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Girl Loses 205 Pounds in Hopes of Finding a Shidduch

Ynet

Before and after, Merav Yitzhaki. Photo: Rochi Waxman

Is there anything people won’t do for a Shidduch? Merav Yitzhaki, 25, had bariatric surgery, gave up on snacks and pastries and lost more than half her weight. Now she awaits her suitor. A Lubvitcher girl speaks openly about her obesity and her struggles.

Love, so they say, changes people forever. But a changeover like the one undergone by Merav Yitzhaki, a young woman affiliated with the Chabad Hasidic movement, must have required some help from God as well.

As part of her attempts to find a proper match, Merav had a series of operations, lost 93 kilograms (205 pounds) and redefined the concept of a diet. Now, with her new look, she feels available for a serious relationship (preferably with a Chabadnik, of course).

‘I started taking things seriously’

“I was always a fat girl,” says Merav, 25, of Netanya. “My parents tried to encourage me, saying that being fat is not an offense, and I preferred to just ignore my weight and eat.”

And Merav did eat, until at the age of 21, when religious girls start seriously thinking about getting married, she reached the weight of 155 kilos (342 pounds).

“I was warned that I should be thin when I enter the ‘shidduch’ world, so that I could be matched to a good-looking guy. But I had already accepted the fact that I would probably be matched to a fat guy and that’s it.”

But Merav didn’t really accept the situation, and at some point found herself on the operating table at the Assuta hospital, where a ring was adjusted on her stomach to reduce her appetite.

“I started taking things seriously and eating in a healthy way, and with the help of diets the weight just kept falling off until my dietician stopped me,” she says.

And then, about a year ago, she looked in the mirror and saw a girl weighing 62 kilos (137 pounds) with a lot of excess skin, which used to cover her 155 kilos in the past. “I looked really weird, only in a different way this time,” she says.

In order to look her best and fit into the dating world, Merav was treated by Dr. Tali Friedman, a senior plastic surgeon from the Assia Medical Center in Tel Aviv.

“The problem of obesity is extremely relevant to the haredi-religious sector these days,” says Dr. Friedman. “I have been exposed to many patients from the sector who have undergone weight loss treatments and body shaping. Merav is a very impressive and highly motivated young woman, who has done very well.”

At the end of the treatments, Merav said goodbye to the excess skin as well and finally joined the world of single women and men.

“I have never gone on a date before,” she says. “Even when I had already lost weight, I wasn’t offered any matches because people didn’t know about it. But I know that God will send me what I deserve.”

In the meantime she’s happy (“I thank God Almighty 10 times a day”) and recently began working as –believe it or not – a pastry cook. “That’s what it’s about, watching but no touching,” she laughs.

To conclude: Sense of humor – check; new look – check. All that’s missing is a good ultra-Orthodox groom.

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62 Comments

  • brocho

    She should have hatzlacha in finding her beshert as well as she had hatzlacha in losing weight.

  • Mark

    since there are no apparent health risks… what would we do without the shiduch thing

  • standards

    good for her, but why are you publishing this for the public its poshut not tznius

  • Im appalled at the tastelessness of this

    Kitzur shulchan aruch dedicates an entire chapter on eating habits.

    This article is pure waste!

    Weight and diet has everything to do with health.
    Someone has to be some kind of ill to get healthy for any purpose other than VALUE OF LIFE AND CLARITY!

    This is the opposite of what we teach our children, to consider a person’s ruchaniyus more than their gashmiyus, to be concerned with their character more than their looks.

    “so that i could be matched to a good-looking guy”
    how putrid!

    She is insulting herself with that comment.
    She is saying that she is worth less fat!

    I support all fat people i know when i say, i am disgusted by this entire peice and feels it is the opposite of derech eretz and anava!

    This is pure chaos!
    Hepech haTorah!

    (Only to demonstrate my objectivity, I am a fit good looking guy, and value people regardless of their natural look.)

    HOWEVER, someone who has no respect for their health and senselessly eats like an animal, i pity.
    Those who find there way to healthy treatment of themselves after falling down that spiraling pit i have immense respect for.

    Those who overcome the self-abuse of their health for worthless unrelated reasons i see as more foolish than those who are gluttonous, the sickness reaching greater heights.

