by Chani C.

Op-Ed: My Sonogram Dilemma

As a resident of Crown Heights, I often hear people say that it is not proper for a Frum woman to undergo a sonogram. After much thought, I have decided to publish the following personal story in the hope that my own struggle could benefit and help others with this decision.

A few months after I got married I BH got pregnant. As a young newlywed with many healthy nieces and nephews, I was blessedly naive and did not think much about what could go wrong in a pregnancy. I was confident that everything would proceed smoothly and felt only happy and blessed. But of course, one doesn’t know the plans G-d has in mind.

After much thought and discussion, my husband and I decided that we would go ahead and get a sonogram.

On Tannis Esther I went in for my 19 weeks 3D sonogram. I was alone – my husband was fasting and seeing as there had been no complications up until now, I did not feel the need to have him trek out with me.

The scan seemed to go fine at first, but then the nurse said she wanted to measure me after noticing something was a bit off. When the nurse had completed what she had to do, I was told to wait in the waiting room as she wanted the doctor to ‘check over the pictures of the baby’.

I thought this was a little odd, but I calmed myself down by telling myself it was the regular doctor on site and this was probably standard protocol.

Minutes later, my personal doctor ran in to the waiting room, calling my name. I followed him into a side room where he sat me down and told me I was dilated 5cm! There was no way I could keep the baby, so I would have to be wheeled into the delivery room and deliver the baby immediately.

Knowing that a baby could not survive before 24 weeks, I panicked.

Crying hysterically, I called my husband, who rushed to meet me at the hospital with his mother.

I lay on the delivery bed thinking that the world was coming to an end.

My doctor sat my husband and mother in-law down and spoke calmly but soberly. He told us we had two options: either to deliver the baby, who at this point was completely healthy but unfortunately would not live, or risk doing a serious procedure which could cause major damage to the baby and myself – and might not have a good outcome.

This was a huge decision to make, with neither option appearing too great at all.

Then the heavens opened up and answered our prayers when my doctor decided to physically examine me to see for himself how bad the situation was. In disbelief, we listened as he told us that the sonogram had exaggerated the amount I was dilated, and if I would go into surgery right then and there, there was a chance that, with the proper intervention, the pregnancy could perhaps continue.

With this new knowledge, five minutes later I went into the operating theater and, with Hashem’s kindness, a terrible scenario was avoided.

Of course, the rest of the pregnancy was now extremely delicate. Before being dismissed from the hospital I was put on strict bed rest. Every week that the baby stayed put would be a complete miracle.

Week by week I went for my check ups and miracles unfolded before our eyes. The baby was doing well, growing normally and enjoying this special time in the holiness of his mother’s womb.

BH at 41 weeks (yes, I was overdue!) I delivered a beautiful baby boy, a true miracle of life.

Besides the amazing support of my dear family, who arranged dinner for my husband and I for four months straight, Hashem blessed us by allowing us to see this problem and take the correct steps to ensuring the health of our baby in time.

I am not telling you my story for your sympathy, but to teach each and every one of my fellow brothers and sisters how important it is to have at least one sonogram.

Without a regular sonogram, my son would not be here today.

Edited by Inwords

63 Comments

  • THE REBBE

    Generally it is known that the Rebbe was not pro Sonograms.

    • Source

      I still haven’t found a source for this.

      I am not arguing maybe the rebbe was against sonogram’s all I’m saying is on such a serious topic you need a source not just hear say.

      (Btw same applies to those that say the rebbe was against contacts. Bring sources!!)

  • B"H

    I am glad to hear that you had personal yeshua because of a sonogram. You should only have good things in your life.
    I was told that the Rebbe was very opposed to taking sonograms. In the past a rov has to me to not have my wife take a sonogram because of that. B”H my four children are healthy.
    I think that Emunas HaTazadikim can just as good as taking a sonogram if not better.
    May Hashem Bentch each pregnant ‘Mother In Israel’ My wife included

  • Chossid

    Hineo lo yanum vlo yishan shomer Yisroel.

