Simchas Gidul Banim – In honor of Shliach Rabbi Dovid Edelman OBM

The Navi states, “Therefore, so says Hashem to the house of Yaakov, who redeemed Avraham: Now Yaakov will not be ashamed, and now his face will not grow pale” (Yeshayah 29:22).
The Gemara asks: where do we find that Yaakov redeemed Avraham?

Rav Yehudah explains that Yaakov redeemed Avraham from tza’ar gidul banim—the pain of raising children. Avraham did not have to raise the twelve tribes; Yaakov did.

At first glance, this is difficult. Is raising children truly a source of pain?

Rashi explains that raising the Shevatim involved great responsibility and effort. Tosafos, however, strongly disagrees and writes a striking line:
“ואינו צער אלא שמחה” — it is not pain, but joy. Tosafos proves this from the Gemara in Berachos, where Oved Edom was blessed with many children as a reward. If raising children were inherently painful, it could not be a blessing. Tosafos therefore explains that the tza’ar mentioned by Chazal refers not to parenting itself, but to the extraordinary challenges Yaakov faced—Yosef and his brothers, and the events that led to the descent into Mitzrayim.

Rabbi Dovid Edelman, shliach of the Previous Rebbe and of the Rebbe, would often capture this idea with a simple but profound phrase: “Simchas Gidul Banim.” Raising children, in its essence, is joy. The challenges are real, but they do not define the experience; the essence is privilege, meaning, and blessing.

Rabbi Edelman did not only speak these words—he lived them. He exemplified Simchas Gidul Banim in his care and attention to Jewish children. He would often stop into classrooms simply to speak with the children about the upcoming Yom Tov or the weekly Torah portion—not out of obligation, but because he genuinely loved teaching Judaism to children.

This brings us to Yaakov Avinu in this week’s parsha. Yaakov blesses each of his children individually, recognizing their unique paths, strengths, and challenges. Then he blesses them together, as one united family. Yaakov teaches us that true chinuch means seeing each child for who they are, while nurturing unity and shared purpose.

Chazal tell us that when parents name a child, they are given a moment of prophecy. We often view that insight as fleeting, relevant only at birth. But in truth, that vision is eternal. Parenting is about returning to that original understanding of who this child is meant to be, and allowing it to guide how we respond to them throughout life.

Here the deeper Chassidic meaning emerges. In Chassidus, Avraham represents chesed—love. Yaakov represents rachamim—compassion. Sometimes love exists, but it is not felt. A child may know they are loved, yet emotionally feel distant. In such moments, love alone is not enough. What redeems love is compassion.

This is the deeper meaning of “Yaakov who redeemed Avraham.” Yaakov does not replace Avraham; he reveals him. Through rachamim, Yaakov enables Avraham’s love to be experienced and internalized. When love feels hidden, compassion uncovers it.

This is true in parenting as well. There are moments when reacting quickly feels justified, but pausing with compassion changes everything. When we respond not only with love or discipline, but with understanding, we transform tza’ar into simchah. We redeem the Avraham within our relationships through the path of Yaakov.

A short story captures this beautifully:

Rabbi Dovid Edelman once recalled standing as a young man in 770, when Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson emerged from the elevator and asked the students if they wanted to hear a frishe vort he had just heard from the Frierdiker Rebbe.

The Frierdiker Rebbe had explained that parents naturally love all their children. But if one child is struggling or limited, the parent extends themselves even more, revealing an extraordinary and intense love. The love was always there—but now it becomes felt.

“So too,” the Frierdiker Rebbe told his son-in-law, “when a Jew comes to you who is spiritually lacking, you must extend yourself even more. The greater the lack, the greater the love that must be revealed.”

That teaching became the foundation of the Rebbe’s shlichus—and it is the foundation of chinuch and human relationships as well.

Every person is a child of Hashem. Some need extra patience, sensitivity, or care. Rather than being turned away by the struggle, we are called to reveal a deeper love—because the more someone is lacking, the more they need our love.

May we merit to raise our children with Simchas Gidul Banim, following the path of Yaakov Avinu, and inspired by the example of Rabbi Dovid Edelman—responding with rachamim that reveals love, and helping every child feel seen, valued, and empowered to become who they are meant to be.