49 Comments

• sh-koyach

  thank you for sharing your story. it’s full of hope and ecouragement for those in a similar situation. please, for the benefit of those who are susceptible to becoming addicted, write an additional paragraph which would convince young teens not to start in the first place. may you have many many brochas.

• Joe

  Respect.
  Lots and lots of respect.

• Anon.

  I relate to well although my disease was slightly different it was just as dangerous. Good luck to you and keep up the amazing work!

• reader

  Refuah shlaima! Hope everyone who needs help will get it.

• Yossel B.

  Addiction is a battle that we must all face at one point or another in life.

  One must constantly be vigilant against temptation.

  Whether the addiction is to food, gossip, or drugs.

  Many times seeking professional help is needed. There is no shame in getting help.

  If you allow your impulses to rule you when it comes to anything you desire, you have lost control.

  Most people indulge in food and gossip, still others resort too using stronger drugs to get a fix. An addiction to food is still an addiction. An addiction to constantly judge others so that you can feel good about yourself is an addiction too.

  Whenever you need the thing to feel safe and whole. You are not thinking, you are simply reacting to your short term need.

  The worst part for most people is that they must escalate the amount of the “drug” feel okay.
  I do not attempt to trivialize the disease of alcoholism. My pont is simply that it does not start with a bottle of vodka. It begins with other less obvious addictions and escalates.

  Dont be so quick to judge others. Are you really in control of everything you do?

  No matter how much we deny it, self control is a constant struggle.

  I applaud your candor and honesty.

• thankful

  Wow, yashar koach! I am so happy you got the help you needed! Thank you so much for speaking out, there are so many people out there who don’t know or understand – or even WANT to know or understand – but even more kids that need help.
  Thank you!

• Thank you

  Wow! Now that’s an eye opener. I hope that this will uplift the cloud of denial and help people realize that this illness is rampant and abundant in our own backyard.

  It’s very easy to look the other way and blame others but it won’t help our brothers and sisters who are in pain.

• Voiceh

  Alcholism and Drug addiction is not a disease…. they are choices, however misguided that we make. It is not something that is forced up us by nature. Asthma is a disease, Asthma we have no choise or control over. An addiction is something that you may be predisposed to but it is still a choice. Yasher Koach for getting help as that is the only way.

• mother

  Thank you, and power to you for your courage. Kol hakovod to your mother for helping you, and not denying it

  I do have 2 points/questions, though:
  1-why do you suppose you still felt empty with a full and fulfilling life? I ask this only to help shed light on this for others, not CH”V with cynicism.
  2-As a girl, you are less exposed to alcohol, but the boys are pressured, it’s both ‘cool’ and ‘chassidish’, so they can never get away from that pressure; any ideas on how to help this?

• impressed

  You have done more in one short article to help addicts & open up the eyes of those who don’t believe there is a “problem” amongst “functioning” frum people than anyone else could have achieved in pages of prose.

  You are a great role model of determination, positive action, and incredible generosity. Much Hatzlacha to you and your family.

• Dovi

  addiction is a punishment for following the ways of your heart. in chassidic terminology (Tanya) “and sinners are in the domain of their heart, a punishment for there many sins”

  the idea that ‘RELIGIOUS“ people have less problems then ”regular’ people, is just pure foolishness. if any thing people growing up in a religious environment are more prone to “exploring”in ways that a secular person thats just living life caught up in the narrative wouldn’t think of. do to the fact that they aren’t taught and encouraged to think about life’s meaning and purpose and in many ways have yet to even take the first step of their journey towards Peace- which is one of the names of G-d.