    Thank you for sharing,

  • Bubby

    Sonograms are a tool of diagnosis and detection. As much as this lady had a good outcome, sometimes, a sonogram can alert the patient to a bad situation – as in the case of my grandchildren R”L. One was discovered to have a terrible condition in the first routine ultrasound. Had all been well, mom would never had another sonogram. But it wasn’t and they were prepared.

    As far as I understand, the Rebbe discouraged routine sonograms just for the sake of them. But if there is a history of problems or there is reason for the doctor to be concerned, it is foolhardy and possibly dangerous not to take one. An ultrasound can detect a problem and a specialist team can be present at birth if it is necessary.

    Something to think about.

  • miracles!

    Chani thank you for sharing your personal story! 16 years ago I experienced ta very similair thing – due to a routine 19 week sonogram they were able to detect that I was six cm dilated and while I remained in the hospital for several days post surgery and then on bedrest my son was not born at term- ( he was born at 33 weeks but BH we anticipated an early delivery and his lungs were fully developed due to the amazing care I received by my doctors) over the years I have heard from several friends who had chosen not to have sonograms while I respect everyones right to choose ( and I had no reason to suspect that I needed a sonogram I was just too young to question my doctors orders) I thank Hashem every day for the choice I made that day ( my story has many other details that demonstrate the true nature of my miracle and Hashems hand in how it played out-including a specialist from out of the country who was performing a special surgery at that exact hospital at that exact time and was able to save my pregnancy!) I will never forget the feeling of being told that my firstborn will not make it as I was being wheeled into a delivery room at 20 weeks… I am so grateful to Hakodosh Boruch Hu for putting me in the right place at the right time !! wishing you all the best and may we all be grateful for the blessings we have!

  • Sonograms

    My friend personally asked the Rebbe what to do, as here in France, it is a regular procedure to take a sonogram, so the Rebbe answered that if it is just for procedure, then you should try & speak to the Dr, that you are not keen in doing it, but if Chas VeSholom, their is a danger, then go ahead

  • To #3

    Emunas Tzadikim is great, together with listening carefully to what your doctors recommend.

    Please don’t outsmart yourself.

  • Same here

    A 21 week sono showed I was on my way to losing my baby if I didn’t act quickly. Another week and I would have gone into labor with no going back.

    The sono allowed my dr. to surgically “tighten” things and kept me on bedrest till the end. B”H my son was born healthy at full term.

  • 2014

    BH my life was saved bc of 5 month routine sonogram. As far as I was told, when the Rebbe spoke about this, there was not much available to help medical complications. BH there is so much more out there that can help save lives of mother and babies. To #3 It seems like BH you were never part of us who were tested in this way and may you never be, but one can never know if they will fall into that test of being the 1% or 3%…

  • thank you

    Thank you for sharing your story! The 20 week sonogram might have saved our baby’s life and definitely prepared us for close to a month in the NICU. Be aware of this: Not all NICU’s have the same capabilities. In fact there is not a single NICU in brooklyn that is category 3C, which can handle more complex issues. For us that meant being sure we can get to the right place that can handle our situation, which BH went exactly as the doctors described. I can’t imagine the psychological trauma we would have suffered had we been delivered the surprise at birth, not to mention the risk of being in the wrong place. Instead, we were completely well prepared and were fortunate to have a completely positive outcome with the help of Gd through the hands of the doctors and technology.

  • Source?

    What is the source and context for the Rebbe’s opinion on sonograms?

  • you MUST ask a rov

    as strange as this sounds each person and pregnancy is different and each individual must ask his rov each particular time

  • DL

    I think it’s important not fear monger based off of our own experiences. Whenever I hear conversations in todays generation, I constantly hear personal experiences being used as examples, when in reality they have no medical backing and hardly ever match up with any studies. I would adjure the writer in the future to not use her experience as to why everyone else should follow suit. This is a dangerous way of thinking, particularly when there is no medical backing for claims made off of personal experience.

