by power and you don’t see her side. if i had a daughter, i would tell her to stay far away from your types.

  • flip side

    you think its only the women who get the short end of the stick? there are women who bully and abuse husbands too.

    what it really comes down to is who is the stronger personality.

    and in the end who has the better lawyer

  • Levi Tal

    In Israel men who refuse to give a get are imprisoned by order of the Beit Din. Since that’s not possible in the US ‘physical persuasion’ may be the only way out.

  • Pointless Blog

    That blog that people are linking is still pointless! He has no reason except being pure evil of holding this woman from marrying someone else for life!

    How could one do such a thing! If you dont love her and you dont want her in your life the gemara gitten commands you to give her a get!!!

    Free yourself from this shame you are only damaging your “oh so high” image! You will end up living the rest of your life alone and depressed.

  • SEREL CHANA MANESS

    THIS MAN HAS ASPERGER’S, MORE COMMAN THAN YOU REALIZE,IT DOES HAPPEN,SOME PEOPLE SAY IT’S FROM SHOTS,COULD BE,YES,AND DOING SOME RESEARCH,I’VE COME UP WITH STEM CELL HEALING,IT’S WELL WORTH IT

  • Citizen Berel

    Terrible situation. Who do you think is right…reading the wife’s statement this husband man is bad bad bad. Reading the husband’s side on scribd…and I guess is isn’t maybe so simple maybe.

    So who should I root for…who should I hate…who’s the bad guy (or girl) here…wait a flash…like a bright shiny thingy what shines from bright shiny thingys…I GOT IT!

    No one asked me.

  • no excuse

    Bottom line is: They are already divorced civilly and she’s been waiting 3 1/2 yrs for a get. There is absolutely no excuse for him to withhold it. It is pure evil. May G-d sort him out – and whoever supports such evil.

    • YMSP

      Posak din al atzma

      The pure evil is the seizing of his kid, the Chilul Hashem defamation campaign, those egging on a nervous lady who’s going through a divorce to do things to the father of her kid and to her own name that she’ll regret forever and people like you who yell and scream against him regardless of the facts.

    • RBMH

      YMSP, it’s very difficult when you’re in a situation like hers, where you’re getting advice from Rabbonim. I also had to wait 3.5 years for a Get, and I had specifically been suggested to by a Rav (not a dime store rabbi, but one which deals with gitten) that I should withhold visitation in order to pressure him. I can’t speak for all cases or situations, but I can tell you from my own experience, it’s a very lonely and scary place to be, when running up against a brick wall with getting a Get because he just won’t listen to anyone, including Rabbonim.

    • YMSP

      First of all, I’m sorry you went through anything unpleasant and may you know no more pain. Every divorce is bad in its own way. A rov is supposed to be an ohev sholom, and a real rov, when there were such people, would sit down with both parties and hammer something out until he (the Rov) got sick if necessary, The rabbis, especially gittin rabbis, are usually not helpful and are quite sadistic. The tit for tat stuff (witholding visitation) almost never works and probably prolonged it. Many well meaning women have been victimized by these horrible rabbis who are kurt, clueless and ineffective (mostly because they deviate from halacha). If he cared about your best interest he would have called your then husband without threats, ask him to sit down, find out what he wanted, what you needed and attempt (again and again if necessary) to make a deal which both could live with. You’d both be happier after the divorce if he’d done this as well. Like I said, I’m sorry for your pain. It’s a true shame that those who the community turns to for help often make things worse and are clueless/careless.

    • YMSP

      There’s also a big push by the courts to prevent the separated spouses from talking to each other. Lawyers without scruples live off of that. If rabbonim and friends get the two separated spouses to calm down and speak, things begin to settle. If a lawyer or a get rabbi does this, it’s rare and helpful. No rabbi who makes money only if there’s a get should be involved though. It’s a sad commentary on most rabbis today, but those who follow halacha and morality outweigh the 100 others who don’t.

  • Horrible

    I dont care what reasons the Weiss family has to defend themselves… the bottom line is, if the girl doesnt want to be married to him, he needs to give her a get! No defense or excuses will excuse the horrible behavior!

  • To YMSP

    Don’t you have anything better to do with your day then constantly replying to what people say.

