Posted to General on
You probably know me.

I am the guy that would probably greet you in the morning with a smile and say ‘Good morning’ if I saw you.

I am writing because of the funny looks you always give back in return.

The average reaction of a Lubavitcher to someone telling himher ‘Good morning’ is one of shock, confusion and bewilderment. Most times when I’ll greet someone with a hearty ‘Good morning!’ they’ll stare at me, their eyes bulging from their sockets wondering what planet I hail from, and sometimes they’ll just collapse down to the floor in a dead faint (either literally or figuratively); that’s the reaction of most Frum people.

Op-Ed: An Open Letter to the Community

You probably know me.

I am the guy that would probably greet you in the morning with a smile and say ‘Good morning’ if I saw you.

I am writing because of the funny looks you always give back in return.

The average reaction of a Lubavitcher to someone telling himher ‘Good morning’ is one of shock, confusion and bewilderment. Most times when I’ll greet someone with a hearty ‘Good morning!’ they’ll stare at me, their eyes bulging from their sockets wondering what planet I hail from, and sometimes they’ll just collapse down to the floor in a dead faint (either literally or figuratively); that’s the reaction of most Frum people.

Talking about greeting people, one time, as I was making my way quickly down Montgomery late one dark night, I saw in the distance about four teenagers whispering excitedly amongst themselves while pointing right at me! As I was getting closer and closer to where they were standing I wasn’t even scared, I was terrified! My life flashed before my eyes, I mumbled ‘Shma Yisroel’ preparing for the end and as i walk right past their pointing fingers, I find myself saying in a loud and powerful voice ‘Good night guys!’, They were floored! After a few very suspenseful seconds one find his voice and meekly says ‘you too guys’ as I walked away, mentally thanking G-D for sparing my life, the irony of the situation struck me with full force – Guys?! I was alone!

Anyway my point is not to say stories, but to ask, beg, and implore the Chabad community to smile and greet someone in the street, even if you’ve never seen the other person, Ahavas Yisroel has always been a vital and integral part of Lubavicth; we go out on Mivtzoim, build Chabad houses, schools and Mikvoes just to help someone else, we can do the same in our very own streets! (I am not trying to discourage people from going out on Mivtzoim, they can do both, or even better… greet someone on Mivtzoim!)

Before world war two there was a Frum person that would greet his neighbor each and every morning with a warm and friendly ‘Good morning!’ for several years, to cut a long story short, this man found himself standing in front of this very neighbor at the entranceway of a concentration camp, as their eyes lit up in warm recognition he gave this yid a friendly smile and pointed him to the right… To life!

So when walking down the street smile to someone going by even if you don’t know that person, and IY”H through this we will be Zocheh to the day when saying ‘Good morning’ to someone wont be looked upon strangely, with the revelation of Moshiach Tzidkeinu right now – Amen!

Good day,
Mendel
Crown heights/Toronto

This Op-Ed reflects the views of its author, it does not necessarily reflect the views of CrownHeights.info nor of its Editors.

A reader that wishes to make his or her voice heard on any topic of their desire is welcome to submit his or her Op-Ed to News@CrownHeights.info.

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104 Comments

  • bracha

    very poignant, very right on…..
    we moved to a certain street in CH, newcomers after being away from the community many years ago…not ONE person on the block came to greet us on their own volition….not even the proverbial shabbos invitation….it was I the newcomer, who went around to introduce myself……..this is not about self-aggrandizement, but rather pointing out a very strange,unhealthy phenonmena….people say it just New Yorkers, but I say differently…..a lame excuse….how dare we hang flags and banners wanting to bring Moshiach….what about the basics….in the past I have had more of a connection and concern and a friendly smile from the goyish neighbor who I borrowed sugar from, than I have here…let’s start with the innermost concentric circle, closest to us..before spreading that friendship outwards ……….the treasure chest is in our own backyards…shluchim are taking care of their brothers and sisters in Katmandu, kol ha kavod..but for some of us here?????

  • left foot

    Amen! Although This Op-Ed reflects the views of its author, and does not NECESSARILY relect the views of CrownHeights.info.
    It should.

  • good stuff mendel!

    very well done mendel!! beautifully written, to the point, and with a hint of(good)humor too!

    I agree with you, there is something very wrong and ill about this neighborhood. although i highly doubt you’re article will make much of a difference, yet it does state the facts beautifully.

    best regards,

    Shmuly R

  • steve

    you are 100% right its disgusting. If you say gut yom tov there are people who look at u like your crazy. You wrote it well and maybe it will have a little impact.

  • YYBochur

    Thank you so much for posting this. I am always bewildered when I come to CH from out of town and no one smiles at me. They stare at me and on their faces I see a look that says, "Who is this person? Why is he here?" It’s frustrating and disoncerting and I hope that someday, when I end up living in CH, I will always smile at everyone. Stranger or not.

  • GOOD SHABBOS!!

    i agree,.. whenever i say good shabbos to people.. they look at me just like this guy said.. with a blank stare, their jaws down to the floor.. fyi people.. its okay to be polite!

  • Disgusted

    I say "good morning" to everyone I see and I hardly get those looks, you mentioned above. You probably tell people "good morning" in the evening or "good evening" in the morning.

    Sorry, but after reading that, I could hardly continue reading your article.

    A proud CHeightzer.

  • australian!!

    Im an Australian and everytime I walk on the street I always say goodshabbos or just nod. Its something that we all do as we are passing one another here in aust. I see that when out-of-towners come in they see this and they are shocked And Sometimes don’t reply, I think it’s a nice thing that should be done, and everyone no’s that by u passing someone else an u saying ‘goodshabbos’ or ‘hi’ or just simply nodding ur head with a smile, it will make someone elses day. So try it…it’s a friendly thing to do and it will being moshiach. :)

  • Just a thought

    Overall a nice article. The author has a good point. However I feel he/she is being just a tad melodramatic.