  • To #3

    Emunas tzadikim is very important but the rebbe often also instructed people to do what’s in there hands bederech hateva. I spoke to a Lubavitcher Rav who is well versed in this area. I consulted him bec my doctor pushed me to do the 16 week sonogram. He told me not to do it, but encouraged me to do the 20 week scan. I had a major complication, this sonogram saved me and the baby. The information we got from that sonogram let us know we needed to be observed closely for the rest of the pregnancy.

  • BH

    After speaking at length with many different Rabbonim the Rebbe was against having a regular sonogram just stam but if its to prevent something then its allowed and seeing that the 20 week sonogram is a VERY VERY important one because its at this sonogram most things can be detected and if CV Lo Alleinu something is found there is more of a chance now that something can be performed now in order to help as we see above. Most Rabbonim allow the 20 weeks sonogram no questions asked its very important for the health and well being of you and your un born child. Please dont be selfish on the account of your un born child who is unable to speak for itself and have the 20 week sonogram

  • Ultra sound is not a toy

    Ultra sound is a diagnostic tool that absolutely comes into use during pregnancy. It is there to help diagnose any issues that may arise during pregnancy – and many problems are prevented when identified by a sonogram. I’m glad to hear that the person who’s wife had four children and no sonograms had all healthy children. Please do not discourage others from using this important tool at the recommendation of their doctor. As much as “Emunas HaTazadikim” is a wonderful thing, not every person who skips the ultra sound will have the positive outcome you did and their child may suffer from issues not being identified on time. Like any other medical test, it should not be used routinely, for example to just look at the baby every week, only the 20 week sonogram and any others that are needed for high risk issues. Use common sense, please.

  • Debbi w.

    2 of my children are alive today because of an early sonogram. Plesae act Wisely

  • The rebbe

    The rebbe was opposed to general routine sonograms that would not change the care the doc is giving. The 5m sonogram COULD change the care the doc is giving- based on the results. That is when they check the organs and everything else. It is NOT the same as earlier sonograms where they do it just to measure or to see etc. The five month somogram is very very important.
    The fact that ppl have bh healthy kids and never had a sonogram weighs NOTHING against the one child whose life could’ve been saved had the mom done ONE sonogram.
    Additionally please read inside the one source where the rebbe spoke abt sonograms. It is not as clear as ppl think. Good to look in the source and not just say what you heard from around.

  • Local obgyn

    Has been forcing me to take sonigrams lately he said he wont see me otherwise- i will be switching IYH- !

    • Anonymous

      Did you not read all these previous comments about babies being SAVED because of sonograms? Babies that would not be here today…
      If your doctor is advising you, how could you take that risk and go against his instructions?

    • second

      did you get a second opinion?
      your doctors wants the best for your new Neshama!!

  • 1612

    One of the Rebbe’s mazkirim related to me the following when I asked this question over 22 years ago. “If there is a medical reason for a sonogram, okay. A sonogram “so the doctor can sleep well at night,” is unjustified in the Rebbe’s opinion”.

    • Source

      I got the same answer when I asked Rabbi L. Groner – that the Rebbe did not like routine sonograms that would “make the doctor sleep well at night.” Obviously he was not against them where medically indicated.
      We had the opposite experience when we had an ultrasound and the doctors scared us with something that turned to be only a 3% chance but it made us nervous the whole rest of pregnancy.

  • Personal

    I had some complications during pregnancy. The doctor recommended a certain procedure with follow up sonograms. I asked the rebbe (26 years ago) and got a very clear answer. Not to do the procedure and to do sonograms only when medically necessary and not routine. Not doing the procedure saved my life and the baby. We did a sonogram only during the very complicated delivery with B”H great results.
    So this is a medical tool to be used when needed and not routine.

