The Boy in the Back of the Room
by Rabbi Asher Zeilingold, Clear Vision
There was a family in our community whose mother became religiously devout and believed that all those around her should be too. This included her husband, whom she would admonish.
She once wrote to the Rebbe about her husband, and he responded that she needed to take things slowly. “With reference to your husband’s attitude towards religious matters,” the Rebbe wrote, “experience has shown that a persistent effort is effective. If you will talk to him, again and again, but in a friendly manner, you would accomplish a great deal, especially in view of what you wrote that you have noted many improvements in him already.”
In the summer of 1967, there was a grand farbrengen in honor of the Rebbe’s father’s yahrtzeit, and I went to New York for the occasion. Before Shabbos, people would submit bottles of l’chaim for the Rebbe to give to them for upcoming events or joyous occasions. The Rebbe would pour some of it in a cup, and then give you the bottle at the farbrengen. Usually, when you submitted a bottle, you would stand closer to the dais to wait to be called up.
That Shabbos no one was called up. At one point, the Rebbe called a teenager from across the room to come to the dais. It was clear that the young man was not expecting to be called up. The Rebbe and the gathered were gazing at the teen, waiting while he climbed over the tables, benches and people and approached the dais. I realized that he was the child of this couple, whom I had not known was there. The Rebbe handed him a bottle of l’chaim and said that he should take it back home and distribute it at his bar mitzvah.
The next day, one of the Rebbe’s secretaries told me that the Rebbe wanted to see me at a specific time. I had a few minutes to prepare myself for an audience, and I ran to the mikvah, learned some Tanya and changed into Shabbos clothing in preparation. At our meeting, the Rebbe told me that the mother had written to him about the upcoming bar mitzvah.
The Rebbe then asked when the event was and if I was going. I said that I had received an invitation and would be going. The Rebbe asked, “You most probably will say a benediction or speech there?” I said that as the rabbi, I imagined that I would be asked to do so.
The Rebbe asked if I had seen him give the boy a bottle of l’chaim, “And to no one else besides him?”
I said that I had noticed that.
The Rebbe said that I should tell the gathered at the bar mitzvah what happened, “Tell them that there was a large crowd gathered, with many guests, for it was marking a special occasion.”
Despite there being many guests, the Rebbe continued, he was the only one that received the honor of being given a bottle. He said that I should describe the scene, “Of him slowly walking step-by-step, while everyone watched. Then I gave him a blessing and a bottle of mashke.”
I should tell the gathered in St. Paul, the Rebbe said, that the bottle, “is my symbolic participation in the bar mitzvah.” He then said that I should say something about what he had said at the farbrengen. If I did not recall an idea that would be suita-ble, I should ask one of the secretaries if they have a transcript of the farbrengen that they could share with me.
I learned so much from the story. For the Rebbe, the person in the back of the room, whom no one knows, no one looks at, no one presented to the Rebbe, is just as important and should receive the Rebbe’s attention.
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