    Dear Crown Heights and Lubavitch bichlal:

    There is no excuse for ‘human beings’ to eat and drink most of the “food (and drinks)” that the world has been pushing on society of late. it is not food. this is as much an issue of physical health as mental and emotional, all affected by what and how we intake, food included.

    sugars, fats, salts, and alcohol are all to be used in a most limited manner. sugar used least of all.
    processed foods are poisonous to ones health and mind.
    Yes, it is!
    dairy today is no less processed and should be avoided.
    todays flour is ‘dead’ and poisonous to health.
    clean pure water is the primary beverage of any human diet. (no, nothing mixed in, pure)

    tyhere is no excuse for a human being no less a jew to be drinking sugar, topping their pizza with it (in the sauce), in our bread, “barbeque” sauce (i.e. sugar), ketchup.

    now one may claim, but that doesnt leave anything to eat.
    it leaves everything people eat for thousands of years, minus dairy, and bread which has always been the least desired food anyway.

    the modern world didnt change our bodies.

    health does not mean weight specifically, it means feeling, clarity, wittiness, calculatedness, clean fresh blood (self-healing, illness preventing).

    again:

    pure water (wine’s better during meals)
    fresh fruits
    fresh vegetables
    fresh fish
    fresh meat

    we should be leading the pack when it comes to health, after all it’s the Jewish way.
    there is no excuse for neighborhood eateries to poison an unsuspecting community with worthless food because their recipes havent a moments consideration for health.
    especially for the Jewish population where choices are few.

    on the same note, our mikvaos should stop using chlorine in the water, and use a healthy alternative (they exist for near the same cost).

    it sickens me to see frum jews being MOST lax when it comes to health, and having the lack of clarity of mind to boot.

    especially nowadays when even the fruits and vegetables we buy are LOADED with poisonous (yene machla and other illness causing) chemicals, we need to be even more careful.

    we need ‘fresh’ grain in this town!
    it is a shaaleh today if a yid should make lechem mishna on shabbos due to the bread not being food anymore today.

    do not follow the example of the companies who sell us poison for our money.
    every family needs to THINK for themselves, and CARE for their family.

    last but not least, with a healthy diet, a person craves in general, and especially unhealthy foods less if not at all.

    The Rambam (as well as shulchan aruch) writes, a yid must guard their diet and health, for the food they eat affects their ability to serve G-d and to serve G-d with joy, as well as perform in all other areas of life (including satisfaction in bed [weight aside]).

    It is my hope that the Kashrus certifications make sure our food is kosher al pi shulchan aruch with regard to what is fit for human consumption as well as Jewish consumption.

    A gut yur.

  • Berki

    GOOD FOR YOU GIRL. EXCELLENT WORK GIRL. I AM PROUD OF YOU REALLY. There’s so many chassidic girls that can take a shining example from you. Yasher Kochacha. May you find your bashert real fast.

  • yb

    To comment 4, you’re a sick, sick, sick!!! person.

    Kol Hakavod to this girl for being open about it, and straight up honest….years ago, you probably would have been the person who hid their mental retarded child in the closet.

    get real, and move on.

    you feel everyone should be controlled with food, maybe you are! but then you’re not controlled in other ways, I’m sure, and you definitely have no control of your negative thinking.

    keep on mellowing in your sorrows.

  • good for this girl@

    #4….. not impressed with you at all. Your remarks about this girl is tasteless.
    So is your diet!!

  • Andrea Schonberger

    It’s fantastic that she lost the weight and is now at a healthy one but she should have lost it for herself and her health and not for a shidduch, and a good-looking one too to top it off. Trying to maintain a healthy weight is important to ward off heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesteral, and stroke. If losing the weight just to gain a shidduch was her only motive what happens after she’s married? Is the weight going to come back? Of course I hope she finds her bashert in the near future but she has to realize that maintaining a healthy weight has nothing to do with a shidduch.

  • #4 tasteless

    #4, no wonder why you are so embittered and cranky…. your bland boring diet can do that to you.

  • Dr. Phil

    If people do bariatric surgery in order to get shidduchim, maybe they should also get gender reassignment surgery in order to find a shidduch … this will help the shidduch crisis by alleviating the well-known surplus of girls.

  • AB

    To #4

    I am surprised at some of your comments, you seem to be well educated in regards to being healthy but you show disdain for somebody who is going through extreme struggles. Obviously she never understood as she grew up that her health was being put in jeapordy by her eating habits that her parents encouraged. I think she only realized it when it came time to look for a shidduch. Many people need extreme motivation when it comes to losing weight (especially the amount that she had to lose) and in this case the extra motivation was that she would have difficulty finding a shidduch if she did not lose the weight.
    I say, if thats what she needs to motivate her to get healthy and fit then go for it. I also say to all those people out there who struggle with one thing or another that whatever you need for motivation you take it, run with it and dont look back. Dont listen to people who will ridicule you for using any motivation whatsoever to reach your goals.

