Weekly Story: Promise Me Part 5 of 6

by Rabbi Sholom DovBer Avtzon

Recap: After experiencing a summer where Moshe saw the wide gap between him and his friends from public school, Moshe entered high school. The day was much longer, and the subjects were more difficult and he was struggling. His best friend Gavriel was learning in a different yeshiva, so he didn’t have a good friend with whom he could study and express his feelings. The school saw that he was frustrated and set up a meeting with his mother to discuss it.

As always, your feedback is appreciated.

Chapter 21 A Solution

Rabbi Schmid asked her to sit and said, “We have discussed Moshe’s situation a few times on the phone, and I recently spoke with all of his teachers, as well as with Mr. Kahn. We were pleased to hear that he is trying and not disturbing. At the same time, he is becoming very frustrated that he isn’t able to follow. We are afraid that he will decide it is useless and give up totally. So, I was thinking that perhaps we should shorten his daily schedule and obligate him for only the classes that he is doing well in. This way, he will have a few free periods when he can study and review. Concerning the one subject in Rabbi Weiss’ class that he will miss, we will let it pass. However, concerning the two English classes that are government mandated, either he can make it up in summer school or retake them the following year. Neither of these options are optimum, but it is preferable, hopefully ensuring that he doesn’t become disillusioned and give up completely. 

We realize that it is not an easy decision to make, and Moshe is very sensitive, so we would like your input. You don’t have to give us an answer right away, and when you have the opportunity to broach it to him, then you will let us know.

You should also know that we are offering this option to three other students as well.

I would like to point out that as you remember, we skipped him up to the second grade in middle of the school year. He is the youngest boy in his class by six months, while some of the boys are more than a year older than him. So if he takes the class the following year, he will be with boys his age.”

Mrs. Levy now realized why Moshe was able to finish his homework so fast and why he stopped showing her his tests or speaking about class. He was losing his interest and becoming disillusioned. Indeed, this was going to be a very difficult decision to make.

Thinking quickly, she said, “As I understand, the problem is that he no longer has the confidence in his ability to comprehend all the classes. He is overwhelmed and his frustration is causing him to shut down any desire to try. As I was told by one of his teachers, Moshe is at the point of “It doesn’t pay to try, if you are going to fail anyways.”

Therefore, you offered to let him cut down on the classes that he is taking.

However, as you noted, he will have to make up the English classes by taking summer school or redoing the grade next year. Neither of those choices are optimal. To take them in the summer, he would have to go to public school and I fear that could have a negative influence on him. To make up the class next year has the possibility of shattering him, as he might say that the school flunked him, and he is a failure.

Therefore, I would like to propose the following. You said that he can take off one subject from his Jewish studies and you won’t require him to retake it. The subject that he dislikes the most and completely failed is advanced Hebrew language and Dikduk. Yes, I know it is important to know, but since he knows basic dikduk, it doesn’t have an effect on his yiras shomayim as Chumash, Gemorah and halacha do. Therefore, perhaps I can inform Moshe that the school is allowing him to skip that class if he promises to do his homework during that time. This way his homework burden, which he complains bitterly about, is lessened every day, and hopefully his attentiveness and marks will improve and that will bolster his self-confidence.”

After a moment’s thought Rabbi Schmid replied, “It is definitely worth a try, and I will inform Rabbi Weiss of this arrangement, which he has already approved of, as he is the one who suggested it.”

When she came home, she first spoke with her younger two sons and told Moshe that she is proud that his behavior has improved, and would like to speak about his grades when the younger ones are asleep.

Sitting next to him on the coach, Mrs. Levy said, “Rabbi Weiss said you are capable, but you feel overwhelmed. I see that he really enjoys you as one of his students. He therefore offered the following suggestion. You told me many times that you really don’t enjoy the class on Hebrew Dikduk and he noted that it is the only class that you didn’t pass.

So he offered with Rabbi Schmid’s permission, to allow you to leave the classroom during that period, as he allowed another boy two years ago, and you will go to the shul and do your Hebrew homework of the previous two classes, and on the days there is no homework, you would review what you learned.