• dictionary.com: 4 defintions

  diease
  1. a disordered or incorrectly functioning organ, part, structure, or system of the body resulting from the effect of genetic or developmental errors, infection, poisons, nutritional deficiency or imbalance, toxicity, or unfavorable environmental factors; illness; sickness; ailment.
  2. any abnormal condition in a plant that interferes with its vital physiological processes, caused by pathogenic microorganisms, parasites, unfavorable environmental, genetic, or nutritional factors, etc.
  3. any harmful, depraved, or morbid condition, as of the mind or society: His fascination with executions is a disease.
  4. decomposition of a material under special circumstances: tin disease.

• impressed Mom in Kan Tziva

  WOW! excellent article. So nicely expressed…no blame on her parents, on the school..just a strong woman taking responsibility for her own actions. There must be alot you can teach our girls/boys that isnt even addiction related. Thank you for sharing.

• a labavitch boy

  to the mother who said that its a problem that we have people say its “chasidish” and “cool” to drink, if your a boy. Sorry but there r plenty of mature boys out there who have commonsense and were brought up that drinking can be dangerous to. I am a boy who was brought up with my mother saying its not okay, i am not saying i never got drunk; i am saying i never needed to be lifted up to my bed from my friends ECT… ya i got drunk b/4 it happens to most Lubavitcher bochrim.
  To tell u the truth i have a good way to solve this problem many will disagree. I think every Lubavitcher boy should get really drunk once i mean really drunk, whether its a lachim or a farby. The next day they will have such a bad hangover they will consider it twice next time. It worked for me and many of my friends. Since then i only got drunk at VERY special things Like family lachims!!!
  To the author of this article
  WOW WOW WOW thank you for helping us so much i really appreciate it. i think it is brave to come out and say such a personal story even if its written with no name(with all the yenta’s in CH they probably know who it is)
  thank you for sharing such an amazing story of over coming obstacles-a lesson that could benefit everyone
  Moshiach NOW
  the Rebbe would be very proud to here such a story

• wannabes.

  ChabadGirl.addict, what an amazing article. Your sincerity and honesty shine through.

  I hope you are reading these comments, and I hope you’ll respond. I want to know how you had the courage to open up to your mother. What advice can you give to current and future mothers about building relationships with their children, so their children will always feel safe to come and talk to them

  Good luck on your journey-and may it take you to only happy places

• Liveing a better life.

  A notch here, and a notch there, i went threw all the same times, thank god today im doing great, and like stated above if you or some one you know needs the help email, please do not hesitate, change your life around and just live a better one. There is no reason to hide, if you dont want anyone to knwo who you are just send an email anonymously the same way she made an email for this, you can all do the same.

• grateful alcoholic

  hi everybody. I’m a grateful recovering alcoholic sober for a few years. married with kids grow up and still lives in crown heights. i went to thank crown heights info. and the author of this op-ed for posting this op-ed. i b.h. have a great life thanks to alcoholics anonymous. to all the people that are still out there drinking end by drinking i mean also if you just drink on shabes if it effects your life negatively than you have a problem it doesn’t matter how mach you drink. if you went help it’s hare you just need to went it. so please if you need help contact the author of this op-ed and get help. good luck to all of you.

• Amazed

  Wow. Someone works up the courage to tell people about her past, in order to educate and maybe change some lives. And yet there are STILL people who post negative things. Whatever your opinion on addiction (it’s not a disease, it’s self inflicted, it’s punishment for giving in to taives), keep it for another time and place. The only thing we should be posting here is support and how to make sure this doesn’t happen to any more of OUR kids.

  Yasher koach on the article!

• CHANA

  In response to Voiceh

  Alcholism is a disease and being an alcholic usually leads to drugs when the alcohol is not enough to take away the edge.

  Your insensitive comment doesn’t help the situation. Alcohol is so availabe in this community it makes it that much harder to avoid – especially since alcoholics are presdisposed to the addiction

  How many men that have gotten plastered on Shabbos by the Farbrengen swear that next week they won’t drink.

  I see the struggle in my shul every week…. Why can’t there be a Farbrengen with 1 l’chaim! The answer is because once you start you can’t stop and this is why alcoholism is a DISEASE!!!!