  • #19

    Your such a “Cheverman” now you actually think your smarter then a medical doctor. Are you aware that that the Torah gives power to doctors as the Posuk says Vrapay Yirapay.

    If you can’t follow doctors orders stay at home and drink Mikvah water.

    • DL

      This mishna also states the best doctors go to Gehinin. It’s a fine line between a doctor that is caring for you and a doctor that is covering themselves.

  • Nechama

    The Rebbe told my mother to listen to the doctor and get a sonogram. The Rebbe told people as a general rule to listen to the doctors. If a doctor thinks a sonogram is medically necessary, please listen!

  • Annon

    My wife was induced a few months ago after three sonograms all showed that the baby was very very small and not growing. The baby came out and was not small at all. Had we not done the sonograms, she would have given birth in the right time, not early. Sonograms can cause other issues as well, such as the baby being morn 3% lighter. As we don’t know the ramifications, it would follow that a sonogram is not wise unless necessary. However, I fear that a misunderstanding has taken place. The Rebbe writes to avoid a Bdikas Pnim. This is not a sonogram.

  • Mistakes

    My wife went for sonogram at 20 Weeks as per the Dr. Request becuse she had 2 C-section Due to large babies he wanted to make sure allwas well. To her suprize she was told to wait for Dr. Who told her baby has a club foot and we need to go for lots of test etc. to make sure that no thing else is wrong. We ask our obgyn I’d it is necessary he said there is nothing we can do to change it so why the bother and headache. So we waited abd cried and davened. BH we had a beautiful baby boy with healthy feet and all was BH GOOD. May he live and be well עד מאה ועשרים

  • "the sonogram saved my life/ my baby's life"

    “the sonogram saved my life/ my baby’s life”
    When I was pregnant with my first child, the Dr. wanted us to do an ultrasound (same thing as sonogram) because it’s routinely done and since she knew we were against doing it, she gave us some other reason why she felt we NEEDED to do it (she felt we were wrong in our calculation, how many weeks I was pregnant and we knew we were not since we went by BBT= Basal Body Temperature. Well since we didn’t know any better, we went ahead with the ultrasound and the Dr. saw WE were right, and then she started scaring me by saying different things she saw- that the baby might have Down Syndrome and a bunch of other stuff… I refused to go back to her and B”H we found another Dr. who put me at ease and knew we didn’t want ultrasounds and knew that she is ONLY a Dr. and not G-d and that she doesn’t know everything, only G-d does. Well B”H we had a healthy baby.
    Problem is, Ultrasounds are not necessarily accurate and Dr.’s try to force ultrasounds even when we don’t want to do them, then worry the patient and worrying is what I believe may put the pregnancy at risk. Ultrasound is there to use WHEN NECESSARY, but Dr.’s feel they have to cover their ‘bottom’ so they want to do it routinely. (And btw, they also make lots of $ off of it, whether from insurance or pay out of pocket and we all know Dr.’s love $ and if you deny this fact then you’re a fool!)
    MOST IMPORTANT, when a woman is pregnant, it’s important for her to take PROPER care of herself from the beginning or at least as soon as she knows she is for sure pregnant and not overdoing anything so that Mommy and baby can stay healthy. NOTE TO HUSBANDS: You help the pregnancy go smooth by helping your wife with what she needs and making sure she doesn’t overdo things… I think you get the point.

  • routine ultrasounds

    there is a difference between routine ultra sounds lengthy ultrasounds and even Dopplers too often.
    There was an experiment done on mice, with routine ultrasounds, which resulted in brain damage.
    Some Drs do them often, some of them are lengthy.
    Here is what I believe
    A) If you feel you need one, FOR WHATEVER REASON make sure it is on you for the shortest amount of time necessary, especially for the detailed ones, they should put it on, each time they write their measurements make sure to tell them to remove the thingamajjig from your tummy.
    B) Do not do them often
    C) 10 seconds of the sonogram might be better than 50 seconds of the doppler, searching for the heartbeat of your moving unborn baby.

