Weekly Story: Promise Me Part 4
Rabbi Sholom DovBer Avtzon
Recap: Moshe was now in the 8th grade, and the pressure of learning for his bar mitzvah caused him to slack off a little bit. But after the bar mitzvah he improved. That was until after Pesach when he put all his energy to lead his team to become the champions.
In the summer he played with his friends from public school, but began noticing the stark differences in their conduct to the way he was taught. It was a struggle. Do I maintain my values or do I follow theirs. Sometimes he stood strong, other times he felt it isn’t so terrible. But he concluded the summer feeling that perhaps I shouldn’t continue this friendship. He is now entering yeshiva high school.
As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Concerning this series, I would like to know if you, the readers, feel that I should have it professionally edited and published. Meaning is it something that can benefit our youth, and perhaps you can only answer after reading the end of this novel which will be published in an upcoming part, bezras Hashem.
Chapter 15 High School
The year started off good. The class was small and the melamed was able to give everyone plenty of attention. Furthermore, in general all of the students were interested in learning, so it was good. The drawback was that the school day was an hour longer and there was a lot of homework especially in the English studies. The boys heard that this was in order to convince some parents that the yeshiva would provide a secular education that is at least equal to what the public school system provides.
While Moshe was happy that he is getting a solid education, it was also somewhat a challenge. School ended at five-thirty, he came home shortly before six and sometimes had two hours of homework.
While most of the days he first helped his brothers, as they were finding the new year difficult, there were times that he couldn’t. His brothers made a commotion complaining that it is not fair. For a moment he was furious at them, but then he realized, how are they supposed to know what I am going through? He resolved that no matter what he has to be there for them.
Sukkos was an enjoyable time. Although Moshe would have preferred to be with his own friends, he went with his brothers where they wanted to go. His mother asked him a few times if he wanted to have a day for himself, but Moshe said no.
Chapter 16 Bicycle Stolen
School resumed and everything went smoothly for a few weeks. Then one day when Moshe went outside for the lunch recess, he saw policemen in front of the yeshiva. going over he heard that a few bicycles have been stolen. Running over to the gate he stopped in horror, there was his chain lying on the sidewalk; it had been snapped.
His cry of anguish said everything, he was another one of the victims.
The police came over to him and gently asked him to describe his bicycle. They had to know all the identifying signs on it. What model, color, size and if he made any markings on it. They said, normally when someone steals one bicycle, it is for his personal use, so then it is difficult to find. But when seven are stolen, the thief normally sells it to stores that buy and sell used bicycles and we have a better chance of finding it and returning it. Placing his hand on Moshe’s shoulder, the officer said, Young man, we will do whatever is possible. Cheer up, it will be good.”
Thank you, Moshe replied as he went back to class.
Entering the classroom, he saw that his classmates were taking one Rabbi Weiss’s pop quizzes. However, to his surprise and happiness, Rabbi Weiss said, Moshe, If you feel that you can’t concentrate you are exempt from taking the quiz. Tomorrow is a new day.
Moshe was appreciative that his Rebbi understood his situation and he thanked him.
By the time he came home, his brothers had already informed their mother of what happened, and she tried to console him. Hopefully the police will find the thief or at least the bicycle and you will get it back. In case they don’t, then after Pesach, when the winter is over, I will try to buy you a new one.
After helping his brothers with their homework, Moshe sat down to do his own work, but he couldn’t do most of it. Either it was because his mind couldn’t focus now, or he was unable to concentrate in class. but he was blank. Hopefully the teachers will understand.
Waking up the following morning, he began walking to school. but it took him longer than he anticipated, and he came to Shacharis a few minutes late. Rabbi Weiss noticed that he was still distraught, and he felt bad for him. However, Moshe noticed Rabbi Weiss’ expression and thought he noticed an expression of disappointment on Rabbi Weiss’ face. Why is he upset at me, Moshe angrily thought, it is not my fault that my bicycle was stolen. So even though Rabbi Unger greeted him cheerfully, when he entered the classroom for the first learning period, Moshe was still upset at him for being disappointed in him; It wasn’t my fault!