The review is that you write in your own words in a notebook the Gemorah or Chumash that he taught, so that he can see what points you understood and the points that he has to clarify to you. 

This way, you have the evening to focus on your English homework and you won’t feel overburdened. He added that there are three other boys who are also struggling, and he made the offer to them as well.

Hearing this, Moshe gave a sigh of relief. He wasn’t receiving the rebuke that he anticipated and said, “Rabbi Weiss is the only one that understands us boys. I won’t disappoint him or you. I will utilize those forty minutes to its utmost.”

The next morning, Moshe went over to Rabbi Weiss and thanked him for his understanding and promised him that things will improve. When the dikduk period began, Moshe was thrilled that Yanky and Mordechai also got up to leave the class, so now no one will say it was favoritism.

The other boys were struggling more than Moshe and they asked him if he could help them. This in itself picked up his spirits and he said, “You guys are lucky that I understood today’s Gemorah. Let’s go!”

This arrangement helped all three of them, but Moshe gained the most. With the pressure of homework off his shoulders, he was able to concentrate much more and his marks in all the Hebrew subjects steadily rose, until they were in the low eighties. His English marks also improved that instead of failing he was receiving a C+.

Immediately after Pesach, Mrs. Levy began finalizing her thoughts and plans for the summer. Last year the people she was working for gave her three weeks of unpaid vacation, and they told her that this coming year they will be going away for at least four weeks. So, she was looking for a summer position. 

She received a few offers, three of them were for various positions in the city, and one of them was being the camp mother in an overnight camp. Although this position didn’t really pay too much, the fact that she doesn’t have to make breakfast, lunch, and supper all the summer weeks was a relief for her and she thought it would be great for her sons as well.

The only problem was that she knew that Moshele wanted to make some money in his spare time. So she told the camp director of the situation. After some thought he said, “I will give him some responsibilities, but I can only give him a small token of appreciation, in addition to allowing him to participate in all the trips and activities.”

Thanking him for his thoughtfulness, Mrs. Levy replied, “I will have to discuss it with him.”

“By all means,” the director replied, “However, I need an answer by the end of next week, and if you can answer earlier, I would appreciate it.”

Thanking him once again, Mrs. Levy went home, knowing that she had to discuss it with Moshele before she mentions it to the other boys.

On Sunday, Moshe came home in wonderful spirits. He showed his mother that he received a ninety on the Gemorah test, and he had already done his Chumash homework in the free period, so there was no homework tonight. “That is the way it should be,” he declared.

That evening, his mother mentioned that she had this offer, and she knows his brothers would love to be in a camp, but she wants to make sure that he is ok to come along. However, she added, you are not going to be doing nothing. You are going to be like an assistant to the counselors and of course you will participate in all the activities and learning sessions when you are not working. For example, when a bunk goes on a trip, the camp director wants an extra pair of eyes, and the Yeshiva informed him that you take your responsibilities very seriously. While you won’t be paid what you can earn by Mr. Mittleman, you will receive something.

Moshe sat silently for a few moments and then to his mother’s surprise and delight he said, “I would love to do it!” He added, “Last year, all I did was play baseball every day, and while I love baseball, my friends told me that they went on some trips and had other activities. I think I will enjoy it.”

Moshe was careful not to tell his mother the real reason that he was uneasy being with his friends from public school.

Chapter 22 A New Summer Experience

The following evening, Mrs. Levy informed her younger sons of the plan, and they were ecstatic. They began jumping with joy and ran over to kiss their mother. A few weeks later when his classmates began discussing their summer plans, he mentioned nonchalantly that his mother is looking into some summer jobs, so he doesn’t have any definite plans. He didn’t want anyone to know that he also got a job in the camp.

A few weeks later, he said to his classmates, “My mother will be working in the overnight camp, so we all are going.” His friends that were going there thought that he wasn’t thrilled and tried to cheer him up saying, “Moshe, you will love it.”

“I hope so,” was his reply. While Moshe was excited, he was also somewhat nervous about how much he was going to have to help different bunks. 