    • Help Agunos

      Most of the stuff YMSP writes is pure fiction. He has no inkling of an idea of what an Aguna faces in her marriage until she had the courage to leave, and then what she faces after she left.
      If this site gave me the space I would refute him point by point.

      Most “Rabbonim” have no education, experience, or training to deal with broken marriages. For that matter most Batei Dinim have that same problem.

      The only problem with the Mendel Epsteins of the world is not that they did what they did to someone who won’t give a Get, but that they charged exorbitant prices to do it, and made it into a great money making business.

      I wonder what YMSP would do if it was his daughter that became an Aguna and couldn’t get her Get for years on end.

    • YMSP

      I was going to answer that I may indeed be too emotionally involved but seeing the vicious attacks on private people, in a private matter where one side has made up falsehoods over falsehoods about the other, topped off by a pointless Chilul Hashem in the NYPost, I believe that there’s reason to be emotionally involved and after all, there’s a mitzvah of lo saamod al dam reacha.

      But when I see comments like those of “Help Agunos” I don’t doubt the need to counter them, even if it just pulls one person out of darkness and into light or relieves the stress of one person who’s being attacked by these types. Certainly, it seems that someone needs to counter this insanity in every form, for the sake of yiddishkeit and for the sake of humanity.

      To “Help Agunos”:

      I happen to know that the majority of the cases that you scream and shout about are ones where the man has been robbed of custody or other vital things. In more egregious cases (of your misguided activism), the husband wants to save the marriage. Even if top rabbonim and psychologists support him, even though certain non-Jewish countries (Canada for example) have a mandatory one year waiting period minimum before a divorce (similar to the Rambam’s opinion btw), you know better. Your gittin on demand destroy the woman and hurt the children, collateral damage in your insane war for “gets on demand.” I’ve also seen your type take cases where resolution, and a get, was fairly doable, ratchet up the situation, fan flames for your own publicity or amusement (not that you’d admit that those are your motives even to yourselves) and make a get almost impossible.

      Fortunately, the world sees you for who you are. Make no mistake about that. The Chilul Hashem that you make in the process is another matter though.

      As to the crux of your post:

      The fact that posted halacha, with sources, letters from real rabbonim (not your get rabbis) is dismissed by you as “pure fiction” means that you believe in a morality other than Torah. Ok. Let’s debate your new non-Torah morality…

      You state that the only problem with Epstein is that he took money. In other words, you support cattle prodding someone (and to make matters worse, you do so without knowing jack about the case; remember – it was an FBI sting), beating people, breaking their bones and whatever else suits your fancy. Yes, you are the epitome of morality and compassion. Actually, I’ll stick with Torah and Chassidus and hope and daven that you crawl out of the rotten cesspool of muck that you’re stuck in. Deal?

      If one of the women who wanted a get (who are rarely agunos) was ch”v my daughter (not ch”v against them, just ch”v that it would happen to anyone’s family and your family should also only be blessed), I would first and foremost try to prevent the divorce. If that were to ch”v fail, I’d sit down with my son-in-law, no matter how bad, and try to work something out. I’d explain to her how kids need their father and that divorce costs both parties and that the trying to take all and then demanding a get only causes bigger losses in the end (as it always does). If my daughter were to ch”v ever write “the only problem with the Mendel Epsteins of the world is not that they did what they did” I would check my yichus to see if my ancestors stood at Sinai as ChaZal say of anyone who is that cruel. The fact that you believe that the destruction you cause for the wife, the husband and the kids is somewhat noble is just pitiful and fooling anyone with half a brain or a quarter of a heart.

    • for your info

      husbands who are such tzaddikim and want to “save their marriage” are sometimes/often the ones who have been acting like animals to their wives for years, be it emotional abuse, physical abuse, s. abuse etc. and when their wife finally picks up the courage to put her foot down and say “im worth more than this” he wants to work on the marriage. this could come after years of her begging him to see someone together, after him forcing her to put up a front of a happily married couple.
      But when he proves himself as an totally selfish person who in some cases is dangerous to be around and shes ready to leave he withholds the get “because he wants to save the marriage”.

      and i talk unfortunately from experience.

