Does Yeshiva and Therapy Go Together?
by Shlomo Bogart, LPC, LMHC
As someone who spent many years in yeshiva as a bochur and later as a maggid shiur and a Mashpia, I am deeply acquainted with the culture of yeshiva. Later, I pursued a degree in psychology and am now a licensed mental health counselor, accumulating years of experience working with different populations.
On the outside, it seems that the ideas animating yeshiva education and the therapeutic approach contradict each other—and they certainly can in the wrong hands. But in my experience, when approached with sensitivity and understanding, the two are mutually beneficial.
For several years, I have worked with bochurim in therapy and have seen that any improvement in emotional well-being and self-esteem only serves to solidify a bochur’s place in yeshiva. In that vein, I would like to share some of the most common concerns parents and Hanhala have asked me over the years when considering therapy, along with some of the responses that have been helpful.
Common Concerns About Sending Bochurim to Therapy
Concern: Therapy is only for those who are sick.
Response: Therapy helps individuals navigate thought patterns and process emotions.
In my experience, just a few therapy sessions can do wonders in helping a bochur regain vitality and reengage in yeshiva. Ideally, a bochur works through his struggles with his Mashpia, but there are times when the Mashpia feels at a loss and welcomes clinical support.
Concern: Therapy might promote self-focus over self-sacrifice.
Response: Properly balanced self-development and Avodas Hashem strengthen one another.
A healthy self-concept enhances a bochur’s dedication to learning and mitzvos. A skilled yerei shamayim therapist will empower a bochur in a way that aligns with kabalas ol and darkei haChassidus, rather than undermining them.
Concern: Bochurim might see themselves negatively for needing therapy.
Response: Any initial hesitation is often temporary and leads to self-awareness and personal growth.
Many bochurim worry about the stigma of therapy, but as they experience its benefits, they often come to view it as a tool for success rather than a sign of weakness.
Concern: Hanhala might view bochurim in therapy differently.
Response: Most Hanhala members prioritize a bochur’s well-being.
Therapy is a preventative solution that helps a bochur acclimate to yeshiva. Ignoring or minimizing his struggles can lead to a more dramatic—and potentially more damaging—situation. It is far wiser to address challenges while they are still manageable.
Hanhala and Mashpi’im may initially take a softer approach with struggling bochurim, but this does not harm their future in yeshiva. On the contrary, there is a greater appreciation and shared pride that bochurim who were previously disengaged are now excelling in their studies and in their AvodasHashem.
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How Therapy Helps Bochurim Thrive in Yeshiva
Overcoming Depression and Emotional Numbness
A 15-year-old bochur began therapy feeling emotionally numb, only connecting with life through music. Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), he identified negative thought patterns that created an emotional wall. After seven sessions, he felt more connected to friends, excited about life, and engaged in learning.
Breaking Free from Phone Overuse
An 18-year-old bochur struggled with phone overuse, staying up until 2–3 AM, which led to waking up late and struggling in seder. In therapy, he:
- Set limits on phone use
- Developed healthier coping strategies
- Adopted a more compassionate approach to himself and others
As a result, he regained structure and purpose in his daily routine.
From Social Insecurity to Emotional Maturity
An 18-year-old bochur struggled with social interactions, often leading to arguments and even physical fights. Through CBT and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), he learned to:
- Challenge black-and-white thinking
- Develop emotional regulation skills
- Strengthen positive relationships
His menahel’s patience and encouragement were crucial in keeping him in yeshiva, where he ultimately thrived.
Helping Bochurim Adjust to Yeshiva Life
Many shiur aleph bochurim feel overwhelmed by the rigorous yeshiva schedule and social environment. When a bochur struggles to adjust, his thoughts may spiral into negative beliefs like:
✘ “Something must be wrong with me.”
✘ “I don’t belong here.”
✘ “I will never succeed in yeshiva.”
Therapy helps bochurim recognize and reframe these cognitive distortions. Instead of seeing themselves as failures, they learn to ask:
“What can I do to be more comfortable here?”
“Being in yeshiva is challenging, but success takes effort.”
This mindset shift prepares bochurim for success not only in shiur gimmel and zal but also in shlichus and beyond.
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Final Thoughts
Therapy and yeshiva are not at odds; when done correctly, therapy enhances a bochur’s experience in yeshiva. By helping bochurim regulate emotions, build resilience, and challenge negative thinking, therapy enables them to engage in Avodas Hashem with deeper commitment and inner strength.
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Shlomo Bogart, LPC, LMHC
Director & Lead Clinician | The B’Shalom Center
Therapy | Meal Coaching | Medication Management
Supporting Yeshiva Students