• Respect her actions

  I am very impressed with author of this article.

  People in the frum world should look as those who are working to recover from an addiction and their families with much respect.

  Sadly, when I was being mekareved, the Shliach gave a shiur on “dating, frum style” He claimed to the audience that when looking for a shidduch the parents like to make sure that “no one in the family they are checking on was in REHAB” He then went on to laugh. The audience didnt quite what he thought was so funny. That Shabbos, at the Kiddush, he just couldnt stop though, with the vodka shots.

  If this is truly how things are done in Crown Heights then I worry. Why should a family of potential choson/kallahs have to suffer because someone who had a problem tried to help themselves with their family supporting them.

  I think people in the Lubavitch should not punish people who actually try to help themselves. After all we are not supposed to judge

• Jojo

  I may not know you but that doesn’t stop me from being proud of you.!
  May Hashem give you and others that need the continuing strength to overcome this.

  People need to know that there are others willing to help and support them- probably why the Rebbe asked that everyone find a Mashpia. In this case of addiction it would have to be someone who can give you the encouragement to stay strong and to steer them, as your mother did to a professional and a group for further help.
  Keep well and your efforts show that you are not weak, but “a strong young woman” who can be proud of herself for getting help and following through.

  much hatzlacha

• worker ant

  i very much am impressed by ure writing style. I would like to know about where u learnt to write soo beautifully. Will there ever be op-eds abt lubavitch things?? like inspired to be into chassidishkeit noone talks about that. more about choosing a more spiritual lifestyle over the superficial trimmed beard one. Thank u soo much may all our friends read this article and may it a link be created to share it on facebook and may we be inspired and be successful in becoming what we know we should become! blessings in not stopping there but using this a pivotal catalyst to set ure sights higher on bigger lusher successes until the ultimate victory of moshiach and a beautiful world. i hope u read this. to u may all blessings that u wish for come

• to chana

  I think what Voiceh means, is that why take that first sip to begin with? THAT is a choice. Once you start then you become addicted and can’t stop, that i understand but WHY start to begin with? I have never tasted vodka or any sort of alchohol (besides light kiddush wine on shabbos) so I have no idea what it tastes like, or have experienced the effect it can have. Therefore I have no desire at all to even try it. If you know it is addictive why set yourself up/put yourself in that position to begin with?
  Yes it is a choice. This is not meant to put down the op ed author. kol Hakavod to her for sharing her story and emerging victorious.

• Benzion Twerski

  Among the several hats I wear, I am one of the staff at Bechiros, an organization that tailors a curriculum for any interested school to address any of several issues that involve young people who need to make difficult choices. No, I am not advertising for Bechiros. I will point to the reason this organization exists. Children make decisions all the time, and many of them are moral decisions. Doing something when no one sees that you know is wrong is a moral decision. Our children need the help to navigate these choices, especially in today’s pleasure focused world. The premise is that there are places where people turn off, usually long before the first symptom.

  Several of the mainstream frum media carried articles about “adults at risk” within the past few years. As I gathered from the articles, they referred to totally frum adults who managed to remain frum despite having a void within. The message was that we grownups are failing to instill wholesomeness in our children. Unfortunately, there’s way too much truth to this message.

  I have worked with hundreds of alcoholics and drug addicts (and addicts to other things, too) who came from mainstream frum families, who cannot lay responsibility at being baalei teshuvah or any other circumstances. While able to manage to complete our chinuch system without much problem, there could be many other situations in the background. The fingers for blame point in many directions, and there is responsibility everywhere.

  To the anonymous writer, I congratulate you for your bravery in getting into recovery. I also offer you my words of chizuk to continue your spiritual growth.

  To those who question the “disease” concept of addiction, this is a debate that has been waged by many in the field. To continue it here would detract from the purpose of the discussion. Most of the debate is about semantics.