  • d

    Hi I am a medical dr and chabad. The rebbes comments on sonograms were at a time when ultrasound was a relatively new modality and it was not known if there was a risk involved. Ultrasound is now a very established tool and is safe for both mother and baby. In general it is beneficial to have baseline sonars to ensure that the pregnancy is progressing normally. There is a very limited amount that a dr can tell from a clinical exam. So if and when its necessary, I think the prudent thing to do is to go for an ultrasound and I do not believe that the rebbes advice negates this.

    • Soxfan

      Thank you, doctor.
      It is important to recall that the Rebbe’s views on sonograms are at least 20 years old at this point. The advances in medicine that have been made since 1994 are truly incredible.

  • There is a boss

    With all due respect, understanding and of course not judging the anonymous mother.

    If we were to take a lesson from the story, there is one thing missing from the story no rov was consulted. in most cases we NEED to consult a rov.

    It would be a good idea if the choson, kallah and others teach and more importantly train when a rov should be consulted so it will be easier for everyone to judge when it’s proper to call a rov and mashpia.

    May the anonymous mother have lots of true chasidishe nachas from this and all her children together with a lot of parnosah.

  • anonymous mother

    I have been reading the above comments and in shock with some of the comments. #39 when should have we called a Rav when GOD forbid I lost the child already? I did the the 5 month sonogram and it only caused my sons life to be saved as if I would have left it and carried on my life the normal way I would have given birth and lost C”V my son! I did write in my article a routine checkup is not needed but at least ONE! Those who wrote about their children being healthy, you would wait until God forbid something wrong happened to correct your actions? That’s terrible! I know many stories of people who lost their babies because of selfish actions!

  • this is NOT the place for such a discussion!

    Speak to a Rov who is familiar with medicine etc and keep to yourself!

  • Lets be Real !!!

    These women and their Husbands are going to place the salvation of their Kinder 1st before Anything or what Anyone has to say. You cant blame them all the innocent kinder are Precious!!!

  • Anonymous

    maybe im reading it wrong but from your story the sonogram was so awfully wrong and its only thanks to other interventions that saved your baby. Absolutely speak to your rav for any of these desicions, even if you know someone who had the exact same thing…

  • CONTACTS!!

    OUR FAMILY WERE ALL GOING TO GET ABOUT 20 YEARS AGO, BUT AFTER HEARING THAT THE TO #2: REBBE WAS AGAINST THEM BUT NOT FINDING ANY DEFINITIVE SOURCE EITHER WAY, WE DECIDED TO CHECK WITH RABBI GRONER WHO TOLD US THAT HE PERSONALLY WITNESSED THE REBBE TELLING HIS EYE DOCTOR NOT TO GIVE CONTACTS TO A CERTAIN PERSON, OR HE WOULD CHANGE EYE DOCTORS. IF THE ADVICE WERE ONLY FOR THAT PERSON, BUT THE REBBE DIDN’T HAVE ANY OBJECTIONS IN GENERAL, IT SEEMS THE REBBE WOULD HAVE WRITTEN BACK WITH A ‘NO’ TO THAT PERSON.

  • Sholom Dovber

    It is inappropriate to extrapolate from what the Rebbe zy’a did or may have said to one person as a basis for to act in a similar manner.
    Each situation is completely different.
    As we are now in the post Gimmel Tammuz era; when we are faced with a medical dilemma we must seek the best medical advice, be mispallel to the Abishter and ask the Rebbe for his Brocho

  • Hi-Risk Mother Responds

    The Rebbe encouraged us to have large families and discouraged the use of ultrasounds IN GENERAL–that is the operative phrase here.

    It was necessary for me due, to health concerns for myself, and that of my unborn children, to consult with a Rav in concert with my doctor to find the safest treatment protocol and this included a diagnostic sonogram which I had with the COMPLETE BRACHA AND HASKAMA OF THE REBBE, who told me “to do whatever your doctor says.” Perhaps it was because my doctor is a frum person, that the Rebbe trusted him…I really don’t know.

