Obituary: Henya Federman, 40, Devoted Her Life to Locals and Visitors on the Virgin Islands
by Menachem Posner – chabad.org
As Chabad women leaders from all over the globe gather in Brooklyn, N.Y., to celebrate and gain inspiration at the International Conference of Chabad-Lubavitch Women Emissaries (Kinus Hashluchos), their joy is marred by the news of the passing of Henya Federman, beloved and pioneering emissary to the Virgin Islands.
Henya passed away at the age of 40 on Wednesday, Feb. 8 (17 Shevat), after battling for her life for more than two months in the aftermath of a water accident that claimed the life of her 4-month-old daughter, Shterna.
Pulled out of the water and resuscitated after attempting to save her baby, Federman was flown to the mainland of the United States for emergency care. During the time that she lay hovering between life and death, countless people around the world increased in prayers, good deeds, and Torah study in her merit.
In 2005 Henya and her husband, Rabbi Asher Federman, moved to St. Thomas to found Chabad Lubavitch of the Virgin Islands. In the years that followed, the couple built a thriving community and a center of Jewish warmth where locals and tourists alike can connect to their Jewish heritage, celebrate joyous occasions and mark lifecycle events. Whether personal crises or natural disasters, the Federmans were there for their community, working as a team to create a Jewish lighthouse on the islands while raising a growing family.
“They brought this great sense of tradition, of simchah [joy],” local Sharon Triman told Chabad.org about Rabbi Asher and Henya’s impact on her island home. “It’s where I felt I was connecting to my parents, my grandparents… [and] a sense of joy and light.”
Lifelong Devotion to Others
Henya was born in Milwaukee in 1982, the eighth child of Rabbi Yisroel and B. Devorah Shmotkin, who had been sent to the city by the Rebbe—Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, of righteous memory—in 1968 to direct Lubavitch of Wisconsin.
Growing up with parents, grandparents, and elder siblings all devoted to carrying out the Rebbe’s mission of sharing Jewish awareness, observance and celebration everywhere, it was her lifelong desire to follow suit.
Even as a teen, when she helped with her parents’ and siblings’ Hebrew school and camp, her care for others was legendary.
As news of the accident first spread, Virgin Island locals and tourists formed social media groups to share inspiration and anecdotes they had gleaned from Henya over the years, sharing questions like “What’s your favorite Henya insight?” and “What’s your best parenting tip from Henya?”
As each one presented him or herself as a “best friend,” it soon became apparent that they all were, as she nurtured and cherished a unique bond with each individual she encountered.
As the “Henya memories” continued to flow, they concluded, as did others across the globe, that the best gift they could give her was to increase in mitzvah observance and acts of kindness, and to encourage others to do the same.
Tina Shayani frequently visits the island with her family. She told Chabad.org that Henya was her close friend and “rebbetzin on speed dial” because she was somehow always available to answer any questions.
“Rabbi Asher and Henya are always so warm and helpful, and Henya is like a sister to me,” she said. She reported that her children looked forward to their trips to St. Thomas so they could visit the Federmans, who taught the Shayanis a truly meaningful and deep-felt kind of Judaism—something they never experienced before.
Shayani honored Henya by taking a fellow Jewish woman to the mikvah for the very first time—helping her fulfill a mitzvah she knew Henya cherished.
Concurrently, Henya’s seemingly countless friends, people from around the world who she impacted during the almost two decades living on the Virgin Islands, began encouraging their own families and friends to take on a mitzvah related to family purity. The effort has received hundreds of commitments to date. One participant pledged to donate towards the building of a new mikvah, or ritual bath, while another committed to studying the laws of family purity. One woman in California reported she’s been reaching out to women in her community and, in an effort to encourage them to engage with this foundational mitzvah, speaking with them about the sacredness and beauty of mikvah.
It wasn’t limited to mikvah, similar initiatives came together organically around mitzvahs of Shabbat candle lighting, or tefillin.
Thousands Share Their Memories
Over the past months, thousands of former campers, students and beneficiaries of her legendary care and hospitality have reached out to share their memories. “Henya was my camp counselor when I was a kid,” wrote Stephanie Rosenberg on Facebook. “We talked from time to time, the last being right after my father passed. She sent me a book about grieving, which I still keep at my bedside.”
“She was my favorite counselor at Camp Gan Israel of Milwaukee, year after year,” wrote another, “She brought so much joy and enthusiasm. My memories with her bring me so much happiness to this day.”