  I will return to the main message I wish to share. Addiction can occur anywhere, and the level of frumkeit is not a defense. The true defense is the inner ahavas Hashem. We know from many stories of tzaddikim, talmidei ha Besh”t and talmidei haMagid miMezritch as well as others that the outward appearance (dress and behavior) is not the best indication of true, inner ahavas Hashem. In today’s world, all mechanchim, parents as well as educators and community leaders, must do the utmost to provide this security to children. Otherwise, the choices of the street will find parking spaces in our children’s souls. Addictions are a natural result of this situation.

• Shmuli

  Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully this will give courage for other addicts in the community to seek help and deal with their problem.
  To all the ignorant who claim it is not a disease I say you are wrong! ALL professionals today agree that IT IS a DEASEASE. At first it is in remission and once the person starts using it, be it drugs, alcohol, or gambling, it comes out of remission. Stop being so ignorant and closed minded.
  Open up and deal with the problem rather than denying it is a problem.
  Best of luck in your recovery.

• Dugma Chaya

  “The true defense is the inner ahavas Hashem.”

  This statement reveals a fundamental blindness to the true nature of substance abuse and it’s manifestation in our youth. I would never venture to say that a child or teen is drawn to substance abuse because they were not wholesome enough or didn’t love Hashem enough. In fact the complete opposite is true. Children are pushed in this direction by adults who have not fulfilled their obligation to teach and model Hashem’s unconditional love for the child.

  As chassidim we are privileged to have a working attachment model that can be applied to all situations. Think of our Rebbe. Meditate on the love, care, concern, interest, guidance, confidence, and knowledge that he showered upon his chassidim. There is never a moment when a chassid feels disconnected from his Rebbe. We trust and love him, and follow his directives without a second thought – even to the contradiction of our own common sense. This is the same uncompromising attachment parents need to build into their children, from birth on.

  YOU ARE YOUR CHILD’S REBBE! GIVE YOUR CHILD THE SAME GIFT THAT THE REBBE GAVE YOU AND NEVER LET GO OF THAT CHILD’S WELFARE FOR EVEN A MOMENT, NO MATTER HOW HARD IT GETS!

  Seek professional help if you do not know how to meet the challenges in front of you. No one “naturally” knows how to deal with the kinds of problems parents are facing. You have not failed as a parent simply because you don’t have an easy answer or solution at the ready. Seek out parents and professionals who can be trusted and who seem to have their acts together. Ask them what they would do and then make a plan to accomplish it.

  G-d forbid, if a child believes that his or her failures (academic, social, behavioral, etc.) are perceived as failures of the soul, then the next generations are lost. A numbed, drug-induced state will be the only bearable path for these poor, unguided children as their pintele yids burn too low to be seen.

• CHANA

  In response-

  What choice is there when you are constantly told “Zagt L’Chaim” and when you don’t they don’t leave you alone. Your not okay to say l’chaim on seltzer or grape juice.

  I speak from personal experience

  Addiction starts with the first drop

• Depression connection?

  Could underlying Depression/OCD be contributing to addiction? Now, I’m talking about the kind of depression,R“L, that can hit ANYONE, no matter how Rabbinic, wealthy, or great the family. like catching a cold, so, similarly, one can get depressed.

  Here’s why I theorize this. I once asked a Lubavitcher Shliach about depression making it hard or impossible to fight ones Yetzer Hara. His response was, ”when you’re depressed, you can’t fight against anything?“

  If that’s the case,then, if someone is depressed and addicted, that can be a really tough call to just say, it’s their ”CHOICE.” Well,yes and no. True, someone depressed can make a better choice, but it is so much harder.

  So, get the depression and/or OCD treated and the sufferer of addiction may find it possible to vanquish that also, even by themselves – how much easier with therapy.

• Thank You

  Thank you for being open and and honest where many else wouldn’t have been. Thank you for putting yourself out there to help others. As the daughter of a frum therapist, I want to say that what you did by writing this article is truely amazing. Thank you for caring about our communtiy.