    Just a thought.

  • A little bit goes a long way

    I agree 100%. I come from a small town and when I walk down the streets in Crown Heights on Shabbos, I love seeing Jews and be able to say "Good Shabbos." However, when I do, people look at me like "Im sorry, but do I know you?" No, I dont know you but we’re both Jews and Im saying Good Shabbos. All you have to do is smile and say Good Shabbos back. It’s not a difficult task. And you never know, it just might make someones day!

  • Gave Up

    Very true. I gave up saying "good Shabbos" to people in CH a long time ago, because they either walk by unresponsive, or they look at you like you fell off the moon.

    In other communities, EVERYONE greets EVERYONE, especially on Shabbos.

  • Zvi

    We live out of NY. Every time we come to NY we do the same – greet people we don’t know – and get the same strange reaction. What’s wrong with those who live in big cities? Don’t know how to say Hi? In the family we joke a lot about the shock that big-city people display when a stranger says Hi to them. They look at us as if we fell off the moon.

    "Wake up Yiden from the dream of Galus" is a real thing to do, not just a line in a song.

  • Fraida

    Yashar koach, Mendel! I usually don’t respond to forums but this one was of particular interest. I’m not from Crown Heights–and I’m sure that my kids will recognize my comments. However, I’d like to mention an experiment that I made a few years ago: One yontif, I walked down the street in Crown Heights and said hello or good yontif to everyone I passed. EVERY non-Jew responded warmly. When I told my friends, we decided that (l’chav zchus) the Yidden didn’t respond because a) they were in a hurry to go to shul(z’rizus); b) they were concerned that because they didn’t recognize me (maybe I was their mother’s friend, their landlord, etc.), they might have to stop and make embarassing small talk; or c)perhaps I was a person with dangerous mental issues.

    Enough of the "European mentality", chevra. Let’s try to behave as the Rebbe would expect–with Chassidishe warmth.

  • Boruch ben Tzvi haKohaiine Hoffinger

    B"H
    I don’t say hello to everyone on the street, because there are often many people.
    I nod at Jews and they nod back. That’s enough for me. Many Jews are thinking of something or saying posukim, etc.
    I’ve never had such a negative experience in Crown Heights and I’ve lived here since ’75, excluding 2 years in Israel.
    I go buy a Cush, and if I’m facing him, I nod my head and they usually do the same or comment.
    When a Cush greets me I respond.
    Hard to believe Crown Heights is that cold. It’s composed, I imagine, like all communites of: tzadikim, benonies and rushayim.

  • trying to be polite

    I agree completely with the author of this letter. I myself have found myself in similar situations where I have said good morning ro good evening and get back a cold disheartening stare.
    When counting how many jews or non-jews answer me, the non-jews ALWAYS come out to more. Please don’t be rude and answer in the street!!!

  • Flatbush Dude

    Nice read and always in order for the Frum areas…but, well overall it’s applicable to other neighborhoods, but CH?
    Dunno I’ve been around many years and I always say hi or how are you or good day or good shabbos out of habit. I’ve always gotten a response … nice response in response….really have. Those that don’t acknowledge well perhaps they have dire needs or thoughts at that moment. Unsure what you mean – perhaps there is an odd way you say hello.

    Do you yell it out a few feet prior? Do you squint or put on an evil smirk when you approach to say hi or hello? Do you wear a mask? Are you well groomed or look like you just exited the water park? Just asking b/c I never had those issues.

    CH folks are very friendly and that is why I was surprised to see this letter. perhaps I missed something. Now back to my piping hot coffee which should cool me off.

    Good Day my CH friends

  • Greet a Man!

    Good for you that you spelled this out to a downright boring community! Everyu word is so true. Hopefully this will work and people will be more friendly to each other and for no reason at all.
    Good Day!

  • fed up with lack of mentschlichkeit

    you were lucky to get those looks. i get dirty looks.
    one of my co-workers said, that somebody told him he’s not a lubatitcher, because he says good morning to people!!!

  • Kayla

    Okay! Now that I totally agree with….like on shabbas…I say good shabbas to the most random people, but who cares…right…their humans they deserve a smile and a hello…but if they don’t answer…what does that make you? in-human?…for years and years…i said hi to a few girls..I didn’t know…im friends with some of them now! NOW THAT IS RANDOM…People…you are allowed to say hello and good morning to people you don’t know its a greeting that lets people know they exist!!!!!!

    So…SMILE BACK! it wont kill you!

  • Love being a New Yorker

    People constantly complain about New Yorkers not greeting a passerby on the street. The fact of the matter is that in New York every Daled Amos you bump into a person, or dozens of people. Of course out of town you meet one person a block, you are thrilled to see civilization, so you give a hearty good morning!

  • Anonymous

    I have wanted to write somthing like this for a long time, Thanks alot.

    The same for saying Gut-Shabbos/YomTov etc… people give you a look like “do I know you from some were”, Who the #$@ Is that“ etc… it some times looks like they were just Tasered.

    It’s not easy (always to greet people), life is not easy, having AY is not always easy it means stepping out of your self, thats why it’s called ”reaching out”, You never know what A kind good morning/afternoon/how are you?/a smile etc… can make somebodys day.

  • scorpio

    Disgusted wrote: " You probably tell people "good morning" in the evening or "good evening" in the morning. "

    There you have it readers, the typical Crown Heights answer! The problem isn’t ME it’s YOU!

