Weekly Story: Ahavas Yisroel Defined

by Rabbi Sholom DovBer Avtzon

Our sages inform us that the second Beis HaMikdash was destroyed because of the sin of sinas chinam (baseless hatred). Therefore, the remedy to end this golus and merit the building of the third Beis Hamikdash is ahavas chinom (unconditional love).

I recently heard a story on My Encounter, produced by JEM, where the Rebbe explained what Ahavas Yisroel means in practical terms. I hope it inspires you as well.

As always your comments and feedback are most welcomed.

Rabbi Sholom DovBer Goldshmid was a bochur in 770 and he would seek the Rebbe’s guidance in many aspects of his life. This was especially so when he came to the stage of shidduchim, he turned to  the Rebbe for guidance. Being that in those years there weren’t that many chassidim, it was easy to have a yechidus with the Rebbe, and this was especially so for the students of the yeshiva in 770.  

During one yechidus the Rebbe told him that Ahavas Yisroel is giving a Jew something they want, and this applies to every Jew, male or female.

At that point he had no idea what the Rebbe was referring to, but he knew that if the Rebbe mentioned it, it is an important aspect that he should act on it when he has that opportunity. To him it wasn’t a question of if, but of when he would be called on to fulfill that directive.

Sometime later, Rabbi Hodakov called him into his office and said that he would like to propose a young lady to him. He then informed him of her name, adding that she is a niece of Rabbi Yosef Weinberg.

They met, and after some time they both were ready to become engaged, but he informed her that although he is ready, he first would ask the Rebbe for his opinion.

The Rebbe replied that it is an appropriate match, and then added, that if you would want me to be mesader kiddushin(officiate at the wedding), as is known, that I will only do so if the bride will wear a wig after the marriage. 

When he mentioned this to her, she replied that a wig is befitting old women; it is not for me! [It should be noted that very few orthodox women wore wigs in the early fifties]. Although he didn’t argue with her or say anything negative, she noticed an expression of unhappiness on his face. Rabbi Weinberg also noticed it, and without her noticing, he hinted to him that he will talk to her and try to convince her to put on a wig.

However, she was strong in her opinion and didn’t feel that it is necessary to wear a wig and restated her decision that she wouldn’t. Yet at the same time she believed that her uncle discussed it with her on behalf of her chosson, and being that he was so disappointed that because of her refusal, the Rebbe wouldn’t officiate at his wedding, he would break off the engagement. So she poured out her heart out to her uncle and said that she would like to speak to her chosson.

Sholom Ber came to the house, and she said to him, “In Poland I lost both of my parents and I felt like a nobody, a shmatte (a rag). Finally, my uncle was able to contact me and took me into his house, and I was looking forward to the day that I would be independent and have my own dignity, and not be a burden to anyone. Now that you are disappointed that the Rebbe won’t be mesader kiddushin, and the shidduch will be broken, I will lose my chance for my own dignity and will be a rag once again.

“Why are you saying that?” asked Reb Sholom Ber, “I am not thinking of breaking the engagement; I will marry you.”

She look at him in disbelief, unable to verbalize her thoughts; why will he marry me if I am letting him down by causing that his Rebbe will not officiate at his wedding?

Sensing her thoughts, he said, “I am not considering that because I am a student and a chossid of the Rebbe.” Seeing her total bewilderment, he said, “I once mentioned to you the guidance the Rebbe gave me personally – that Ahavas Yisroel is giving a Jewish man or woman what they need.

“You said that you need your dignity, and that would come to you when you will be married, and if I don’t marry you, you will be a shnatte. So, being that I am a student of the Rebbe, I will listen to his guidance and give you what you so dearly desire. We will get married, and you will have your dignity.

The girl was overwhelmed with gratitude and couldn’t believe it. To make her happy, he is willing to forgo the biggest honor of his life of the Rebbe officiating at his wedding.

After a moment she said, and I also wish to be a student and follower of the Rebbe, in order to make you happy, I will gladly purchase a wig and wear it.

