The other night my son walked into my room and told me, “You know the recent rumors that so-and-so died of a heart attack or something like that? It really didn't make too much sense to me when I heard it because he was so young and now I just heard the real, harsh truth. He spent the night drinking and died of alcohol poisoning.”
The story my son told me hit me like a sledgehammer....
Just One More Cup
The other night my son walked into my room and told me, “You know the recent rumors that so-and-so died of a heart attack or something like that? It really didn’t make too much sense to me when I heard it because he was so young and now I just heard the real, harsh truth. He spent the night drinking and died of alcohol poisoning.”
The story my son told me hit me like a sledgehammer….
Tragedy often inspires change in us, but because people know how wrong alcohol abuse is and because they are afraid of how they’ll be judged, when disaster strikes people are afraid to share the real story. Generally, victims warn others, “Don’t do what I did – protect yourself.” Yet, because of the ugliness of alcohol abuse, victims and their families don’t share what happened and therefore don’t inspire others to change.
With Purim around the corner, what’s foremost on my mind is not the Mishloach Monos or the Seudah. Those preparations I leave to my wife. I can’t say I’m very concerned about reading the Megillah since I am the Rabbi of a congregation and I’ll hear the Megillah in my own Shul. Nor can I say I am extremely worried about fulfilling the Mitzvah of giving charity on Purim, the poor and those who collect for them are readily available all Purim.
What concerns me greatly is the one more cup of alcoholic drink that leads to yet another cup which leads to uninhibited imbibing of liquor over Purim. Aside from the great tragedies of lives that were lost due to excessive drinking – usually in a lethal combination with driving – there are the many incidents of other alcohol related deaths, physical illness and ugly hangovers related to the abuse of alcohol.
Yes, there is a Mitzvah on Purim to get to the mental state that one is confused and doesn’t know the difference between Boruch Mordechai (Mordechai should be blessed) and Arur Haman (Haman should be cursed). But that Mitzvah can be fulfilled in many different ways, including going to sleep for a while on Purim or immersing oneself in learning Torah. That Mitzvah can also be fulfilled by drinking a little bit extra alcohol to make one’s head spin to become a little tipsy. One cup is enough.
I find it interesting that in the same place where it speaks of the Mitzvah getting tipsy it forewarns us that if the drunkenness causes us to compromise performance of other Mitzvos we have thrown out the baby with the bathwater. Getting plastered is not fulfillment of the Mitzvah.
Because of their naiveté our teens don’t know how to drink responsibly.
Over Purim we can all practice responsible drinking. If we drink enough that we can’t drive, enough to trip up our words if we got up to make a speech that is enough to fulfill the Mitzvah of drinking on Purim. If we make sure to eat before we drink or make sure not to mix drinks that’s responsible drinking.
Most of all, what we can all do is be safe and responsible by refraining from drinking and driving.
Every year we find Rabbis or community leaders who speak out about the excessive drinking around Purim time, but it must be discussed throughout the year. Many times community leaders don’t want to speak out for fear of being accused of pointing fingers at particular tragedies, families or behaviors. So they speak about it Purim time and think they have fulfilled their obligation, but this is a way more serious problem to only be discussed on Purim.
Abuse of drinking can be a year round problem and it needs a year round solution.
About Time
Finally! Thank you! It is disgusting to watch the abuse of alcohol in CH and within Chabad in general. And I know so many people who have permanently been turned off from Chabad after watching their rabbi get drunk to a ridiculous point. Tipsy is one thing. Getting sick and calling that observing Purim is a mockery and embarrassment. As one of our baal habatim called it, Purim looked like a frat party with guys in black hats. If he wanted a frat party, he would have gone to one…
I care what the Rebbe says.
Under 40 = No more than 4!
Don’t convince yourselves your being Chassidish.
something to think about
Why is it that when people discuss this subject we all agree so easily that getting truly drunk is dangerous- yet it we continue to see people who are severely and uncontrollably abusing alcohol. And further we watch our youth engaging in this behavior as if we have no responsability and ability to stop a lot of this? The kids are getting the alcohol from somewhere! Well, why don’t the parents and whoever in is charge of the drinks in the shuls simple put a limit to it? I just don’t understand what is so impossably hard about putting the stuff away.
Maybe it’s just people with empty lives, the adults and the kids, who are drowning themsleves into a state where they don’t have to feel the pain that is real in their lives. Meaning- there are bigger problems then what meets the eye.
CHer
I agree {Burp} with every thing u guys r saying {burp burp} see we can all {burp} get along {burp}…
Happy Purim
.......
i think that whole chabad community should get together this purim for a grand AA meeting.
malnekoff
THANKS TO MICHOEL BEHRMAN AND STAFF FOR FINALLY RESPONDING TO ONE OF THE MAJOR PROBLEMS IN THE COMMUNITY.
A MASHPIA
Just Note: I DO NOT CONDONE UNDERAGE DRINKING.