  • GUT SHABBOS

    I GO EVEN A LITTLE FURTHUR.FOR SHABBOS, I TAUGHT MY 3 YEAR OLD SON, HE MUST GIVE "SHOLOM ALEICHEM" TO MEN HE SEES IN THE STREET. UPON WALKING UP BROOKLYN AVE., WE ENCOUNTERED A CHOSID WHOM MY SON AUTOMATICALLY STUCK OUT HIS HAND TO GIVE ‘SHOLOM ALEICHEM’ THE MAN IGNORED MY SON, IN A VERY LOUD VOICE I SAID GUT SHABBOS, MY SON IS GIVING YOU SHOLOM ALEICHEM, THE CHOSID LOOKED BEWILDERED FOR A MOMEMT & THEN EMBARRESSED, APOLIGIZED 7 CAME BACK TO GIVE MY SON " SHOLOM ALEICHEM", AS HE SAID–A LESSON WELL LEARNT NO LESS THAN BY A 3 YEAR OLD!!

  • jack zag

    The overall point is true,although I’ve had equal good responses. But it sounds more like there is an underlying problem. Like many have pointed out you bump into many people if not dozens walking up and down Kingston, therfore get over your lack of love from child hood and get on with life.
    "Bracha": How can you trust a goy for food period?!

  • Zeldy

    With respect – all the people who say that everything is okay – and what do you mean – people don’t greet on the streets of Crown Heights, and what do you mean – people look at you like you fell off the moon if you say hello –

    Well, this is a fact and if you are not aware of it – guaranteed you are one of the cool onees yourself. Guaranteed. So to you guys – think about it.

    A gut yar to everyone!

  • chossid

    hey, it will be crazy to say Good Shabbos to thousands of ppl, or to respond .
    pERHAPS, A good idea would be to wear a Hat that Says "Good Shabbos" or " Good morning"

  • Anonymous

    Left Foot:

    Do you know what ‘necessarily’ means?

    Well then, ill tell you.

    Maybe yes, maybe no… (I hope you get the idea).

  • The author is a drama queen (or king)

    True overall point,
    but VERY VERY VERY exagerated.
    This guy is a drama queen.
    Also, it is true that there are communities that are friendlier to each other on the streets, but
    1)it is easier, because those communities are MUCH SMALLER than CH
    2)they are very friendly to ONE ANOTHER, not always the case to someone that they don’t know yet (I have travelled a lot, and am talking from experience)
    3)It is not such a simple thing. In many of these ‘extremely friendly communities", the boys/girls, men/women are very friendly with each other too. There is a very fine line between just saying good shabbos, and doing more than that…This can cause serious tznius issues. It’s not so simple…
    In any case, we can definetely begin greeting our own gender…
    And please sir, cut back on the drama a bit!@!

  • Mendy Hecht

    I’ve always thought that one reason people don’t say "hello" or "good morning/evening" or "good shabbos/yomtov" might simply be because this is New York and you simply have too many people living in New York. In other words, it has nothing to do with Jews, Judaism, Lubavitch or Crown Heights–it’s New York. There are a lot of people living here, and people don’t have the time to greet everyone living here. Because you’d have to stop and greet everyone, it would take some time just to walk one block.

  • Out of towner stuck in this place

    On a similar subject, when I first moved here as a newlywed and didn’t have a car, I used to shlep home heavy grocery bags heavily pregnant and curse this place because noone ever offered me a ride! Now I have a car and I realized 2 things: 1) where I come from you are not allowed to park on the street so when you drive you can actually see people walking, whereas here it is difficult to see people over the parkec cars and you can’t drive and look for people!! and 2)where I come from you might encounter 1 other person walking who needs a ride whereas here if you offered everyone you see a ride you would never get anywhere or do anything because its a huge community and there are hundreds of people walking the streets at all times! Which brings us back to the point at hand, I always try to say hello to people I see, and I definitely respond to those that say hi, but it is almost impossible to say hi to all people at all times, there are just too many B’H!

  • .....

    I recently moved out of CH to a commuity with a very healthy mix of frum yidden. Neighbors have popped by to welcome us to the neighborhood, baked pies and cookies and invited us for Shabbos meals. Refresshing compared to the years I lived in CH.

    On the other hand this is more of a NY issue. Flatbush, Borough Park, williamsburg seems to be the same. On top of that there is a little bit of the old school mantelity; curt, quick and to the point. Ever talk to some of the elter chasidim? many hang up the phone without saying good by.

  • fed up 2

    i heard that al pi torah, if someone says hello, and you don’t respond, it’s GANEIVA. would like the source for this.
    big yk to poster "gut shabbos" and son.

  • Human like you

    Well said, Mendel. And might I please add to that, please do not be afraid to speak to us goys or ignore us if we talk to you — we are not all bad people. Some of us genuinely care. If we all throw out our preconcieved notions about each other, it could acutally lead to —gasp! Could it be true? — friendships! I, for one, would like to see that happen.

  • mn

    After returning from 2 years in australia on shlichus, I went shopping on kingston avenue, and when the clerk gave me change I said "Thank you".

    the clerk gave me that funny look and said "Your’e not from here?"…

  • A True Story

    What a beautiful article. I find this to be so true. Let me tell ou a quick true story that many of you may know.

