During the meetings, ladies present a profile of a single. General appearance, background information, style of religiosity and personality attributes are described. Other participants ask questions to clarify what the single is about or is seeking. Names of singles are not used.
Shidduch Crisis or Shidduch Challenge?
Is there’ a “Shidduch Crisis” ? Not if you’ve been participating in the Brooklyn Ladies’ Shidduch Group. For us, well, we see only opportunities. With the motto “Let’s help each other.”, we’ve been meeting once or twice monthly for over one year. We meet in Flatbush, at Bais Menachem Mendel at 1000 East 17th St, and have developed a lively cameraderie. Mostly, ladies come and present someone single – sometimes their own child. Women have presented their siblings, their Shabbos guests, even themselves! Numerous professional shadchanim. have visited, as have a mashpiah presenting her mushpa, one mother who drove 4 hours from out-of-state to present her children, and visitors from California, Montreal, and Israel !
During the meetings, ladies present a profile of a single. General appearance, background information, style of religiosity and personality attributes are described. Other participants ask questions to clarify what the single is about or is seeking. Names of singles are not used.
The atmosphere of the meeting is great. We’re supportive and positive. Everybody is encouraged to describe what they want in a non-judgmental atmosphere. There’s someone for everyone, we believe. Sometimes we giggle over some of the descriptions, but respectfully; after all, everyone can ask for whomever (that is, whatever) they want! Its not for us to judge, but to help each other. Several of the meetings have been breath-taking: so many profiles are brought that we barely have time to get through them. Members sign-in and are encouraged to contact each other after the meeting to get details of an especially interesting profile or to share ideas. Members write down phone numbers and contact each other afterwards if they’re interested in someone presented or have an idea for them.
Within a few days following the meeting, profiles are summarized and circulated among the meeting attendees who gets “first dibs” on acting on them. Now the VIRAL part comes into play when group members send profiles to others – to other shidduch groups, shadchanim, friends, etc. Remember: profiles are totally anonymous. If anyone is interested and wants more information about a single, they are directed to contact myself (Dr. Elka Pinson) , Mrs. Shoshana Lerner or Mrs. Chana Kupfer who will give the name (and contact information) of the SPONSOR The sponsor is the person who originally presented the profile. That sponsor can then handle the inquiry, and they can choose to function as the shadchen, if they wish.
Between group meetings, mini-meetings are scheduled by members to “work on” profiles and follow-up. At these mini-meetings phone calls can be made, names can be used and shared, and new people can be included. We encourage lots of mini-meetings; usually these are simply 3-4 people who have single children sitting together with several profiles from our meeting. These meetings can be spontaneous, but they are best when focussed.
Over the year, a number of bold singles have come and presented themselves! Many older singles feel a need to advocate for themselves because they’ve “used up” existing resources, Quick remedy – network with new people at the meeting! At a recent meeting, we had a surprise visit by a local Shaliach presenting one of his balabatim – in person!
Do you agree that just participating in such a meeting is ruchnius? We start our meeting with reading a selection from Eternal Joy to set the tone. Well, if its still not ruchniusdik enough, we have volunteers baking challah. Each week many women will take challah with a brocha with one very lucky single girl in mind; a coordinator assigns a new name weekly. A list of singles’ with mothers’ names has been created for those who wish to say Tehillim, etc.
As our first anniversary has just passed, we are expanding our efforts in several key areas, including addressing the shidduch needs of specific sub-groups. Until these events are confirmed, we’d rather not reveal them, but we think you’ll be quite pleased. We are also eager to mentor the start of other shidduch groups. We know of at least one group of young married women who meet in Crown Heights. While our approaches are different, our goals are clearly the same: Let’s make simchas!
Contact:
Mrs. Shoshana (Shelley) Lerner chabadshidduch@aol.com
Dr. Elka Pinson elkaleah@mac.com
Mrs. Chana Kupfer happyfamily2000@juno.com
In honor of the first completed year of the Brooklyn Shidduch Group, and dedicated in memory of Hillel ben Yosef, CrownHeights.info will be presenting our Shidduch Tip-of-the-Week. These practical tips are for daters and their parents. They are culled from our collective experience and wisdom and are offered with the hope that you will find your bashert soon!
Chana
Sounds amazing!! And may you go from strength to strength!!
BUT. . . where does this leave us, Out of Towners, who DON’T live in the States?? Does this mean that because we and our singles, are’nt there ‘on the spot’, so to speak, we stand no chance of being involved in this , because, due to circumstances, way out of our control. . we live abroad??!!
Not all of us are able to be in CH, or have been there for a couple of years and then left, because nothing was happening and we were ”moving on” . . .
Do we not count.. . can we not be given a chance to be included somehow too??
Can SOMEONE please please answer this, and put us on the right track, as to how we can move forward on this. . .
Waiting with baited breath
Leah
Chana, out of towners in many cities have formed their own groups who hook up with the Chicago group where the whole thing started. The CH group sends info to the Chicago group and it is then sent to the other groups.
Rivkah Leah Bernath of the Chicago group has been making the rounds of various communities, inspiring them to strengthen themselves in both ruchnius and in meeting to read profiles.
All groups are looking for those names of people who are not on the main highway so to speak. The single who is living in a foreign country might be just what someone is looking for but you have to let them know that you exist.
Email the ladies listed above as well as shidduchgroup@yahoo.com. Send your profile to these email addresses and it will be forwarded out.
Everyone can be included.
Wanna Noh
Why is this for women only?
Dr. Elka Pnson
No reason men can’t start their own group…..
boys group
and men/boys definately should start a group – that’s a necessity!
yours truly
when people (shadchunim) become more open minded more will happen but for now the shadchunim are all looking for “prominance” and not to unite love between couples!
cs
I think it’s very funny to have a “shidduch group” made up of everyone BUT singles. Great way to solve the so-called “crisis”–make sure singles have no say at all in their own future. Bravo!
SHADCHA crices
their is a SHADCHA crices not a shiduch crices!
Dr. Elka Pinson
Dear CS…
1) We have singles participating in the group. No one is excluded. If you’re single…why don’t you come?
2) Singles can make their own shidduch group if they wish.
3) Do you really believe singles have no say in their own future…..?
Chana
Leah,
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer!! few do!!
I do actually belong to the Chicago Shidduch group, but find that very few older boys profiles are sent;
But I will definitely email those 3 email addresses that you mention above . . . .
“Meshaneh mokom meshaneh mazel”!! I’ll do that TODAY iy”h!!
May we all hear good news NOW!!
Grateful thanks!!
Chana
ch resident
to cs:
you are revealing that you dont feel you have a say in your future.
i go to these meetings and it is not like that.
but something in your life is like that.
think about it.
just wondering
hoe many shedduchim have u made in your first year?
hatzlacha
SingleGirl
Do you guys check the profiles to know if the information given is real?