Being upset caused him to be unable to concentrate, and therefore when Rabbi Weiss asked him a question, Moshe couldn’t answer. Although Rabbi Weiss didn’t reprimand him, Moshe’s anger intensified, He should have known better than to ask me a question today and embarrass me in front of the entire class, he thought. That was so inconsiderate of him. He just blanked out the remainder of the day and didn’t hear that the Chumash test will be the following day.
The next day there was some excitement in the school, the police returned three of the bicycles. But to Moshe’s dismay his bicycle wasn’t one of them. Then after recess when the Chumash test was given out, Moshe said Why weren’t we told about it and Rabbi Weiss tried to tell him that he said it yesterday, but evidently Moshe was preoccupied and did not hear it.
Rabbi Weiss asked him to do his best and then we will discuss it. Although he tried to answer the eleven questions, he knew that his mark was going to be dismal and in frustration he began to crumble it. Seeing the stern look of Rabbi Weiss stopped him in his tracks.
Rabbi Weiss understood that Moshe was still hurt, so when the class was dismissed for recess, he called him over and said. I am not going to mark it, as I see that it wasn’t your fault that you didn’t hear that the test would be today. But even if a boy is absent, he has to make it up the next day. So Moshe please study and I will give you a different test tomorrow.
Moshe realized that Rabbi Weiss was being understanding of him, but his frustration and anger was overcoming him. So he angrily replied, I won’t be able to study tonight, so just fail me.
Rabbi Weiss gently replied, If you can’t study tonight, perhaps we can study after you eat lunch.
No, I want my recess, Moshe said and he stormed out of the class.
In middle of recess the police came once again and took out a bicycle. A boy in the fifth grade began shouting in joy, But the other boys face fell. The officer smiled and said, another vehicle is coming and has the other bicycles, as we caught the thief. Just then, a van showed up and the final three bicycles were returned. Moshe was elated, he as his bicycle. But the past few days were a nightmare and created a mess.
His classmates shared in his happiness and rushed over to congratulate him. Being in a happy frame of mind, Moshe realized how disrespectful he had been and went back into the classroom to apologize to his rebbi.
Rabbi Weiss smiled and said, Boruch Hashem that the police were able to catch the thief and find your bicycle, and now the positive Moshe will also be in class. Let us erase what happened the past few days.
Moshe thanked him and promised to be attentive.
Chapter 17 Frustration.
Moshe once again began applying himself and things were going pretty good. No he wasn’t getting his 95’s but his average was close to a 90. But then the studies in the secular subjects were becoming more difficult. Now the math teacher began teaching geometry and he felt lost. In science they began learning biology and he thought it is crazy to study this, who in his class is going to become a doctor or scientist. This is so difficult, and it takes so much time. Those were the first classes that he began stumbling in.
The teacher tried to help him and he lent him some books that explain those concepts in very easy terms. So, while it helped him in those two classes, he was becoming exhausted from studying late at night and in the morning, he began dozing off in class.
Obviously, he received a gentle reminder to be more alert, but the sensitive soul that he was took it as a reprimand and it irked him. Rebbi I am doing my best he replied.
Rabbi Weiss offered to learn with him privately in the evening whenever he wanted to, but Moshe replied, I would love to but that his schedule is really full. If I have the opportunity, I will come to the beis hamidrash you learn in, thank you.
His marks began to slip a little and now he was receiving between 80 and 85. But his mother encouraged him saying Moshele, as long as your effort is 100, that and your perfect conduct are what is important. Everything else is cherry on the top.
Chanukah came and the boys had a school break for a few days and when he went to shul to daven, he was greeted by Gavriel. They greeted each other warmly and Gavriel told him how his day in the yeshiva with a dormitory is going and Moshe expressed his frustration on how challenging it is for him. As hard as I try, I don’t understand everything. Now I realize how much I benefitted from your friendship. I miss our studying together.
Gavriel gave him a friendly tap on the shoulder saying, Moshe, I am positive you will do very good without me.
Going home, Moshe began thinking, yes, if Tatty was still alive I wouldn’t need Gavriel or anyone else; everything would be good. But Tatty passed away so many years ago. It is not fair and he felt resentment for the first time.
Mrs. Levy noticed immediately that something was bothering him, but Moshe said everything is great, in fact I had just met Gavriel.
Oh, that is wonderful, Mrs. Levy said, hoping that indeed everything is well, but her intuition told her that she is in for a rough ride. She just davened that it wouldn’t be too difficult, and it be only for a short time.