• N- part 1

  Prescription Medication- a reality check. Bringing awareness of drug addition that goes beyond general associations with heroine and cocaine. This is an important editorial piece on just how close to home it is. We’ve created a box of ignorance around ourself, thinking, “My child is safe because they’re not in an environment where they’d meet someone selling drugs.”

  You can protect children, prevent them from befriending the ‘bad’ kids. This story goes to prove that’s not enough.

  Alcohol is so plentiful in Chabad society. You’re showing by example, drinking to be ‘b’simcha!’ Great, so now your child is learning to equate alcohol and happiness. Teenagers get moody and sad, no one likes to feel that way. They want to be happy! It’s almost too easy… you taught them that.

  Alcohol is everywhere. I remember being in Yeshiva and some of my classmates would get drunk during lunch on vodka left in the fridge from the shabbos farbrengen.

  The pills are there, the alcohol is there. They don’t need to go far

• N- part 2 (unrelated to part 1)

  I wanted to commend you for sharing your story. When you spoke about the discouragement you received towards getting outside help, that hit home.

  I was never an addict, but when I was younger was signed into a psychiatric hospital to be treated for serious depression and suicidal ideation. (and attempt) I’d been seeing a therapist and on medication, but sometimes that’s not enough. When told I needed additional help, my Father told me, “That’s not a place for a nice Jewish girl, we’ll take care of you!” Swallowing 100 pills proved that my parents love wasn’t enough and I needed more serious help.

  Baruch Hashem, I’m fine now. Leading a full and productive life. But the community mentality towards mental health and addiction is heartbreaking. All the children whose cried of help go unheard because it’s not the way of life. Because what will the community say?

  LET THEM TALK!

• Benzion Twerski

  Dugma Chaya commented about my statement that the true defense is the inner ahavas Hashem. The issue that I understood from the comment was that the kesher to the Rebbe is the way to achieve that. The finger was pointed at parents for not instilling this in their children.

  I do not believe that my statement differs that much from the comment that was written to challenge me. Allow me to explain.

  The collective experience of addicts is a spiritual emptiness. There could have been rebbes, learning, chassidus, etc. The issue is what the individual child ingested. The role of blame for the older generation of parents, chinuch, and community is that we fail to do an adequate job of this. A child who seeks it can certainly find it. Open a Chumash. It is not hard to find. However, we are competing with a myriad of influences of physical gratifications, usually much more immediate than the spirituality we want them to follow. We also fail to do adequate modeling. In many communities, there is notoriously poor modeling of how to relate to alcohol and its effects. So our children who thirst for spirituality are offered other things, whether by well intended parents who simply don’t know, or by other sources that bombard our children’s lives with invitations to partake of gashmiyus.

  Another factor that I did not emphasize earlier is that some children are simply more sensitive than others. These children are very easily hurt. A strict rebuke from a rebbe or teacher, however well meaning, can impact quite negatively. I can provide numerous references, but the public shaming of a child is never permitted. The Rambam specifies that the halacha of “malbin p’nei chaveiro borabim” that loses Olam Habah applies to children victims equally as to adults. We forget that too easily. Many mechanchim admit that they use shame as a disciplinary tool to manage classes, and the very thought of this costs me sleep. Even if a child is resilient and tolerates this, it is disgusting and must be abandoned. But worse is that many children are not immune to the effects of this, and they are deeply hurt, even if they do not display it. These sensitive children have nowhere to turn with their pain, and many paint faces on themselves to disguise the hurt within. Others resort to means of numbing themselves. Alcohol is a great choice for this. It was the first surgical anesthetic. Drugs are basically the same. Neither resolves the problem manage to remove the individual from the problem instead of the opposite.

  I hope this clarifies my point a bit.