    There was once a Rabbi that got a job as a mashgiach in a plant somewhere. On his first day at the job he entered the building of the plant and was met with the sight of an old man mopping the floor. The Rabbi walked over to him and greeted him with a big smile and told him "Good Morning." The old man barely looked up and continued working. Unfazed the Rabbi went into the plant and did his job. When the work day was over the Rabbi gathered his belongings and headed towards the front door. Again he was greeted with the sight of the old janitor this time washing the windows. The Rabbi walkd over to him and greeted him with a wide smile and wished him a hearty "Good Night." Again no response from the janitor. And so this strange relationship continued on. The Rabbi would greet the janitor every morning and night and the Janitor would not respond-ever. One day the person who usually locked up the building was about to lock up the building when suddenly an old man approached him looking wild and scared. "No" he yelled. "You cannot lock up the building, the Rabbi is still inside. I know it. He wouldn’t leave without telling me good night. Something must be wrong-please you must check." After checking the building they found the Rabbi in the freezer half frozen to death. After rushing him to the hospital they were able to stabalize him and find out that the freezer door closed on him and locked itself from the outside. After things calmed down the Rabbi turned to the goyish janitor and asked him how he knew he was still in the building. The Janitor then told him the truth. On the first day of the Rabbi’s job the janitor ws shocked that someone even acknowledged him. As the days wore on and the Rabbi didn’t give up the janitor would secretly look forward to his daily greetings and good wishes from the Rabbi. When the Rabbi didn’t greet him that night he knew something was wrong.

    And so you see greeting someone can not only make someones day but it can ultimatley save your very life. I hope you all enjoyed this story.

  • Shmuli Not From CH

    Yom Kippur is over lets get back to bashing….. is that an out of town thing for the day after YK? or is it also a CH thing…..
    Keep saying Good Morning, Good Shabbos,
    Good day, Good Night, or asta lavista
    and you will effect everyone you meet , one person at a time.
    But for G…. sake leave crown heights alone, leave the world alone,
    and Have a GOOD Yom Tov :)

  • Saddened

    On a recent trip to CH my daughter brought back my four year old crying that someone had told him to stop saying hello to people he doesn’t know. He was told that in New York ‘we only say hi to our friends.’

  • Crown Heights is nice enough

    I’ve been living in Crown Heights all my life and I used to think the same way the author speaks about. Then I moved away for a few years and have returned and live here now. I think this way of thinking is wrong and FALSE!! There are tons of people, if u say hi to everyone you will be saying hi all the time non-stop so people say hi to people they know.What is wrong is that if u see someone and say hi, you should respond and say hi back with a smile, but I have expeirenced THAT look, like who are u???do I know you??? However, most people respond back nicely. It is those few stuck up people that ruin it. I think most people here in Crown Heights are nice, accomodating and friendly. If you keep having bad expeirences, then maybe the problem is really in you!! May we all have a happy, healthy sweet year!!

  • BCH

    OK,

    Here are the rules:

    1) On a weekday you never say "hello" to someone you do not personally know well.

    2) On Shabbos, it depends on where the encounter takes place; on a crowded street (like Kingston Ave) you never say "Gut Shabbo" to strangers; on a quiet block, a polite silent nod is expected; if the place is literally deserted and you bump into a stranger, then you should say a quick "Gut Shabbos" and keep going.

    Simple enough.

  • Fayvish Goldbrick

    It’s not that people don’t care to be friendly in CH. Rather, they haven’t yet determined what specifically you can do for them. Once your worth to them is understood, you can rest assured that they will be indeed quite warm to you.

  • Grandcetralrsky

    I walk around Manhattan saying hello to every person passing by only one out of thirty answer me, it’s disgusting.
    I rented an apartment on Park Avenue, there are for thousand people living on that block, NOT ONE knocked on the door to welcome me.
    Good Day
    Moshe
    Crown heights/Manhattan

  • Crown Heights Resident

    I am not here to compare or anything of that nature.Just a beautiful story that happened to me LAST night( Sun ).

    I am on the side of the road with my son.My car had stalled with smoke coming out of it near the 5 Towns.
    A ‘Tzadik’ pulls over….drives us to his house gives us something to drink, fills up water bottles to put into the antifreeze and then takes us back to our car. It still doesnt work. We call a tow truck and and before this person leaves , gives me $ 150 to pay for the towing, because they wont take credit cards and I was out of cash. Being that I have to wait for the truck, he drives my son home as well. I am speechless and still in shock. This is Ahavas Yisroel !

  • fed up 2

    to out of towner stuck in this place: don’t excuse anybody. how many hundreds of times in my 7th-9th month, did people see me shlepping a double stroller up and down the steps, and just ignored me. and to the 1% that did help, i made sure to thank them.

  • Resident

    I think the author needs to realize that this is not simply a frum or not frum thin, CH vs other places thing.

    THIS IS A NEW YORK CITY THING!!!

    Everyone here is like that, CHosid, Mitnagid, goy, Arab, Asian, hispanic etc.

    Down South, where my wife is from, goyim every day of the week say good morning to each other as strangers (if its two people passing each other)
    Up here, in New York City, people just arent like that because of the history of the nature of this city.

    The author will just have to accept as the old saying goes from a movie that he is not in Kansas anymore.

  • Eli

    If the writer of this letter was looking for something to do while walking in the street he could think Chasidus or Chazer MBP. However i strongly agree with him on the topic of having more Ahavas Yisroel for our fellow Chasidism. My mother is registered blind and has a hard time davening in Shul, on Yom Kippur she was in a Lubavitch shul in Isreal and no one said a word to her even though she was a newcommer and when she did ask someone for help the girl totality ignored her and moved her chair away from her. But when a lady came in a bit later not wearing a shaitel everyone jumped up to help her! AHAVAS YISROEL IS FOR PEOPLE WITHIN OUR COMMUNITY TOO!!!

