Orthodox Rabbis Sound an Alarm Over Eating Disorders
In the large and growing Orthodox Jewish communities around New York and elsewhere, rabbinic leaders are sounding an alarm about an unexpected problem: a wave of anorexia and other eating disorders among teenage girls.
While no one knows whether such disorders are more prevalent among Orthodox Jews than in society at large, they may be more baffling to outsiders. Orthodox women are famously expected to dress modestly, yet matchmakers feel no qualms in asking about a prospective bride’s dress size – and her mother’s – and the preferred answer is 0 to 4, extra small.
Rabbis say the problem is especially hard to treat because of the shame that has long surrounded mental illness among Orthodox Jews.
“There is an amazing stigma attached to eating disorders – this is the real problem,” said Rabbi Saul Zucker, educational director for the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, or O.U., the organization that issues the all-important kashrut stamp for food. “But hiding it is not going to make it go away. If we don’t confront it, it’s going to get worse.”
Referring to the high risk of death from heart problems and suicide in patients with anorexia, he said: “This isn’t a luxury type of disease, where, O.K., someone is a little underweight. People die.”
As a teenager, Naomi Feigenbaum developed bizarre eating habits that had nothing to do with Jewish dietary laws: Cocoa Puffs and milk in the morning, when she figured she had all day to burn off the calories, and nothing but Crystal Light and chewing gum the rest of the day.
At the kosher dinner table in her home near Cleveland, she said she would start arguments with her parents so she could stomp off and avoid eating. She lost weight so rapidly in high school that she used safety pins to cinch her long skirts around her waist.
By the time her rabbi came to visit her, she was emaciated. He told her that she must attend a treatment program that met on Saturday, the Jewish day of rest, even if she had to violate religious rules by riding in a car to get there. She could even eat food that wasn’t kosher.
“That’s when I realized it was a matter of life and death,” Ms. Feigenbaum said in an interview. “My rabbi does not take Jewish law lightly. But he told me the Jewish laws are things God wanted us to live by, not die by, and that saving a life takes precedence over all of them.”
Now 24, she has written a memoir, “One Life” (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2009), about her recovery from anorexia after treatment at the Florida branch of the Renfrew Center, the nationwide eating-disorders clinic.
There is little research to indicate how many women are in a similar position. Israeli studies consistently find high rates of disordered eating among Jewish adolescents but not Arab ones, and Israel’s rate of dieting is among the highest in the world – more than one woman in four – though obesity rates are relatively low.
Data about American Jews is limited, but two small studies have reported high rates of disordered eating in certain communities. One of those, a 1996 study of an Orthodox high school in Brooklyn, found 1 in 19 girls had an eating disorder – about 50 percent higher than in the general population at the time. The 1996 study was done with the agreement that it would not be published. The other study, done in 2008, looked at 868 Jewish and non-Jewish high school students in Toronto and found that 25 percent of the Jewish girls suffered from eating disorders that merited treatment, compared with 18 percent of the non-Jewish girls.
Demand for treatment programs that accommodate Orthodox teenagers prompted the Renfrew Center to start offering kosher food at its clinics in Philadelphia, New York, Dallas and Florida, while a new residential facility catering to young women from the United States opened last year in Jerusalem. It is not affiliated with Renfrew.
Relief Resources, a mental health referral agency that serves Orthodox communities, runs an eating disorders hot line, and last year the O.U. teamed with a social worker to make “Hungry to be Heard,” a documentary about eating disorders among the Orthodox.
Most of the young women interviewed for this article said they did not blame the culture for their health problems and said they derived support from their religious faith. But they spoke openly about the enormous pressure they feel to marry young and immediately start families , and the challenges of balancing professional careers with the imperative to be consummate homemakers who prepare elaborate Sabbath meals.
Experts say that eating disorders usually emerge during adolescence and other times of transition. And in large Orthodox families, the girls are often expected to help care for their younger siblings, leaving them little time to pursue their own interests. Experts suspect that anorexia may provide a way to stall adult responsibilities by literally stopping the biological clock: the drastic weight loss can halt menstruation.
Young Orthodox women are also expected to conform to a rigorous code of conduct, with few outlets for rebellion. They are expected to be chaste until marriage and do not date until they start looking for a husband. Even gossip is considered a sin.
Once matchmaking starts, they may be expected to choose a life partner after only a brief courtship. Known mental illness in a family can affect the chances of a successful match, not just for the individual but for siblings as well, so young women may well avoid psychiatric treatment.
In addition to fulfilling the traditional roles of caregiver and homemaker, many Orthodox women also assume the role of primary breadwinner so their husbands can pursue religious studies full time.
“It’s too much,” said a 23-year-old woman from the New York area who is recovering from an eating disorder and asked not to be identified by name to protect her privacy. She is married and a full-time student, but has postponed having a baby.
“A lot of my friends are going to work and support their husbands,” she continued, “but part of my recovery is to say that I can’t do everything – I’m not superwoman.”