  • SEREL CHANA MANESS

    THE GUY NEEDS A FUNCTIONAL MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING TO SEE IF HE HAS ASPERGER’S,ARTICLE BY DR MIRIM ADAHAN,THIS IS TAKEN FROM THE JEWISH PRESS OCT,12,2012

    IT’S TITLE HE DOESN’T HEAR ME! IS IT ASPERGER’S,DIFFICULTY WITH COMMUNTION DIFFICULTY WITH RELATIONSHIP DIFFICULTY WITH UNDERSTANDING ANOTHER STATE OF MIND,
    THE WOMAN NEEDS TO LOOK INTO ANOTHER DIRECTION FOR HELP,THIS ONE WE KNOW SHE DID NOT TRY,TRY OHEL,PERHAPS THEY CAN HELP HER

  • Jim M.

    As an “outsider” reading this, I find it sad.
    This poor woman clings to her faith, yet is punished for it. This man needs to have G_d in HIS life. It appears not. Disappointed to read that this occurs.

  • Divorced Man wrote

    With 1- a lot of Siaatah Dishmaya, {Help from Above}, 2-Conviction to do the rite thing, and determined to do so. [adding in both, prayer and especially Lots Of Charity.
    I MANAGED TO FIND IT!

  • Mr. Fix it

    To YMSP. It is never okay to withhold a GET. In cases of abuse such as this one, trying to “save the marriage” would only cause further harm to the mother AND CHILD! A father who abuses his wife or child should LOSE his right to spend anytime with that child. Abusers always have great stories and the abused are never believed. If the father molested his child would you demand he be allowed custody? Verbal and physical abuse are as bad as sexual abuse if not worse. Worse because people like you will ignorantly claim there are two sides to the story, she is also wrong etc etc. If she would stay with such a controlling and abusive man he would have treated his son the same way. Gauranteed! People like you in an effort to do good cause much more harm. You enable and legitimaze the abusive behavior of a man who refuses to give his wife a get.

    • YMSP

      Esteemed Mr. Fix “It”,

      If people don’t know the hateful, false and despicable tactics that your group engages in, perhaps they’ll think you have a point, albeit an extreme and harmful one. That’s before they realize that your definition of abuse is anything and everything (including demanding counseling before any decision is made). Your source that there was abuse – someone in a mental institute in Beijing said so, so it must be true.

      If they knew that you naturally whitewash anything the mother may have done to the child and are concerned with what such a terrible father who demands counseling might do to the child instead, I’d submit that most sane people would be in danger of wetting their pants from laughter.

      Till now you’ve thrived off of exploiting women with postpartum, women with other problems acting out, etc. Your day is ending.

  • MaidofCH

    If the guy does have Asperger’s (which sounds plausible), that probably explains why his parents pleaded with her to go out with him again, even though she sensed something was wrong even after date #1. They knew they had a loser on their hands to get rid of, for the sake of their reputation. They probably even coached him through the whole dating process — what to say, what to do — although his speech & behavior still seemed a bit off. (He looked a bit off, too.)

    What a shame societal pressures force people to do this. The girl should have trusted her judgment — as she sadly acknowledges now. What a shame she was driven to air out her dirty laundry to the secular public. Improper as it might have been, it was an act of desperation.

    While I hope this issue can be resolved, maybe lessons can be gained. If, during a courtship, you see any red flags — run. Nothing will change or improve just by dating, let alone marriage. And don’t let anyone, family or friends, pressure you into a major decision. I’ve seen far too much of this in the frummer velt.

    • YMSP

      As any fam. court judge knows, I wouldn’t put too much stock in the rendition of one divorcing spouse made by the other, including the rendition of their dating. Her rendition also doesn’t add up or make sense. In the midst of a custody fight, people only remember the negative (and usually mourn the positive much later).

    • comparison

      I find it shocking that you describe someone with aspergers as a loser. You should never know…..

