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Shazak Parsha Post – Parshas Beha’aloscha

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Missed Passover Not Passed Over

It’s been an entire month since the holiday, yet a group of Jews were seen bringing a Korban Pesach, called Pesach Sheini, and preparing to eat it with Matzah.

“These people were impure on Erev Pesach. They felt terrible missing out on this most important celebration,” said TNS holiday correspondent Yomtov Chagai. “Surprisingly, HaShem Himself gave the go-ahead for them to bring the Korban, on the 14th day of Iyar, one month later.”

“I am actually relieved,” commented Mrs. Yekum Purkon, whose husband was out bringing up the family Korban Pesach. “When I first heard that we would be celebrating ANOTHER Pesach, I nearly PANICKED! I couldn’t imagine scrubbing and cleaning the house for Pesach… AGAIN. But this Pesach is different. It’s only one day, and Chametz is allowed while we eat the Passover lamb and Matzah. I’m actually enjoying this.”

According to Rabbi Keinmohl Nisht Tsooshpet, this most recent addition to the roster of Jewish holidays has a very important message: “HaShem gives us second chances… It’s never too late!”

Traffic Stopped for One Whole Week

Wagons of Mishkan items were loaded and the great desert caravan was all set to travel, but not a single wagon moved for an entire week.

“At first we thought this was going to be another one of those crazy desert traffic jams, perhaps a slow-moving wagon or a broken wheel caused the great delay,” commented TNS traffic correspondent Oisga Motterred. “But this time, it was actually a command from HaShem that brought traffic to a grinding halt.”

Reports suggested that Miriam had been stricken by Tsara’as and was healing outside of the camp. As soon as she returned, traffic resumed, and the Jews continued on to their next destination.

Sudden Sinai Slav Spike

Also known as quail, Slav are not usually seen in the Sinai Desert. Recently, however, millions upon millions of Slav have been swooping in on the Israelite camp. Apparently, there are Jews who are suffering from “Day-in-Day-out-Mann-From-Heaven-Too-Much-of-a-Good-Thing-Syndrome,” and were spotted slaughtering, cooking, and feasting on the Slav.

“Fresh meat is a delicacy out here in the desert,” said Batya Babaganoosh, TNS food critic. “Naturally, after so much time in the desert, people wanted something a bit more meaty, something they could sink their teeth into. I just hope no one gets sick from this.”

At press time, an unexpected shortage of beds was reported at Midbar Medical Center.


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