The remaining days of the Chanukah break went smoothly, and she thought perhaps I was wrong. However, on the third day after school resumed and her youngest son was having difficulty in remembering the translation of the pesukim Moshe lost his patience and shouted, “Why aren’t you paying attention, don’t you realize I also have work to do?”
This caused his brother to cry, and Moshe was upset that he lost his cool and couldn’t concentrate on his own work.
Chapter 18 Becoming Combative
Then on Friday morning Rabbi Weiss called him over and said, Today the school is going to announce a new program. Father and Son Sunday Hour. For you, and Betzalel whose father is in the hospital and Yanky whose father is on a business trip, the yeshiva arranged for other people to come and learn with the three of you. Just like I am informing you, I will inform them as well.
While Moshe thanked him, he was seething with anger. Why did they begin this program this year. Why do I have to show everyone that my father is not alive. Everyone gets to learn with their father, and I have to learn with a stranger. He might be nice or even great, BUT he is but my father. No one can take his place.
So, while Friday was his favorite day, both because it was short and because he really enjoyed the many short dvar torahs on the parsha, today he just stared out the window. Rabbi Weiss was troubled, but he didn’t have a clue as what had happened to Moshe.
As soon as Moshe came home, he said to his mother, Mother, the yeshiva is making a program on Sunday for boys to learn with their father. Tatty is not alive, so he can’t come and I won’t be going either. I don’t want everyone to see that I don’t have a father.
The yeshiva told me that they are going to arrange for someone to learn with you, Moshele she replied. This way it would be less stressful for you at night. You used to learn with Gavriel, but he is in a different yeshiva and you mentioned a few times that sometimes you feel it is a big struggle. I think it is a good idea.
Well, I don’t, Moshe replied. Let them find someone to learn with everyone. But no, the other boys are going to learn with their Father and me poor Moshe, neibach Moshe, has to learn with someone else. I am not going to Yeshiva on Sunday. That is final. Saying that he went to his room and began sobbing.
Mrs. Levy’s heart went out for her Moshele. Who knows how long he was suffering in silence with this hurt. He was so helpful and almost carefree, that I didn’t realize his silence pain. He could use the help or tutoring so much. In fact she was one of the parents that encouraged the yeshiva to develop this program, but it hit Mosheles raw nerve. She cried in her heart, but had to show a smiling face to her children.
Shabbos afternoon, when the younger boys went to Mesibos Shabbos, she tried to bring up the topic again. But as soon as Moshe sensed where she was going, he declared, Mother, I told you I am not going this Sunday or any Sunday. That is final.
Being absent for one day may not seem so important. But he didn’t realize that for a boy who is already finding the classes difficult, this made them almost impossible. In addition of missing out the clarification that a review can give one as well as being able to ask someone your own questions, he also missed the introduction to this week’s learning.
So on Monday, when Rabbi Weiss began teaching, he skipped by the fundamental points that he carefully laid out yesterday and patiently explained it until he was sure that all the students understood them. So today all the students were able to follow the class with ease, that is all the students besides Moshe, he was totally lost.
Rabbi Weiss had called his house yesterday and asked about his absence, and Mrs. Levy explained to him the situation. He realized that he was treading on turbulent waters. Calling over Moshe, he said, Moshe let us say you are the principal, and you see that many boys are struggling, what would you do to solve it?
I would make it easier for them, Moshe replied.
And how would you accomplish that, Rabbi Weiss inquired.
The first thing I would do was to limit the homework time. Every teacher says, I am only giving you fifteen or twenty minutes of homework. There are two problems with that. A. Most of the time it takes me more than that time; and B when you give homework and one teacher in the afternoon gives homework, I don’t care if each one takes an half hour. But last week you gave us Chumash homework on the same day we had to study for a halachah test. Then two English teachers also gave us homework. It took me two and a half hours and I was exhausted. It is too much, and I don’t believe that I am the only student that has this complaint.
No, you are not the only one that mentioned this. In fact many boys and their parents did so. That is why we decided that every Sunday the boys get an hour off of class to study. We don’t want you to be all uptight and nervous on Shabbos. Furthermore, just like we have three Levy boys, there are other families also that we have more than two brothers. Therefore we told the fathers that on Shabbos they should study with their younger children and on Sunday they will learn with their older son.