    As one of our revered Rebbeim in the community told me and I will quote: Al PI TORAH each woman has the right to discuss any inyonim” (related to family-life since her health is of paramount importance).

    BH, a MOST GRATEFUL MOTHER AND BUBBY!

  • I dont understand???

    Not one person has said a source from the rebbes writings. All i have heard is, “a friend told me” or “my rov told me” or i had heard” that the rebbe said.

    he told A friend of mine to move to USA so that means that everyone should move to the USA.

    Bring a source and please don’t put words in his mouth.

  • I didn't read all the comments

    However, if ever in doubt or worried always ask a rav. There are times where the rav will advise a sonogram etc.. It never hurts to ask!!

  • K

    The halacha on medical issues is that thr Rov decides based on the doctor’s opinion – NOT the Rov’s personal opinion. If, a bug if, the Rebbe was against this medical test – it MUST be based on a MEDICAL opinion. Medical opinions change with time – therefore the Rov’s opinion would also change accordingly!

    • Feh!

      You are such a misnaged! Do you think the Rebbe would change his mind??? The Rebbe sees how things are in Heaven, and the doctor’s opinion is simply to be melabish it in teva!

  • two cents...

    IT would be nice to have a nicely researched piece on the topic, with Dr. Feldman, Dr. Rosen, Mazkirim, People sharing their personal answers from the Rebbe….

    These are the people who could give us clearer information and make this a logical rather than emotional discussion.

    bottom line, if not sure what to do, ask your mashpia. Ask your Rov.

    and please, be respectful of others decisions, even if they differ from yours :)

  • Timing

    The Rebbe was opposed to sonograms in it’s very early days when little was known about it and they weren’t quite as clear, effective or helpful as they are today.
    Things have come along way since then.
    I would say there was a time when not only were they not helpful but also a lot less accurate therefore sometimes causing unnecessary concern and even unnecessary procedures. But things have changed a lot since then and today they save lives. When I was having my first child 2 of my sister in laws were lecturing me not to do it because the Rebbe was against it and not to listen to the doctor because they think they are G-d and yada yada. My frum doctor was arguing against them so I wrote to the Rebbe and put it in the igros. The page I opened up to was a letter to someone where the Rebbe was writing to listen to their doctor and not to listen to people who say don’t believe in doctors because they think they are G-d because in fact they are shluchim from Hashem.

  • FYI

    Doctor Rosen said recently in a public forum that he has a Psak from Rabbi Farkash that the 20 week anatomy scan should be done.

    Because of it, I put my son’s name on the list if people whose lives have been saved by it…

  • follower

    A few years ago I needed to verify this talk for myself as my wife was expecting. I had heard it being mentioned in the name of horav laibel groner.
    I therefore called him from Australia and he validated that the Rebbe was against the ultrasound.
    For me this was good enough.
    I also researched it and did find some studies that pointed toward the risks of ultrasound technology.
    However,after some minor complications in our first birth,the doctors and my wife wanted an ultrasound for the second. As it was at the request of the doctor and to allay my wife’s worries we went ahead with them.
    I think this is reasonable.
    But to act contrary to the Rebbe without concern is not what a chassid should want to do.

  • don't understand

    Why a 5cm dilation couldn’t be detected with a routine internal exam as opposed to a sonogram.in the us they don’t do internals at every visit.but in other countries they do and this would have been discovered.

    • Don't want to open a can of worms BUT:

      I was also told during my pregnancy 12 years ago that the Rebbe was also not keen on frequent “routine” internal exams during pregnancy, but maybe I heard wrong?

      Of course, if there were a compelling medical reason, that’s something else.

  • Dolores O

    Good outcome to a possible tragedy! Follow our religious teachings carefully but always use your “kup.” Good luck and many more children for you to come!