  • Analysis

    First of all many young women marry when the family sees THE NAME and do not deny this.And I can say for a fact, in the shidduch world OY THE NAME, THE YICHUS etc etc.So yes young girls and guys fall for this before seeing the person.She could sense he had something wrong and in one word it is called JERK.So ok she couldn’t take spending the rest of her life with this jerk and wants a GET.SO GIVE IT TO HER!!!!So many of you rally behind the guy because OY OY THE Chushuva name.There are many controlling abusive men and women out there and THEY HAVE THE BIG NAME…SHE WENT TO THE POST OUT OF DESPERATION so stop with the “world will know the dirty laundry”.She’s not disturbed but he is disgusting to withold a GET.

  • Critics

    To all those who are so critical of her-maybe you’ll be lucky and your daughters will marry someone just like him and just think you’ll have the glorious family background that goes with him.But I mean exactly like him!! Enjoy!!

  • AVROM MEIERS PARENTS

    THE PARENTS ARE TO BLAME.
    WHATS WRONG WITH THEM.ITS OVER!!!!!!
    THEY HAVE TO TEL HIM TO LET HER GO-OTHERWISE THEY MAY NEVER SEE THEIR GRANDCHILD AGAIN.

  • YMSP

    I don’t know why people don’t take this paragraph alone and recognize how every word coming from ORA is untrue and designed to sensationalize the issue.

    “Without it, the wife, known as an agunah, is not allowed to marry again. If she has children, they are considered bastards. The man, however, can move on without a get, openly dating other women.”

    Really now?? Really?

    The fact that they went to the NYPost with this shows exactly who they are.

    The hijacking of Chairman David Camp (R-MI – Chair, House Ways & Means)’s facebook and wikipedia pages is icing on the 7-Layer Chilul Hashem cake.

  • it never is what it seems

    seeing the sympathy poured out for the waks from Australia and knowing alot more then the article which Crown Heights .info reprinted I know it is never what it seems.
    True here the behavior of the husband is pointless because there is no way this marriage will be saved but before your many learned, knowledge and wise readers make comments please ensure that you are not relying on a secular newspaper article that gets great delight in making this story as sordid as possible. Bad news sells newspapers.
    May hashem help all parties involved

  • David

    Wow can’t get over how many posters here are so quick to judgment.

    First and foremost I do not know either side but reading a one sided article especially from the NYP does not indicate guilt. however, being that one party brought intimate details of their marriage (which could or be true or not) to the secular press that already places them as a person with no integrity for the following reasons: What was the purpose of it? did you or me need to know personal details of their life? will this help bring shalom between the parties? Will this bring her any closer to a kosher get? This was Pure lashon hora or motzei shem ra to say the least.

    In a normal situation, Any parent man or woman has no right to withhold their child from the other spouse. Spouses who prevent their children from having a normal relationship with their ex (whether man or woman) are evil and do not have the best interests of their child involved. As for the posters who diagnosed amw with all kinds of problems based on a couple of quotes from the newspaper. Might I suggest you take a step back and think if the reverse was written, would you say she is sick?. Aside from that ,any competent person would not make such judgments before speaking to the person (let alone in public).

    I also feel bad for some of the commentators with bad experiences but just because you went through a bad ordeal doesn’t make every situation the same as yours.

    Contrary to ORA’s propaganda. Issuing a get because a woman decides she doesn’t want to married anymore is not so simple. A get is a serious matter where both men and women have certain Halachic rights. Just because a woman demands a get doesn’t mean she is entitled to one. This is not my opinion but the opinion of our sages.

    • Dear David

      you wrote: ” Just because a woman demands a get doesn’t mean she is entitled to one. This is not my opinion but the opinion of our sages.”

      Interesting statement. Care to show a source?

      I know that Rabbonim will attempt to save the marriage, but once all agree there is no hope for the marriage. there is nothing ethical, moral, or halachic that allows the husband to chain his wife as an aguna.

      A get is a mitzvah d’oraysa that the husband MUST fulfill.

    • YMSP

      David – Exactly
      Dear David – Not sure where to begin but not a single word of what you write is true.
      If the cases don’t fall under the clear cases listed in Shulchan Oruch; Even Haezer 154, then there is no obligation to at all on anyone’s part. Judaism values marriage. (If there’s no hope he should end it as a practical matter, but that’s his and her business). The mitzvah midoraisai is that if one wants to divorce, that divorce is only affected through a get. There’s a mitzvah midoraisai that if one wishes to bring a nedavah to the Bais HaMikdash, it has to be a specific kosher animal. That’s not a chiyuv to bring a nedavah.
      A get issued against the will of the husband is posul midoraisa. A get issued against the will of the wife is posul since Takanas Rabbeinu Gershom.
      I also haven’t seen the get rabbis try to save marriages, rather try to destroy any chance of reunification. There are letters from the Rebbe that the main yetzer harah today is to destroy families.