  • Hershel

    Thank G-d for this article:
    After many frustrating attempts at saying good morning, hello etc and receiving the "do i know you" response and looks, i started being polite to my black neighbors and they respond, and we now always greet each other, even with the teenagers.
    "Hevay makdim bishlomom" really works, and perhaps it would reduce some of the racial tensions too.
    Years ago as a bochur in Manchester, England i remember the Mashpia saying that he has complaints from people in the wider community that the bochurim are rude because they dont say good shabbos to people passing in the street, in a place where everyone does.
    Even in other large communities like boro park, flatbush it is much more common for people to greet strangers

  • From the other side of the coin

    Ok, so I hope I don’t get a bunch of comments bashing what I am about to say, but here goes anyway…..
    Whilst I am fully in agreement with Mendel that people should be friendlier, especially yidden, this is NYC.

    What do I mean by that? From a young age it is drummed into us not to talk to strangers etc, and it is dangerous to talk to strangers, etc. So it kind of sticks with you, and whilst with yidden we should greet each other, it is just not natural for new yorkers to do so, so perhaps this will remind people to do so.

    Out of town is a completely different ball game. It is safer and even non jews can be greeted without a risk.

    So, be patient with us non-trusting new yorkers, it is just not in our blood.

    I will end off by saying: HAVE A GREAT DAY!

  • ponim yofois

    so right and ill tell you that im a proud "good shabboser" that enjoys those intresting faces which i get back when i walk down kingston or anywhere….lol i love them kingstoner with the nice faces
    "good shabbos"

  • Moshe MS

    Another Op-Ed

    Dear Community;

    I am a bored soul and have nothing to do with my life, therefore i decided to write an article to try painting a picture of myself as a righteous saint who cannot understand how crown heights residents can be so rude.

    It never crossed my mind that perhaps not everyone is as bored as me and as yentish as me. I guess I fail to realize that we are lubavitch and not some modern orthodox community, we koch in pnimiyos and not in some farshtunkene BT habbits of "good mornings" "flowers" and all the other practices that are new to lubavitch.

    A side note;

    I am shocked that we do not have Sunday picnics on our porches and that we do not invite all our neighbors to partake in a Sunday picnic! is this asking too much for a little decency from one another? why cant we be a community….

    Get a life.

  • out of towner living in CH

    My favourite look when saying good shabbos to someone I dont know is " why are you saying hi to me – do I know you or something?"

    For all you typical crown heightsers- you dont have to walk down the street and say good shabbos to every person if there are hundreds of people on the street – come on use your brains – see rules above. Just say hi – make an effort to be friendly and maybe- just maybe – crown heights will develop a sense of community – instead of everyone sticking to themselves and their 2 friends.
    And especially in light of the recent tragedies in our community – you never know how a smile or simple hello can make a person feel recognized and change his/her day.
    It will make you feel better to – try it

  • me

    when we come out of ourselves we experience true happiness.to cook a meal for someone who just has giving birth and doesn’t have any relatives or to babysit for her,to say hello in the street or good shabbos good yom tov,to invite somebody alone to your house for shabbos,to make a phone call to say hello how are you and to just feel for another person.to have empathy!

  • I love Crown Heights

    Webby,
    You got yourself a topic, and I have to run my mouth on it too. See, I live out of town today. I used to live in NY. I say that what I miss most is the fact that it used to take me 20 minutes to walk from my house to the corner, because I always said hi,, and saw ppl on the street. I do understand the point of this article, as I am not your conventional New Yorker in the sense that I keep to myself. I love the Rebbe’s SHchuna, and I want to come back as soon as is possible. I agree with the writer though. Unless someone is like myself, outgoing to a fault, no one says hi,,, if we slow down our pace just a bit,, life can be so much healthier. If we slow down our pace a bit, we can stop to say hi,, smell the roses,, and see the goodness in Crown Hieghts.

  • Anono

    Thank you Mendel for your concerns!! It is TRUE!!!!!! Obviously it doesn’t apply to everyone, but for themost part – TRUE!!! I live in a small community where even on a busy street (yes, as "busy" as Kingston) EVERYONE (jews – nonjews) says HI!! My friends from Crown Heights look at these people like they are CRAZY!! Some even go as far to comment "nice day today" and smile. After a few minutes my Crown Heights friends get used to it – but when they go back to Crown Heights – that is the end of it – there, THEY (CrownHeighters) look at YOU as Crazy. BTW Scorpio – I looove what you wrote!!

  • Good Day!

    Its not a chabad thing its a New York thing… Dont blame every problem that u have on chabad…

  • NYer

    If you live in New York you automatically filter out a lot of what (or who)goes on around you just in order to survive. My out of town siblings always marvel how we don’t even hear the ambulances, the honking and the boom boxes while they, the out of town guests, can’t sleep because of all the surrounding the noise. The filter is a survival mechanism. Imagine if you allowed every sound and sight of the city to be part of your consciousness…what a "balagan" there would be in your head! Unfortunately, the flip side of it is that we do tend to become a little insensitive, and sometimes ignore people and things that we shouldn’t. Nu…something to work on this year.

  • BeCareful

    I am not sure how wise it is to teach small children to say hello to strangers in this day and age (unfortunately). I think that needs to be tempered with "We should say hello when we see someone we know. If we are with Mommy or Tatty, we should watch who they say hello to and do the same." This teaches them that Mommies and Tatties are fairly good judges of who is safe to say hello to, but they are not ready for this yet. This can be adjusted as the child grows older and his danger sensors become more finely tuned.

  • Chana E

    Hey Mendy Hecht.
    You say this is NY , that’s why people are not friendly. I live in a very large Jewish community in, yes, NY and People say Good Shabbos to everyone , if you know them or not. It’s the polite thing to do. I grew up in australia and people are very friendly there also. It gives me a good feeling when I’m friendly towards other people.

