New Study Characterizes Agunot
Most agunot are younger woman with children who are trying to leave a first marriage, according to a new study.
The findings, which identified 462 instances of agunah over a five-year period, suggest that there has been an increase in cases of Jewish women being refused a religious divorce, or get, by their husbands while the rate of case resolution has been on the decline. These “chained women” have little money and are not aware of the resources available to them.
More than 70 community-based and social service-related organizations across North America were polled in the census released earlier this month. The study was spearheaded by Barbara Zakheim, founder of the Greater Washington Jewish Coalition, and polling was conducted pro bono by the Mellman Group.
Exacerbating the problem, the study says, is that there is no one specific communal body or rabbinical court that deals with the issue. The report also found that the husbands will sometimes apply pressure on the agunot, forcing them to make financial or child-custody sacrifices in return for receiving a get.
There is still no Orthodox systemic solution to freeing agunot from the chains binding them to a Jewish marriage,” Zakheim said. “While some rabbis have taken a commendable proactive role in supporting agunot, many others have exhibited an apparent lack of compassion, reflected in their deafening silence on this issue. It is totally unacceptable when rabbis tell agunot to pay off their husbands to receive a get, or when careless beit din [rabbinical court] verdicts leave women in serious financial straits.”
Milhouse
Most “agunot” are not agunot at all. They’re just married women who’ve decided to leave their husbands, and demand that the husband simply go along with their wishes just because they say so. Well, they lost the right to have their husbands cater to their every wish when they decided to leave. A husband is not an eved kenaani, and he’s not obligated to consent to a get just because his wife wants one. If she wants his consent she has to give him something in return, just as in any negotiation.
MILLHOUSE IS COMPLETELY WRONG
ACCORDING TO HALACHA, WHEN A MARRIAGE IS “DEAD,” A GET SHOULD BE GIVEN ASAP – THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE. THE TRUTH, MILLHOUSE, IS THAT A NORMAL WOMAN, ESPECIALLY ONE WITH CHILDREN, ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT SIMPLY WAKE UP ONE MORNING & DECIDE TO LEAVE HER LOVING,SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND & BREAK UP A HOME. IF SHE IS, G-D FORBID, TRULY NOT NORMAL, THEN NO DOUBT HE HAS ALREADY SUFFERED & WANTS TO END THE MARRIAGE ALSO. BUT ASK ANY TRAINED THERAPIST (NOT RABBI – UNLESS R. TWERSKI) & YOU WILL HEAR THAT A FRUM WOMAN TURNS OVER HEAVEN & EARTH TO PREVENT A DIVORCE, NO MATTER HOW AWFUL HER HUSBAND IS. SHE WENT TO THE CHUPAH WITH ALL OF HER INNOCENCE & DREAMS INTACT, BUT A RASHA ( YES- EVEN ONE WITH A LONG BEARD ) DEFINITELY DOES NOT “CREATE A HOME BASED ON TORAH & MITZVOS” BUT THE OPPOSITE & AT SOME POINT THE WOMAN MUST SAVE HER LIFE, HER SANITY, & HER CHILDREN AND LEAVE. THE MACHO, UNEDUCATED & HEARTLESS ATTITUDE SHOWN BY MILLHOUSE IN HIS POST IS EXACTLY WHY THIS ARTICLE NEEDED TO BE PUBLISHED. THIS TRAGIC SITUATION SHOULD BE PROTESTED BY ALL YIDDEN UNTIL BIG CHANGES ARE MADE IN THE SYSTEM. TRUST ME – WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOUR OWN DAUGHTER OR SISTER (G-D FORBID) OR THE DAUGHTER OF SOME OF THESE RABBONIM – AND IT HAS – EVERYONE CHANGES THEIR TUNE.
Yaffa from South Africa
I don’t agree with what #1 is saying. Why should a women have to stay married if she is not happy in the marriage? If the husband is abusive G-d forbid or mentally ill why should the wife have to stay married. To stay married in a loveless marriage for the children’s sake is also not good and it is not beneficial to the kids. Rather get out of the marriage and you will have happier people all round. I think it is terrible that you should say that she should give the husband something in return if she wants her get. I agree that Rabbonim need to be more sensitive and helpful when it comes to divorce not just for the wives but for the husbands as well. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage and not everything is one sided.
DeClasse- Intellectual
But Milhouse, you cannot just generalize as you just did. There are many cases of these women who are left out to dry when there is no legitimate resources to aid them. I know of a Hrov hagoan–not a chabad Rov–who spent many hours aggravating on his inability to aid these women. It is a major problem that is unspoken about but challenges the tenants of orthodox Jewry.