  • David

    Unfortunately, what others have written about ORA is true, they are indeed a horrible organization who do not have anybody’s best interest in mind other than themselves. They can really mess things up for a woman especially. Many of the cases they have gotten involved with besides acting against halacha they have caused more complications to the divorce process and unnecessarily prolonged the ordeal for these women. Some are still without a get because of the problems they created. There are other reputable organizations that can help women who are in the divorce process without the media circus involved. If there are children involved they will grow up one day, being that we live in the age of the internet these things never go away. They will end up hating the spouse for bringing shame to them for publishing all of their family’s dirty laundry and for ruining it for them when it comes time to shidduchim etc. While ORA’s tactics may give you a feeling a revenge for now will it be worth jeopardizing your relationship with your children?

    As for people wishing bad on other commentators the rebbe would never be in favor of that or the tactics of ORA.

    At the end of the day I truly feel really bad for her because when this is eventually settled and ORA is not there to instigate her anymore, reality will set in. She will want to get married but no normal man would want such a woman. There will always be the fear of if it doesn’t work out, look what she can do. If she were to get married her husband will most likely never form a normal relationship with her because this fear will always be there that anything he shares with her could be turned against him one day.

    May moshiach come now and bring peace to am yisrael

  • Upset and hurting

    I know it’s a controversy, but I would take this guy, drag him out in his PJs, handcuff his hands behind his back to a street post, and tell him he could stay there until he divorces his wife or dies of starvation and/or hypothermia. his choice. he can also wear a sign that says ”I’m an abusive man who won’t let my wife remarry” and explain it to anyone who asks. let him suffer a fraction of that pain that he’s causing his wife.

    • YMSP

      You need meds. She’s an abusive mother who wouldn’t let her son see his father till the courts stepped in, but I don’t wish her harm.
      Maybe if he gives her a get you can marry her. It would be a match made in somewhere not quite heavenly.

  • Mr Fix It

    1- I don’t need to judge who is right or wrong in this case, I don’t care if Mrs Dodelson was a terrible wife and Mr Weiss was a saint. By all account heir marriage is over, they settled all the custody and property divisions and now he is not giving the get. NOT GIVING A GET IS ABUSE. An abuser has no rights to see his kids, an abuser has no rights to extort money. An abuser should be shunned, shamed and marginalized.

    2- Rambam Hilchos Gerushin Perek 2, halacha 20: Whomever is by law forced to divorce his wife and does not want to, the Beis Din in every place and in any time can beat him until he says I want to (divorce her)

    When is he by law forced to divorce her? Hilchos Nashim perek 25, halacha 11: If he developed bad breath, or bad odors, or got a job collecting dog excrement or mining copper, or tanning hides – he is forced to divorce her. [there are other cases as well]

    3 – If she is a moenes or wants to divorce him but he wishes to remain married then his only recourse is to whithhold the Kesubah money. It does not say he can withhold the get.

    4- Rambam Hilchos Gerushin perek 13 halacha 29: Why do the Chachomim trust a woman, or slave or maidservant or non Jew . . . . in order that the daughters of Israel should not remain Agunos

    • YMSP

      Shulchan Oruch also lists bad odors, or got a job collecting dog excrement or mining copper, or tanning hides – he is forced to divorce her (doesn’t say specifically bad breath and is talking about an abnormal odor).

      As you see, maus alei is not on that list.

      The Rambam paskens to wait 12 months if she says maus alei. However almost all other Rishonim write that there is no chiyuv when she says maus alei. That is also the halacha as brought down in Shulchan Aruch. In fact, a forced get in a case of maus alei is posul midoraisa.

      There’s also been no heskem geirushin and she’s refused his fair offers for a fair zablo – so a get might be posul right now regardless.

      Amazing how you can print the truth and still twist it into falsehoods. Shame on you.