  • She will find a good Shidduch

    She will find a good Shidduch, Hope all you people who made silly comments will send a present.

  • SHADCHAN #2

    WHY POSTED PICTURE BEFORE AND AFTER…. NOT TZINIUS …CONFIDENTIAL INFO AND THE LOOK IS NOT ALL…SO GO FOR GOOD MIDOS, FRUMKEIT/CHASSIDISHKEIT TO BUILD A BINYIAN ADEI AD STOP PEOPLE WITH THE LOOK … HOW MANY PEOPLE IN CROWN HEIGHTS DID THAT SURGERY WHERE IS THE CHIDUSH!!! WHY TO PUBLICIZE!!!!! MY POINT OF VUE!!!!!!GOOD LUCK TO YOU BUT NOT ALL PERSONAL INFO HAS TO BE ONLINE OR FACEBOOK

  • wow! impressive!

    wow! that’s a lot of weight she lost! she should find a shiduch very fast!

  • TO #4

    All I can say is I want to meet you in person. I imagine you to be extremely cracked and hilarious to watch from an outside point of view. “Only to demonstrate my objectivity, I am a fit good looking guy, and value people regardless of their natural look”

    HAHAHA

    I am not sure what was more funny..this article or you.

    Please do post more often

  • Yossel

    To #6…I think you mean “wallowing” not “mellowing”

    I agree that the frum community is now activly consuming garbage at our fast-food joints. We’re copying our non-Jewsih neighbors and not benefitting from the habits. The other thing that is a problem is SMOKING! Why do frum boys and men smoke like chimneys when it was proven to cause yena machla back in 1964? I remember when the surgeon general came out with that statement and my Dad quit almost immediately, after smoking for decades. EVERY CIGARETTE THAT YOU SMOKE TAKES 5 MINUTES OFF YOUR LIFE!! A violation of “u’shmartem es nafshoseichem” Anyway best of luck to the lady and hope she finds a good shidduch.

  • Mother of a boy

    There are lots of overweight girls in Crown Heights and most boys have a right to object to being set up with morbidly obese women. Girls don’t have to be anorexic but it is hard to convince healthy boys to accept girls who are 100 to 200 pounds overweight. Why should a girl of 20 to 25 be that large? If she has a food addiction she can try OA. It is not just that the boys only care for looks; it is a health and fertility issue as well. In marriage, there must also be an attraction.
    I hope that Merav can influence other women to take a step in her direction and I hope that we see the good news of her engagement very soon.

  • sad but true

    Is this is fair – No
    Is this normal – No

    Is this reality – Yes

    There are more girls than guys, there are more good girls than good guys, fat girls don’t have a chance!!

  • BCH

    To all those worried about the girl’s confidentiality – do you really think that someone who lost this amount of weight can keep it quiet? Whoever looks into her as a potential shiduch will inevitably be told anyways, so she might as well publicize it in hope to get more offers. So, best of luck to her!

  • Vinny

    I love the assumption from a number of posters that the consumption of unhealthy food is somehow “goyish” or not frum or what have you.

    Lets see… Kugel, Cholent, P’Tcha, and all of the rest of the brown, delicious, traditional food will kill just as fast, if not faster, than the food in Mendy’s.

    But remember what #4 said, flour is bad for you. Huh?

  • CHT

    Somewhere in the middle would be just perfect – don’t go to much against your personal nature.

  • Congrats but...

    Congradulations, but you may want to keep this undisclosed since your possible shiduch will think that you can gain it back makes you less appealing.

  • Esty B

    Merav–You seem like a motivated, hard-working girl. Now that you’ve set your sights on it, I’m sure you won’t be long in finding your bashert.

  • cher

    well i agree & disagree with this whole thing.it is important to lose weight(for health reasons)but if the only reason why you went on a diet was to find a shidduch & improving your health was not on your mind then she really needs to have her head examined.

    there were probably many other reasons why she couldn,t find a shidduch but her weight was not one of the reasons for her being single.it,s very good that she decided to do that but her weight was not the reason why she was unable to find a shidduch.losing weight is not going to help you find a shidduch.just had to get this off my chest.

    cher

  • brother from the hood

    to # 4 put yr name at the bottom of stupid post

    come on were are yr guts? cowerd

  • To all those...

    who are saying she should only lose the weight for health reasons and not a shidduch and a guy will accept her for who she is blah, blah blah….