But:
1)if you look in the sicha of shushan purim 5714 the Rebbe write to sleep is for misnagdim
2)when the rebbe made the gezirah he added that IT DOES NOT APPLY ON PURIM
3)sometimes the rebbe said it does apply on purim so everyone should speak to their PERSONAL MASHPIA
4)the Sfas Emes Writes that you can never fulfill the mitzvah because if you know you fulfilled it you aren’t ad delo yada
5)the mitzvah is on wine also so mabye try alot of wine
6) IT IS NOT CHASSIDISH to hurt yourself or kill yourself CH”V but when done RESPONSIBLY it is ok
in short obviously drink reponsibly and say alot of lchaim ad dloy yada
7)HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE PURIM
Have seen the Light
ich hob aleh mohl getainet az men macht foon an ikor…a tofel, un foon der tofel, macht men an iker!!!
These guys have their priorities all messed up , and are just looking for and using excuses to drink and get drunk, oif yenem’s cheshbon. They reason…men darf zein mekushor tzum rebben and “the rest is commentary.” Baloney!!! They don’t know what else to say, so they just say that, and sound so holy to the young and impressionable bochurim with whom they farbreng. All in the name of the Rebbe MHM, and chassidus. The ones who see through this sort of shtick are not there, or pick themselves up and leave in time.
I can say from experience that way too many families suffer while their fathers and husbands are using this as an excuse to shirk their resposibilites to their families. This is not what the Rebbe means or intends. It just sounds good to those irresponsible and very selfish drinkers!!
Curious
wow that is such a nice sign, who made it?
Yossie Avrohom
The article is well written. ALL of our local “Rabbis” should endorse this.
It is finally a topic that everyone can agree on. Especially as following this advice can save lives.
Worried Mom
Great Job, Rabbi Hecht!
I have been warning my Bochurim sons since Bar Mitzvah about drinking, but every Purim, Simchas Torah, Vort, and Aufruf I worry.
The problem is, when they see Rabbonim & COMMUNITY LEADERS getting plastered every Shabbos (& often during the week) they think it’s acceptable. Farbrengens are getting out of control. Forget that
in our house, liquor is drunk in moderation (usually dinner wine on Shabbos with our guests.)
Please…Bochurim, don’t drink & drive!!! You may be transporting MY sons!! And no mother, including YOURS, wants to bury her son.
Think about it.
Someone who cares
This is a great article. Everyone should take it to heart and help there loved ones when the test arrives. Talk to your kids about it in a heart to heart!! Make sure they understand that a 14 year old drinking like an alcoholic is NOT cool, it’s ILLEGAL!! Please take this article and do something about it!
Neal A. Wilmette IL
My family and many more who used to go to Chabad affairs…no longer go or particularly stay away from Chabad events because of the drinking by the Rabbis. Please don’t tell me it is a mitzvah to get drunk and sick in front of little children…way to much drink associated with Chabad and it turns off many non-Lubavitch families…I know and I have seen it so many times…This kind of actions is NOT being a light to the nations…shame on you..
ch drunkers
you think its only purim?go to 770 at around an hour b/4 shobbes- the buchrim just disgust me! many of them are drunk and the place is a disaster. which normal bucher gets drunk every shobbes week after week?
Ad D-lo Yada
Ad D’lo………….Yada Ad D’lo Yada………………………..Ad D’lo Yada………………………..Ad D’lo Yada………………………..Ad D’lo Yada………………………..Ad D’lo Yada………………………..Ad D’lo Yada………………………..
LeBsumei
The joy of Misnagdim everywhere…
lubavitcher bucher= alcoholic
i think buchers shuld drink if you agree write back
we need more articles like this!
I am glad to see this article has opened the eyes of many and will continue to do so.
lizman
it is simple
it is just as importanat to learn chitas and rambam, as it is not to drink more then 4, we CANNOT pick and choose what to accept from the rebbe.
and anyone that teaches our children to drink more then that should be removed from his position of influence.
as parents we should demand from our teachers and mashpiyim that they shound not get drunk. and show an example of what it means to say lechayim and not be drunk.
shiker is a goy. a yid darf zugen lechayim be freilich uber nisht shikur
and by the way the police will be around catching those that drink and drive. so dont say you werent warned
()
All this about getting all the rabbis and everyone else to endorse this is all nice and fine, the problem is that a very large percentage of those who drink and get “plastered” are ones that quite frankly stopped caring as to “what the Rabbis have to say”, and for that matter whether it is “chassidish” or isn’t.
Mimi Notik
An important article, with some good points!
…but these signs, in the picture shown above…they gotta go.
Drinking responsibly is Chassidish?
Drinking responsibly has everything to do with self respect, maturity, safety, etc. It’s the NORMAL and RIGHT thing to do. That’s first, and applies to everyone. Why bring Chassidish in to it? Someone truly concerned with being Chassidish doesn’t need to be told to drink responsibly, so who is this sign for? What if you don’t care to be Chassidish? Should you not drink responsibly then?