Food plays a central role in Jewish family and religious life, and both the Friday night dinner and the midday Sabbath meal, as well as holiday meals, can be multicourse affairs. But fast days – when no food or water is consumed for 25 hours – are also sprinkled throughout the year, often preceded or followed by a large meal.
Next week’s Passover Seders, which traditionally include matzo and four cups of wine, along with soup, gefilte fish, brisket and potato kugel, are a particular challenge, experts say. For women who struggle with eating disorders, they can be an invitation to purging.
“There are a lot of mixed messages,” said a 27-year-old woman from a strict Orthodox community in Brooklyn, who once carried less than 100 pounds on her 5-foot-6 frame. “My grandmother would see me and say, ‘You look so good, you’re so skinny – come eat, eat.’ “
Many rabbis find themselves being asked to resolve conflicts between religious obligations – like the requirement to fast on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement – and doctors’ orders that patients not restrict food intake under any circumstances.
“A patient will call and tell me their weight is down to 82 pounds, and they have weaknesses in their body, and I’ll tell them there is no question they must eat during a fast – not that they can eat, but that they must eat,” said Rabbi Dovid Goldwasser of the Bais Yitzchak Synagogue in Flatbush, Brooklyn, who has become known in the Orthodox world as an expert on eating disorders and counsels women from all over the world.
“They have great difficulty with that,” Rabbi Goldwasser went on, “and they say to me, ‘But isn’t it true that by fasting you get atonement for your sins?’
“I try to answer the spiritual conflict and say that no, God wants you to eat. Your eating on that day is considered as if you fasted.”
A Mother
– Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder [Paperback]
James Lock MD PhD (Author), Daniel Le Grange PhD (Author)
– Brave Girl Eating: A Family’s Struggle with Anorexia – Hardcover (Aug. 24, 2010) by Harriet Brown (highly recommended for parents of boys and girls)
yawn
so now every teenage girl who is over obsessed with her weight will have to see a therapist?
is this the same as the so-called “obesity epidemic?”
it seems like people cant just accept misbehavior for what it is and they have to label it as some kind of disease to shift the blame
Eat LESS!
how about the overeating disorder that is more prevalent in adults! Just look at all the pictures on the website.
Nobody
Anyone who has a son who asks about the dress size of the girl before a shidduch and doesn’t rebuke them over it is failing to raise their child with Jewish values. Period.
..................
Our daughters and young newlyweds are pressured into learning how to become mega-balabustes. They are pressured into putting down elaborate, gourmet,tasty and lavish Shabbos and Yom Tov meals. They are pressured to do it for their husbands(who are allowed to be fat, and obese, while their wives have to maintain a size 0 waistline), they are pressured to do it for guests etc. etc.If the teenager or wife has to shop and cook( and obviously spend a large amount of time surrounded by food) and then have the added pressure of being a size 0, you don’t have to be a very smart to realize that you have the entire setup for eating disorders. I prepare beautiful Shabbos and Yom Tov meals without all the gook and fat, sugar and chocolate, and all the garbage etc. etc. My kugels are healthy, my desserts are fruit. Sometimes my family grumbles, and my husband rants. Noone goes hungry, and Sholom al yisroel. That’s the advice I would like to give young ladies. You don’t have to go crazy cooking, serving, and eating like crazy.Just stay on the moderate and healthy road, and your whole family will thank you in the long run.
Problem real; Times is bigoted, though
B“H
LET’S SEE, NY Times:
Is this a world record for the number of critiques (in ONE article) of the Orthodox lifestyle?
1) Next week’s Passover Seders, which traditionally include matzo and four cups of wine, along with soup, gefilte fish, brisket and potato kugel, are a particular challenge, experts say. For women who struggle with eating disorders, they can be an invitation to purging.
**What about the ”Big Mac Attack with Super Fries“ meals, and the big Thanksgiving, Easter, Xmas, Sunday dinners, etc., in the velt?
2) In addition to fulfilling the traditional roles of caregiver and homemaker, many Orthodox women also assume the role of primary breadwinner so their husbands can pursue religious studies full time. “It’s too much,”….
**What about the veltliche culture, which taught us frum women to try to be ”Superwoman“ — a word not originally coined in the frum world!
3) Once matchmaking starts, they may be expected to choose a life partner after only a brief courtship. Known mental illness in a family can affect the chances of a successful match, not just for the individual but for siblings as well, so young women may well avoid psychiatric treat
**Oh, but in the velt, people gleefully throw all caution to the winds when contemplating marrying someone who has a history of psychiatric problems in the family? Not!
4) And in large Orthodox families, the girls are often expected to help care for their younger siblings, leaving them little time to pursue their own interests. Experts suspect that anorexia may provide a way to stall adult responsibilities….
