Areivut Made Easy
“Zalmen, you write very well. Very nice. Great. What talent! Don’t stop.” These words might seem to be meaningless, but for me they were everything.
A little more than seven years ago I began to write a weekly letter. I lacked confidence; I thought people wouldn’t like it, that I would write badly, that I would make mistakes and cause others to be mistaken thereby. Every letter I wrote and published was accompanied by a fluttering in my heart. I held on tight to every positive feedback I received – and there weren’t many of them.
But there was someone who immediately at the beginning took to sending me short sentences such as those quoted above, and I have no words to express the degree to which these lifted my spirits and gave me the necessary motivation to continue.
That person was the Rebbe’s shaliach to Nahariya, Rabbi Yisrael Butman z”l, whom later I already called “my friend Yisraelik Butman.” It was unusual, because I didn’t know him before. He was about twenty years older than me and our paths hadn’t yet crossed. I knew his name and knew that he was an energetic shaliach in northern Israel, but I had never had any personal exchange – not even one word. I even remember myself standing in the parking lot of the Shazar House in Kfar Chabad; Yisraelik was driving by, but he stopped, reversed, got out of his car, took the cigarette out of his mouth and in his rolling “r” began showering me with empowering words. I remember, also, my embarrassment as I stood and listened.
In masechet Shavuot it says, “All of Yisrael are arevim (responsible) to each other.” One of the sources for the laws of guarantors is in masechet Bava Batra, which takes it from this week’s parasha, parashat Vayigash.
At the height of suspense of the (serial) story of Yosef and his brothers, when Yosef announces that he will keep Binyamin with him as a slave following the “stealing” of the goblet, Yehudah approaches him immediately, saying that this cannot be, “because your servant made himself guarantor for the boy.” I guaranteed my father that I will return Binyamin to him, when I convinced him to allow Binyamin to come with us to Egypt. I will be responsible for him, you will demand him from me, I said to him.
True, usually when we speak of areivut we speak about taking responsibility, of giving selflessly even if it is risky to oneself, but still, in my mind, mutual areivut is also mutual empowering, a good word, a pleasant response, positive feedback. Every such word has the power to influence, to strengthen, to lift up. This is true for any person, but especially when we’re talking about an older person speaking to a younger one, or a public figure speaking to one who is not that. What is nice about this is that such areivut has almost no risks. With just a bit of effort, attention and caring, one can give so much to someone else.
Rabbi Yisraelik Butman z”l passed away at a young age seven years ago. He gave so much with just a few words and I do my best to transfer this good deed of his to others, when I empower other people. So here I am suggesting that everyone learn from him. Every person can be a little like Yisraelik Butman.
Shabbat Shalom,