The Levy family went to camp a day before the campers arrived, in order to give Mrs. Levy time to organize the office and papers. The director greeted them and then asked Moshe if he prefers sleeping in the small house his mother has, or together with boys his age. “I would like to be with my friends,” and I can always run over to my mother.

The director then told him of his responsibilities. “Twice a week, one or two bunks go on a special trip, so you will go with them. Sometimes it is just a hike and other times it is bowling, boating or something else. Additionally, there is a younger boy that needs help in Chumash, so you will learn with him for fifteen minutes a day.

No counselor can ask you to take him over for a few hours. The only one that can do so is the head counselor, and that will only be in case of an emergency. I hope you enjoy this summer.”

Hearing this Moshe was relieved. He would be able to be a camper, and he has a few privileges that he will be going on many more trips than anyone. He wasn’t thrilled about going on a hike, but that would only be happening once a week, so it would be fine. Looking at the director Moshe said, “Thank you, I am positive I will.”

Chapter 23 A Wonderful Summer Experience

While Mrs. Levy sometimes worked twelve hours a day, she was happy. Seeing her sons smile and laughter, and hearing how much they are enjoying their activities made it all worth it. This was in addition to her not needing to cook meals and clean a kitchen every day; that was a needed vacation in itself. What more can she ask for!

She was concerned that Moshe agreed to come out a sense of responsibility, so as not to ruin his brothers’ summer, but seeing that Moshe was genuinely happy and was making new friends put her at ease. The best part was that Moshe was close to the head counselor Gedalia, and he was looking up to him as an older brother, bringing tremendous relief. Having someone who is refined whom he is comfortable to talk with, was so important to her.

It all began when he asked Gedalia how he has so much patience with a difficult camper. Gedalia sat down at a table and said, “When I was in the ninth grade, I had a bunch of teachers, and some I appreciated more than the others. But then I broke my right hand and had to wear a cast for six weeks. Since I couldn’t write, I couldn’t take tests.

Most of the teachers instructed the boy who finished the test first to write down the answers that I told him. The problem with that was I was just an average student, and I was uncomfortable saying to that boy that I don’t know an answer, and it was really embarrassing when I thought I knew the answer, but saw the boy shake his head in disbelief when I gave the wrong answer.

But there was one teacher, the strictest one and one that I really didn’t like, who called me over and said “Gedalia, if you want, you can ask one of your friends to write the answers for you, or if you prefer, you can tell the answers orally to me, when the class is dismissed.” I chose to do it orally with my teacher and that made me so much more comfortable. 

“So, when I see that difficult camper, I try to think of what is bothering him and perhaps by treating him with a little bit of extra sensitivity, it might make all the difference to him, just as it did to me. Although I was upset that I broke my hand and couldn’t play sports for a few months, in the end, it was a tremendous blessing. It taught me such a beautiful and powerful lesson. Some people become better people after having a challenging time.”

Moshe began enjoying the learning again, as it would be added to the bunk competition and his bunk was the only one that won it twice. The overnight trips and Color War were the highlights of his summer and he made sure to thank his mother for arranging such a phenomenal summer for him. Mrs. Levy was thrilled. The work was much harder than she had anticipated but it was well worth it. Her children had a wonderful experience and Moshe was in an upbeat frame of mind. 

Chapter 24 Trouble Brewing

Returning to the city, she got them ready for the new school year and was hoping that the positive atmosphere of the summer would continue. The school year began off well, but after Tishrei, things began to spin out of control. One day a boy was running in the school yard and ran into her son Dovid, knocking him down. Dovid scraped his hands and shouted at the boy, “Why did you do that?”

“It was an accident,” he said and walked away without apologizing as if nothing happened. Upset, Dovid went to his teacher and then to the principal, who called the boy into the office. The boy claimed once again that it was an accident. 

That evening Dovid complained to his mother saying, “I know he did it on purpose, but the school didn’t do anything about it!” Moshe was furious because Dovid had complained previously that this boy was bothering him.

So a few days later while he was playing catch with a hardball, he noticed that boy standing with his back facing him, close to the boy he was playing with. Taking aim, he threw the ball directly at him and it hit his shoulder. The boy screamed out in pain, and started shouting at Moshe. Moshe ‘apologized’ saying he was playing catch and it was a bad throw, which accidentally hit him.