Millhouse rant
What is wrong with this male chauvinist ignorant Millhouse guy???? What kind of comment is that to leave after reading an article as the one above? You obviously have personal issues, but don’t generalize the way you did. The suffering of agunot is a known problem that needs to be dealt with URGENTLY!! Your angry venting in a public forum will not change that very sad fact. Deal with your personal problems at home.
to Mllhouse
why is your every comment on here complete stupidity?!
anon
Since we are on the topic. there are women out there that dont accept a Get. and further more take there husbands to court just because they get free legal aid and husband has to pay $$$ just to defend himself. this is done even when woman has not claim is custody is taken away from her by the court for being abusive and mentally ill.
But the difference is noone jumps up and down outside a womans home saying ACCEPT A GET!!!
and no one puts her in cherem for being a moser and going to court.
Why???
1234567890
To those angry with number 1, you should look up the definition of an “internet troll.”
It will make sense then.
AA
Milhouse, please tell us peshat in the following statement from the Rambam (Hil. Ishus 14:8):
“If she says, ‘I am disgusted by him and am not able to willingly have relations with him’ – then we compel him to divorce her immediately, for she is not a captive that she should be forced to consort with someone she hates.”
(Yes, he does go on to say that in that case she forfeits her kesubah payment, but frankly nowadays that’s neither here nor there – the amount stated there anyway isn’t really enough for living expenses. The point still remains that he has to give a get unconditionally in that case.)
Shloimeh
Question to the learned fellows on this site:
How come has there not been any sort of Chalachic way of bypassing husband in case of abuse by Beis Din? Or technically, does Beis Din have a power to dissolve a marriage?
If not, what are the agunos options?
Shloimeh
Also I know that this is a frum forum, but still have a question: the conservative guys had something called “Lieberman clause” which allows an extra clause to be put in ketubah saying that upon a certain request of the husband or wife, a get must be given. Is that impossible in the frum world?
Fang Un Fun Unfang
Millhouse, I used to love you. No longer.
Who are you to judge?
Comment #1 is completely out of line here. Ever case is unique. Sometimes there are male victims and many times there are female victims– no one should be allowed to abuse another. A GET should NEVER be used to blackmail another partner– as my ex-spouse unfairly did to me. Custody terms and terms of financial support, needs to be decided based on the merit of each case– not forced via cruel coercion of someone with-holding a GET. Thank G-d for the NEW YORK STATE GET LAW! Otherwise I would still be an agunah today. I suffered years of abuse by a severely mentally ill individual who hid his a psychiatric diagnosis of schizophrenia– when I married him. Millhouse: who are you to judge?
Abramovits
“ACCORDING TO HALACHA, WHEN A MARRIAGE IS “DEAD,” A GET SHOULD BE GIVEN ASAP”\ Please cite source for this “halacha”.
Who says that the husband is always a rasha? Usually takes two to tango.
Perhaps the wife is trying to keep the children away from their father.
Usually it’s about money.
“A FRUM WOMAN TURNS OVER HEAVEN & EARTH TO PREVENT A DIVORCE, NO MATTER HOW AWFUL HER HUSBAND IS.”/// and just what planet are you living on?
LaAniyas Dayti
Having helped many young women in tough situations, it is my advice to the lady to ask herself the following questions:
“Am I about to run out to find a husband right now? Even if I am, will I find one so quickly?” My experience is that most separations are due to some form of abuse by the guy. Will you risk falling into another? Or are you eager to put yourself out (in the unmarried group of guys) as “damaged goods?”
If so, I tell them. “you don’t need a get right now.” It should not be the immediate priority for a woman with children. Establishing as comfortable a transition she can for her children is the important issue. So don’t go blindly and empower the rogue by demanding/pleading for a get. (It needs to be repeated a number of times before the poor lady understand this contrarian stand – which usually throws the guy off balance.) He is the one who will want to marry (and find candidates – without candid dates). So now, my question is to the woman, “Which Rov will perform a marriage for a guy who hasn’t yet given a get?”
Ah. So here is where the am-aratzuss clicks in, (particularly among those Rabbonim who wring their hands over the “agunah crisis.)
”But he can go and receive a heter Meah Rabbonim and remarry!“ they (the un-learned) scream. But it isn’t so. First of all it is not easy to fulfill the required conditions for 100 signatures. Secondly, the Heter Meah Rabbonim [been there done that] involves him writing a get, and making the Beis Din a shliach to deliver it – when she decides she will take it.
Yes, yes. All the hitz-kopps will pounce on me for taking this attitude. But before you do, let me tell you it has worked every time. Even a 50% custody was extracted once, for her agreeing to ACCEPT the get, in a case where attorneys said was hopeless.
As for the appropriateness of engineering a get, when the gemara says that the Mizbeach cries over a get, [an argument often presented by the guys Rov], my answer is simple:
If there is a get, the mizbeach will cry.
But if there isn’t a get, HKB”H himself will cry.
shlomo
suddenly milhouse right! (don’t forget feed cat)
hakol mi ha shamaim. lo stam ba le nashim zot! also who want that religious marriage will look like most modern marriage in goim in this country? and our religious rules include HAGUNA it our last defense line against pritzut and anticlericalism!