  • CROWNHEIIGHTSER & LOVING IT

    WOW, WOW, WOW, SO MANY PEOPLES COMMENTS TO RESPOND TO…. I GUESS TO PUT IT IN A NUTSHELL I WOULD SAY ONE WHO CALLS HIMSELF A CHOSSID BUT CAN NOT SEE HIS WAY CLEAR TO SAYING GUT SHABBOS TO ANY TOM DICK OR HARRY ON THE STREET IS NOT A CHOSSID. THE REBBE MANAGED IT, TO E V E R Y O N E! EVEN LITTLE KIDS. AND TO SAY IT’S BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE, HEAVEN HELP US! AND TO SAY THIS IS NEW YORK, YES MENDY HECHT IS 100% RIGHT IT’S BECAUSE THIS IS NEW YORK AND NEW YORKERS ARE PLAIN DOWNRIGHT RUDE, IMPERSONAL, SELF CENTERED AND BASICALLY UNCONCERNED FOR THE NEXT GUY. AND, I DON’T COME FROM A SMALL TOWN. I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN THIS LOVELY CITY. (AND HAVE BEEN LIVING HERE SINCE 1974) BUT WAS FORTUNATE EN0UGH TO LIVE OUT OF THIS "FRIENDLY" CITY FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS WHERE THE PEOPLE SAY HELLO BECAUSE THEY ARE SO FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. (THAT’S THE MOST RIDICULOUS EXCUSE YET). BUT ON THE OTHER HAND SINCE I FEEL THAT THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN CONSIDER HIMSELF TO BE ABOVE THE REST AND THEREFORE MAYBE SHOULDN’T LOWER HIMSELF TO SAY HELLO TO JUST ANYONE WOULD BE THE REBBE AND YET AS I SAID BEFORE, THE REBBE ACKNOWLEDGED E V E R Y O N E!! SO LET’S LEARN FROM THE REBBE AND FOLLOW SUIT. AND HASHEM WILL DO HIS PART AND ASSURE US A SWEET WONDERFUL WARM FRIENDLY YEAR.

  • Out of towner stuck in this place

    to fed up 2: I am not excusing anyone! The stroller situation is a whole different saga! Don’t get me started!!!! I am merely ponting out that it is not always possible to say hello to every person you meet in the street!

  • Lifer

    Moshe MS, you can be adamant without being hurtful. Why did you have to turn it into a "BT" issue? It’s not. It is a particular sensitivity and if it’s not YOUR particular sensitivity (and clearly it is not), it’s okay to allow people to vent without being nasty.

  • Boruch ben Tzvi haKohaiine Hoffinger

    B"H
    This article is not scientific. I’ve gotten replys from many people.
    How long has Mendel lived here? If, after 10 years, he knew 1/3 or so, of the community, he’s probably get more responses.
    How do you know that the person you’re greeting might be absorbed in some thoughts?
    What clear proof do you have. Has no one ever returned your greeting?
    Does the writer come from a small community? Compare the reaction of someone, anyone, anywhere, going from a small community to a large. He/she probably experiences the same thing.

  • fed up 2

    EXCUSE ME, i was born and raised in nyc, AND i had the fear of strangers drilled into me constantly, and i never experienced this crummy behavior. moral: don’t blame it on ny ’cause I’m NYFB(new yorker from birth)

  • Esther D.

    Never thouht of it
    but it still sounds a little cold out there (It is probably one of our tikunim to do)
    I’ll try on yom tov and I’ll see
    But I stilllove to come to Crown Heights!!

  • Mushki from New York/Toronto

    To all of you that agree, were are you every morning when Mendel is walking up and down the avenue with his "good morning" wishes?

  • English & proud

    Wonderful point. I agree with you 100% on the importance of greeting each other.
    Can we just get one thing straight here – You say it’s a Lubavitcher thing, but there are lots of us Lubavitchers who do not live in CH and lots of New Yorkers who are not Lubavitch.
    This too busy to say hi to the guy sitting next to me is a New York trait, Recognised in all circles.

  • friendly cashier

    my friend and i work in a store in crown heights. both of us are out of towners, and our boss knew that she didnt have to worry abt customer service cuz we were from out of town.
    we say "have a nice day" to the little kids who come into the store for candy and most of them have NO CLUE how to respond.
    most of the time, i just find this and the attitudes mentioned in this article amusing. but every once in a while, id like to walk down the street and have ppl smile back at me (im not even talking abt saying hello! just a smile!).

  • me

    The fact that there has been so much response regarding this issue only prooves that the initial letter writer has a point.

    i am one of those early morning walkers on eastern pkwy. if would be content with eaven a half a smirk, but they are rare in coming. but i will still smile or say good morning or what ever cuz its polite and its NORMAL!!!
    join the fun!

  • still laughing

    i couldnt help laughing at this entire page of comments! its hesterical!!!!!! i mean like who cares if u say hello to someone and they look at u like ur nutz? they’re crazy thats it!!!! just keep on saying hi to everyone and laugh when they give u that weird look-believe me they’re gonna start feeling like they fell from the moon!!

  • still laughing

    i couldnt help laughing at this entire page of comments! its hesterical!!!!!! i mean like who cares if u say hello to someone and they look at u like ur nutz? they’re crazy thats it!!!! just keep on saying hi to everyone and laugh when they give u that weird look-believe me they’re gonna start feeling like they fell from the moon!!