The boy complained and Rabbi Schmid didn’t believe Moshe when he said it was an accident and unintentional, as a few boys had told him that they saw Moshe grinning. He called up Mrs. Levy and informed her that Moshe was being sent home and was suspended from school for tomorrow as well.

Moshe was furious. “You don’t believe me when I say it was an accident, even though everyone saw that we were playing catch, and that was not the first ball which I threw that he didn’t catch! But when this boy, who was picking on my brother for two weeks said it was an accident, you believed him, and nothing happened to him. Is he your relative or something?”

Before Rabbi Schmid could answer. Moshe stormed out of the office muttering how unfair it was.

That evening when Mrs. Levy came home, she tried to calm Moshe down, but to no avail. The reason why that boy never gets punished is because his father is a big macher, while we are just regular people.

“Moshele, we are not just regular people, Rabbi Schmid and Tatty were very close friends.”

“So why didn’t he punish Bully Feivel Stein for what he did to Dovid or to anyone?” Moshe argued.

As much as Mrs. Levy tried to calm him it was not helpful. 

When Moshe returned to school, he was subdued on the outside but was fuming on the inside. That made it difficult to pay attention and when he tried, he saw that it was a continuation of what was taught yesterday and he couldn’t understand it, so he just sat there seething. It’s all Rabbi Schmid’s fault.

During recess his teacher asked him if he would like to review what he missed yesterday. Normally, Moshe would have replied sure, but he was so uptight that he said no. Rabbi Weiss realized that something is brewing in Moshe, and he has to get to the bottom of the matter.

Discussing it with Rabbi Schmid and Mrs. Levy, he understood what happened and tried to make up for it. But no one realized what Moshe was thinking, “Because my father is not alive, I am a nothing. So if I am a nothing I don’t have to do anything. Why should I try? Why should I do the homework? And why should I behave properly?”

When his mark on that week’s test was weak, the teacher attributed it to the suspension. But when he failed the following two tests, Rabbi Weiss became alarmed and called Mrs. Levy asking her to find out what the problem is.

That evening, Moshe let out all of his frustration and anger at how unfair it all is. “It is not what you did, but who did it.  That boy doesn’t get punished and I do. I thought that if I continue getting good marks, I will be congratulated and respected for that, but that is not how Rabbi Schmid works. It all depends on how influential the parents are, so why should I study and try?”

As much as Mrs. Levy tried to convince him that it is not like that, his sense of fairness, or better said the lack of fairness, remained steadfast. Even when Rabbi Schmid explained that a few boys told him that he was laughing when the ball hit Feivel, didn’t change his mind. “I only did it because you wouldn’t do anything when he bothered my brother. If you and the school don’t protect him, I have to. Why should my brothers feel they have no protector?”

Chapter 25 Suspended Again

Moshe was furious, but he knew he had to be careful. He didn’t want to make his mother upset. But a few weeks later when his brother came home in tears and said, “All of Feivel’s friends stopped playing with me, they don’t choose me on their team, and they ignore me,” Mr. Levy called the school and asked them to help. They said they will look into the matter.

However, since no one said anything negative to him or touched him, they didn’t feel that the boys were deserving of consequence, and could they force them to play with him or be his friend?

When it went on for another two weeks and his brother was still upset, Moshe decided to take care of the matter himself. He met one of his friends from public school and asked them to scare Feivel. He won’t be near them, and no one can say that he was involved. At least that is what he thought.

A few days later, as Feivel was walking home, three boys were walking towards him, and one of them bumped into him. Before Feivel could ask, ‘Why did you bump into me,” that boy started screaming at him, “Why don’t you look where you are going? Who do you think you are? Let us see how brave you are against us!” He then began laughing and pushed Feivel down.

Feivel was upset and scared, “Why did they pick on me?” but he had no idea who those boys were. For the next few days, his father followed him home, hoping to find those boys, and one day, they crossed paths and Feivel looked at them to make sure they are the ones who attacked him.