** But nevermind the aspects of adult life that most goyim are too familiar with at a young age, exposed via the movies, television, books, magazines, YouTube, hip hop, rampant broken families, etc., etc. — the pressure to do ”adult“ things at an ever younger and younger age?
5) But they spoke openly about the enormous pressure they feel to marry young and immediately start families , and the challenges of balancing professional careers with the imperative to be consummate homemakers who prepare elaborate Sabbath meals.
**Oh, so then why aren’t Arab girls also having these disorders, when the same is common in their world? And the Mormons, and the Southern Baptists, and quite a lot of other groups?
If OUR JEWISH LIFESTYLE is ”the problem,“ then why does anyone else, besides Orthodox Jews, have eating disorders? We have gotten awfully good at taking on the ways of the velt — outdoing the goyim and the frei at their own ways, sometimes, R”L.
EVERY group has pressures, struggles, and difficulties. We in the Orthodox world have become more honest about the levels of eating disorders here, and it is a problem, which we must continue to address.
But let us not extrapolate and, in a “sidewalk psychotherapy” way, indict our lifestyle! Hashem gives trials — what are we taught about our ability to handle our trials?
Or don’t we really believe that, with the proper help (such as the programs mentioned at the beginning of the article), we have within us the G-d-given strength to overcome them?
Oh, how blind we’ve gotten to the tendency of the Times to find ways to indict us!
May we all have a chag kasher v’sameach!
anony
Eating disorders are illnesses. One must get professional help. The mind is infinite, the brain is limited. Get the help and don’t make fun of others who have the help.
to #2
you need to educate yourself. it’s not obsessing about weight. it’s an illness that requires treatment. we have been there so we have firsthand experience.
have a wonderful and healthy yom tov.
its about time!
The most important part of the Times article is RENFREW CENTER. RENFREW CENTER. RENFREW CENTER. Help is here for our community, FINALLY. I hope is that any woman reading this who struggles will know that she is not alone and does not need to feel shame or guilt anymore. There is help if you want it. You cannot help anyone if you do not help yourself first! Do it for yourself now, if you want to be a good (healthy) wife and mother.
its about time!
I COMPLETELY AGREE!
4. Nobody wrote:
Anyone who has a son who asks about the dress size of the girl before a shidduch and doesn’t rebuke them over it is failing to raise their child with Jewish values. Period.
to good health!
#5 I agree with you. When I grew up in Crown Heights in
the 1970s (7 siblings) our typical Shabbos meal was..
-1st course- Gefilte fish and a huge house salad….
NOT 7 other side salads dressed with sugar, soy sauce, mayo, and other junk etc….then we had our chicken soup with lokshin or mandelin…last course was Chicken and kugel.
And for Dessert there was home made Pareve ice cream and some Mezonos. We were always full and none the worse for not having tons of side dishes for every course. If you look at alot of the NEW salad recipes being passed around,
like the strawberry spinach salad and the like…it has lots of sugar and mayo and other NOT GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH stuff.
Lets go back to basic, simple, healthy and nutritious meals.
Chag Kosher V’sameach!
mother
FYI eating disorders most commonly have very little to do with food. It is a very complicated illness.See a specialist therapist at the first signs of an eating disoder
i admit
im obsessed with my weight..but im sorry there is nothing you can do when you feel like guys will ONLY go out with you if you are skinny..and whoever denys that is denying fact..obviously thre are certain cases where men don’t prefer thin women but about 95% of the time. I WANT TO BE SKINNY
Binge-eating disorder
Binge-eating disorder is a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food. Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, overeating crosses the line to binge-eating disorder and it becomes a regular occurrence, shrouded in secrecy.
When you have binge-eating disorder, you may be deeply embarrassed about gorging and vow to stop. But you feel such a compulsion that you can’t resist the urges and continue binge eating.
Although binge-eating disorder is the most common of all eating disorders, it’s still not considered a distinct psychiatric condition. But if you have binge-eating disorder symptoms, treatment can help you.
b urkas r illegal
whats your wife making for dinner ?
reservations
the equation they lost their kishkes because they were never theirs to begin is a sad one, so remember holiness is determined by the one above the blue sky
#2 Wake up!
To # 2:
You really should educate yourself. Because as someone who has suffered from a life long eating disorder (food addiction, oposite what this article is about) and was well over 300lbs in my early 20s and now in my mid 20s have lost the weight due to Gastric Bypass, I can tell you it IS a disease. I treated the symptom. I made it so I couldnt eat. I STILL obsess over my weight and FOOD. I did not treat the problem, The addiction. Anorexia and Bulimia ARE illnesses. Being figure conscious is not, but when it get to the point of putting your health at risk, its a mental ILLNESS
anon.
att #6 the point is not to place blame or point fingers at either culture. the point is there is a problem and we should, and can, do something about it!
Joseph
Problem real: bottom line is: if Jewish values teach that some moron shadchan is asking about dress sizes, maybe that question is found in your Shulchan
Aruch, but not in the real one.