    Reality check! You can call a guy shallow for not wanting to date a girl who is a size 8 but now when she is 200lbs overweight. If she wanted to marry a normal sized healthy man, she had to lose weight. I would not blame any guy for not wanting her at her larger size.

    From a VERY unshallow and realistic person.

  • to #4

    to #4
    What a controlling person you are. I feel a touch of sadness for those close to you. Your controlling eating behaviour often leads to unhappy marriages, childhoods, when one is so obsessed with food deprivation.
    Have you thought about the ill health one can receive from sitting in front of the computer, cell phone?
    How about the contaminated air you breath 24 hours a day, or do you wear a mask?
    The water you shower in and drink all those chemicals, what do you do about that?

  • About #4

    I think #4 has some valid points, regardless of how they were expressed. For one thing, I do think that many of us consume unhealthy foods and beverages. For example, we might drink soda with gobs of sugar and artificial colors and flavors. We might never eat whole grains with more fiber and nutrition, such as whole grain bread, brown rice, kasha, barley, oats. We might not include beans, nuts, and seeds in our diet to provide fiber,important vitamins, healthy oils. We might eat red meat so much that we forgo fish, chicken, or turkey which apparently are healthier for our hearts. We might eat lots of refined sugar, when we could use honey, stevia, maple syrup instead. On and on it goes. I realize that the original article was not an essay on eating healthily; however, the issue of food quality is one worthy of a good, educated consideration……….On another note, I agree with him that losing weight to attract a good looking guy is, in my opinion, quite a narrow reason to lose weight. First of all, how about feeling better and more confident in her body to attract a guy? Secondly, why say attract a “good looking guy, not a fat guy”? How about attracting a nice guy, one with integrity and intelligence, etc. I do think there is some superficiality in this young woman’s reasoning. And sometimes the superficiality is part of some members of society, too! There are lots of reasons people are overweight! Consider emotional, psychological, nutritional imbalance, thyroid imbalance,history of emotional or physical abuse, addiction to foods such as sugar (which is proven to be addictive for some people),

  • say no to drugs

    to DR. PHIL

    then let all the s’fardi and yemenite people of our communities have multiple wives. :D they can keep up with them

  • serel chana maness

    in answering #4,l would like to stress that we are individuals.awhile in general this diet is very good,l will stress very much that we are individuals,what’s good for one does not mean it’s great for everyone,anyone interested in using the nutritionist that l use is welcome to email me,scmaness@gmail.com,and awhile it’s true losing weight does help to have a reason for,like some people said,there are hidden feeling that need to be address to feel fine among people,some people eat out of a sense needing to feel loved,when they feel sad,whatever the reason,it takes a lot of self controll to eat right always,there’s no vacation,although the shulchan aruch says a little will not hurt,you have to know if it good for you or not

  • kol hakavod

    Kol hakavod to her. I hope it inspires others who are struggling with this issue. She should have continued hatzlacha!

  • Idiot Aharonot

    Please do not comment on her supposed reason for losing weight unless you know her and she told you, personally, that she did it only to get a good-looking guy. Otherwise, you’re commenting on the work of a reporter who may be biased.

    Ynet is very superficial, and has a history of being very anti-frum. In this case, I think they were trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator, but there is also a bit of trying to expose charedi social ills here.

    Even when its parent newspaper Yediot (Idiot) Aharonot was right-wing, it was a paper for the masses and articles were very poorly written.

  • Shadchan

    She made a huge mistake by coming out in an israeli website infamous for its unsuitable content. The same article in the Nshei Chabad Newsletter would get to her circle of possible shiddush candidates, and avoid the busha that she caused herself in Chassidishe circles.

    True that one neeeds meshichas halev in a shidduch, and looks are the first obvious thing one sees on a shidduch meeting. But, if mothers would be open minded and hear shidduchim for their sons with girls who are chock full of Chassidishe middos ands chayus, with less attention to chitzoniyus, the problem will be solved for many girls.
    No one can imagine what anyone will look like after a baby or two or three…A binyan adei ad must be built on true foundations, that we were priveleged to be taught by the Rebbe.

  • AB

    #44

    My thoughts exactly. You could not be more spot on. People seem to think that this article was written for CH.info
    and the approach that this is her only motivation is small minded and condescending.

  • Bella

    I think the right one will love you, inside and out, no matter what your size is…

  • what-s for dinner?