When I first saw them, I thought it was a Purim joke (maybe it is?).
A sign like this doesn’t encourage anyone to be responsible. Furthermore, this sort of usage of the term “Chassidish” cheapens our understanding and appreciation for what it really means.
Noshim Dai-ton Ka-lois
The signs are meant for young kids not for you Miss Mimi. Of course, excessive drinking is also dangerous, illegal and disgusting. But to young buchorim drinking is perceived as cool and “Chassidish”. Mashpiom and mechanchim were consulted on what’s the best terminology for young bochurim . but being you were once a young Bochur……. and know how young bochurim think, your opinion should be respected first!
disgusted...
If i recall correctly, the Rebbe added the words UN SIMCHAS TORAH, UN PURIM to his Takonoh of more then four. All those who get drunk and take more then 4 in the name of the Rebbe and chasidishkeit, are no better then the ones who defame the Rebbes name by Proclaiming other “slogans” about him.
Enough is Enough, the Rebbe was/is there for us, why can’t we atleast be there for his Kovod!
Mottel
A MASHPIA.. . the Rebbe wrote in 5714 – that was over 50 years ago – sorry but clearly there has been a change in tha tpeople cannot drin k responsi bly any longer
awacs
i think that a bocher who:
a) likes to drink;
b) holds himself back to 4 during the year
b/c the rebbe said so;
c) but gets roaringly drunk on purim b/c
it’s a mitzvah;
is to be commended. he is the master of his tayves; he knows that there is a time/place for everything …
to A Mashpia
You say “in short obviously drink reponsibly and say alot of lchaim ad dloy yada”
How does one achieve a state of “Ad D’lo yoda”, while at the same time remaining “repsopnsible”?
Stop cutting yourself
Alchohol tastes Gross anyway. I think those bochurim who drink alchohol or anyone for that matter is just plain masochistic
a shliach
I too agree that this issue needs to be addressed and dealt with. As a new reader to this website, i wish to clarify: 1. Who is techie and how do we know that this letter is authentic? 2. who was this letter/article addressed to? Where does it originate? Unfortunately, this article has made its way to our enemies and i would like to establish its veracity. thank you and a frileichen purim!
THE BOTTOM LINE
either way, if the takana of ”no more than four” applies to purim then bocherim or people under 40 have no right to drink more then four and if the takana of no more then 4 does not apply to purim then my ”lfi anias daity” advice first look what all the poskim say in shulcan aruch about drinking on purim or just take out a kitzur chapter 142 halacha 6 and see what it says there ”if person drinks and he will fail to do any mitzvah he should not get drunk”and baal meam loaz lists about 9 reasons why a person should not get drunk even on purim and the bottom line is that even if u what to tell me that the halacha is to get”intoxicated”then we have a seemingly condradiction bec we all have a mitzvah to guard our bodies so waht do u do drink alot and kill brain and liver cells and damage ur body or not drink, guard our bodies and like the SHULCAN ARUCH SAYS drink a little and then sleep ?!! and if u say that some alchohol is good for you (tzoric iyun)the drink some and not by every party get plastered!!!! the bottom line is r shloma ganzfreid wrote in kitzur shulchan aruch in the same place as before that inthe same halcha as that it is a mitzvah to drink he says ”all your ways should be for the sake of heaven ”
Lubavitcher Alcohol Worker UK
As a Lubavitcher and as an alcohol and drug project worker R. S. Hecht article was a must for me to read.
respomsible drinking is not what were discussing, what is responsible drinking, needs discussing with a mashpia who is knowledgable of the subject under discussion.
I am not going to go about where, and what the Rebbe meant, others more knowledgable than I can go there.
My main concerns though are (not neccesarilary in order of importance)are
1. There is a definite ‘chillul Hashem /Lubavitch’ in people getting plastered, is this what the Rebbe wanted?
2. The physical and emotional damage to family, friends and society by this behaviour is inexcusable. What sort of Purim are the family members experiencing if father/ brother or other family member is drunk, the least is embarrasment (which I think may be considered on one level to murder).
3. This is called being ‘frum’ (no not chassidish cos this is no way for a true chosid.) on ‘yenem cheshbon’.
4. When a person gets drunk to this degree a persom true thoughts get revealed, are you really sure that you are ready for your entire essence to be on public display, especially bochurim in the shidduch parsha.
5.The physical and emoional damage caused to the liver and every other organ in the body by alcohol POISONING is often non reversable, a person has a ‘chiyuv’ to look after their body.
6. We have been told that our physical make up has changed and what was once ok and beneficial may not be so anymore this sureley applies to alcohol.
Perhaps a good way to get this message across would be to arrange for our youngsters plus others, to do ‘bikur cholim’ and detox rehabilitation centres of people who are in recovery, to go into the wards of those in the throes of dying from alcohol related cirrohsis and other illnesses. To meet family members of those victims of drink/driving and hearing their first hand stories.