    • my two cents

      A man has no halachic, ethical or moral right to use his exclusive hold on the marriage as leverage for more custody, better visitation terms or monetary considerations. It is no different then using blackmail, intimidation or other methods of extortion. In fact it may be worse – because it is an abuse of Hashem’s laws, which inevitably causes a tremendous Chillul Hashem.

    • YMSP

      To “my two cents”

      You speak from experience? Sorry to hear, but if everything is as you say (and there’s always two sides to the story) maybe he finally learned his lesson when you as the wife put down your foot and showed him what he was doing. Just saying this because in almost all divorce cases, no one is better off, both parties do learn a lot and both eventually regret the divorce big time. Try to fix it if you can. Not trying to judge but there are a lot of hotheads on this board who want to wreak havoc for Weiss at the expense of his, Dodelson and their son. Don’t let them sway you and try to fix your marriage or remarry if you can. There are hundreds of bad marriages that become good when both work on it and when both realize that they can lose their marriage ch”v.

  • Mr. Fix It

    Dear YMSP,

    I am convinced you are an abuser yourself. Talk about twisting the truth. Let’s just go ahead and blame everything on postpartum. That makes a lot of sense. To those who say “going to the NY Post makes disqualifies all she says”…A woman who is sticking to her religion after everything she went through doesn’t go to the NY Post on a whim. She goes after 3.5 years of fruitless efforts. 3.5 years of hope being dashed again and again. Withholding a Get is very simply a transgression of the positive commandment of “Love they neighbor as thyself! Supporting abuser and those who refuse to give a get is a transgression of the same commandment. Withholding a Get is an abuse of Halocha! There is NO rational to explain it. Any Husband who refuses a Get proves the wife’s accusations of abuse. There may be exceptions to every rule but there is a reason they are called EXCEPTIONS!

    • YMSP

      Ok, you know nothing about marriage, nothing about the effects of postpartum and don’t care that gittin on demand make marriage irrelevant. I don’t take moral lessons from people who cheer on creeps with cattle prongs, but just FYI the Weiss family has said that they’ve tried to resolve this for years. You don’t care about his rights to see his son or to a fair split. I’m sure you have an answer for that, which is equally ridiculous. Why don’t judges just grant divorce in civil court? Sometimes it takes years for a divorce decree as they fight over division of assets, etc? Because both parties have rights and maybe because it would be unfair for both to divorce without knowing what divorce means. The fact that you direct your fire at Weiss, at me, at anyone who supports his rights while saying nothing about the commentators who are calling for violence sums it up right there.

  • YMSP

    Are u all there? You see their marriage is over an ddone with and you cannot force anyone to be with someone.PERIOD. You don’t get it, do you?You come come up with all kinds of things because you are the know-it-all MINUS any humanity or mentshlichkeit.Get help and then u can give lectures to everyone.SHE DOESN’T WANT HIM. SHE NEEDS A GET. Now go get a real life and learn about abuse and people.

    • YMSP

      Obviously, that wasn’t me, but I guess directed to me. See that many posters don’t know what marriage is and could care less about it. B”H that’s not halacha’s stance, i.e. not Hashem’s stance. As to the morality of this non-Torah approach – aside from the fact that it makes marriage irrelevant, the best show of what it is is how they attack Weiss and even his supporters (Torah’s supporters) for commenting but either post to do heinous things that should be done to no one, or tacitly agree with those posts.

  • Ezra

    Here’s the thing, YMSP.

    You may be correct on the halachic issues, that this isn’t one of the cases where a beis din can validly force the husband to give a get; I’m not familiar enough with the details of those dinim to say.

    You may also be correct that much else could have been done – on both sides – to not have reached this point.

    However, right now this is where they’re at: the husband and wife are not living together, and there is no reason to expect that this marriage can (or, indeed, should) be saved. Mr. Weiss, in refusing to give the get, may be within the strict parameters of halachah, but that just makes him at best a “naval birshus ha-Torah,” someone who uses Torah law to excuse his misdeeds.