    Several points…
    1) I don’t think her main reason for losing the weight was to find a shidduch; it was the extra push she needed. It doesn’t matter what her motivation was as long as the end result is leading a healthier lifestyle.

    2) The before and after pictures are necessary not only for her, but for many others with a weight issue. It serves as an example of what is possible to accomplish. The girl ‘s clothes are tzniusdik; we see many photos of women at special events, etc., so there’s obviously no problem with that.

    3) I think the comment she made about god-looking guys is more for humor purposes than anything else, and, besides, nothing wrong with wishing to marry a good-looking guy anyway, right (given that he has good midos to go along with that).

    I say, good job on your accomplishment, and may you get everything you want
    and more.

    Fellow commentators, stop dissecting every phrase in every comment. And BTW, besides #4’s negativity and criticism, he makes many valid points about nutrition.

  • to all the health nuts

    Don’t overlook the obvious; In many ways, marriage itself is the best thing you can do for your health.

  • Sarah in Fl.

    Why is this even an article worth posting? Been there done that… (baltshuva) still single. and im 27. I wish her the best of luck but its not about what u look like.

  • Sarah in Fl.

    PS I DID have my weight loss surgery for health reasons. I have not had plastic surgery. She should really have valued herself beyond her weight.. NOW if her heath was ailing as mine was I 100% support her decision to have surgery.Because sometimes that IS REALLY THE ONLY WAY to get the weight off.

  • anonymous

    If the beautiful girl who wrote this story is reading the comments – I want to plant a seed. I too had a weight problem, but it wasn’t just a weight problem, it was so much more. I joined Overeaters Anonymous and lost my weight that way. I did not just loose weight however, I learned how to show up and face life rather than stuffing my face with food, how to love myself, how to respect myself, how to be giving to others and less self-absorbed, how to have a truly strong connection to Hashem, and so much more. I was blessed to meet my husband after doing serious inner work on myself through the 12 step program. There are many, many frum women in the program. Bypass surgery only solves the physical part, and in many cases leads to serious side effects. OA or any other 12 step program for food addiction/compulsive overeating provides a solution for the entire disease of overeating- on the physical, spiritual and emotional levels. I wish you success in finding a husband, but that will come not only through loosing weight, but from becoming the person inside who you truly are- and that is a beautiful creation of Hashem who loves herself and deserves to be loved by others.

  • Real Solution

    I agree with 4 and in addition, bariatric surgery is too common when the best solution is a good diet and exercise. If those aren’t working, there is a serious underlying issue for which bariatric surgery is only a band-aid solution. Doctors should run more tests to get to the root of the problem.

    This surgery is the “easy” way out and should not be promoted.

    An implant or removing part of someone’s stomach should not be a popular option. It’s misery that someone should go so far just to throw up what little food they eat. It’s not how we’re meant to live.

  • To Meirav

    To Meirav: You are Gorgeous! May your life ahead be as gorgeous as you, may it be full of hatzlacha and bracha and everything that you want for yourself and more!

  • shlomo

    and after shiduh she release ring and get all back in first pregnancy if AGD let she get pregnant.
    if you do this in any other shora you will suite for consumer fraud :) but shiduh probably main thing in life you can…

  • to #4

    noooo onnneeee cares if u r a gooodd lloooking person
    why r u posting this??????!!!!!!

  • Life coach

    IT seems like a lot of people are looking for a fight. Try to acknowledge the wisdom in #4 rather than angrily wipe him out and embarrass him and and disqualify his opinions.Maybe this website is a good place to practice disagreeing respectfully so that the shidduchim once made can be maintained as happy and healthy marriages. Bless you all with a good week and much mazal to the future kallah and all the other future kallahs.

  • Reb Mordechai

    #4’s suggestion

    Obviously it is a no brainer to avoid all processed foods if one wishes to keep healthy. I’d add high sodium foods to the list of things to avoid but as they all tend to be processed foods and/or dairy food I think #4 has already covered this.

    However, to tell someone to cut out ALL dairy items is not practical.

    Moreover, his comments about avoiding all flour products cannot possibly be accepted as we all have a mitzvah of Lechem Mishneh on Shabbos and Yom Tov. Fine, stay away from “pas” during the week as the carbs will kill your diet but please eat at least a kzayis of delicious whole meal cholla at each seudah. Add another mitzvah by baking it yourself and reduce the sugar and oil in the recipe.

    Oh, and I’m speaking from experience having lost over 35 kilos myself in the past year and a half.