Understanding what Rabbi Weiss was saying, Moshe replied, But I don’t want to be the only one not learning with their father. I want to be a regular boy, like everyone else. It is hard enough that my father is not living; why do I have publicize it, Moshe said trying to hold back his tears.
Moshe, I want to tell you something. I too lost my father before my bar mitzvah. My youngest brother is Dovid Shmuel, ben Dovid Shmuel. He was born three months after my father was niftar. But I have an older brother and you don’t. So I understand you somewhat. The difference is I accepted my teachers offer to learn with them, but you refused my offer.
That is because I want to be like everyone else. I don’t want to be a teachers pet, I don’t want to be a rachmonos case. I want to be treated like a normal boy, Moshe replied with some irritation.
I understand that, so let us figure out together what arrangement would work for you.
After discussing it for a while, Moshe begrudgingly accepted a compromise. On Sunday, he would come to school on time, but unlike his classmates, he would study in the shul and not in the classroom.
Chapter 19 Suspension
This arrangement worked wonderfully for the next three weeks and Moshe’s marks improved drastically. Now that he knew that Rabbi Weiss also suffered when he was young, he felt comfortable asking some of his personal questions and he was much more relaxed.
But then on the fourth Sunday, Reuvan came up to him and said, Why are you so special that you can study in the shul all by yourself? Why does Rabbi Weiss treat you with extra care, and much more understanding? Are you his relative or are you the teacher’s pet?!
That was a shot to his stomach and without thinking Moshe got up and punched Reuvan in the stomach so hard that he fell down. Full of anger Moshe said, “That will teach you a lesson. Mind your own business.”
Reuvan ran to the principal’s office and Moshe put jis head down and began sobbing. When Rabbi Schmid came into the shul to reprimand Moshe, he was astounded, Moshe was crying so much that he was barely able to catch his breath. He quietly told Reuvan to go back to their class and he would deal with it later.
He then sat next to Moshe and with concern in his voice asked him what happened. For a few minutes Moshe was unable to speak. Then between his cries he related what happened.
Rabbi Schmid brought him a cup of water and after he calmed down somewhat he told him to go and wash up, and he should come to the office. Then he would call Reuvan to the office.
Coming to his office Rabbi Schmid realized that he was going to have to make a difficult decision. On one hand, the school had a strict policy of no hitting and that was an automatic suspension. But on the other hand, not only did Reuvan instigate it through his insensitive words, what he said was outright disgusting.
After thinking it over, Rabbi Schmid decided that while Moshe was somewhat or more than somewhat justified, nevertheless the school policy must be enforced. Otherwise in every circumstance there could be a justification and we would be going down a slippery slope. However, Reuvan’s punishment must be much more severe. So, while Moshe will be sent home today, as he is distraught anyway, Reuvan will be suspended for three days. Furthermore, he can return only if he makes a public apology to Moshe.
While Moshe didn’t care to go to class, he argued that there is no reason for him to be suspended even for one minute. Anyone that is normal would understand me.
As much as Rabbi Schmid tried to explain to him that he did understand him and the decision wasn’t an easy one, Moshe was furious and stormed out of the office. This is a crazy house, why should I want to return here, he shouted and left.
Rabbi Schmid thought that this was said in a burst of anger, but the next morning Moshe refused to go to yeshiva. His mother tried to convince him and finally he replied, “Tomorrow I will go to the minyan.”
Tuesday morning, he woke up on time and left the house with his tefillin, but he did not go to the yeshiva. Instead he went to a different minyan and after davening he went and sat on the bench in the park. He was bored, but he kept on repeating, this is still better than being in a crazy house.
At 5:30 he began walking home hoping to make believe that everything was normal. But as he was walking up his steps, Rabbi Weiss called out to him and said, Moshe how are you feeling? I missed you the last few days.
Turning around he sat down on the steps and waited for Rabbi Weiss to come closer. When he stood opposite him, Moshe stated that he doesn’t want to go back. He was suspended for no reason. Let me ask you one question. If a boy from the twelve grade grabs me in a headlock and starts punching me, how many punches does Rabbi Schmid think I have to accept before I push him away. But then I retaliated and I will be suspended, he said angrily.
You have a very powerful point and argument Rabbi Weiss softly replied and I will discuss it with Rabbi Schmid. But for my sake please return, I missed you.