    And if, as Chazal say, “there is no family that has a moches [rapacious tax collector] where the whole family are not mochsin… for they cover up for him,” then I submit that the same is true in this case: the husband’s family – who are capable of using moral suasion to get him to do the right thing (without that raising any concern of oness), but instead fail to do so and indeed claim that he’s within his rights to not give the get – why, then, that family is equally guilty as he is. And so is anyone else who comes up with specious arguments to defend such behavior.

  • NYPost article will accomplish...

    I have trouble buying into the idea that out of desperation to attain a GET this author exposed her private life in the NYPost. Time will tell, but I doubt this article will encourage the young man to give her a GET. The damage has been done. I would guess that the young man and his family will dig in their heels rather than sink to their knees. This article has a better chance of preventing the GET than generating it.

  • dont know

    Mr Baram who helped many marriages in crown heights was always of idea of not to ask for the get AT ALL, the more you ask the more you give power to the other side to destroy you through it.

    I know people who followed his advice and everyone received their get sooner or later

  • what about child support and maintenance?

    Whats everyone fussing over the get? i haven’t received child support for my many kids and no one gives a second thought, the Rabbis in this community have all given me their back, and i have to ask for coupons from Keren Simchas Shabbos veyom tov??, THAT is disgusting, and regarding the Get, well i am free but trying to remarry? not easy at all second time around

  • Anonymous

    If the young man really does have Asperger’s syndrome(and I have an autistic child)was this information kept from the young woman? If so, this is not right. For his parents to just say”he’s shy around girls”was not enough.

    • YMSP

      I can’t understand why anyone would want to medically diagnose someone based on the testimony of a separated spouse and a New York Post article.

  • Anonymous

    It was Mrs. Maness that brought up Asperger’s. She didn’t say she diagnosed it.Has the young man been officially diagnosed or not?

  • anyhow......

    if he does have Aspergers and it was hidden from her prior to marriage, well then, that gives her right for a Get immediately.

    Actually, she should finally receive the Get anyhow. If there are issues to work out regarding visitation, custody, money, assets,…..then they need to go back to civil court to deal with that. Beis Din as far as I know does not deal with those matters and it’s not relevant in the US. In NY state at least the final civil divorce is not granted until the husband has given the get. This way the secular court can to some extent also influence that the man gives a get.

  • 1 of the אנ''ש

    That’s what happens when you marry for $$$ and יחוס
    Now she and her parents regret it…
    Hope she gets he get soon

  • Emes

    We as yidden are destroying ourselves from within. Most frum yidden here in the USA are doing this willingly. Most of us embrace the whole feminism ideology that Epstein and ORA preach because how could the Torah possibly be corret in giving men more power when it comes to divorce. The Torah is Emes and it is not for us to question why nor try to change halochos because our modern views may conflict with it.

    Cohanim have a tougher time with regards to divorce. They cannot marry a divorced woman nor remarry there x wife also the get process for a Cohen is tougher then for the rest of klal yisroel. The reason for this is because cohanim are Notoriously hot tempered. Like women they often think emotionally and not logically. Hashem knows all, knows our nature knows our gender faults, knows everything and created the Torah for us to follow weather we understand or not.

    Epstein and ORA are self loathing jews that are damaging yidishkeit more the even Hitler yemachshamom could. They are doing it by appealing to our modernistic views and then using that as a base for us to agree to disgard the Torah.

    We all have to stop, it does not end here but only begins here. Just this past summer the Euro organization called JCR (Jewish circumcision revisionists) got the German government to ban Bris Millah. They want all jews to have a surgeon perform the bris under anistetic. They are here in NY and they are working with Deblassio right now to create legislation to force there agenda. They even used ORA and the NYS DRL barriers to remarige laws as proof positive that collective frum communities in general will embrace and except bris millah laws.

    Next will be shechita. Already several European countries have banned it as being in humane. And the ones that haven’t have only not done so because the Muslim Hallal is lehavdil deemed similar.

    Our Rabbanim and Dayanim are helping the destruction with in fighting and machlokeses at a time when we need them more then ever to put up a unified front against all these anti Torah organizations.

    We collectively need to turn back the clock. Stop ORAH, JCR, Epstein and Battei Dinim like Ralbag who write heter Arkaos with no regard to halochah. And give hechsherim to treif Hebrew National.

    WAKE UP YIDDEN!!!!