A Taste of Chassidus 

Zechor Hashem Meh Hoyoh Lonu 5733

This is a lamentation of the prophet Yirmiyahu, concerning the destruction of the first Beis Hamikdash, in the year 3338, The prophet cries out, “Hashem, remember what has happened to us, and see our shame.” This possuk, as well as the entire book of Eichah (Lamentations), refers to a time when the Jewish people reached a low in their conduct and suffered tremendously because of it.

Yet at the same time, when the Ba’al Shem Tov once addressed very simple Jews, who selflessly gave away the little money they possessed to redeem a fellow Jew from prison, explained this passage in a way that brought out the ultimate beauty and greatness of the Jewish people. 

He said to them, “We say to Hashem; Remember Hashem what Your children accomplished through the MAH (the humility and selflessness) of their Neshama; look how they nullify themselves and their own needs to help another Jew.”

So we have to understand, how can the same passage have such opposite meanings?

Our sages inform us that the prophet used the word Zechor – remember, as a response to what Hashem said to us, ‘Remember your Creator in the days of your youthful passion.’

While the simple meaning is that we are being admonished to repent in our youth and realize that Hashem is the One who is giving us life and the ability to live, and therefore we should obey and serve Him, there is another explanation; we are being encouraged to remember the Beis HaMikdash, when it was in its full glory and splendor.

So on that possuk also, we have two totally opposing explanations. 

The midrash explains that if we would remember the Beis HaMikdash, we wouldn’t have a need to say ‘Remember Hashem, what happened to us’, and to  the Beis HaMikdash, as we would have conducted ourselves in a manner that it would not have been destroyed. 

We also have to understand, that if the purpose of saying this possuk is asking Hashem to take us out of this exile and build the third Beis Hamikdash, why do we then say, ‘look closely to our shame’, [that we are lacking in our service to You].

However, the explanation is that we are saying to Hashem, that our improper conduct is a result of the way You created and established the world.

Our sages tell us that one should begin learning Torah, even with the intent of receiving a reward, for the ultimate result of that learning would be that the person would ultimately learn just in order to understand Hashem’s Torah.

Subsequently, while the level of MAH, is exalted as it signifies total submission and self-nullification to Hashem, as Moshe Rabeinu so and we are MAH, yet by some there can be a flip side. One of Esav’s concubines’ name was Reumah, which can be divided into two words; Reu Mah, as if the person is saying look how devoted I am to Hashem. In essence the person is saying look at how great I am, I am serving Hashem without asking for any reward. This sense of superiority can sadly lead a person down a very slippery slope and have dreadful consequences. 

The question then becomes, why indeed did Hashem create the world in such a manner?

But as Chassidus explains, every descent is in order to reach a higher level than was attained previously. As the possuk says “For my father and mother forsook me and Hashem took me.”

Father and mother represent Chochmah and Binah, one’s intellect. So the person cries out “my intellect is failing to help or inspire me to serve Hashem”, the person has no option but to connect to Hashem Himself, not through an intellectual connection but rather through connecting their essence to Hashem’s essence.

So we see that something that may appear to be a negative aspect, in reality it was created to reveal and bring out an extremely positive aspect.

While the simple explanation of many pesukim seem to bring out negative points, as in our possuk – it focuses on our shame, the inner meaning is to bring out and reveal our greatness.

As our sages say on the possuk that Moshe Rabbeinu was the humblest man on the face of the earth; they explain it to reference that Moshe looked at the generation that will usher in the coming of Moshiach and marveled at their greatness; notwithstanding all of their tribulations from within and without, look at how devoted they are to fulfill Hashem’s Will. That only comes from the essential bond between Hashem and His children, the Jewish people and Moshe wished that that connection can be revealed in himself as well.

Rabbi Avtzon is a veteran mechanech and the author of numerous books and articles on the Rebbei’im and their chassidim. He is available to farbreng in your community and can be contacted at avtzonbooks@gmail.com.