The Only One, From A Farbrengen With Rabbi YY Bukiet

The following was transcribed by Bentzion Elisha from a Farbrengen in Bais Levy Yitzchak, Pomona NY with Rabbi YY Bukiet in honor of the Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Chaim Meir Bukiet, his father, on the 27th of Teves.

Perhaps it was somewhat hypocritical, but my father never wanted me to become a teacher.

Although he spent a lifetime in Chinuch, being a Rosh Yeshivah, he tried to dissuade me from following his footsteps.

He knew all too well that Chinuch isn’t easy and that a Mechanech needs to have Mesiras Nefesh, literally.

Being that he saw that I was sensitive and took things to heart he thought it would destroy me.

He was right. 

Many nights, coming back home from Yeshivah, I would cry. Concerned about various Talmidim and their challenges really bothered me, so I cried…

At some point, this sorrow resulted in actual heartache, I was experiencing pain in my heart as a direct result from my emotional state caused out of worry for my students.

When I was 70 years old, I had to stop and I told the Hanhala I couldn’t continue anymore, it was too much for me to bare.

That’s when they gave me an easier position, a Meshiv.

Nevertheless, even though he initially dissuaded me, when I first stated on my journey into teaching my father gave me sage advice:

By the Pesach Hagaddah it mentions the four sons. 

The wording that is used is Echad Chacham, Echad Rasha, etc.

One son is a scholar, one is a wicked son…

Why does it say ‘one’ by each son?

No matter what type of a student (or child) it my be, as a teacher you must consider him as if he is the only one. The only student that your whole Parnasah is dependent upon, the only one you must develop and no matter what, help succeed. This student success is your entire mission no matter what.

When you view a child through this viewpoint, as a teacher, your interaction and relation to the child is completely different.

…

After he passed away, my father’s  lesson, unexpectedly appeared in a living example.

One day a former student  of my father came knocking on my mother’s door with an envelope at hand.

He explained that the envelope contained $3,000 which he wanted to return to my father, who would never would’ve accepted it when he was alive.

He explained: When he was in yeshivah, my father targeted him. He saw he wasn’t from a Gezhe family with Yichus and he was, ‘on his own’. He wanted to compensate, and gave him positive attention, Farbrenged with him and encouraged his studies. When he became a Choson, he gave him advice about the wedding, making sure he wasn’t overspending and making sure he keeps it small avoiding the pressure to get into debt unnecessarily, being that both his and the Kallas families were small.

In addition to his moral support, before the wedding he sought him out and told him he had collected money to help him out.

He handed him an envelope with $3,000, which in those days was a considerable sum. When the Choson came home, he saw the withdrawal slip inserted in the envelope. It clearly stated where the money really came from, my father’s account.

Uncomfortable with taking his  money, he called my father and he wanted to return it, explaing he saw the bank slip.

My father dismissed the whole thing, trying to cover up the withdrawal note, as if it was the teller’s mistake.

The student didn’t buy the excuse but let it go, to honor my father.

Nevertheless, as appreciative he was, now, years later, after my father’s death, he wanted to give it back, so he handed my mother the money.

My father didn’t just uplift this boy while in yeshivah, during working hours, but it extended also afterwards. His attentiveness and sincere care set his student on the right track, and fortified what he was to become as an established adult.

…

Although my father’s advice to me  was a personal one, from an experienced seasoned teacher to one just starting out, his lesson is applicable to every teacher, everywhere.  

However, it isn’t limited to how a   teacher should view his student.

This viewpoint of looking at another as ‘the only one’ can easily be applied to parents and their children. By treating and encouraging every child as if they were ‘the only one’ the investment we make in them is much more powerful.

And also universally, as Chasudim of the Rebbe, Shluchim, looking at every individual who enters our domain, as a unique treasure upon one’s whole life’s mission is dependent,  to give, inspire and elevate as if they were ‘the only one’.

* Rabbi YY Bukiet is a Meshiv in Yeshivas Tomchei Temimim Mayan Torah of Pomona, NY. Previously he was a Magid Shiur in Yeshivah Ohr Elchonon Chabad in Los Angeles, CA, for over 45 years.

* Rabbi Chaim Meir Bukiet was the Rosh Yeshiva of the Central United Lubavitcher Yeshiva in Brooklyn, NY, for several decades.

* Bentzion Elisha is the author of the book ’18 Frames of Being’, available on Amazon.