“Big boy, what are you staring at?” they asked angrily. “You want another lesson?”

Feivel’s father quickened his pace, and walked over and said, “Why are you bothering this boy?”

“Because he is bothering our friend. A taste of his own medicine,” and they ran off.

His father was upset and asked Feivel, “What did they mean?”

Initially, Feivel said he doesn’t know what they were talking about. They are teenagers and their friend is probably also a teenager, and he isn’t fighting or bothering any teenager.

“Are you bothering someone else,” his father asked.

“No,” was the answer.

“Feivel, I am coming to school tomorrow and I am going to ask the office and your teachers, if anyone has complained against you for bothering them. I want the truth now.”

Feivel was now afraid, and he said, “I convinced my friends to ignore Dovid Levy. He is a real pest.”

“Feivel, tomorrow I will bring you to class and you will apologize to Dovid. You know what, we will go now to the Levy’s house, and you will apologize to him.” They walked a few blocks and as they turned the corner they stopped. There were the three boys speaking with Moshe and laughing.

Quickly turning around, he said, “No, we will come to school tomorrow and take care of it.”

The next morning, Feivel stood up in front of the class and said, “I was wrong in telling everyone to ignore Dovid. I am sorry.”

They then went with his father and told Rabbi Schmid what had happened. “While my son was wrong, I don’t think that it is ok to get hoodlums to attack him. We don’t know for sure that Moshe asked them to do it, but he definitely was aware that they were going to.”

Rabbi Schmid sent a message that Moshe should come to the office. Seeing Feivel and his father, he sensed what it was about, but made believe that he didn’t have a clue.

“Moshe, Feivel’s father came today to hear Feivel apologize to your brother,” said Rabbi Schmid. 

“My mother came to you three weeks ago! Was his father out of town all this time?” Moshe said angrily.

“No, but he only realized the seriousness of it lately. 

However, it seems that somebody else also has to apologize. I believe it was your friends that ruffed Feivel up once and were about to do it a second time, but Feivel’s father stopped them. He then took Feivel to your house to ask your brother mechila, but saw the three boys talking to you.”

“I didn’t ask them to do anything,” Moshe replied. “We talk from time to time, and they asked me how my brothers are doing. So I said that Dovid is having a rough year, because Feivel is picking on him. They didn’t reply, but yesterday they told me that they scared him and hopefully he will leave Dovid alone.”

“Please go to class and return to me towards the end of your lunch recess,” Rabbi Schmid said.

He then turned to Feivel, “I am glad that you apologized, but you promised me three weeks ago that you will stop bothering Dovid.” Embarrassed, Feivel replied, “I sort of stopped, I no longer said to anyone to ignore him. They sort of did it on their own.”

His father spoke up and said, “Feivel, I am very disappointed. You also told Mommy and me that the harassment would stop, and you allowed it to continue. We will discuss it tonight and decide what to do.”

“Why should I get punished if my friends did something and Moshe doesn’t?” Feivel argued.

“I will leave that up to Rabbi Schmid, and I will ask your teachers to ask Dovid Levy if anyone is still bothering him.”

Rabbi Schmid didn’t know what to do. It was possible that Moshe didn’t ask them to do anything, but how did they know who Feivel was and on what streets he walks home. Furthermore, Moshe has a point, his brother suffered for three weeks. He should have looked into it better.

Yet, he can’t ignore the point that Feivel was roughed up, so he told Moshe, “While you state that you didn’t ask your friends to do anything, nevertheless your words to them encouraged them to take action. So I am not going to suspend you from school, but for the last hour today, you will have detention.”

Moshe argued that it was unfair and when he returned to class, he acted up. The teachers understood that he was extremely upset, so they ignored it. But this pattern of behavior continued for an entire week.

To be concluded bezras Hashem next week.

Dear readers,

As a follow up to my medical episode of last summer, which I wrote about in a previous article, I will be undergoing a medical procedure this Monday, which will bez”H resolve the underlying concern. It would mean a lot to me if you can keep me, Sholom DovBer Ben Cheyena, in your Torah, Tefillah, and Tzedakah on that day.

Thank you