On Facebook, author Liza Wiemer recalled her sons’ first day at the Milwaukee Community Hebrew School. She was nervous because they hadn’t enjoyed their previous Hebrew school. To her amazement, when she picked them up, the boys declared that Hebrew school was “better than Disney World!’ ”
Henya was their teacher, and she showered her charges with warmth and love as she taught them about Judaism week after week. So caring was she that the children looked forward to school every Sunday.
Following her marriage to California native, Rabbi Asher Federman, the couple began looking for the corner of the world where they could establish a Chabad presence of their own. That place turned out to be St. Thomas, possibly the smallest locale of a Chabad outpost until that time.
It was quite a culture shock for the Federmans, who had been living in Brooklyn. “Time on the Virgin Islands is measured differently,” Henya said in an address at the 2006 Kinus Hashluchos. “Cab drivers don’t think twice to back up traffic for blocks, while they stop to chat with a friend for five, or even ten minutes on a two-lane road.”
On the first Chanukah on the island, they stationed yeshivah students near the docs where they greeted six ships a day, each unloading about three thousand passengers daily. Before long, shouts of “Happy Chanukah” were ringing out, up and down Main Street. Menorahs were being passed from person to person.
One man e-mailed the Federmans later through Chabad.org to tell them that upon returning to his cruise ship, his group was inspired to hold a Chanukah party. Five-hundred-and-sixty people showed up – and almost 250 of them brought their tin menorahs which they received from the Federman, and lit them at the party. Some of the others relit the menorahs in a second shift.
“Time on the Virgin Islands is measured differently,” Henya said at the 2006 Shluchot conference. And one could never know if there’d be water, gas and other necessities people take for granted on the mainland.
During the Federmans’ first Chanukah on the island, they stationed yeshiva students near the docks where they greeted six cruise ships a day, each unloading about three thousand passengers daily. Before long, shouts of “Happy Chanukah” were ringing out, up and down Main Street. Menorahs were being passed from person to person.
One man e-mailed the Federmans later through Chabad.org to tell them that upon returning to his cruise ship, his group was inspired to hold a Chanukah party. Five-hundred-and-sixty people showed up – and almost 250 of them brought their tin menorahs which they received from the Federman, and lit them at the party. Some of the others relit the menorahs in a second shift.
Success followed success, and each challenge made them stronger and more resilient, more determined, and more devoted.
“Living on an island that is nine miles by three miles can get to you,” she shared with her fellow shluchot. “We islanders call it rock fever. It might be hard for someone living on the mainland to understand, but when you live on an island, the sight of a departing plane, even though it may be full of total strangers, can make you choke up. A cruise ship slowly drifting away can leave you with a heaviness inside.”
Counseling her colleagues with the ideals she herself lived by, “if you’re ever feeling alone or wondering what you’ve achieved, just remember that you are part of both a huge army and a close-knit family. Your role is unique and plays an integral part in bringing each Jew closer to Hashem.”
Bringing people closer to G‑d, one at a time, the couple built up a well-attended synagogue, a lively Hebrew school, kosher food services, and of course joyous Shabbat services and dinners for both locals and tourists.
As the Federmans’ work burgeoned and blossomed, so did their family, and they were blessed with their thirteenth child, Shterna, last summer.
“We know that you ached and prayed and beseeched G‑d with everything you have—and more—right along with us during these trying couple of months, and each of you in your own way did all kinds of things to continue Henya’s beautiful life and ways,” wrote her siblings to the Virgin Island community. “All these and more will live on inside you and your families, and inside all the concentric spheres of your influence.”
In addition to her husband, she is survived by her children Chaya Mushka, Menachem Mendel, Yitzchok Leib, Levi, Shneur Zalman, Chana, Feigel, Zelda Rochel, Yehudah, Meir Shlomo, Nechama Reizel and Sheina.
She is also survived by her parents, Rabbi Yisroel and Devorah Shmotkin (Milwaukee, Wisc.) and siblings: Rabbi Zalman Shmotkin (Stamford, Conn.); Rabbi Shmaya Shmotkin (Oak Park, Mich.); Rabbi Mendel Shmotkin (Glendale, Wisc.); Rabbi Elkanah Shmotkin (Brooklyn, N.Y.); Feigel Tenenbaum (Gurnee, Ill.); Chana Klein (Eilat, Israel); Rabbi Levi Shmotkin (New York, N.Y.); Rabbi Yehuda Shmotkin (New York, N.Y.) Rabbi Shmuel Shmotkin (Miami, Fla.); Rabbi Meir Shmotkin (Alameda, Calif.).
Internment will take place on Thursday, February 9, at the Old Montefiore Cemetery in Queens. Funeral and shivah information will be forthcoming.