After a long heart to heart conversation, Moshe agreed to return. And indeed he was in Yeshiva the next day. But it was a different Moshe.
Chapter 20 Disillusionment
So while Moshe was in school, his respect for the system was shattered. They don’t have any understanding of anything. Rabbi Weiss is the exception, and I am glad that he is my teacher, but the principal he doesn’t know what he is doing.
Obviously with that attitude he no longer felt the need to do his homework for two hours a night and he often skipped completing it. He also no longer cared to get a 85 or higher on his tests and his marks began to fall.
But even more worrisome was his conduct in class. Once he decided that some subjects weren’t important, during those classes he stopped paying attention and just let his mind wander. After a while he began speaking to other students that also weren’t interested in the class. When the teacher reprimanded him, sometimes he accepted it knowing that his behavior crossed the line. But other times, when he was just spacing out he answered back, I wasn’t talking or bothering anyone. This created friction and after a few such outbreaks he was sent to the principal’s office.
The English High School Principal was Mr. Kahn. After speaking with Rabbi Weiss he was sympathetic with Moshe and personally felt that the suspension should have been adjusted to a loss of recess, or something else less severe such as a detention after school. Now that Moshe was sent to his office, he immediately realized that this was an outcome of last month’s suspension, so he asked Moshe what is the problem. Moshe began to vent and let out his frustration.
Mr. Kahn waited until Moshe finished his tirade and calmly asked You say that some of these subjects are non important and you mentioned that you don’t see the need for geometry. Now I don’t know what your future is going to be and whether geometry will be necessary or not. However, in order to learn it, you have to concentrate and figure it out. This ability of concentration is a necessity in any and every occupation. Moshe you know that some yeshiva graduates are the best doctors, lawyers and other professionals. The gemorah that they learned is not part of their job requirements. But the ability to analyze something from different viewpoints is. The better equipped you are to analyze something, the better is the chance that your conclusion will be clearer. So, while the subject matter itself might not benefit you, but the tools you acquire through it will help you and everyone who acquires them.
Moshe was taken aback. The principal didn’t disagree with him and then he could have continued his argument. He just presented a different viewpoint to look at the issue. It was something similar to what he vaguely recalled his father having told him about the different perspectives that Rashi and Tosofos sometimes have. They are both trying to understand and explain what the gemorah is saying. But Hashem blessed people differently and therefore they look at the same thing from different viewpoints and come to different conclusions. And sometimes after hearing a different viewpoint, if we would only be honest, we see that our initial opinion as strong and persuasive as it was, might not be one hundred percent correct.
I understand, was all Moshe was able to say and the principal patted him on the back and said, I know that you are a decent boy and I understood that something was bothering you and it wasn’t you that was misbehaving, so anytime, if you want to discuss something give my secretary a note and I will find the time to call you in.
Saying that he wrote a note to the teacher to allow Moshe back into the class.
Moshe tried to get back into the swing of things and he paid attention, but being that he didn’t pay attention for the past few weeks in certain subjects he just felt lost.
Yes, concentration is a useful talent, but not if it doesn’t produce results and feeling frustrated Moshe said it is useless. So while he no longer talked back to his teachers or acted disrespectful, he gave up and began failing classes.
Mrs. Levy sensed something was brewing, something more dangerous than him saying the subjects are stupid, he stopped speaking about it and often he was finished with his homework in less than an hour; something was happening. However, whenever she asked him he just shrugged it off. Either this is a teenagers way of expressing their independence, or it is something else. I will wait another two weeks and find out by PTA, she said.
Rabbi Weiss told her that while Moshe was participating and trying it was noticeable that he was now struggling. While he is no longer one of the top students neither is he at the bottom of the class. But nevertheless, it is evident that it is not easy for him. I am happy with him, however, some of the English teachers are not. Rabbi Schmid asked me to let you know that he would like to discuss something with you.
She approached the office somewhat apprehensively, as this was the first time a teacher said that the principal wanted to speak with her. She had spoken with him previously and he was very supportive, but never had he asked her to come in.
TO BE CONTINUED
Rabbi Avtzon is a veteran mechanech and the author of numerous books on the Rebbeim and their chassidim. He can be contacted at avtzonbooks@gmail.com