• yo wassup

  like i said, this brave, BRAVE and caring girl did not mention ONE thing that might have been the cause of the empty feeling. (In my opinion) Teenagers need someone to SPOT their talents and channel them to a constructive way

• Dugma Chaya

  “The issue that I understood from the comment was that the kesher to the Rebbe is the way to achieve that. The finger was pointed at parents for not instilling this in their children.”

  No, I am not saying that the kesher to the Rebbe is the answer. Kesher to the parents is the answer. And we can model our approach to our children on the Rebbe’s approach to us.

  Following your second comment, I believe that we are in agreement otherwise.

• new name

  response to chana wrote:
  Girls?! Girls are told to zag Lchaim? Why am I so skeptical? And even if they are- you are in control of yourself! Thats why it is a choice! If someone told me to drink a Lchaim I’d say no thanks calmly and politely and either fill my cup with something else or if they forced it into my cup I’d just leave it there and not touch it. For boys i guess its a different story as i don’t know what goes on in yeshivas and the peer pressure there is. (Even so I’m also still a bit skeptical as my brothers in yeshiva now and in pics on the website there is always tons of mashke on the tables and my father saw it and immediatly called up my brother and told him not to even think about touching a drop of it. My brother said that all the boys do and it would just b a drop and my father said I don’t care YOU are not touching a drop. he said i’m trusting that you will listen to me, and my brother respects and fears our father enough to listen to what he says. Yes he may look a bit more nerdy to his friends, but he is such a happy, friendly boy that his friends like him enough for who he is.)
  Why would a healthy person in their right mind want to swallow prescription drugs that were not prescribed to them? Unless there is an underlying reason such as depression. In which case it is the DEPRESSION which is the problem/disease if you want to call it that, not drugs and alcoholism. Those are not diseases. Those are just bad choices which escalate out of control until you HAVE no more control. Author of the op ed can you tell us WHAT
  exactly drove you to try drugs at 15?

• Author

  *************
  The following is a comment by the author of this Op-Ed
  *************

  The above article was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever written. I bared my soul blindly not knowing what reaction to expect. I appreciate everyone’s support but I hope that I am able to affect even one person.

  As I stated in the original article I am not here to educate, but there is one issue I’d like to address.

  In reading the article you may get the impression that I was “just able to open up to my parents” and they knew exactly what to do, in actuality it was not. I felt myself dying piece by piece and it seemed to me that no one was there. My parents had no idea how to handle the situation and I resented that a lot. After much pain and suffering on my part and theirs, thank G-d my mother opened up to the right person who recommended my therapist. It was by no means easy for any of us, and in retrospect I can see that it was only by the grace of G-d that the right person was put into my mothers path. For a very long time I resented my parents for not sending me to rehab. Through all of this though my parents did not give up and that would be my advice to parents. NEVER give up on your child, it may take a long time but they will realize your love and appreciate even the “mistakes” you made in trying to help.

• Do Something Now!!

  Although Rabbi Dr. Twerski wasn’t giving an ad for Bechiros, I am. I know the work they do…I’ve seen their literature & their curriculum & I know they’ve been into a number of schools as well as working with parents. Maybe it’s about time they came to Crown Heights to give some sessions for parents & teens right here, in our neighborhood, before G-d forbid we see more tragedies.

• ginger

  70% of people who are are addicted to drugs or alcohol are subconsciously self-medicating for untreated mental disorders such as bipolar, depression, schizophrenia, etc. I heard this from the head of the psychiatric department at Kingsbrook.

• Award-worthy article

  Yasher Koach to the author. You will probably never know how many people you emboldened to get help. You have surely changed many lives with this article. May the Aibershter reward you manifold.

  The great debate about whether or not addictive disorders are a disease will probably not be resolved on this blog. It makes sense to let the professionals debate that issue, while we put our energy to good use encouraging those in pain to just get help. Real healing will take place with the right intervention, whether or not you accept the disease model. In reality, many people find it easier to ask for help if they know have a disease than if they believe they have a terrible character flaw.