  • another true story from a shliach

    as a young kid, when i would come visit CH i used to say hello to people just to see who was from CH. it was just a funny game we used to play.

    although i understand newyorkers, some people think its a strange thing and in their minds they think your wierd which then excuseses themselves from doing the same
    i personally was mekarev people starting by just saying hello and built a strong relationship

  • puzzled

    I just don’t get the point here. OK, OK, I’m stupid or something, but this is what gets everyone worked up???

    Who cares if people are ignorant & self-absorbed? If you want to say good morning, do so, it’s a free country. And that’s my point…if you DON’T want to, then don’t! Sometimes we’re thinking of other things, in a daze, worried about something, or just not feeling very friendly. It may not be nice, but we’re only human beings.

    I think there are other things to worry about round here.

  • KAN TZIVA FAN

    KAN TZIVA is like a mall you dont greet people in a mall agreed ??? your shlichus town is a community and you’ll meet the same peole again and again your are also more happy to see someone near you while in KAN TZIVA BH you always (or usually )have more souls around IN THESE DAYS OF CHOSHBON DONT BE BE MIKATREG just smile and let people know the good

  • RESIDENT of CROWN HEIGHTS

    A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL THE WONDERFUL FAMILIES IN CROWN HEIGHTS WHO WELCOME ALL THE THOUSANDS OF GUESTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD WHO CAME TO THE REBBE’S SHCUNA FOR TISHREI. THANK YOU TO ALL THE RESIDENTS IN CROWN EIGHTS WHO GAVE UP THEIR BEDS AND GIVE ALL THE GUESTS DELICIOUS FOOD.

  • out of towner

    To everyone who says its a NY thing, that may be, but don’t use that as an excuse. You don’t have to say gut shabbos to everyone, but have some common sense and a bit of courtesy. To those people who said its because we teach our kids not to talk to strangers, well no one is asking them to say anything to the guy selling drugs on the street corner, have some brains. Coming from out of town, you grow up where saing gut shabbos to people even if you don’t know them is a done thing.

    Twice in the past week though i’ve walked past the same bochur (from overseas) and he always has his mikva towel around his neck and always refuses to respond to a gut shabbos. No eye contact, not even a nod. No matter where you’re from, thats just rude

  • Shayna

    and yet another comment……..so much pent up feelings in this community shared by many, and thankfully a good and safe place to vent….
    this so-called indifference, is. I am afraid not just a CH concern but that of a number of other charedi communities at least in Israel where we resided for many years I am afraid. men not acknowledging women, which is no chomach and understandable, but women to women and men to men unless you are from their particular group of chassidim one will find a kind of insularism among these people pretty pervsive. Salutations are regrettably rarely initiatied or returned in a warm manner as well Although there are exceptions, this general observation is the case. Funny among the livitsher and chilulim friendly interchange is more prevalent..go figure…I dont know where this insularism or coldcyte comes from…a ghetto mentality, suspicion, survival tactics, and thus the little "amenities" get left behind?, or are all chassidim so engrossed in loftier pursuits that they fail to see the big picture…truly a perpelexing situation; yet another tikun……….bottom line without being labeled a grinning idiot.smile, as my ma use to say, it wouldn’t hurt you…………now along with the lack of the good shabbos greetings, what about the garbage and litter situation in the our streets-OOPHS! a subject for another letter………..stayed tune!

  • R. Shmulie L.

    Moshe MS

    I like the way you put it (aside for the BT thingy), it is true what you are saying.

    there is a book called postville – it was written a while back about the rift in postville between the yidden and lehavdil the goyim.

    of the things the goyim get upset over:

    "they don’t say hello"

    "they don’t come over to our sunday picnics"

    "they park wherever they want"

    "old beaten cars"

    My point is; We are not like them and we have a different attitude and we don’t spend too much time on such trivial matters.

    Ahavas Yisroel is what you are looking for? go to a hospital be mesameiach the sick jews. go to an old age home they will be much happier to see you than your little hellos will do on kingston.

    Chabad Munt Pnimiyos.

  • I C U 2

    To Moshe MS:
    u said u have another op-ed, so i am gonna response to your op-ed.

    a suggestion to you is that u CAN become a dancer, or maybe perhaps a garbage collector – you know the world is filled with ideas. but obviously i was just giving narishkeiten examples. you could spend your time learning and you can even start you OWN picnic campaign every Sunday. and even have learning classes and you’ll become a gr8 teacher and even a Rosh Yeshiva somewhere IY"H.

    personally, i think Sunday afternoon picnic are a gr8 idea

  • Hello to everyone!!

    ok everyone get over yourselves, not everyone is always in the mood of saying hi all day long. Forget about the ppl you dont know, how about saying hello to pple you do know. There is a girl in my building who knows me we grew up in the same school, a grade apart, she cant seem to say hello. Other neighbors on the block that know me, dont either or ppl that go to the same bungulow colony. That i find very strange!! Some ppl have social disorders, (to give them the benifit of the doubt). However, yes this is a fast paste moving city, pple are always in a hurry. Can you imagine everyone saying hi to each other in Manhattan? However, if someone says hello, you should definately respond. And to those of you who knows a person, a neighbor, a school mate, dont pretend you dont see them. It wont break your teeth to say hi.

  • Yossi

    As a 16 year old bochur, I was once greeted a Good Shabbos by Rabbi Yossel Weinberg, thinking he was greeting my brother I did not respond who also did not respond.

    He was so upset and gave me a good chelek.

    If a 70+ year old chasid, zol er zein gezunt un shtark, can greet a young bochur, how much more so we should greet each other.

  • Chaya

    I disagree with the article. On Shabbos, I say "Good Shabbos" to every female I pass, and EVERYONE replies. During the week, I smile or nod, and EVERYONE responds.
    The only situation I can think of where I wouldn’t respond is if a guy greeted me. And that’s not a bad thing for me not to respond.