  If there are any professionals out there that can comment on what signs should look for to determine addiction that would be a great addition to this article. Rabbi Twersky, are you still there?!?!?

• Aurban

  Ginger…
  70% of statistic are made up.
  Good on you Ed you can do it.

• DISGUSTED

  TO NEW NAME: THAT IS THE MOST DISGUSTING, INSENSITIVE POST I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!! What’s wrong with you?!?! It’s people like you that keep our kids from opening up to their friends and family. If you want to know what drove the author to do the things she did, she gave an email address for you to send your questions to. Use some common sense!!

• br girl

  WOW I am just beginning to realize how naive i am!
  i would never imagine that this could happen to a frum lubavitch girl that has made it so far in the lubavitch system (seminary and all)
  I am humbled just by thinking of all the pain and confusion you must have endured. Its great to hear that you’ve come out of it and can even go on to help others. Hashem should bless you with happiness and menuchas hanefesh for the rest of your life!

• stigma-buster

  To those who don’t think addiction is a disease: Perhaps it would help if the idea was put into alternative oisios. Some people have an “addictive personality”. That means that it’s much easier for them to get into the cycle of addiction once they start abusing something. It is not as easy for them to stop as it is for healthy people, just like an asthmatic can’t “just breathe”. Most people have an internal “thermometer” inside that tells them when enough is enough, but by addicts the guage is broken. Their minds know that they are going to far, but the desire is too strong. Anyone who does not suffer from addiction is in no position to judge those who do.
  As to whether or not Ahavas Hashem, Chassidus, Hiskashrus, etc. can keep a person on track: that will only work if the person knows how to use these tools. You may have a full toolbox, and yet you can’t fix anything because you don’t know how to utilize what you have. In that case, one needs proffesional help to learn how to tap in to the koichos inside them that will help them control the addiction. (And don’t think the problem ever goes away. The addict must learn coping mechanisms that a healthy person doesn’t need to begin with.)
  I am surprised that no one mentioned the Rebbe’s unequivocal prohibition to take more than four lchaims. If we stuck to that, there wouldn’t be the peer pressure to “get drunk”.
  And last but not least, we need to look out for each other. If you have a friend or a talmid that has a problem, speak up! Give them support! Get them help! Don’t wait till they hit rock bottom, or poo-poo the problem.
  May we all have besuros tovos.

• Concerned Mother

  Rosh Yeshivas, where are you???
  You are responsible to promote moderation in saying LChaim. Is mashke the focus of the farbrengen? It is “tafel” to the “ikar” of the farbrengen, the goal of which is to inspire and strengthen bocurim in their Chassidishkeit.
  While I am not opposed to mashke at a farbrengen or at kiddush, it should be dosed out according to the Rebbe’s guidelines. Four “shnaps glassfuls” is plenty for a teenage bochur.
  Parents, speak to your sons’ Roshei Yeshivas before the start of the new school year, and express your concern!

• ...

  Good luck!

  You have a long battle ahead of you and if you ever feel like you are not up to the challange I hope you can look back at this article and see the many encouraging comments.

  In the zchus of your article and the many people you are no doubt helping, may you see this through completly, speedily and without much agmus nefesh.

  For people that have not gone through it, there is no way we can truely understand but my closest friend has been in AA for a couple of years and has a similar story to yours.

  Be strong!