  • Try again, please

    Moshe MS wrote:
    Another Op-Ed

    Dear Community;

    I am a bored soul and have nothing to do with my life, therefore i decided to write an article to try painting a picture of myself as a righteous saint who cannot understand how crown heights residents can be so rude.

    It never crossed my mind that perhaps not everyone is as bored as me and as yentish as me. I guess I fail to realize that we are lubavitch and not some modern orthodox community, we koch in pnimiyos and not in some farshtunkene BT habbits of "good mornings" "flowers" and all the other practices that are new to lubavitch.

    A side note;

    I am shocked that we do not have Sunday picnics on our porches and that we do not invite all our neighbors to partake in a Sunday picnic! is this asking too much for a little decency from one another? why cant we be a community….

    Get a life.

    Please, don’t turn yourself into the good guy out of a bad habit. I was able to relate to all the other comments and taanehs, but your’s is just completely crazy with no backing. I don’t think its right for people to blame every fault of theirs on chassidishkeit: Like Bochurim saying "i don’t iron my shirts or tuck them in b/c i’m not into gashmius" give me a break, this IS what the Rebbe wants. Don’t fool yourself.

  • .....

    ‘R. Shmulie L. wrote:

    Ahavas Yisroel is what you are looking for? go to a hospital be mesameiach the sick jews. go to an old age home they will be much happier to see you than your little hellos will do on kingston.

    Chabad Munt Pnimiyos.’

    The statement is most ironic when the community just suffered 2 back to back suicides. I am not naive enough to believe that a simple hello can save someone that is on the verge but a general attitude of varmkite (antithical to arrogance) would help the situation.

    A chosid with a varma "pnimous" will radiate that varimkeit to the outside world. If you will say hello to him he will respond with a hello and a smile from ear to ear. Someone can be a pusta keli bepnimous as well but somehow that is not what I think that "chabad munt"

  • bt

    to r. shmulie l.
    chabad munt pnimiyos??? according to chabad, it is forbidden to cause someone else pain, and making someone feel like a shmatte, causes most people PAIN.
    p.s. if chabad is so pnimiyos, then why do we have kids sitting home for lack of $$$

  • Reuven ben Dovid

    It seems to me that if everyone who wrote in says "hello" or "Gut Shabbos", that is a lot of people. Some do and some don’t. Believe me it is a lot like many other places. I am like all of you, sometimes I am so into myself that I notice nobody. Other times I am ebullient and wish to say, "hello" to every one. I take no offense. When I smile at people, they usually smile back at me. When I say "Gut Shabbos", I almost always get at least a nod of the head. Enjoy those that acknowledge you and stop whining ablut those that don’t!

  • Eli Zimmerman

    To everyone i may ever meet in the streets i would like to take this opportunity to say hello and goodbye right now, please do not be angry when i do not say it later for i am already yoitezi right now

  • sl

    nooooooooooooo clue what your talking about

    I say "Good Shabbos" to everyone and they all answer back.

    and the Rebbe said "Good Shabbos" directry to my mother on eatern pkwy

  • ANONOMOUS

    IT’S NOT A NY THING.MONTREAL IS JUST AS BAD!!
    IT’S NOT ABOUT SAYING HI WHILE PASSING A PERSON ..IT’S ALSO SEEING THE SAME NEW PERSON EVERYDAY AND TOTALLY IGNORING HIM,PEOPLE ON THE BLOCK NOT WELCOMING THE NEW FAMILY.

  • Choni Davidowitz

    I am not much concerned how you begin a conversation, but I am concerned at how you and most other people end your conversations. You always say "Moshiach Tzidkeinu right now"
    Now he never comes right now and WILL NOT come until the vast majority of Jews in the Diaspora fulfill the greatest of all Mitzvot- Yishuv Eretz Yisrael.
    The Rebbe said; ”” "for we will only reach our true destination, when we and all the Jewish people arrive in the Land of Israel, with the true and complete redemption" (likutei sichos vol2 p348ff). It does not take a Talmud Chochom to figure that the longer we tarry in exile the longer we delay the arrival of Moshiach .
    So come on Mr.editor be concerned and let us bring "next year in Jerusalem" into reality NOW, by leaving the cruel exile. Don’t wait for Moshiach -go and fetch him yourself.

  • Mendel (C.H. - T.O.)

    OK Evreyone:
    This is the auther of the letter.
    I was waiting when would be a good time to respond, and now that there is 100 comments (!) i think its time.
    Anyway first off i did Exagrate a little bit about the reactions, but i figured ppl are going to realize that i am exagrating (i guess not)
    ALSO; why are ppl saying that it is a chabad thing? all i said its a problem in the frum community (CH is that… right?)
    and also (gosh!… i cant belive i am saying this) i dident meen you should greet EVREYBODY!!! i meen come on… commen sense.
    if you are going down the street… humming a tune (okok… ill the the theaatrics) and someone is coming your way, is it a sin to say good mornig?!
    Who knows?! maybe by you saying one more good yom tov… that you wouldent usally do, you will bring moshiach now!!! (before yom tov)

    Have a good Yom Tov to all!

  • Pro-active

    Bringing matters to the community’s attention where improvement is warranted is empowering, whereas negativity is not. Thank you for bringing the awareness…now let’s be pro-active!

  • no dirty looks

    i live in toronto. a little different than crownheights,but whenever i pass by someone frum- i always say good shabbos, and they answer back or nod their head.
    i guess it depends where you are…

  • ???

    i dont understand… it seems that so many people agree that they say good shabbos and ppl. ignore them. does this make sense??