• Boruch ben Tzvi (A H)HaKohaine Hoffinger

  B“H
  Shal-m, corageous story.
  My name is Boruch Hoffinger and I commented on another story 2 days ago. I received criticism from Jews who left no name. To criticize without a name is a Pashkvil, which The Rebbe, MH’M hated this; shame on you.
  I wasn’t being judgmental. I was only showing that people (Jews) have free will to do bad things that don’t help. I was trying to defend the fathers, mothers and community.
  ”Some teenagers fell through the cracks”. What is this, if not an indictment of the community?
  Each person who turns to drugs and alcohol, even if in pain, is running away from Hashem and the good people in this neighborhood; and THERE ARE P L E N T Y !
  My first cousin, Barry, an accomplished doctor (Specialist) is dead. After his wife left him (He has 3 smart and handsome sons), depressed, he turned to drugs. Being a doctor he had easy access. Then he went to a drug rehabilitation center, to no avail.
  He might have died as a result of suicide (Authorities don’t know if he jumped or fell from the hotel balcony.) He ran there to kill himself with a poison needle. He was chased by family members and almost caught.
  I’m also a Baal Teshuva and a Kohaine: G-D BLESS EVERY YID HERE AND ELSEWHERE! GEFEN, GEFEN! OORAH V’SIMCHA!
  Todah Raabah. MOSHIACH!

• NEW NAME IS WRONG

  NEW NAME:

  I am also disgusted by naive post.

  Just because you might be man enough to handle this challenge, which I witness many male adult fall to, doesnt mean we shouldnt take Chana’s issues seriously.

  How many kids go on trips and the Shliach gets the bochurim very drunk. Where I used to live, the Shliach gave a 12 year old kid a half of glass of vodka on purim. The same shliach had another 14 year get so drunk he had to be taken to hospital.

  If you are a father, NEW NAME, I truly suggest you take a deep look at your parenting skills

• just a fellow addict

  WOW, comments like“Refuah shlaima! ” and comments by people like Ginger that “70% of people who are are addicted to drugs or alcohol are subconsciously self-medicating for untreated mental disorders such as bipolar, depression, schizophrenia, etc.”???
  Are we all just missing the point here? some writes that this addiction is NOT a disease. we to you all, i think you need to look deep into yourself i think befor you speak. you all have a lot to learn. starting by taking responsibility for what is going on in your back yard. and to the individuals that have the nerve to write that this is the individuls fault. wow you have a lot of catching up to do. the bottom line here is, this disease is cunning and baffling, and it can attack anyone of us. weather by “coice of the first drop” to a array ebents such as as farbrengan ect. we all are vulnerable to alcaholisem. so insted of spending time defending your personal courage, take some time to find out what you can to to assist the large growing number of teens and adults that are dumbfounded by this heart stricken disease, and try to educate yourself on how to deal with your issues befor they spiral out of controll and you become the next victum. to chabadgirl. Yasher koach, you are a liveing breathing and walking example of how to take care of your self and brab life by the horns. to the replyers of negative comments, well, i would really like to hear your stories, and what your struggling with? for some reason i belive you have far worse diseases then the ones you muck here

• Benzion Twerski

  This might have been implied in some of the comments earlier, but it deserves repetition.

  For the addicted or problem drinker, we all recognize that alcohol is a problem. However, most of us who do not fit those labels think we’re perfectly okay. Not so. We do not give alcohol the type of respect it needs to have. We treat it as a lubricant to enable us to achieve greater madreigos of chassidus. While this is not entirely false, it is also NOT entirely true either. Avodas Hashem that occurs under the influence of alcohol, according to the Rambam, is considered to’eyvoh or abomination. One should NEVER need a chemical in order to be able to reach the higher levels of avodas Hashem.

  Where we have fallen short is in our giving alcohol the role as the facilitator of avodas Hashem and chassidus, and this is NEVER what any of the tzaddikim al derech haBesht intended. So even if we do not abuse it, do not drink to intoxication, do not develop a dependency on it, we can still give it a significance that is against the teachings of our rebbes, the derech of chassidus, and the Torah itself. No one “needs” a shot of liquor, vodka, wine, or any other intoxicant in order to learn, understand, absorb chassidus, or serve Hashem. So we, non-alcoholics, are partially to blame for those that abuse alcohol, by granting alcohol the role it does not deserve of facilitating avodas Hashem. Check out the Rambam.